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Doe

Doe's Battle Log

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Updated: 12.12.18

 

My ever-evolving battle log. I change this summary up occasionally.

 

As a nerd trying to get fit, what motivates me? What kind of character would I most like to emulate. I been thinking about this allot lately. I always mention my love for mahou shoujo (magic girl) anime that's an RPG I could get behind for my real life. But what does that mean exactly? To me:

 

  • Giving it my all! 
  • Moderation - why do desserts look so good in anime? How did Usagi eat all of that cake and not weigh a ton? 
  • Unabashed girly-ness - I'm girly, for an engineer, in construction, who doesn't wear stripper heels or much makeup, and doesn't understand the new brow craze. Yet, I probably tote heavy duty pink gear and will throw on a dress on a office day.  I feel super girly, till I get around other women.
  • An awesome transformation sequence - all the twirling, flips, gracefulness, etc. Doing all these things in public like it's normal. I'm in a dance group, I love tap and jazz. 
    • What's the purpose of transformation sequence? "Through this power the main character transforms into a more adult, more beautiful, more skilled version of herself and she needs to be in that form to be capable of performing magic. " 

About Me

 

I'm ~33, an engineer, in the SF Bay Area. No, not a software engineer. I'm an electrical engineer, my specialty is lighting. For 7 years I worked in construction for energy efficiency. Nowadays, I work in an office doing research for energy efficiency. Though occasionally I still have the opportunity to get out in the field.

 

In my free time, I'm in a body positive dance group which PC for chubby girl dance group. We have practice once a week most of the year, except during performance season. Also volunteer with the Coast Guard Auxillary, mostly food services.

 

I had gastric bypass surgery when I was 16 in 2002 . Because of the surgery don't absorb nutrients as well through food so I have to take vitamins.  I tried most 2014-15 to get nutrients exclusively from food and ended up getting blood/iron IV treatment for almost 2 months. I know for many people vitamin supplements seem like a waste of time but for some of us, it is a necessary addition to eating well, rather temporary or lifelong like me.  To me it's like how some people drink protein shakes while others get all their protein from food. So please, no judgment.

 

My highest weight was 415, when I was 15 and a few inches shorter(I'm 5'3" now). Until recently I was bouncing between 250-265, keeping 150+lbs for over 15 years was such an accomplishment for me. After my mom died in September 2018, I've gained 20+lbs and clocked in at 288 on 12/03/18. The highest I have ever been since my surgery. 

 

My first weightloss goal is to get the grief weight off and get back to 250. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This weekend went pretty well. 

 

Saturday was my boyfriend's birthday. He had to work all that day and nite so we had breakfast at the Black bear diner, it's a chain out here.  He loved the gift I bought him - once he saw what it was.  I bought him a Blu-Ray player and a copy of one of his favorite musicals: 1776. I

 

 

Today I had a bit of cooking rampage after I got home from the gym. The gym was really empty because there was a festival going on and so parking was a bit limited didn't matter to me. I use public transit. Did some cardio (rowing and elliptical) and then did some strength.

 

I got home and made:

  • Cake Batter Protein Bars
  • Orange Cardamom Quinoa Pudding
  • Lamb and Rice Stuffed Zuchinni
  • ...and I boiled a bunch of eggs

I'm ready for tomorrow. Heading to the South Bay for a site visit that should last most of the day - depends on how things go.  Gonna bring along a protein bar, apple and grapefruit. Limiting myself to $13 for lunch out.


 

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I've been thinking allot about my goals and big picture things lately. While my first "big goal" is to lose 20lbs (From 268 to 248) by Labor Day. I have to admit that my first "huge goal" is to get to 215 in a time period I can't even quantify yet. At 215, I'll be at 200lbs down since my highest weight in 2001 - 415lbs. I've never gotten there before without being sick. I hit 209 when I had pneumonia in 2004 but that hardly counts as a health achievement. 

 

And more than just weight loss - all the things I'd like to be able to do or feel more comfortable doing.  Like I'd really like to get into rock climbing, we used to visit the climbing wall when I was in daycamp as a kid. It was fun. Curious about pole dancing - I actually went to a class once in Charlotte - it was pretty fun. Dance in general. Life is a funny thing. When I was a teen, and heavier than I am now I was in dance. I could do a full split of course I was 14...not 29.  But it still astounds me.

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Well my weekend went horribly awry pretty darn quick.

