Becoming the Woman I'm Meant to Be

[Gaming_Jeweler]

What am I doing with my life? Am I the woman God wants me to be? Do I like the woman I've become?

I have been asking myself those questions a lot. I have a few ideas how to make myself a better woman but I don't seem to have the desire to stick with it. I have wanted to get healthy for a long time but the drive to do so disappears when I don't get the results I want.

You see, three years ago something happened that would change my life. I got pregnant. I gained 10 pounds that put me from underweight to the just right weight. I was feeling pretty good, as long as I stayed away from candy and ate lots of meat. Then I lost my baby. I turned to food to help me overcome my grief. I put on 50 pounds. I was overweight. I was miserable. I felt like a failure. I was reminded of my failure every time I looked in the mirror.

After a while, I decided I would lose the weight and I would make myself feel better. But I couldn't make myself better. Not the way I was trying. My metabolism changed after my miscarriage. I lose fat a lot slower than I used to. In 3 months of working out, I would lose 1 pound. Before I got pregnant, I would work out for 3 months and lose 15 pounds. I would exercise regularly to keep myself at a healthy weight. (When I got married, everything was so crazy that I stopped working out and lost weight due to stress. ) My body has changed and I need to change how I lose weight. But every time I failed to lose weight, it  would further cement the idea that I was a failure.

But that changes today. Over the past year, I've been learning how to change my lifestyle so that I will lose weight and become healthy. For the last 3 months, I've been trying to find something that will help keep me motivated to lose the excess weight I have put on. I have finally found it. My motivation is my future children. I want to be able to teach them how to be healthy while being a good example.  I want to be an inspirational woman whose kids look at her and say "I wanna be like that when I'm grown up."

I will become that woman. However, I  lose weight slowly. I won't let that stop me. I'm going to change my diet & start working out. I'm going to make small changes  at first. I need to lay down a good foundation before I try to build a city of healthy habits. After all, Rome wasn't built in a day. And I'm certainly not going to be able to become perfectly healthy overnight.

I am on a journey to become the woman I was meant to be. As I prepare for this journey, I have a few goals I hope to meet in the next 6 weeks. They are as follows:

1. Eat three Paleo meals each day. I love pasta and bread, but I know that I am my healthiest without it. So I'm going to try to eat nothing but Paleo for the next 6 weeks. I know there will be days where I can't eat Paleo because I often come down with "carb flu" when I go carb free, but I'm going to try my hardest to eat nothing but Paleo.

2. Read 20 pages of a book. I need to keep myself mentally sharp. After all, what's the point being physically fit if I can't think?

3. Workout one day a week. I know most people say to workout 3-4 times a week, but I need to focus on my diet more than my workout. I used to focus on exercising while eating whatever I wanted. Since my metabolism works differently now, I want to focus on what I consume first. After I have mastered the art of eating healthy, I will increase the number of days I exercise.

4. Blog/ vlog once a week. This is to keep me accountable and to keep a record of my progress. After all, it's hard to give up when I can see the difference.

5. Beat the Deku Palace in Majora's Mask. I've been stuck on this temple for three months. This is mostly because I messed up and I don't want to restart it. But I really want to finish Majora's Mask. I need to finish this game because it's a harder game than I am used to playing. If I can prove to myself that I can complete something that I find difficult, I will be more confident and able to tackle more difficult challenges in the near future.

******Grading system******

I will be grading myself at the end of this challenge. My grade will depend on what percent of each of goal I complete. In the past, I would add dexterity or wisdom to my character sheet. It didn't really make me want to complete my goals and it made the challenges feel like a chore. So I decided to give myself a physical reward. I picked three things I need but keep putting off saving for. For each of my five goals I complete, $20 will go to one of the three items I am saving for. I am saving up for a computer, a wooden dresser, and a tv. It will take me a while to save up for these; however, I can choose how quickly or how slowly I save up for them.

A 100% = $20

B 75% = $15

C 50% =$10

D 25% = $5

[Eirlys]

Hi lovely lady,

 

I wanted to wish you well in your challenge and ask you not to criticise yourself for piling on the weight following your personal tragedy - losing a baby is a truly terrible experience and can take a long time to emotionally heal, and a miscarriage can really mess up your body in unexpected ways too.  

