Doe's Battle Log

[Doe]

The holiday season put its toll. Weight clocking in at 283.0 on my new scale. Yea, I gained but honestly I'm happy it wasn't 5lbs or more. I gain water weight in ways that seem unbelievable to smaller people. When I remind myself of the percentage, it feels less crazy. 

 

My boyfriend's scale gets on my nerves. I'll step on and it'll say 290. then 279, then 285....even on the flat wood floor.  Much less on the tile bathroom.  Drove me crazy. So I bought a bluetooth scale of my own.  It's linked to my fitbit account, in the hopes of not weighing too much. My lifestyle gets unhealthy if I weigh more than twice a week or less than once a month. It's all about balance. 

 

I'm joining the next challenge with some clear goals to improve my health, finances, and professional life.  As a ranger.

 

I'm giving up my $75 monthly gaming budget in January for a TRX class at my local YMCA.  It's $80, a small group class of 4 people total. I'd love to do more bodyweight exercises but 1) the Plank is sooo boring 2) My upper body strength sucks .   This year I have more travel for personal life and work on my plate so I need to up my hotel room routine at some point.

Now that I own a car and live in a bigger place (as of 2016), I've exercised at home more and we live near some nice parks near the Bay. Still I enjoy going to the Y, to get out of the house, see familiar faces, and get some in person advice. 

 

Right now I'm resting and trying to taper what I hope is just a chest cold. Can't really exercise other than walking so I'm trying my best to avoid the Cool Ranch dorrittos my boyfriend bought. It's not just that it's junkfood, I have a diagnosed corn sensitvity. If you know JigglyPuff's final Smash: Puff Up, yea that's what my stomach does when I eat corn. 

 

[Doe]

 

I have pink eye. and a chest cold.

 

A work buddy was impressed that a 30-something non-parent could randomly get pink eye.

 

I worked from home (WFH) yesterday and today. Picked up some eye drops prescription last night. I love video doctor's appointments.
I'm quarantined until tonight when the pink eye should no longer be contagious.  

No cardio but I was well enough to stretch.

 

On New Year's Day, my hyperfocus was in full force. I did a bunch of meal prep(see pic).  Had some freezer burned pork chops and tried a recipe for smothered porkchops. The meat tasted good, but the sauce was too salty. Should have known better than to use 2 cans of cream of anything.  

 

Originally the mini frozips were to divide up smoothies into a more snackable size. Turns out they've been great while I have this cold and sore throat.  Glad I made meals when I felt better, I can just heat and eat . 

 

I made hummus for the first time in the Vitamix and wow! I may never buy hummus for the house again. It's soo good. 

 

Last night I did eat some Doritos . I measured it out, 60 grams (2 servings) rather than devouring the family size bag.

Yes, I regretted it.  This is going to be like me and oreos...

Let me explain. After my WLS, I had to be on a restricted diet for 6 months. 6 months with no sugar. Once I started back again, food didn't taste the same. Oreos were "meh". What kind of crazy person says "meh" to oreos?  If someone offered me an oreo, of course I'd eat it!  I did this for years. Then one day I realized, I don't really like oreos. They're okay but not my favorite. So I stopped eating oreos.  (Cookies and cream icecream is a whole different situation)

The difference is my taste buds love doritos but my "pouch" definitely is not a fan. 

 

[Doe]

I'm going to start copy/pasting my Challenge recaps in here so I can keep track. Since I'm often on this site on mobile and don't see signatures.

 

2019 Challenge 1 Let's Begin Again! Doe You Must Carry On! 
Quest: Exercise 300 minutes a week
I averaged about 150-180 minutes during the challenge, save for the first week when I was sick.  I'd say it was B- effort.
What I learned  Need to realize I'm not a powerlifter or an Olympian, it's okay for me to exercise a few days in a row.  Begrudgingly I admit that I need more moderate-intense cardio into my routine.  

Quest Write down every purchase. Everyone, even the ones using credits.
It took some backtracking but I wrote every expense down. A+ effort
What I learned Writing down expenses, made me very aware of what I was spending.  I think I have a handle on a budget and will continue writing down my expenses for a while longer.

Quest: Publish 2 blog posts. Engage more on instagram

Well not 1 posts, did engage more on Instagram.  Got past the 500 follower mark which is exciting for me. D effort
What I learned  Instagram is a lot of work sometimes. I need a different approach to get these draft posts into a published version.  

