Doe's Battle Log

[Doe]

Since I started counting my calories - I realize I ate a whole lot of  calories. Easily 2000 a day sometimes 3000. The sister of my sister in law (I guess she's a sister in law) who's in med school thinks that 1200 isn't enough for a "light day" she personally think I need 1400-1800 cals depending on activity and 120g protein.  I think I'm going to stick to my 1200-1500 plan for the challenge and keep it in mind. I think it's interesting that most diet plans are based on eating the same number of calories everyday regardless of activity.  I know men need more calories than women but women in construction gotta need more than 1200 on  a field day right? Last full day  I had was with a coworker who has a fitbit. We walked  18,000 steps just during the site visit. Not to mention, getting up and down, moving things, climbing ladders, and carrying about 30lbs of tools around.  The 1200 calorie days are hard but 1500 - feels way less sacrificing. It makes me want to exercise and have more field days just for those extra 300 calories. lol.  It also brings home why I can't eat like that on a day when all I do is sit in the office doing math.

 

Also, I have noticed my blood sugar starting to be better. I'm suppose to take my blood sugar at least once a day, in practice I test about  5x a week.  In the mornings I've been average 60 and post-meal about 100.  Normally it's 49 in the morning and maybe 75 post meal. But higher blood sugar is good in this case. 49 is too low.  It makes me really happy because I honestly didn't think I could do anything about my wacky blood sugar,it's a side effect of the surgery.

 

One of the "positive side effects" for most who have gastric bypass is that it "magically cures" type 2 diabetes. It has something to do with the change in digestion route.  Back in 2002, they were just starting to report findings of this. One report I read said that 85% of people who have WLS have type2 diabtes (makes sense) However, I never had type 2 diabetes even when I was 400+ lbs and ate tons of sugar so when I had my surgery and things got re-routed I now have hypoglycemia.  Now I'm seeing the culprit may lie in unbalanced meals and too much refined sugar. 

[Doe]

I've decided today, in keeping with my "tactics for getting it done with depression" and positive thinking that I'm going to stop being ashamed that I had gastric bypass surgery. It wasn't 100% my choice, my parents did what they thought was best for me at the time. I probably wouldn't be here today, had it not been for the surgery and if I was there's a good chance I'd be sleeping with oxygen and still very overweight. It was no shortcut, I had to work hard and especially having it at 16. It was more like a launchpad.  My body's different now but I'm still losing. I'm only 35lbs away from the big goal of 200lbs lost.  So close! I can't wait!

[SevenofSeven]

35lbs, that is close! Especially when you think about how far you have come! Awesome work Doe!

[Doe]

35lbs, that is close! Especially when you think about how far you have come! Awesome work Doe!

Right! I'm so excited about it - it's really keeping me focused

[Doe]

So I went to NYC for work for almost a week - crazy week. Drank WAY too much.  I gotta drinking like a 6' man. lol.
Then last week was just so busy, I almost switched jobs but the offer wasn't super appealing it's only pro was money - and honestly that's not enough for me ( I do work in the nonprofit sector after all)  

I exercised twice during the NYC trip but not really at all last week, I practiced tap about an hour but that was it. I was trying to watch what I eat but some nites that meant instead of "2 bags of chips, starburst and an it's it (ice cream sandwich)"  I would get 1 bag of chips and an it's it. lol.

Needless to say I was just hoping not to have gained more than 5lbs when I got back on the scale last nite at the gym. To my sheer amazement I was 247, shoes and all.  I had lost about 2lbs.  say what!? What black magic is this? lol.   Closing in on that 215 (the 200lb mark).

I'm in the new challenge, missed the first week but giving it my all for the next 5. link is in my signature

[Doe]

Not only did I not gain any weight during Thanksgiving - I lost 3lbs. I am so proud of myself. At Old Navy earlier this year I couldn't wear in-store 20s (think these are juniors? a little smaller than 20W sold online only) and now I can wear a 18 easily.

 

 At Ross, I found a dress to wear on New Years Eve, I wasn't expecting to look good on. Pleasantly surprised, I posted a selfie on instagram - couldn't figure out how to make the pic not ginormous so I put it in a spoiler. I gotta add - I was wearing work underwear, it's gonna look so much better with the right foundation. My bf commented "Damn! Glad you're mine!" - what a confidence booster, I need to put that in my diary lol. 

 

 

But I guess the biggest thing is it gave me boost to keep going, that I really am making some progress sometimes I don't see it. I just gotta keep trying my best, and not give up.

