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CC's Quest for Consistency


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I'd say the first week was a success.  I was at a crossroads Friday that continued on through the weekend.  It began with the work picnic.  See, they had an ice cream truck there.  I don't care how old you are, but who doesn't have that little kid inside them that goes berzerker excited when they hear the twinkling music that says ice cream man is near?  Now, I probably could have resisted, I didn't want to.  So, I made an agreement with myself.  For this six week challenge, I will strive to be good but when I'm not, it will be ok, as long as I log.  So, I logged, and log I did.  I realized this is probably the first time in my life (including when I had success with weight watchers) that I've logged honestly for a week straight.  Feels good.  I think I've isolated my main problem with diet, I like to keep my head stuck in the sand.  No more, I say!  Weighed myself this morning, I was 3 lbs less than last week.  Now, I take that with a grain of salt because I could be carrying less water weight than a week ago. I am happy with it bc it's not the same and it's not a gain.  I'll be happy if next week it's the same or less.  

 

So, no yoga for the week.  I don't feel great about that, but it'll push me to make sure I do it this week.  Wednesday is the day.  I fell of a bit on cleaning the counters at night but they weren't really that bad and I did it in the morning.  I'll give myself half credit on those.  

 

I ran 4 x 300m sprints on Saturday morning.  Boy oh boy, did I hate it but, man, I loved the day after feeling.  I friend of mine went with me and that made a world of difference.  Even though, she was there to help me out, I pushed harder so she could get a solid workout in too.  (She could have easily been smoking me each time but was sweet and stayed with me.)  I've done this workout a handful of times over the past few years and always think, "It's such a good 20 min workout, I should do this more often."  But then I remember how much it sucks and am like, nah, I'm good, I just jog for 20.  

 

Week 1:

Q1: running (4/2) A

Q2: logging (7/7) A

Q3: yoga (0/1) F

LQ: clean counters (5.5/7) C

Overall: B (14.5/17- not counting the extra runs)

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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I count the logging thing as a major win! I definitely had ostrich syndrome with my diet for a long time but being honest means seeing results AND feeling good about my process. As for the ice cream...well we all have to live a little  ;) I admit I do still get excited when I hear that music too....  :lol:.

 

I feel the same way about running. I LOVE the way I feel after, I just struggle through the during part... Wondering if I'm in my head too much while i'm doing it.

 

Onto Week 2! We will conquer! :D

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level 21 magic cat druid, doodlie for life

sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something

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So, I'm kind of kicking myself for not being more honest with my logging coupled with not being too strict sooner.  In the past, it was always, well this is not on my diet, but I'm only gonna have a little.  (stick head in sand).  I've noticed that, though I haven't been great to sticking with the Paleo/whole foods diet, I have been making better decisions.  I know everyone says, before you eat it, ask yourself, are you really hungry.  Most of the time the answer is no, but then I obsess over the pretzel/chocolate/fruit snacks that I know is in the pantry.  Sometimes I win the battle of wills, sometimes I don't.  Those are the nights I'm just tired and those nine little pieces of fruit flavored sugar will bring some sort of zen happiness and I can carry on with, you know, relaxing.  Sounds ridiculous, I know.  All that to say, willpower has been less heavy handed these days.  She says, "ok, go ahead eat those fruit snacks.  I'm not gonna make you feel bad about it, just make sure you log it."  I think about it, put it in my fitness pal and think,  "Ok, it's not terrible. I'll have the fruit snacks, skip the pretzels, peanut butter, and second pack of fruit snacks, and just drink water for the rest of the night if you feel you gotta 'do' something." So instead of battles, my nights are filled with civil negotiations.  Somewhat less stressful.  Perhaps at the end of the 6 weeks, we can come to an agreement and I can just relax before bedtime.  Seriously though, I really didn't know it was this bad.  I think we've isolated the problem and that's a good thing.