Quest:  Spend 5 hours a week on Python course.
I finished the course this weekend! I didn't spend quite 5 hours a week but I learned so much. I feel much more comfortable about the prospect of expanding my Python knowledge to work. A effort

What I learned  Programmers are not great at explaining things but I finally found a helpful course.  Sometimes you need to practice simple things to help build up to the not as simple things.

I consider my comeback challenge a moderate success.

[Doe]

My last challenge was kind of a wash.

 

I did start doing some productive things but few of them were the productive things I planned.

 

The one shining success was reducing my news consumption to around 2 hours a day. I stopped watching the news at all on the weekends and I think I'm a better person for it. I mostly focused on the 24/7 news as I don't tend to hyperfocus on local news. Mainly bc I only listen to it in the car when I'm driving which is ~50 miles a week, if that.

 

For this upcoming challenge, I'm thinking about quests that will help me manage a routine and improve my eating since my weight is still around 280-ish. 

 

After 3 months of working 30 hours a week after my mother passed, I'm back at full time. Which is about 45-50 hours a week, gotta love salary life. My job is a good one, I have a lot of flexibility in when/where I work those 45-50 hours. I used to have a routine when I worked a more strict job.  
 

Exercise-wise I'm making progress.  Was hitting the gym with full force, till I pulled my hamstring at the end of February. Needed crutches for a few days. Three weeks later I'm about 85%, physical therapist says I can start easing back into turns and jumps in dance.  Even with the injury, things improved. Truly learned the value of stretching and have been doing so almost daily over these past 3 weeks. Also getting more into upper body exercises again. 

 

My boyfriend promised me that if I went to a day party he worked security for, he would do a workout with me!  I'm very excited and trying to figure out what/when to do it. He doesn't exercise much, and usually refuses to exercise with me. See I've always been fat. Fat and active. When I was 415lbs I was in a dance group and could do a split. When I was 370, I walked about 10 miles a day around my college campus, etc.  And now there's some sort of normal life after my mom, I exercise 2-3 hours a week at 280.  My boyfriend was average sized and never exercised much since he left the Army. Between being in our 30s and having more sedentary job, drinking etc. he's gained weight and lost some fitness. So he won't exercise with me because I'm in better shape than him. It's silly to me but whatever. 

 

I don't really want to log my food but perhaps I should.  Most of my calories come at night or from alcohol. When I prep my meals, things go a lot better too.  More importantly, I need to stop drinking liquids when I eat. this is a gastric bypass thing and 17 years later, I still struggle. Waiting 30 minutes after eating to drink, and getting 8 glasses of water in, not easy.  

Hmm... I may have figured out one of my quests.

 

 

[Doe]

I keep wondering if I should rename my battle log.  A grand destiny seems a bit much. Initially it was inspired by a crystal clear Destiny,  the dub title of a sailor moon episode.  Things feel much less clear without my mother.   Then again she knew of my great love of sailor moon, the only anime she could ever name.  She used ti tell people that I saved the world for a living.  Saving the world is a quite grand.

 

Dang I  miss her.

[Jupiter]

8 hours ago, Doe said:

I keep wondering if I should rename my battle log.  A grand destiny seems a bit much. Initially it was inspired by a crystal clear Destiny,  the dub title of a sailor moon episode.  Things feel much less clear without my mother.   Then again she knew of my great love of sailor moon, the only anime she could ever name.  She used ti tell people that I saved the world for a living.  Saving the world is a quite grand.

 

Dang I  miss her.

 

It is quite grand. I say if you like it, then keep it. 

 

I'm sorry about your mom.  

[Doe]

My boyfriend's chiropractor has asked him to track his food for a week. I've been using Myfitnesspal to track my water so I started tracking my food. I didn't do so well during a 4 day trip in Reno on tracking. But wow, I can clearly see where my weight gain is coming from.  Too much food, not enough activity, as if I didn't already know. Just didn't realize how much I was eating.  And since I'm a short girl with a sluggish metabolism, I definitely need to get more activity in my life.  

 

 

 

[Doe]

I must admit that the pace of my weightloss is very discouraging. I was 288 two weeks ago and today....I'm 288.  Now somewhere in there I was 279, 283.  Logic tells me that water weight, salt retention, all those things must play a factor.  Also my waist is about a half inch smaller.  Maybe my scale is broken, I can't find the new one I bought.  I can see my legs and arms toning up more. But 288, still?  