[SevenofSeven]

That is such a great colour. You are going to rock NYE!

[Doe]

That is such a great colour. You are going to rock NYE!

Thanks! I'm looking forward to it

[Doe]

Oh it has been way too long.

Only by the grace of God, I have not gained a single pound. Well that and having a sprained knee whose pain meds made me nauseus, then having strep throat that I'm currently at the tail end of. I need to build my immunity up.

 

Going to the the gym tonite for the first time since January 20th, though I had kept up with my tap dance/practice fairly well till the strep hit me last week. It seems so much longer than a couple weeks. But I'm back in this!

[Doe]

Well I'm still sitting at 247, I haven't crept back up to 250. Yes!

Went to the Y and rowed for 15 minutes. Then I went to the Ladies' Cardio kick boxing class, I had some agression that needed to go some place.

It felt really good to be back at the womens fitness center. Even though it had only been a few weeks it felt so much longer. 

 

 

Now to start getting my diet back into gear. I have a car temporarily till probably april possibly longer which means no excuses on grocery shopping but ironically some places (like the Y) are easier for me to get to by transit. It's just so easy to just drive home some days.  But since I'll likely get a vehicle of some sort (a motorcycle, this car, or my bf's old car) in the next 12 months clearly I'm gonna have to motivate myself. 

[Doe]

Well I'm back.

 

New job (all desk work) At a new company - my first for profit gig and in management. Like a boss!

Longer commute (from 5-30 minutes to 60-90 minutes...yea the money/position was worth it)

Went through a two month depression. Which was not fun.

Twenty pounds heavier.

I'm trying to get a new routine and it's been super hard. I wish I could bottle the feeling you have after exercise. Went to the gym last night for the first time in 2 weeks and the first 15 minutes SUCKED. But the last hour was AWESOME.

 

The main things I'm trying to focus on:

 

• Work - incorporating the Bullet Journal to keep track of tasks. 
• Food - Calorie counting, working up to a Sunday meal prep flow
• Exercise - now that I'm no longer in the field, exercise is a MUST

 

[SevenofSeven]

Hey, hey, welcome back. Congratulations on the new job! Sorry to see you had that battle to deal with. But yah, your back and already getting to the gym.

 

I hope your new journey is awesome.

[Doe]

So last week went pretty well. Most activity I've done in awhile

 

Tuesday - Went to Tap Class

Wednesday - Went to the gym. Cycled for 30 minutes, did some strength, stretched allot

Friday - Gym Cycled for 25 minutes, Rowing machine for 5 minutes. Strength.

 

Plus 6 out of 7 days I hit over 10,000 steps on my fitbit which was exciting.

Went out of town this weekend. Did fairly well food-wise. Drank a little too much. It was my first day in about 2 weeks drinking anything stronger than beer.  

Trying to get the diet back in order.  This morning I wanted a breakfast burrito so badly but I managed to resist. Eating pineapple and cottage cheese instead.

 

[Doe]

Right now I'm just trying so hard not to comfort eat. and I want to go to the gym tonight but I live in Oakland and I'm nervous about the protests making my trip home from the gym.

Since mental health is related to overall health, bear with me for a minute.

 

Being a black nerd, this week has obviously been difficult.  Being a Black American, oh it's been difficult. And having a white boyfriend who's a security guard (armed) that stores,companies hire to safeguard their property whenever stuff pops off in the Bay...I'm really nervous. I think I need a news hiatus

[SevenofSeven]

We only get what the media tells us, which is sometimes twisted for sensationalism, but I hope you and yours stay safe.

 

I know this is probably totally out of whack with your reality at the moment, but Bodyweight exercises, indoors. An option? Exercise sends out those feel good hormones and may help with the emotional eating.

 

Wishing you all best with what's going on and lots of *hugs* 

[Doe]

Well, I didn't really avoid comfort eating...but at least I didn't go over the top? (trying to find the positive in there)

 

I went to the gym Saturday and tried a new exercise, "ball exchange" I could try to describe it but this picture will do a better job.  It really worked my core! Way more than I expected...and it's kinda fun to do.

 

Talked to my landlady this weekend and she finally told me she's going to start construction in early 2017. She's combining my unit with another so after 6 years I'll be leaving my tiny studio in the chill neigborhood with the enviable low rent(for the Bay area). Studios these days are basically double my rent in Oakland and even being a room-mate in a good situation (decent neighborhood, not living with 5 other people...I'm 30 I can't do that anymore) is $800-1000 a month. What does that mean?