 

Recap of yesterday:

CrossFit 5:30am.  I really really wanted to be easy on myself.  But we did heavy clean and jerks and I couldn't help myself.  I did 5 x 1 of 125#.  We're going for 1 rep maxes next week and I've been stuck at 155# for almost a year.  I know, I know.  I've said I don't like doing 1 rep max, but for C+J I do.  Plus, the worst that happens when I go heavy is my traps get sore.  I have my fit test on Thursday, I don't think it'll affect it too much.  The met-con was: row 500 m, 30 deadlift @ 95#, 30 clean @ 75#, 30 push press @ 55#, 50 double unders.  Man, those double unders were not happening.  I'm gonna break down and buy my own rope because the ones they have at the gym are hit and miss.  Afterward, I went  to the track and just ran an easy 20 min.  Let me tell you, just because I wasn't running as fast as I could, does not mean it was easy.  Anything that's not walking seems difficult.  I'm glad my goal was time and not distance because I would have stopped to walk.  I don't know what it is with me lately but I'm struggling with running more than ever (not including after I had my babies, that doesn't count).  But I'm working on it, and that makes me happy.  

 

I'm logging, making better decisions.  I like being more mindful about what I'm eating.  I noticed that I have to be better about spacing my calories, specifically, the kind of calories.  It's kind of like pacing for a workout.  I like to strategize, so if I come up with a good plan, maybe I'll actually stick to it.  Last week, I didn't feel totally consumed by the desire to eat the best sandwich ever because an hour before I had a protein filled snack.  So, lesson is, if I'm not ravenously hungry, I make better decisions.  Maybe?  

 

Day 1, Week 2:

Q1: running (1/2) 

Q2: logging (1/7) 

Q3: yoga (0/1) 

LQ: clean counters (1/7) 

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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This is especially true for me when grocery shopping. B)

Oh I know.  There are moments, when I just think, "I want all of the food!"  Sometimes, all of the food is beef jerky.  Ok, that's fine, not too bad.  Sometimes it's at a delicious restaurant or a grocery store where they have garlic bread potato chips and knock off girl scout samaos.  Dangerous times, my friends.  It's a serious battle of wills.  I normally don't give in, but I'd rather not fight to begin with.  Make love not war, and all that.  

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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seems like a tough workout. i seem to relate so much to what you're going through with your food battles. it's most difficult for me when i'm running around with a friend or something because he/she/they want a specific place but then won't want to go because i'm with them, then i feel guilty, etc. anyway, my point was(is) you are doing fantastic. keep it up. 

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LEVEL: 7 Furyan Ranger - Battle Log - in lieu of this challenge

don't look back, we aren't going that way:

Rebirth - Wrestlemania Dark Raider vs KZacher

From Tartarus with Love - Wrath of the Furyan - it's a secret! - FIGHT! - You can go your own way - The Rational Gaze - Rise from Death to Knife this Beast(part 3-the agony) - Demonized(part 2) -  By Demons Be Driven(part 1) -

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Day 1, Week 2:


Q1: running (1/2) 


Q2: logging (2/7) 


Q3: yoga (0/1) 


LQ: clean counters (2/7) 


 


No running or yoga yesterday.  CrossFit in the morning.  I skipped the backsquats.  I did lunges and push-ups instead.  For a while, I've maintained a theory that there is a direct corrollary between ability to run distance fast and do lunges. I was pretty pleased that I was motoring along doing my lunges.  The pus-ups felt really good too.  Workout was pull-ups, dips, handstand push ups, kettle bell swings, and wall balls.  Nothing terribly heavy, except my bodyweight (ha!).  I did 2 minutes of sit-ups afterward.  I was at 33 at the 1 minute mark which made me feel good.  I just have to get 25 tomorrow (Thursday).  I'm stressing way too much about this fit test.  It doesn't even matter.  All that matters is I do it, I don't have to do well.  I've been toying with writing a post about why I (and many women) are so obsessive when it comes to the way the world perceives our body composition.  It's a big reason why a wave of anxiety floods over me when I think about it.  It all goes back to a few people who will say to each other, "she'd do better on [x] if she'd just lose weight..." It's so simple, right?