 

The day Saturday was okay. Did some cleaning, picked up my laundry. My plans were to lay low because I wanted to visit my bf at work that nite. He was working a party that started at 1am.  Being the non-clubbing nerdy introvert that I am, I invited one of my friends to go with me. As what inevitably happens on those rare occasions I decide to go visit my bf, this club going friend I have tells half of everyone they know "Hey Doe's bf is a bouncer and can get us in for free"  And it goes from just the two of us to us plus 4 people.  I hate that.

 

I got dressed and headed over to the city. Via public transit and uber, it can take 45 min - hour to get there (the whole 12 mile journey)  I was in hte city and she starts trying to back out of going to club. To save you from the whole insane story I got flung into a series of adventures that involved 2 run-ins with the police, witnessing a fist fight in the streets and a store robbery.  And in the end she still refused  to go the club with me because she was too depressed.  And as someone who suffers from depression I still thought it was pretty thoughtless that 1) she couldn't just tell me earlier in the evening. Y'know before I got dressed and on my way and 2) Cause all the ruckus out in public but refuse to go to the club. Honestly, I've noticed that this "friend", I use that term sparingly, has been causing more drama as I try to improve myself.  She's used to being the center of attention and says sarcastic asides whenever someone tries to flirt with me and not her. And honestly I hate it when people tryo to flirt with me. very uncomfortable.

 

I ended up going to the club alone for about an hour so. My bf got me a car home. The next morning the SF police called me about one of the incidents. Just for questioning but being around police makes me so nervouse these days. I know that most cops are good and just trying to their job.  But I'm not trying to become a statistic either.

My friend just feels incredibly selfish and self-centered adn gets me into lots of crazy siuatiton. She's trashed hotel rooms and just been so much drama. And I'm almost 10 years younger than  you and I feel like I'm always having to chaperone her.

 

So Sunday I was incredibly depressed. Like ugh.  I managed to get to the gym and grocer.But I bought a pizza last nite.

 

I think I'm going to have to let this friend go.  For one I drink and eat entirely much when i'm around her. Y'know it's like how some alcoholics have to cut friends. It's exactly like that.

 

 

Sorry for the long rant tl;dr -  I need new friends.  

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Wow, things amped up pretty quick.

It would seem that I would agree with you, cut her loose. Friends are the ones that want you to succeed, to do better, be better and will help you on your way, not cut you down and try to sabotage your success.

Keep going Doe, you can do this!

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Wow, things amped up pretty quick.

It would seem that I would agree with you, cut her loose. Friends are the ones that want you to succeed, to do better, be better and will help you on your way, not cut you down and try to sabotage your success.

Keep going Doe, you can do this!

 

Right? That was a crazy nite.  It'll be hard but I'm satisfied with my choice. Thanks much!

 

 

^Dito as mentioned above. Remember that you have support here as well when things get rough.

 

Thanks!

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I have almost completed 3 weeks of the challenge will soon level up! I've been thinking allot about what my "character" would be and at the end of the day in all honesty, I think it's a boring human.

But - wait! 

 

I've been having a lot of super hero dreams lately.  Last week I was Sailor V thwarting a jewellry store robbery by climbing through ducts.  this weekend past I dreamt I was more of Batman type-albeit harnessed(blame OSHA), really just doing random acrobatics from the beams at my office.

 

Funny thing is sliding through ducts and wearing harness are things that I do at my job, albeit not very often but you never know what challenges a building is going to bring. I have a nifty utlity belt full of tools most of which are pink because I like pink and it keeps my gear from walking away on sites.  My mama tells people that I "save the world" for a living. Most people who look at me would never guess that this is what I do for a living. Sort of like my secret idenitiy. Real talk, it has very little to do with the fact that I'm chubby but I'm a girl and sometimes the whole race thing.  Though luckily most of the responses are: Wow, you really do that? That's so cool! 

 

Work really was the main reason I wanted to get in better shape. Other things didn't matter much. Health? I already ate pretty good, exercised at least weekly, have an fairly active job, no weight related health issues. Looks? I have to beat em off with a stick as it is. Self-esteem? (see looks response)  

 

To be able to not be exhausted after site visits, climb faster, slip into small hatches, and between pipes. That's what I want. Because helping people save money, energy, and be safe is what I love to do. Being active  also really helps my depression and I think my ADD. Eating better definitely helps my ADD. I also have theory that better cardiovascular health will lessen the affects of the Carbon Monoxide exposure. 

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I am so happy that I decided to go to Sacramento with my friends who are chill instead of my gambiling/drinking friend. We had a great time, I love amtrak vacations.
 