 

It means I'm moving in with my boyfriend!  He owns his house, but it's further out so I'll need to buy a car. Even with a car payment and helping with his mortgage it'll still be cheaper than a studio, and we've been talking about it for over a year now. I think we're ready.  It also means I want to be able to bike to BART (the train) to get to work. because I hate commuter traffic. After my last bike got stolen I never replaced it. Looks like I'll need to now.

 

 

 

[SevenofSeven]

Wow, big changes ahead! And Wow, that is a lot of money for rent! I thought it was high over here. We think Son1 paying AUD$310 a week was good. This is well below prices in the major cities though, where it can be as high as AUD$450 - $600 a week.

 

[Doe]

I went to Tap on Tuesday - always a guaranteed 10k+ on the fitbit.

Eating this week has been okay. Went out to eat last at Macaroni grill, resisted the urge to over eat and only had 1 beer.

Hoping tomorrow I'll make it to the gym

[Doe]

Well my challenge didn't go so well.  But I'm going to try again!
I been dealing with a lot of off and on depression lately. Partially bc I haven't had medical insurance since April 30.  But my insurance at my new job just started.

My weight was going back up, up, up.  My eating habits got all out of whack, too much comfort eating, not enough movement. For the past week I've been drinking meal replacement shakes for breakfast and/or dinner.  Because when you're depressed and live alone the fog only allows for two choices: junk/fast food  or a shake. I did the best I could. 

 

I'm not going to give up,ever. I'm going to get there!

 

 

[Doe]

Well let's get this out. My mom died September 23. At 62, she had health problems but it was unexpected. I don't really want to get into it now maybe later. Sundays and Mondays are tough. She died on a Sunday, we found out Monday.

What I do want to talk about losing this grief weight.

I'm still 5'3" now 288. The highest since my WLS. Yikes.

Two weeks ago I went to the gym for the first time since she died. Then I downloaded an app for 15 minutes daily of core exercises. Been doing that for a week.

Trying to get better at logging food, it's so hard.

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[Doe]

Yesterday took an odd turn. My boyfriend (same one from 2016) has gained probably 60lbs since we started dating in 2014. Up until recently I have been lighter.

He doesn't exercise, won't eat regular meals, it's a struggle to get him to make a sandwich. I invited him to to exercise with me. We did a 15 minute core routine, from an app. He had a rough time but got through it. Then he asked if I did it on purpose to make him look bad...[emoji19]

So things are awkward now. I'm trying to forge ahead on my own, maybe I'll inspire him.

Tomorrow I have coast guard auxiliary work, kitchen prep.

Food was okay today. Did good on protein but I need to get more protein snacks for the office.

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[Doe]

Tuesday was such a long day.

 

I couldn't fall asleep until 1am, unfortunate since I had to wake up at 630am. Got into another fight with my boyfriend, and out of the house by 7:30 am to make it to the Coast Guard site on time. I chopped so many onions but it was fun being back with the food service folks. Most in the Auxilary are retirees, I'm by far one of the youngest, especially young folks not going to the gold side (regular coast guard or reserves). In Food Services, the age difference isn't a big deal, except I get jealous at the financial opportunities they had versus me. Even then, it has opened me to opportunities, I got a semi-serious invitation to go to Africa - might be worth developing that relationship.  

My flotilla on the other hand, mostly dismisses me, which is only an issue at social gatherings, such as last night's holiday party. I had to bring decorations so I brought those, stayed around an hour and left. When the people I chat with left and before the gift exchange.

Food-wise, I didn't plan well. I should have brought lunch to the air station. Breakfast kept me so satisfied, whole wheat bread with cocoa hazelnut spread (not Nutella - 7g of sugar per serving not 20g). I had a lara bar and mini pack of trail mix during the day then went to In-n-out.  I know what some of West coast folk might be thinking "...and that was the end of a good food day".  But no! I managed enough discipline to have a Protein style double meat, single cheese with mustard instead of spread. 350 cals 28g protein. 

 

Insomnia plagued me again last night and I broke a promise too myself. Had an edible (I live in California, it's legal) that lead to some dried fruit munchies.  It might be a high thought but I realized last night I eat not just out of cravings but to stay grounded. At least I have enough self-awareness to not keep junk food in my house. 