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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I did my 6 x 400m this morning after crossfit.  I was a little limited on time but I took your (Xena's) suggestions to heart.  I did a warm up 400 faster than I'd normally warm up but still comfortable (2:37).  I did some leg swings, runner's stretch, calf and quad stretches.  Less stretching than I normally would mainly because I was limbered up at crossfit.  Tried to have the mindset of doing the 400's like I want when I run the 1.5 mile but just a bit faster.  For the next 5, I ran 400m, walked 100m.  Times were 2:22, 2:22, 2:30, 2:24, and 2:21.  Those last two laps got tough, especially the final one.  I was happy it was difficult because it allowed me to feel how I want to when I run it for time and know I could push through.  I felt like I was running so slow that last lap.  I wasn't concerned about time I just wanted to push.

 

I agree...it is great if you are doing the running after crossfit...you are alrealdy pretty well warmed up. Makes very good sense. Your splits look really solid...great that you were able to hang tough for the last couple. I find the track to be completely weird- when you are tired and working hard it feels like you couldn't possibly keep going, but even if you slow down, the time is almost the same. You gotta just tough it out sometimes (like you did). Great job!

 

I don't know what it is about rest days but I feel like I want to eat everything in sight.  Worst part is, I'm not hungry.

 

I would say the only thing worse than a rest day is a taper week. I get antsy and fidgets, imagine phantom injuries, and have hard time not eating everything. I don't have any good advice..

 

 I'm stressing way too much about this fit test.  It doesn't even matter.  All that matters is I do it, I don't have to do well.  I've been toying with writing a post about why I (and many women) are so obsessive when it comes to the way the world perceives our body composition.  It's a big reason why a wave of anxiety floods over me when I think about it.  It all goes back to a few people who will say to each other, "she'd do better on [x] if she'd just lose weight..." It's so simple, right?

 

This is definitely a good place to talk about these kinds of issues. My personal soapbox, is that it's fine and normal to feel insecure or anxious, but to the best of your ability, try not to let it stop you from doing things you want to do. As much as you can, believe the best in people. The vast majority of people are (1) focused on their own performance (or worried about their own appearance) and not really noticing other people and (2) are genuinely supportive of others and just want them to do well.

 

I don't know...what would you think if you saw a person who had never exercised before, was extremely heavy, was elderly, or was disabled and was working really hard out in the gym trying to get stronger and faster. I'm usually impressed by anyone who seems to be working hard, regardless of their body type or level of performance. That's why I love this reebok video so much...ok the people happen to be fit, but what I love is their fierceness. I want to be that lady running up the hill in the rain. It's awesome!

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Xena, Level 14+ Valkyrie Ranger

January 2017  December 2016

Oct/Nov 2016

 

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Would love to hear the thoughts that you mentioned in your post yesterday. This is a safe space to share our struggles and getting them out in the open may help free you from them. I'm always here to talk if you need it. Just know that you are doing great things, I am always impressed by your effort and dedication. Hugs and lots of love :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:

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level 21 magic cat druid, doodlie for life

sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something

past challenges: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 Current

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This is definitely a good place to talk about these kinds of issues. My personal soapbox, is that it's fine and normal to feel insecure or anxious, but to the best of your ability, try not to let it stop you from doing things you want to do. As much as you can, believe the best in people. The vast majority of people are (1) focused on their own performance (or worried about their own appearance) and not really noticing other people and (2) are genuinely supportive of others and just want them to do well.

 

I don't know...what would you think if you saw a person who had never exercised before, was extremely heavy, was elderly, or was disabled and was working really hard out in the gym trying to get stronger and faster. I'm usually impressed by anyone who seems to be working hard, regardless of their body type or level of performance. That's why I love this reebok video so much...ok the people happen to be fit, but what I love is their fierceness. I want to be that lady running up the hill in the rain. It's awesome!

 

 

Would love to hear the thoughts that you mentioned in your post yesterday. This is a safe space to share our struggles and getting them out in the open may help free you from them. I'm always here to talk if you need it. Just know that you are doing great things, I am always impressed by your effort and dedication. Hugs and lots of love :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:  :love_heart:

Thanks for the support guys!  