I thought it might be kind of fun to share with y'all some pics from the field. I have to take pictures as apart of my job and since we generally pair up on site visits we tend to get a few shots of folks doing stuff in the field. I'm an energy efficiency nerd so I think these kinds of things are cool but that may just be me.
 
 
 

Crawlspace

 
Heading into a crawl space
 

P1030964

P1030951

From back when I worked in solar more often: wiring a jbox, and installing panels. 

 
 
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The fifth week of the challenge didn't go so great for me.

I been so stressed from work that this weird combination of anxiety/depression really bothered me last week. I have depression and ADD, but anxiety is not a normal thing for me.  I joke I'm usually too depressed to care enough to be anxious.   But not this past week, it was super scary for me.  Sleeping was hard and I've been having the oddest dreams lately.  I wasn't able to focus on things like eating well just because I was just trying to get through the work day without crying. Don't get me wrong, I really love my job, in fact I think if I didn't like my job I wouldn't care as much. At the same time, crying into my hardhat or calculator is not healthy. I think some of it is that I haven't been journaling and I really don't have anybody I can really talk to about it. I don't really want to worry my parents about my job because 1) they've got a lot going on themselves 2) to start up the "just move home" (as in to North Carolina, not to their house). Sometimes I talk to my bf but he works a lot more than I do for a lot less and while he's very receptive person I still feel bad complaining about my 40-60hr engineering job when he's dashing around the entire region doing guard and bouncer work in a bullet proof vest. 

 

  I did notice that the new iron pills I got weren't the same dosage as the last round, lower. Maybe that has something to do with it? I'm not sure. oh, and I'm not pregnant :-P

 

Course this was also not such a good week for me eating-wise. Didn't eat nearly enough fruits and vegetables. Only exercised twice instead of the 3 times I wanted too. So I can't help but wonder if those things were related.

As this first challenge starts to wind down, I've been thinking about how to keep things up and other things I want to do. 

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I gotta lot of updating to do. gonna be posting a couple posts coz it helps me track better.

 

7/20/15 Workout
Cycled 2.7 mi in 15:00
(sets/reps/#)
Chinups(2/5/-160)
Dips (2/8/-190)
Cable Crunches (3/8/90)

Oblique Ball bend (3/8/6)
Chestpress (2/8/2x17) dumbells
Dumbell fly(3/10/2x10)

Arm/leg lifts 2 sets of 5

For some reason, that day I felt super weak and out of it. Did the best I could

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7/22/15 Workout


Elliptical 30:00
2782 strides...whatever that means.

Machines
Chinups (2/5/-160)
Calf Xtsn 3/10/70)
Leg Press (3/10/80)
Cable Kicks (2/8/60)

Squats (2/8/10)
Oblique bend (2/10/30)
Crunches: regular(2 sets of 25)
oblique (1 set of 15 each side)

Lunges (2 sets of 8 each leg)

Side torso twists (2/15/10)

 

 

Note to self, let the calf extension machine go. Surely I can find a better exercise than that.
 

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Lastly Friday nite at Club YMCA

7/24/15

Rowing 15:00 2336m

 

Strength (sets/reps/#)

 

Machine

assisted chinup (2/5/-160)

cable crunches (3/10/90)

 

Free weights

Dead lift (3/8/60)

Oblique bend (3/10/30) 

Kneeling One Arm Row(3/10/20)

Bent Barbell row (3/10/40)

 

 

BOOM three times in one week!  Don't want to jinx myself but I'm thinking about going tomorrow and making it 4.

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Haven't checked in awhile about the overall battle.

So as the battle of the bulge (fitness/food) goes on I realize in real life that people are right about diet being 80% of the battle. I don't tend to "badly" per se I just eat more than I move.  I'm trying to eat much less carbs and sugar.Focus on protein and vegetables.Maybe that makes me pro-paleo.  I will admit, that while whatever works, work it for you. Living in the Bay area, the term "Paleo" subjects nothing from me but eye-rolls.   So forgive me if I start eating paleo and refuse to call it so. I really want to give up crystal light/ diet sodas.  Taking my vitamins makes me feel so much better, whenever I skip a dosage or two I feel it bad.

 

 

Financially wise, things are starting to get better savings wise. I finally finished(my dad finished) my back taxes.  Nothing owed, just refunds so my untouchable savings account is finally at a decent number.  Paid the rent  and the mortgage before the first and when payday came (Friday) it was the first time a large chunk didn't have to go anywhere. It was a weird feeling but I do have a couple small bills (less than $200) so gonna pay those off with this check.  The next step is getting a credit card in January. My actual first,  two were taken out in my name and I wasn't diligent and persistant enough to make the credit card companies to believe it was idenity theft in time. My banker said at this point to just wait the 1-2 years to let them drop off my credit report, re-openeing the case will have it stay another 7 years and it sitll might not be resolved. One dropped off my credit report in July. The other drops off in November.   My goal is to finally have a December where I don't blow all my money and have to pay rent barely on time. Starting in January I won't have to pay mortgage for a little while, renting my house back home to my mother. 