 

This morning my period started but I still did the exercise from the app.The app is in the Google Play store as "Lose Belly Fat", but I changed the title on my phone so the icon reads " Daily Core". I'm trying to stay positive because when I start getting negative about my looks, I get depressed. When I'm depressed it's hard to be healthy.  Today's exercise:

 

• 30s jumping jacks
• 20s high stepping 
• Mountain climber (9 each leg, I have to do this modified)
• Bike crunches
• reverse crunches
• flutter kicks
• butt bridge
• it then repeates mountain climber - butt bridge
• then adds standing side bend, cobra stretch, and childs pose to wrap it up

I also did 25 bodyweight squats. It took about 15 minutes. 

 

This afternoon is my office's holiday happy hour, wish me luck

[Doe]

The happy hour went okay.  You ever waste your calories and regret it? Yea, that was me. Not on the alcohol, I stuck with vodka soda and split a maitai. It was the mediocre lobster salad sandwich. Lesson learned.

My boyfriend and I also went out for a drink, another vodka soda and I was done. Not tipsy, just satisfied.  All vices seem to make me hungry, drinking, maryjane, sex...at least the last one burns calories lol. Instead of giving into the temptation of the taco truck, I heated up two "egg muffins" with monterey jack cheese. 

Liquor included I stayed under 1500 calories. Only hit 76g of protein need to get better with that.
 

Been thinking about the January challenge, I couldn't actually do another Sailor Moon themed challenge - could I?  

[Doe]

Think my bf and I finally cleared the air. He's not only hung up on his weight but also on the fact that he can't keep up with me. He doesn't want to exercise with me which honestly is real petty. He doesn't want me to think less of him, I don't. But I'd think a lot more of him if he actually did more than being an hour late to jujitsu once a week and starving himself at night. He doesn't eat after 5pm, which I understand in theory but he usually stays up till midnight so it makes less sense to me. 

Went to the gym yesterday.

 

Did the 15 minute session in the app. 20 minutes of Cycling (3.74 miles), then some weights. 

I was so hungry after the gym, I ended up going to Wendy's for a baked potato and chilli. Ate half last night and half for breakfast. Yesterday stayed under 1500 calories.

 

The scale was glaring at me this morning.  I haven't weighed since Monday, I'd gotten into the bad habit(for me) of weighing everyday. Even when I weighed daily, I only log it weekly. I was trying to make it to Monday. All kinds of thoughts were going through my head, Aunt Flo is still here, you ate a bunch of salt last night, you haven't drank nearly enough water. It just number, you already feel better , quanitatively you lost 1.5 inches off your waist. Why are you doing this?

 

Cautiously I stepped on and it read: 280.9!  I was around 288 two weeks ago, 285.4 on Monday. Everybody around me has been telling me,, that 25lbs you gained is probably not all fat.  But when I felt it wouldn't budge, I was sure it was mostly fat. 

 

Looking back at my food diary, I've been drinking more water, drinking less, less edibles,  eating more vegetables and less of my sensitivities (dairy and corn). Aside from some HFCS likely in a mini snickers, I haven't had any corn. Corn does to me what wheat does to Instagram influencers.  And of course the exercise.
 

[Doe]

Monday is my official weigh day and I clocked in at 279.4. 
I'm trying to take progress pics....which I despise doing at this weight but "they' say it helps.

 

Last week's Coast Guard holiday party went well. It was hectic as most culinary events are.  My shining moment was when the commander of the air station, called each of us Auxilarists by name and gave us the station challenge coin. It's the first challenge coin given to me by a Commander! It's so nice to be appreciated.

 

Things keep going back and forth with my boyfriend and that affects my health. He's really depressed about his weight but the way he says things, it sounds like it's my weight he has problem with. Realistically, this doesn't make that much sense. I was fat the day of our first date. I'm maybe 5-10 lbs heavier than March 2014(our first date). But when you're already depressed (clinically and situational), your brain does funny things.  Sunday, I didn't eat well. I stayed under 1500 calories but 400 calories were vodka, another 200 went to the orange juice. I know that if I let my depression get the best of me and have days like that, I'll just end up binging and yo-yo. 
 

Monday, we went out to dinner at BJ's restaurant. I was so proud of myself for resisting their bevy of beers and creamy couscous mac and cheese and kept my meal under 500 calories.

Yesterday, I did the 15 minute app, I'm up to 45 seconds plank. Now I'm just getting bored, need some hype up plank music.