 

My fit test was this morning and I am on cloud 9 because it's done.... until next year but I'm not gonna focus on that now.  I will share my thoughts on the matter of perceived fitness versus actual fitness and how women are judged on their appearance 90% of the time (versus performance), but today is not that day.  

 

Yesterday, I got my yoga in.  Again, realized I need to do it more.  Much tighter overall in my back than I used to be.  I could see it being incredibly beneficial. And thus, why I set it as a goal.

 

Ok, so the fit test.  I had to pass the fit test 3 times to get my job.  It was a much stricter scale then.  Now, I just have to be above 40% for my age group as they've set it.  First test, sit-ups.  I needed 25 in a minute to get 40%.  They felt great, I did 37 and probably could have done more.  83%  Next test, 300m sprint.  My adrenaline was going for this.  I hate this sprint.  I do decent enough, I just hate doing it.  I was having a pavlovian-like response before hand.  My nerves were off the chart and for no reason.  Don't know if I mentioned it, but this was a baseline test, so if I got 0% on everything, it would make no difference.  But it's in my nature to always try my best and sometimes, in a weird way, that can be destructive.  I finished in 68 seconds- 70%  Then max push-ups.  I needed 11, I did 20.  I felt I short changed myself because I maybe could have knocked out a few more.  Next time.  77%  Last, the 1.5 mile run.  This has never been my strong suit, not after children.  When I was in my best shape 5 years ago, I ran it 13:08.  A week ago, I ran it in 16:48.  For 40%, I needed 15:56.  I did it in 16:10.  37%.  Average score: 67% 

 

I'm sure I could have shaved 15 seconds somewhere.  Oh well.  I'm thrilled that it's completed.  One of our fit instructors was very encouraging after.  She told me I did great on the test and the way I finished the 1.5 mile (I sprinted the last 100m) I could have done it faster, so I should feel good about it.  Besides, my long term goal is to complete a 5k in under 30, so I should easily be able to do 1.5 in under 15 minutes.  Not necessarily the success I would have hoped for, but I still feel good about it.

 

A few of us went to breakfast afterward.  I was not hungry at all and ended up splitting an omelet with a coworker.  I know full well this evening the hunger monster is gonna strike.  Or tomorrow.  Right now, I feel too wiped out to eat.  

 

I'll be back at crossfit tomorrow.  Gonna do some heavy front squats and love it.  

 

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and support!  

 

Oh, and...

 

Day 3, Week 2 Recap:

Q1: running (1/2) 

Q2: logging (3/7) 

Q3: yoga (1/1) 

LQ: clean counters (3/7) 

  • Like 4

CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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Congrats on getting through the fit test!  It's always great to have objective measurements of your performance capabilities--it makes it easier to determine progress.

 

I completely sympathize with not wanting to eat after a lot of exertion, but I'd recommend trying to get a little something down just to keep your body from going totally ballistic later on.  In the past I've been found surrounded by wrappers and sobbing under the table while clutching an empty box of gummy snacks after a post-tournament binge of every ready-to-eat food item in the house. ;)

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He has showed you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of

you but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?

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Congrats on getting through the fit test!  It's always great to have objective measurements of your performance capabilities--it makes it easier to determine progress.

 

I completely sympathize with not wanting to eat after a lot of exertion, but I'd recommend trying to get a little something down just to keep your body from going totally ballistic later on.  In the past I've been found surrounded by wrappers and sobbing under the table while clutching an empty box of gummy snacks after a post-tournament binge of every ready-to-eat food item in the house. ;)

hahaha!  Aw, I could completely related to that!

CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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way to go on the test. sounds like you did pretty awesome even if you weren't satisfied with your performance. if you're anything like me, i'm never satisfied with my performance. 

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LEVEL: 7 Furyan Ranger - Battle Log - in lieu of this challenge

don't look back, we aren't going that way:

Rebirth - Wrestlemania Dark Raider vs KZacher

From Tartarus with Love - Wrath of the Furyan - it's a secret! - FIGHT! - You can go your own way - The Rational Gaze - Rise from Death to Knife this Beast(part 3-the agony) - Demonized(part 2) -  By Demons Be Driven(part 1) -

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Awesome job on the Fit test. I guarantee I couldn't beat your 1.5m time, especially at the end of the test like that.

