Cledbo's back, baby

[Cledbo]

That meme should really say "I'm back, WITH a baby."

 

OMG seriously. 11 weeks ago I pushed a human life out of my vajayjay, and nothing will ever be the same - my body is no exception! I'm starting to feel less like a truck hit me and I've been cleared for exercise by my GP (the icky cold I have this week not withstanding), so therefore horse-getting-back-on-ness is occuring right...NOW.

 

Major Goal

Get back to a comfortable level of fitness, including flexibility, strength, and balance, by building daily habits

 

For this challenge, this equates to EASING back into the fitness game, kind of like gingerly and gradually getting into a pool of cool water (as opposed to jumping in head first!) Almost all my goals involve a build-up, rather than trying to set a high-ish bar to start with that I would likely fail to reach in week 1. Captain Sensible is in the house!

 

Goal 1: Walk every day

 

I've already been trying to do this since Bubbalicious was born (ok, about 10 days post-partum, but hey that's still pretty early) and have determined that a reasonable goal is 5000 steps per day as a minimum, aiming for 10,000 per day by the last week of the challenge. Ye olde FitBit is my measuring buddy as usual.

 

Goal 2: Gold Medal Bodies Floor 1 program

 

I've also already started this program, am loving it but find it very challenging to get through a whole session without being interrupted by a feeding, or a changing, or just a general "I'm a baby, hug me" moment from bubs. This is ok, it's the perfect program from that perspective because I can come back halfway through and just do a short warm-up to jump back in.

 

This week bubba has been sick so I haven't done any sessions, not even the warm-up/cool down only (in fact, she's sleeping on me right now - this is why I have so many TV shows saved on my DVR right now), but once she gets better it should be (slightly) easier. The program is about 13 weeks, I think, and I'm technically halfway through Week 3 (despite having started 4 weeks ago) so this goal will stretch over 2-3 challenges.

 

The goal is to AIM to do a session a day, as per the actual program, but I'm OK with only getting through the warm up and 2 stretches if that's all I can fit in.

 

Goal 3: Modern meditation for the busy Mum

 

Finding big chunks of time to myself is impossible. Even with my partner usually working from home (he's overseas for a week, which is pretty balls because both me and baby girl are ill - boo!) and my mum visiting for a week out of every three (she lives interstate) I'm still lucky to have time to sleep, eat and shower properly most days.

 

I've committed to a super-quick twice daily breathing practice called 4-7-8, where you breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 7 then breathe out with a 'whoosh' sound for 8 counts. You only need to do it 4-8 times, in the morning and evening ideally but really any time is fine, I'm going to keep doing this (I even set up reminders in my phone so I don't forget).

 

As this is a challenge, and frankly being a new parent is super stressful sometimes, I'm also going to aim to do one 10 min meditation per week. It would be great if I could do one a day, but yeah that ain't gonna happen - even while BG is sleeping, I'm either doing housework, eating, showering, sleeping, or she wakes up. Taking time to get through one 10 minute meditation a week will be huge. If I can do more, then great, but right now I'm doing none!

 

 

I thought about a nutrition goal, given that it's 80% of weight loss, but considering how hard it is to feed myself when I'm alone, I think it would be a step too far. I'm not bingeing on sweets or soft drink or anything, I'm only 6kg off my pre-pregnancy happy-weight (and only 3kg off my usual plateau weight, when I'm not really paying attention), and frankly I do see breastfeeding as a decent excuse to eat whatever. It's working so far, so no food goal unless I start putting weight back on.

 

In amongst all of this, I'm looking after my beautiful baby, which is fun, hard, boring, adorable, and a hundred other things each day

[Elastigirl]

Congrats on the new little one and welcome back. I love the GMB F1 program! Looking forward to your challenge.

[Phayze]

Congrats! And welcome back! ^^

That meme should really say "I'm back, WITH a baby."

OMG seriously. 11 weeks ago I pushed a human life out of my vajayjay, and nothing will ever be the same - my body is no exception!

Okay, we'll I don't actually have a vajayjay for my son to have come out of, but I can totally relate to your situation as much as any guy can! Baby steps, Clem! (No pun intended...)