 

Sending you positive vibes and hugs for this challenge xx

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Hi lovely lady,

 

I wanted to wish you well in your challenge and ask you not to criticise yourself for piling on the weight following your personal tragedy - losing a baby is a truly terrible experience and can take a long time to emotionally heal, and a miscarriage can really mess up your body in unexpected ways too.  

 

Sending you positive vibes and hugs for this challenge xx

Thank you! I've spent 3 years mourning her. I can't keep holding myself back. It's time to move forward.

[Gaming_Jeweler]

I'm almost done preparing for the next 6 weeks. I picked a book to read for goal #2. The only thing I need to worry about now is reading the whole book before June 8th. I've also decided to make Fridays my workout day. I've been eating Paleo for about two weeks now. I wasn't expecting to be on the Paleo diet so soon, but my husband developed a gluten intolerance. It's been hard but we're also finding good food to eat. Maybe this will mean that I won't have to worry about carb flu.

 

I feel like I'm turning a new leaf in my life and I'm so excited to get started!

[Gaming_Jeweler]

I'm so ready to get this challenge started! I don't every think I've been this happy for a Monday before. I have a doctor's appointment today, so I'm going to focus on reading today.

Adjusting to the Paleo diet has been interesting. I've been burping a lot, felt sleepy, been nauseated, and had a craving for gelotto. The last one is kinda funny. I'm lactose intolerant, so I rarely eat dairy products. But lately I've wanted Italian ice cream (which has a higher amount of lactose than ice cream).  I guess it's one of those things that I want just became I can't have it. Odd cravings aside, I've been eating Paleo for about two weeks with a few cheat meals here and there.

[MiscKlaire]

One of my favourite things about paleo is experimenting with salads. I love salads, and I especially love putting all kinds of things in them, like dried berries and nuts and grilled meat.

 

Also I think the idea of motivating yourself through saving up for things is genius. Genius I say!

 

Best of luck with the challenge!!!!

[spooky]

I always want gelato, so that is a normal state for me. Actually eating gelato was how I gained 30 lbs  . Happy first day of challenge to you! You're doing great so far!

[Gaming_Jeweler]

One of my favourite things about paleo is experimenting with salads. I love salads, and I especially love putting all kinds of things in them, like dried berries and nuts and grilled meat.

 

Also I think the idea of motivating yourself through saving up for things is genius. Genius I say!

 

Best of luck with the challenge!!!!

 

I love salads! I got addicted to them when I started doing yoga. I can't add nuts to them- my husband has a super sensitive and fatal allergy to nuts- but adding dried berries does sound interesting.

 

I always want gelato, so that is a normal state for me. Actually eating gelato was how I gained 30 lbs  . Happy first day of challenge to you! You're doing great so far!

 

Thanks! It's hard to for me to constantly crave dairy products when I remember how sick I get when I eat too much of them. I feel your pain. Most of the 50 pounds I put on post-miscarriage came from New York pizza. And I want pizza at least once a day. Thankfully, a friend of mine shared a zucchini pizza bite recipe. That way I can eat my pizza but stay away from grains.

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Well, I've pretty much finished day one. After going to the doctor, my husband and I went grocery shopping and bought two weeks worth of meat. I bought some ground turkey and I can't wait to find some amazing recipes for it.

 

Here is what I have accomplished today:

 

2 out of 3 meals today were Paleo.

 

I have read 5-8 pages of MacBeth.

 

I started recording a few things for a vlog video. I'm hoping to have everything finished for the first video by Saturday.

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Today has had a good start. I'm currently cooking what meat will be my lunch/supper for the week. I bought the LAST package of steak tips at Sam's yesterday. I decided to do what my brother likes to with steak tips: marinate them. I threw all the meat into a Ziplock, dowsed it in a cooking sherry I bought, poured in some lemon juice, sprinkled in some pizza seasoning, and a dash of herbes de provence. I wound up with the best marinade ever. I really wish I wrote down what amounts of each ingredient I used so that I could recreate it. 

[spooky]

I love intuitive cooking! Just relax and don't think about it too much and I bet you'll be able to replicate the recipe. Also yay for getting the last package of meat!