Thank you!  I don't think it should be too tough to shave 10-20 seconds off.  It's the shaving the minute off that's gonna take some work.  *sigh*

 

way to go on the test. sounds like you did pretty awesome even if you weren't satisfied with your performance. if you're anything like me, i'm never satisfied with my performance. 

Yes, definitely.  I have been such a head case about this test for years that I was so relieved to just completed it, it overrode the usual voice in my head that whines, "you know you could have done better."

 

Congrats on your fit test! Great work! Last time I tried to time myself in a mile, I completely crashed out and had to walk part of the second half. It's really hard to get the pacing right. The interval training you've been doing is the perfect thing to build speed.

That makes me feel better because you're a pretty awesome runner.  I was thinking that when I got to the half way point, I feel ok, but if I run harder, will I have enough to finish the rest?  I'm gonna keep it up on the intervals.

 

Thank you so much to everyone for the kind words of support!  

 

With the fit test, I completed my second run for the week (2/2), I got my yoga in (1/1), and been logging my food anytime it crosses my lips.  So, as long as I keep up with the counters, we're looking at good week.  

 

Week 2, Day 4 recap:

Q1: running (2/2) 

Q2: logging (4/7) 

Q3: yoga (1/1) 

LQ: clean counters (4/7) 

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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You did awesome! Sounds like you're having a really successful week! Awesome job on the fit test, I was out of breath just reading that  ;).  And you had Crossfit today too right? You are one seriously amazing lady *bows down* :D  :D

level 21 magic cat druid, doodlie for life

sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something

past challenges: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 Current

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Week 2 recap:

Q1: running (2/2) 

Q2: logging (7/7) 

Q3: yoga (1/1) 

LQ: clean counters (7/7) 

 

Full disclosure: two weeks ago I hired a cleaning crew (they were MUCH less expensive than I ever would have thought) to come clean my house every two weeks.  That makes keeping my counters and the house in general much easier.  I kind of feel like it's cheating and had to confess.

 

I have found that logging my food is the most difficult Friday and Saturday evenings.  Or just nights that I go out to dinner and/or have a bottle of beer or a glass of wine.  The dinners because it's difficult to log if the restaurant is not in myfitnesspal database and the beer/wine because I forget and/or don't want to cop to it.  But I've been doing it and eventhough I've given myself complete immunity from staying within my caloric limit, I find myself being more moderate because I see it in black and white (or red, as it is when I go over).  I forgot to weigh myself today to see if I stayed down this week but I suspect I have.

 

 

You did awesome! Sounds like you're having a really successful week! Awesome job on the fit test, I was out of breath just reading that  ;).  And you had Crossfit today too right? You are one seriously amazing lady *bows down* :D  :D

Thank you always for the encouragement!  Makes my day.  Yes, I did do CrossFit on Friday morning.  I had so much fun with it mainly because I didn't have the fit test looming over my head.  And the workout included burpees!  Yes, I said "fun!"

 

Saturday I de-weeded my landscaping.  Or that was the goal.  I hate weeding.  I haven't done it in almost a year AND it showed.  So, I only got through a small portion because many of the weeds were trees.  Which probably would have been easier if it was the majority.  The majority was sporadic clovers that I never seemed to get out by the root which drive me bananas.  Next weekend, my goal is to get the rest of it and lay mulch down to prevent from getting worse.  I was WAY too meticulous last weekend.  Which is ridiculous because 1) we're moving in a few months, so I'm not planting anything, just making it look less heinous and 2) we rent the house, so it's not like we have to get it ready to sell.  

 

Sunday was sleep day.  You would have thought it was mother's day the way I slept in.  10 hours of glorious sleep.  The joys of having children who can (relatively) entertain themselves.