[Cledbo]

T minus one night

Well I'm not exactly optimistic about fitting in my GMB training at this point, given it's been over a week since my last session. From tomorrow I'm going to try morning, because afternoons are one long period of having a baby on me, with max 15 min of play or sleep time for me to get things done - not long enough for a workout!

This whole thing is a learning process, so my challenge will likely be full of trial and error. And possibly some honest stories which may put others off having children, but hopefully not too much ;-)

Went for a walk, didn't make 5k steps but it was bloody freezing too. My partner is back from overseas on Tue night so it should be easier from then to fit in my two fitness goals.

Looking forward to following everyone else's challenges too

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[Cledbo]

Challenge week 1, day 1

It's 5:30pm on day 1, and so far so good!

Walking: smashed it. Walked to the further-away shops with bubbalicious for lunch, did over 10k steps I think. I did discover yesterday though that my fitbit counts steps when I'm bouncing the baby to get her to burp or go to sleep, so it's not going to be 100% accurate! For my purposes it's fine though.

GMB: done! Did my session this morning with bubby girl playing on her mat. I had my morning housework, breakfast, baby feed and nap AND this session done by 11am, super happy.

I won't be able to do the same tomorrow as we've got our first mums and babies group at 10, so walking will be first. Tomorrow's session is only warm up and stretch though so I should fit it in easy.

Meditate: I think I remembered to breathe this morning, it's hard to recall as I was awake a few times last night. Right now I'm lying in bed next to my gorgeous little munchkin alternately doing mindful breathing and thinking about furniture rearrangement when my partner gets back this week ;-)

I also managed to pre-cook some mince to make a shepherd's pie tomorrow, and sorted out a leave application kerfuffle with work (the system said I was due to return next Monday, but I'm not going back till January! It's all fixed now thankfully).

To cap it off, last Friday I got word that my application for promotion was successful, and so I told my supervisor today when I called about the leave thing. So happy with that, especially given it came on a day I was feeling like utter shit with a cold too.

Back to the mindfulness, and listen to my baby snore softly next to me :-) sometimes motherhood is very pleasant indeed.

[Wolverine]

Parenthood is all about flexibility.  I wish I was a faster learner.

 

Congrats on the promotion!!

[Cledbo]

Parenthood is all about flexibility. I wish I was a faster learner.

Congrats on the promotion!!

Thanks! And yes, very true - babies definitely make their own schedules

So day 2!

Walking: did same walk as greatest, so clocked over 10k steps. Today it was to go to first time parents group, which was very nice and will be even better when I'm 100% well and can hear properly (Damn sinuses!)

GMB: as mentioned, today was a short one so yes I fit it in, but still didn't manage to do it all at once! Babies, schedules, etc :-)

Meditate: morning breathing was really hard because I couldn't breathe through my nose. This afternoon/evening I had a bit of time, waiting for bubs to wake up, and I chose to watch some of the lecture videos from the coursera.org course I'm doing (called What Managers Can Learn From Philosophy) because I haven't looked for ages. Last night I bought and downloaded the first volume of Harley Quinn comics too, which while not exactly meditation, is certainly relaxing!

I will do my evening breathing before bed, now I can breathe through my nose again. I think tomorrow will be my first full meditation session day, as I have a rest day in GMB and nothing else on my plate as yet.

Off to multitask again (which for me means watch tv while feeding my baby, and occasionally checking Facebook haha)

[Cledbo]

Day 3, i.e. Yesterday, went partially to plan.

I only walked back 2,800 steps because I decided to go into army reserves, and even with the back and forth across the depot I didn't walk too much. Could've gone to the shops to make up the difference, but didn't.

Rest day from GMB, and did my little breathing exercises plus had a nap in the afternoon. That combined with just the episode of Downton Abbey that I wanted to watch, made for a pleasant evening.

Today has been more of a bust. I chose having a shower over doing a workout (yes, being a new mum means making choices like that, which is ever so annoying), and sat watching TV for over two hours while baby napped on me. The risk of waking her was too high to consider moving her, especially as we're hopefully going to the drive-in tonight to see Ant Man (therefore needing her to be in as good a mood as possible).

So no GMB as yet, and given that it's 4:30pm and we're leaving in an hour for the movies, I think today will be a miss.

It's also blowing an absolute gale outside, and is damn freezing, so no walking either. Current step count: just over a thousand. Fail!