 

Last week was okay portion-wise but not health wise. The weekend went a bit off the tracks especially sodium-wise.   Haven't been to the grocery store in over a week. Normally go at least twice a week but I was in Reno then had a two day training.  

 

 

Hoping to make it to the grocery store today. At least for produce and meat.  Having a protein shake for breakfast and I miss my frozen banana desperately. I thought the almond butter would help with the texture but it feels more like truffle filling. Which some folks may like but I prefer the velvet texture that bananas, mangos, and even sweet potatos can bring.

 

My normal recipe
3/4 cup almond milk

1 scoop chocolate whey protein powder

1/2 frozen banana

1 tbsp organic cocoa powder

2 tbsp PB2

Today's Improv
1 cup almond milk

1 scoop chocolate whey protein powder

2tbsp almond butter

6 or so ice cubes

1 tbsp cocoa powder

 

Usually I drink half with fruit or a salad, and freeze half for later/next day. Today my throat is sore and we have no fruit or salad so I drank about 75% of it before freezing. 

 

I just gotta keep at it and not give up.  This is a long term challenge. 

[Doe]

Conducted a little experiment this weekend.

 

Even when I track food, I tend to fall off on the weekends.  It just happens.  Friday I'll be 283, Monday morning I'm 5 pounds heavier. 

 

On Friday, I weighed myself 284.5.  I tracked all my food and drink, drink 6 cups of water a day. Tried to avoid drinking fluids while eating.  

Did a lot of socializing this weekend. Went out for a meal with some of my dance family, then to a beer garden. Sunday was a birthday party, it was at my friend's house I was at when my mother passed. Even though I didn't find out till the next day, it was still tough. Afterwards, went to the bar with a friend to talk and decompress. 

 

This morning, I was 285.0. No significant change. 

 

I was much more aware of what and how I'm eating.  Regular meals are definitely best but when you know more calories are coming, readjust.  Basically ate 1 meal and two snacks saturday. 2 meals and 1 snack Sunday. Stayed under 2000. Drank less alcohol and wasn't starving.  

Also realized that all lasagna can be binge food for me. Made zucchini lasagana and plowing through it.  If I had more room in the freezer it'd be fine so I'll have to keep portion control in mind.  



 

[Doe]

2019 Challenge 3 Recap

Assesment

Fluids after meals: No drinking fluids during meals. Wait at least 30 minutes after eating to drink fluids
Though only about 65% successful with this, I did notice a huge difference. I got full much faster and ate much less. My WLS was successful 17 years ago so I already can't eat a ton even when I drink liquids. It was kinda weird. Also, the kinds of foods I ate changed.  Couldn't eat much salty or spicy, which was probably good for my blood pressure. It made me more thoughtful about my eating times too.
C effort.

 

Water intake: Drink at least 48 oz a day. 
Y'all, at the end of this challenge I started to like plain water! I never thought that would happen to me.  I got to the point where I craved water! Also made me more conscious of my eating times. I thought "well are you going to want/need to drink water in the next hour or so? Yea? Better drink up first. 

A effort

No electronics/bedtime
I didn't do exactly what I planned but I did accomplish my goal. To start falling asleep more naturally, getting better sleep, and slow down my brain a night. It was weird to just naturally fall asleep by 1am.
B effort

 

Exercise
I'm averaging about 180-200 minutes a week of exercise. Which isn't bad but I think I could still do better.
 B effort

 

Starting Weight 287.4 

Ending Weight 281.9

 

Blood pressure March 1st 141/95

BP April 5th 135/93

[Doe]

Here's a regular reminder to myself that healthy sustainable weight loss is a journey.   

I think sometimes when my life feels out of control I get hyperfocus on my weight. 

[Doe]

Another note to self: Morning exercise doesn't have to mean "going hard at the gym", etc.

 

Was having an unproductive morning and taking a 15 min dance break. really helped me re-focus. Guess my brain was moving around because my body wasn't

[Doe]

This week will be interesting. It marks 17 years since my weight loss surgery.  Don’t remember the exact date, It was supposed to be around the 4th I think but I had a panic attack on the operating table and they postponed it a day.  I was 16. So that means, I have now lived more years with this pouch than a regular stomach.

 

It’s a bit astounding. When they envisioned weight loss surgery, I doubt they considered people living 30, 40+ years post-procedure. Yet, here we are. I’m not as low as I once was, but I’ve not gotten back into 300lbs and until recently I had been stable around 150lbs lost. My highest weight was 415lbs. I was 380-ish the day of the surgery. When I had pneumonia in college I dropped down to 220 but the lowest sustainable weight was 230’s. 