 

Today we maxed out on clean and jerk.  I got 160# which is a 5# PR.  I'm pretty happy about that.  Afterward, we did some toes 2 bar, ring dips (with a band, for me), double unders, strict pull ups (also with band), and rowed, all at a leisurely pace until 6:30 hit.  I went to the track after and did a 20 minute easy jog.  I tried to pick up the pace on the straightaways and recover on the curves.  Made the time go by faster.  Also made me realize that my issue isn't in my lungs but in my leg muscles.  I stretched some before, but my left hamstring felt tight and was limiting.  I will keep that in mind for next time.  Last Monday, I did 20 min easy which = 1.70 miles, today 1.72.  I will take 0.02 increase.  Still progress, right?

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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Here come my thoughts on why it is a feat for any woman to not be completely neurotic about her weight/appearance...

 

I started writing about this on Friday and didn't like how it was coming out.  I was all over the place.  I got up and started interacting with my coworkers.  As I've mentioned above, many of us took a fit test on Thursday.  As the day wore on, I was starting to feel it in my oblique muscles.  I walked up to two of my coworkers who were chit-chatting.  "Sarah" had taken the fit test with me but "Charlie" had yet to take it.  I asked Sarah if she was feeling sore from yesterday.  We all love to commiserate, right?  Let me take a moment to describe Sarah: she works out every morning, she's very active, she's fit but very thin, she often shops in the kids section because the women's section doesn't always have size 0 or xxs. Let me describe me: I work out (almost) every morning, I'm very active, I'm fit but obese, often wear pants that are ill-fitting because there are not many stylish options in size 16.  Let me also say, other than the 1.5 mile, which she smoked me on, Sarah and I had very similar scores.  Sarah says, no, she wasn't sore.  Charlie says, of course she's not sore and makes a gesture up and down her body.  I looked at him like, what the hell do you mean by that?  Charlie proceeds to say, she works out all the time.  I counter very quickly with, so do I, what's your point.  (Can you tell Charlie hit a button?) He says, she rides her bike all the time over the weekend.  Me, "yeah, I do CrossFit 5 days a week."  Silence.  The silence that said, yes, but look at her and look at you, who wouldn't think she was in better shape.  Cue head explosion.

 

Now, the above situation is likely not limited to women but let me get into a measureable impact.  Sarah and I have been working together for about a year.  This work was split 60% me/ 40% Sarah, easily measured and obvious to supervisors.  The difference mainly because she has more time on than me, and that's just how it goes.  Sarah and I recently got a monetary award for our work.  I got 80% of what Sarah received.  I'm sure the fact she has more time on than me accounts for the discrepancy but I don't think that's entirely it.  I think, all things held the same, if we were men, we would have gotten equal amounts (probably higher total than what we received).    Let me tell you why it's not all in my head...

 

When I was in training for my job, I was pulled aside by my supervisor.  She told me, she and other instructors, noticed I was gaining weight, at a time many of my counterparts were losing.  She said verbatim, "You may as well buy a size 60 belt now."  She proceeded to say that she felt I would do an excellent job and would have a great career ahead of me but she was afraid others would judge me by my appearance and I'd be overlooked.  Unnecessary as the whole talk was, she was coming from a place of concern.  She had been in the same job for 20 years that I was about to start and she knew how it was.  

 

What many people who have never had a problem with weight often fail to realize, it's not as simple as deciding to lose weight.  Trust me, I think I speak for everyone who has ever struggled with weight, if it were that simple, we would not be overweight!  It's not that we just can't stop stuffing our faces and refuse to exercise.  We all have different metabolisms, our bodies react differently to the same foods.  But in the end, that doesn't matter, no one wants to hear an argument.  They want to look at me and all women and be attracted.  I don't necessarily mean sexual, just pleasing to the eye and ability to attract people to you.  I'm sure it impacts both genders, but to much greater extent women.  It so hard to put a objective, specifically trackable data set to prove my point.  All I can speak to are my experiences.  I don't need to prove it in a court of law to know that it exists, I've seen it, I've experienced it, I live it and try to fight it on a daily basis.  