At least my nose is mostly clear, though my cold appears to have mutated and given me a sore throat now. Being sick is the pits. I can't wait for my mum to get here on Sun and take care of things so I can hopefully get some better sleep!

On the plus side, my dear partner went to the supermarket, got us lunch, and moved some heavy furniture around in the bedroom so the baby's cot fits properly now. He also took bubba and I got to eat breakfast all on my own. It was nice. I want to do it more often.

[Batwoman]

 

Good to see you around. Congrats on the little one.

 

Also... breathing practice... I need that too. Good idea.

[Cledbo]

Today has been a super hard depressing day. I don't know why, ready, because baby girl slept for nearly seven hours and was in such a happy mood when she woke up.

I woke at 5:15 with awful stomach pains, relieved by a lengthy bathroom trip (tmi? Ah well, it's my thread) I think caused by too many throat lozenges last night. Went back to sleep though.

It all started going downhill when I was trying to get her to go to sleep later in the morning. I think the "advice" from the parents group I went to on Tue has actually stressed me out more, the facilitator said babies should be awake no more than 2 hours, and you shouldn't rock or bounce them to sleep. It was 2.5 hours that I started getting annoyed, and 3 hours when i got really pissed and left the room. My partner went in to have a try while I stood around feeling like a failure - again. This is getting to be a common thing for me, I feel angry at bub but really I'm mad at myself - for not knowing what she wants our how to fix it, or for feeling resentful, regretting having her, ashamed that I feel like that etc. It's pretty bad sometimes, and I'm just so tired and unwell at the moment that it's hard to pull myself out of it and be a parent 24 hours a day.

I also feel guilty as Hell for feeling overwhelmed at all, because of course I compare myself to other mothers, and heaps have it way worse than I do. We really have a sweet, happy baby who is developing totally normally, I have no trouble breastfeeding, she sleeps well and hardly cries for no (discernable) reason. I feel like a double failure for having such a low tolerance for her crying, like if I can't figure it out within a minute or so I just start losing it, and if she's still grumpy 10 mins later I can barely take it any more - how unbelievably lame is that?

Anyway sorry to rant and moan. I don't frequent any parenting message boards because my problems barely qualify as real to anyone but myself and the poor saps who have to live with me. I think I need to get some professional counseling or something, because all Google searching tells me is that yes she's normal, and I'm doing a good job. That's great except I still feel like shit, and don't know how to make it stop.

Managed my walking goal today because it was how I got baby to go to sleep. Nice time to think and get some vitamin D, though I crashed into negativity again upon coming home when she woke up as soon as we got in the door and I couldn't eat lunch for ages. I'm so glad my partner is around to help, though his good natured teasing was not helping at all, and I told him so. He sent me off to bed, where I didn't sleep at all and instead lay around feeling sorry for myself and how much I suck - great day, huh?

Did my breathing, and again while not-sleeping this afternoon. No GMB, who has the time for that much self-directed energy? Ugh I am so over this. People who have kids, I salute you for not just walking out the door and hitchhiking to a new life. People who don't, don't let this scare you off, as much of it is probably just me and my inability to be grateful and responsible for the gorgeous creature I chose to bring into this world.

tl;dr I think I might be depressed. Time to go call a psychologist.

[Elastigirl]

Hugs, sorry. It is hard to adjust to being in charge of a little life that is unable to tell you what she wants. 

[Cledbo]

Hugs, sorry. It is hard to adjust to being in charge of a little life that is unable to tell you what she wants.

Too right, thanks EG.

Yesterday was better. Didn't walk or do GMB, but did get some sleep and had friends over for game day (pathfinder table top rpg, like dungeons and dragons). Baby girl was acting as she always does, what was different was of course my attitude towards it.

I figured out one thing for sure, which is nuts to all the sleep "advice" from that class and the booklet they referenced. Bubba had one big morning nap, followed by lots of small ones, right through to around 11pm where she has slept right through - it's now 7am, and I'm only awake because my boobs were sore (I hand-expressed a little, which helps the pain, and remind myself that it truly is better to have too much milk rather than too little!) Long story short, she has zero problem with sleeping at night, and I like feeding her to sleep, so screw that "advice", we're happy.