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Thanks! All I know is that I listed them from the largest amount used to the smallest amount used. I probably will be able to duplicate it. My grandmother and I both guesstimate ingredients when we cook. As long as we remember what went in it, we seem to get it to turn out good. 

[Gaming_Jeweler]

So I didn't do much yesterday. I ate 3 paleo meals, but that was pretty much it. I also got my hair cut. My husband says that I look like Mary Margaret from "Once Upon a Time."  I have never had my hair this short before, and I don't know if I like it or not. However, I decided to cut my hair this short so that the heat won't bother me as much. It seems to be working and the heatwaves are starting today.

[Gaming_Jeweler]

I told myself "I will only read 5 to 10 pages." I then proceeded to read the ENTIRE book. Oh well. I guess I have completed my mental health goal early. I guess I'll have to make it longer next time. 

[Gaming_Jeweler]

I had trouble sleeping last night and wound up having a really late breakfast. I cooked a Johnsonville Griller and fried an apple. I learned how to fry apples from my Mommaw (what I call my mom's mom). I just don't add any sugar. Honey crisps taste like apple pie and granny smith... well it was just awful. Today I tried frying pink ladies. They're nice and tart. It's go this sweet and sour thing going on.

 

 

Yesterday's recap:

Completed reading Macbeth

2 out of 3 meals were Paleo

[Gaming_Jeweler]

This is what my breakfast looked like.

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Days like today, I think about quitting. I've been sick to my stomach and things have been emotionally difficult. However, I'm too stubborn to quit. I started to feel better and decided to put on some makeup. I know feel like I can take on today.

[spooky]

Love the haircut! It looks great on you!!!!! Sorry you had a difficult day but proud of you for powering through 

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Thanks!    

[Gaming_Jeweler]

My body is being uncooperative today. I've had a lot of backaches and stomach cramps. But I'm excited. Today is yoga day! Now for the difficult question, which routine do I do?

 

Yesterday's recap:

2 out of 3 meals were Paleo (I'm noticing a bit of a trend)

[Gaming_Jeweler]

Today has been pretty dang exciting. I had to get up early so that we could go to a D&D session. It was a lot of fun but I'm feeling really tired. I'll be checking NF throughout the day but I don't know how much I'll be on here commenting today.

 

Yesterday's recap:

3 out of 3 meals were Paleo

Completed a 5-minute yoga workout

[Gaming_Jeweler]

I'm going to bed soon, but I figured I would post this before I forgot. I actually made a blog post today. It was a recipe post. I'm so proud of myself for finally writing it down. Goodnight.

 

Today's recap:

3 out of 3 meals were Paleo

1 blog post posted

[spooky]

You're doing great on your goals! You will rock Week 2 for sure 

[Gaming_Jeweler]

You're doing great on your goals! You will rock Week 2 for sure 

 

Thank you! Today's been a bit difficult. I ate a hamburger patty at church that made me sick. It probably wouldn't be that bad if our ac hadn't broke. Between the house being 84 degrees and being sick to my stomach, I can't wait for today to be over. It's supposed to be in the 90s all week long.    But the new ac unit is going to be installed this Wednesday! Which means I have a nice cool house to do yoga in this Friday. 

 

I keep trying to be positive, which has been difficult for me. But I refuse to let myself backslide into the mess that I used to be. I want to kick postpartum's butt. Any tips for keeping a positive mindset? 

 

I've also found something that I think will make a great life quest. However, I don't know if I will be able to add it to this quest or not. That's mostly because I'm not sure if I can afford the materials to get this fantastic project started.

[spooky]

Ugh I hate stomach issues, they just kinda take you out of commission. Hope you feel better soon! 

 

Positivity is hard. I try to actively create it in my daily routine: meditation, exercise, inspiration, gratitude. Those are the things that keep me happy, and they all come from me. It's an empowering feeling. So try to do one thing every day that makes you happy. 

 

You're doing great with the reading and I'm going to assume (feel free to correct me) that the vlog is also something that makes you happy. I can't recommend meditation enough to anyone who struggles with depression, so that is another thing you could try, though you have already taken on a lot with this challenge. 

 

Another thing I try to do is to challenge negative thoughts with positive ones. If I repeat them enough, my sub-concious eventually seems to get the hint  . Happiness is hard though, and always seems to be a work in progress. I hope that helps and I'm here to talk if you need it