I’m bouncing between 278-283 right now. 

 

While, I try not to rest on my laurels, the fact that I’ve still  kept off 130lbs for 17 years is quite the accomplishment.  My parents and I could’ve never imagined how much this surgery was going to affect my life.  Having to take a multivitamin everyday, the protein supplements, the relationship with food and health.

 

Honestly, I don’t regret having the surgery. But I do think far too many people have it these days.  I was 4’11 and 400+lbs at 15.  (I’m 5’3” now) Nowadays if you’re over 200, some doctor will likely approve it.  People think it’s a quick easy fix. Hell no. It’s a tool and a journey. Whenever someone asks if I considered a revision, the answer is no. Tear my stomach open again? Nah, I’m good.

 I’ll still be obese to doctors, that’s what made me focus on calming down on bad habits that could wreck my body.  I had doctor once say to me when I was around (250) give me a guilt trip and said I had at least 100lbs more to lose. Can you imagine losing 160lbs and it still not be enough?  No diabtes, low cholesterol, at that time low blood pressure, no back pain. Exercised 3-5x a week while having a field job back then.  My bad knee is a done deal, I will need a knee replacement one day  no matter how much more weight I lose. Don’t let it stop me from being in a dance group.  Aside from more access to clothes, what would be the benefit? 

 

I’ll confess I would like to get to 215lbs (200lbs overall) one day but I’m aiming to slow and steady. 

[Doe]

I'm skipping out of this challenge.  Going to Croatia in a few weeks, so excited!

 

The past few weeks have been busy. I had my Mother's Day meltdown.   Then had to go to Philly for work, a tradeshow. Then went home to the Carolinas, visited family and friends. It was super hot but it was nice to be home.  I didn't finish the last challenge at all.

 

I still want to keep progressing forward.   While I was home, I gained about 4lbs but most of that was water weight and inflammation from eating corn.  Why is corn in all the good things?

I'm kidding but it's still hard.  My sister also has developed some food allergies. We had a conversation about it, wonder if  it's us that's changing or the food?   Corn seems more prevalent than it used to. Plus comfort food I like, fried fish. Southern style is typically breaded with flour and cornmeal.

 

I started betterhelp therapy a couple weeks ago. I let my planning fall to the side and my therapist reccemmended getting back into it, since I've been feeling a bit lost.

 

It seems so simple, I feel better when I get enough exercise, eat well, get outside.  Consitency is the key.

 

 

[Doe]

It is so nice to come back to the NF Forums and not be a complete wreck. 

 

In the past two years, I've moved from California back to the South but in a new state and town. My mom's house in South Carolina, I took over the mortgage after she passed away. The biggest thing that came out of the pandemic is that I realized I have an eating disorder and body image issues. What kind of eating disorder? who knows, I thought my main problem was binging but years of dieting and binge/restrict wrecked my metabolism.  Now working with an ED dietician and in a support program. Never thought I had an ED, yet now all I see is evidence of its effect on my life. Lost a lot of time to my ED but now I have a lot more time, that's cool. 

 

The biggest con to ED recovery is that I'm not weighing myself. Sometimes having body image issues makes it hard to see changes. But in the long run it's for the best, I get kinda crazy around the scale. I know I weigh less than the last time I was here but by how much, anyone's guess. 

 

Past few months have been good,  I learned that I can get some decent workouts in without going to the gym. Don't know if this is a permeant change but it's nice to not need the gym to be active. 

 

Working on health goals that aren't related to my weight, thinking about joining the upcoming challenge. 

 

Ironically, the last words of my previous post, "Consistency is Key" is now on my bedroom wall, first thing I see in the morning. 

[Chesire]

YOU"RE BACK!  I've wondered how you were holding up after the madness started last year. 

 

Very happy for you that you found support for your needs.  I'll keep an eye out for a challenge posting for all the other amazing non-scale things going on.  

 

[Jupiter]

1 hour ago, Chesire said:

YOU"RE BACK!  I've wondered how you were holding up after the madness started last year. 

 

Very happy for you that you found support for your needs.  I'll keep an eye out for a challenge posting for all the other amazing non-scale things going on.  

 

 

I second this.  

[Doe]

8 hours ago, Chesire said:

YOU"RE BACK!  I've wondered how you were holding up after the madness started last year. 