 

I do think there are ways to combat it without changing how you look at all.  Confidence.  While there is a certain objectivity to attractiveness, there's a lot to be said for the "x" factor.  Charisma, as it were.  I think the root of it is in confidence.  I'm sure we can all think of one person whose outward package looks amazing but they seep with insecurities and that's a giant turn off.  To the other end, the person you meet who initially doesn't seem all that remarkable on the surface but you get to know him/her and their attractiveness skyrockets to the point you can't remember them as anything other than gorgeous.  All is not lost if you're not stick thin!

 

All this to say, I'm frustrated but hopeful.   I'm working on loving me in the size and shape I am at the moment.  I work out because I love how I feel when I do.  Of course, I'd love to lose weight and size in the process but I'd still do it even if I didn't.  I think biases are so ingrained in us that I can't even concern myself with combatting them.  I just need my confidence and charisma to outweigh my actual weight and I have to be ok with that.

 

Thanks for reading.

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CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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WOW WOW WOW. Thank you for both of your very insightful posts this morning! There is so much I want to respond to: 

 

1. Hiring someone to clean the counters or your house for you is not cheating if you have the money to do so, it's just another way to prioritise how you spend your time

 

2. Logging keeps me honest and mindful about my food choices too. It's amazing how it stops me from mindless eating, or at least makes it less mindless. 

 

3. I'm really happy to know my encouragement helps. :)

 

4. You are amazing! :D

 

5. Awesome PR!

 

6. Progress is progress no matter how small the increment. Without our judgment of quantity or quality it would only be progress. And that is what it is  :)

 

7.Your post about how women are judged by their appearance is just as amazing as I thought it would be. It's crazy and sad how ingrained societal standards about a woman's appearance are. I agree that the root of Charisma is confidence and sometimes we have to remember that other people's judgement is not our spiritual burden to bear; we cannot be responsible for what others think of us. It is hard to let go of that when you're an empathetic person and care about/are compassionate towards other but it can also be very freeing. It sounds like you are well on your way. 

 

8. You are an amazing person, I have so much respect and admiration for you.  :wub:

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level 21 magic cat druid, doodlie for life

sucking at something is the first step to being sort of good at something

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WOW WOW WOW. Thank you for both of your very insightful posts this morning! There is so much I want to respond to: 

 

1. Hiring someone to clean the counters or your house for you is not cheating if you have the money to do so, it's just another way to prioritise how you spend your time

 

2. Logging keeps me honest and mindful about my food choices too. It's amazing how it stops me from mindless eating, or at least makes it less mindless. 

 

3. I'm really happy to know my encouragement helps. :)

 

4. You are amazing! :D

 

5. Awesome PR!

 

6. Progress is progress no matter how small the increment. Without our judgment of quantity or quality it would only be progress. And that is what it is  :)

 

7.Your post about how women are judged by their appearance is just as amazing as I thought it would be. It's crazy and sad how ingrained societal standards about a woman's appearance are. I agree that the root of Charisma is confidence and sometimes we have to remember that other people's judgement is not our spiritual burden to bear; we cannot be responsible for what others think of us. It is hard to let go of that when you're an empathetic person and care about/are compassionate towards other but it can also be very freeing. It sounds like you are well on your way. 

 

8. You are an amazing person, I have so much respect and admiration for you.  :wub:

Thank you! You are always so thoughtful!  :wub:

  • Like 1

CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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Was offline yesterday.  Ran Monday, just crossfit on Tuesday. Been loggin' and and cleanin'.  Yoga tomorrow, I really need it.  I'd do it tonight but I know me well enough to know I'm gonna lounge on the couch and goof around with my kids.

 

Week 3, Day 2 Recap:

Q1: running (1/2) 

Q2: logging (2/7) 

Q3: yoga (0/1) 

LQ: clean counters (2/7)

 

 

Guess what day it is....?

  • Like 3

CC


Level 3 Ranger


 STR 2.5 | STA 4.1 | DEX 2.25 | CON 7.6 | WIS 7.4 | CHA 2.03


 


Current Challenge: on hiatus


Previous Challenges: Ranger June 8-July 19, 2015Recruit April 13-May 25, 2015


 


"The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is hard to verify their authenticity"


-Abraham Lincoln

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