Overall this year I did have a lot of big expenses, I put a downpayment on a house (albeit a  little thing) and had to pay for a lawyer right after Christmas time....and replace a bunch of things that got stolen when my bf's car got broken into on  Christmas eve.  I still need to buy a motorcycle here but decided to wait awhile. things with the lawyer worked out great, and even though it was super expensive it turned out to be worth it.  I thank God everyday I was able to do that.

 

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I really hate tax time. We did ours online this year! It took hours to set up the account and actually lodge them. Here's hoping it is easier next year!

Down payment on a house, awesome. :)

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I really hate tax time. We did ours online this year! It took hours to set up the account and actually lodge them. Here's hoping it is easier next year!

Down payment on a house, awesome. :)

I've been really spoiled, my Dad is a tax man. He usually works the tax season and he's been doing my taxes forever.  But I promised him that next year we're gonna have a skype session so he can help me through them.  Being almost 30 and owning a house and a business (albeit both very small) I should be able to do my own taxes.

...also he knows how much I make and gets on to me about my savings.  Financial discipline can be so hard, this money feels like it's burning a hole in my pocket.  

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So,  during my week of baking I definitely back slid, I hopped back on the exercise track, not so much on the diet track (or the budget track for that matter, I think I ate my new sneaker money) and the next thing I knew I was at 268 again Monday at the gym.  I gain and lose water weight like a camel, it's insane but I was getting so frustrated of this constant yo-yoing. I vowed to myself once I dipped below 265 again I would focus I really would and I knew with moon madness coming that wouldn't be for awhile.  Wednesday nite I had the most random dream, it was as if the Lord was speaking to me and saying "take advantage of the opportunities I give to you".  Thursday at the gym I got to the gym - 263.  I was amazed. Now I realize that this fitness journey is about me doing what i need to do but honestly when it comes to bloat/water weight it really is a gamble so I am thankful.  This morning moon madness started while I was at the gym and yet I was 261 with all my clothes on. 258 in undies. 258. 8lbs away from my first goal, finally able to do a plank for a minute straight, deadlifting 70lbs (was 45lbs in june),  I am making progress, I need to remember that everyday and think about what's really important. For my faith (honoring the body God gave me) health (nutrition and fitness), my wallet (wasting money on junk food and taxis/ubers - saving for fitness things I need and increasing my savings), and the overall big picture of having this body for another 50+ years.

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Only 50+ years? You dream too small! :)

 

 

...lol perhaps. Both my grandmothers, smoked (one fell down a flight of stairs) and they both made it past 80...one still kicking at 82 as of last Saturday.

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FYI: This is a post about women things.

 

So I'm trying to make it through moon madness without hard liquor because when I drink I tend to also crave more junkfood which I easily say 'it's ok, cause y'know moon madness)
Today should be the last day, oh my gosh - it has been awful - advil is not nearly as effective.  I want to curl up in a ball.   But I'm so close,  other than a few donuts I've been sticking to eating healthy. No ice cream binges, no whiskey and ice cream binges.  Course I feel pretty darn awful right now - haven't even been able to think about exercising.  My mother used to tell me that exercising makes cramps less bad I don't know if I believe her.  To be fair, they're not that bad and it only last 2 or 3 days, and at least this time it was mostly the weekend so I could just chill out - no field days.  I just had to get that out.

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I did horrible updating this trhead but I did much better this challenge.

Going to SoCal this weekend with my "old friend"  I planned this trip a long while ago.  I have personally deigned myself the DD for the trip so that should keep most of the calories (from drinking and subsequent tipsy binging) off of me. 

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Something I find funny:

 

During the challenge I just had the worst time walking to the shuttle. spent way too much on bus and even uber.

during the week break?  Walked to the shuttle 3 times this week. 

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True confession time: In late August my weight did some serious yo-yo ing : 255,263,258, 265, 261, 268....you get the idea. it was crazy and very demotivating.  I got on the scale at the gym laste nite, sneakers and all and was at 252!  I know this is about more than just a number but I hadn't seen a number that low in awhile.  This calorie counting thing may have some merit. :-P

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