 

Very happy for you that you found support for your needs.  I'll keep an eye out for a challenge posting for all the other amazing non-scale things going on.  

 

 

6 hours ago, Jupiter said:

 

I second this.  

 

 

Thanks! Yea, little did we all know how weird things were going to get. Glad to be back!

[Doe]

3rd week of a new challenge has been rough.

I haven't exercised since Saturday and I haven't been very productive at work. My brain just feels overwhelmed and tired at the same time.  Lots of hours staring at the papers for work. I know my job thinks they're being helpful by making my main two assignments to focus on the paper. But as I am not a writer, it's not the best use of time. 

 Think the tiredness was PMS brain fog turning into period brain fog. If I knew that's what it was I could've combatted it a bit better, maybe?

 

Really feeling like I wasted allot of this week but I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it. This is likely a combination of hormonal and weather depression, Elsa is coming our way. I'm very inland so it's mostly a rain and wind event. Oh and next Tuesday is my mom's birthday, she would've been 65. Did I mention the last time I saw her was during hurricane Florence? We had big plans for our trip but we spent it all here, at her house because of the weather.  There's been quite a few hurricane/tropical storms since I moved back. Yet something about my Dad reminding me to tye down the patio furniture churned up unexpected emotion.  Glad I arranged to take the day off.  

When I feel this way, I try to think of what she'd say , "It's never too late to have a good day!"  She was right, each day is a new opportunity to change direction and I can't give up!

 

While writing this, I thought of one quick think I could change today into a positive direction: shine some light on the gloom. 

My method for waking up is complex.

1. My Phillips Hue lights in the living room and bedroom gradually turn on at 6:50, reaching full  daylight colored brightness at 7:30.   
2. Then at 7:30,  Kibou no Hoshi o Mezashite ( Candidate for Goddess)  blares from my mobile across the room
3.  use the Alarmy app, you can select missions to complete before your alarm music will stop.  These days I'm doing 15 squats
   
   
   While I was travelling, I had the lights turn off at 7:15. To look like something was going on but not waste too much energy.  I just updated the lighting automation back to how it should be. 

 

...writing this post was helpful. If only for the reminder that I can write, it's the research-y goverment-y syntax that throws me off. Certainly, it'll get better with time right?

 

 

 

[Doe]

 The July-ish Challenge went well. The focus on stretching was really a great idea, my body feels so much more limber. 
This current challenge, as I try to create routines in a time where nothing feels routine has been difficult. 


Right now, I'm trying very hard to not let pandemic burnout hit me. Been restricting allot lately, not on purpose. It's stress, and I know I don't want to binge anymore but staying hungry isn't good either.

Sometimes, I think I'm too hard on myself. Realized today that I have exercised every week this year.  Maybe it was 15 minutes of stretching one week, but still. Every.week. I can't tell you the last time that happened.
When I was so focused on losing weight, I only wanted to do exercises that would burn a ton of calories. In eating disorder recovery, I'm discovering the joy of movement. Sometimes I feel like a 45 minute dance session. Other times, it's 10 minutes of restorative stretching before bed. It all counts and it all helps. 

Earlier this year I took a silks course and pole dancing. The pole dancing was fun, the silks made me feel woefully unskilled. Need more upper body and core strength. This is when I miss working out at the gym. Bodyweight exercise are honestly harder than lifting weights.  Told myself I'd wait for 3 months of not feeling compelled to wear a mask indoors before I signed a year membership. 

 

...looks like that may be awhile so I better get comfortable with push-ups and plank. lol. 

 

[Doe]

Somehow I end up here after another devestating loss.

Back in late September I lost my best friend of 30 years to covid. She was only 36. I'm so exhausted from it all. We were both only bio children, she was like a sister to me.

 

I kept exercising in increments but last week was the first week all year I did zero exercise. Not even 15 minutes of stretching. And I feel awfully out of shape.

 

Yesterday I tried to exercise but was too out of it to do more than a few minutes.

 

Today Ive done about 10 minutes. Practicing with my new Sailor Moon Light saber.

 

... That's what made me think of nerd fitness

 

 

[Doe]

Exercise log for the week through Saturday. Went to the gym for the first time since November 18

 

 

Today I realized that instead of eating buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing, I had key lime Greek yogurt as a side with carrots. The yogurt helped cool things down while getting some protein and a bit of sweet. Plus more filling.  Found a new easy lunch. Maybe more veggies next time

 

 

 

[Jupiter]

I'm so sorry about your friend. *hugs*