That's probably by far the hardest thing about parenting, apart from the lack of sleep - working out what works for your family, and what bits of the avalanche of info to actually listen to. Obviously there are things that 'work' that you shouldn't really do (like leave your baby in a car capsule asleep, because it's bad for their spine and neck), but if it's working and it's safe and you're happy then it's fine.

I'm concerned enough about how I was feeling, to self-take the depression questionnaire I got at one of my postnatal checkups today.

I also think I need to reevaluate my GMB goal, maybe change to aiming for 2-3 actual sessions a week instead of the program as written (which I think is 4, pls two stretching only and one rest), and aim to do just the warm up every day. At least I can manage that, hopefully, no matter the weather (which is dire, it being winter down here and very windy lately).

[Elastigirl]

Woohoo for little one sleeping at night. Totally agree, you have to find what works for your family. I like the plan of scaling back GMB too.

[Cledbo]

Went for a walk, got little one down for a nap and put out a bunch of hard rubbish for pick up tomorrow with the Mr, 20 min later it started raining, so I'm doing quite well today!

I took the "Edinburgh Post Natal Depression Scale" earlier today too, and scored 13. At my most optimistic I still got 10, and worst possible score was 16 (what I would've got if I felt like I did last Thu for a while week), so that's enough for me to know I need to go see someone. I can either go to my GP and get a referral, or go see the counselor I've already visited, once with my partner too, about anger management issues (mine as well as his!) I'll decide tomorrow I think.

No GMB, but I've been watching lectures on Coursera which has been interesting and something I've wanted to do for a while. A mental workout, you might say :-)

My mum has arrived from Sydney this afternoon to stay for the week, which will be most welcomed support, company and a chance to get some things done I can't do on my own - my partner is also good support but he does have to work, plus he's just as clueless as me with this parenting business whereas mum has done it before, quite successfully if I do say so myself being the product of her parenting!

[Cledbo]

Another good day but still no GMB. Walked around shops and crossed a ton of things off my to do list, including fun things like new black jeans

Now that mum is visiting, it means I get a bit of time to myself in the afternoons too. This afternoon I had a lie down (not a sleep, I find it hard to do that in a short period unless I'm totally wiped out) and its made dealing with a yelling baby a lot easier.

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[Cledbo]

Still no GMB. That goal it's so hard when mornings are full and by 4pm all I want to do is sleep, and in between is cleaning, feeding, eating and shopping. At least my average steps for the last week were over 5k, and the short breathing sessions are a welcome practice in the middle of the night when I'm awake even when little one isn't!

Had parents group today which was nice. We talked about play, tummy time, reading to our children and good toys. My bubba slept for most of the session so I got to chat with the other mums, which is really what I go there for anyway. My psychologist appointment is booked for next week, as well as a professional cleaner to come and do our bathrooms and oven - they drive me nuts when I look at the dirt but there's no way I have time to do them myself, so this is my elegant solution ;-) pay a guy!

[Phayze]

When in doubt: throw money at it - works every time! ^^

I hear that Aus has the best mental health system anywhere, though it was radio presenters on RN saying it, so I always wondered. I suspect it's true, and you'll be acing that scale in no time. ^^

If depression is the "black dog", does that make postpartum depression the "black puppy"?

[Cledbo]

Actually managed GMB warm up and all stretches (including front splits progression, which takes aaaaages) today, baby girl slept for 3 hours this afternoon and mum had taken her for a walk this morning so I got a bit more sleep.

Didn't walk as it was super icky outside when I would have had time, but I did move stuff in the garage with my partner, pumped up the tyres on my bike, and watched a video on anger regulation I've been wanting to get too for a couple of weeks. All in all, good stuff. Oh and I didn't have to go into Reserves because my colleague fixed a problem for me - he's such a nice bloke.

Tomorrow is our first big trip into the office, for the social club annual general meeting and morning tea - I used to be co-treasurer, plus I figured a morning tea would be the best time to bring bubba as people would be not working anyway. Something to look forward to as I go to bed now, listening to my little one softly snoring.

[Cledbo]

When in doubt: throw money at it - works every time! ^^

I hear that Aus has the best mental health system anywhere, though it was radio presenters on RN saying it, so I always wondered. I suspect it's true, and you'll be acing that scale in no time. ^^

If depression is the "black dog", does that make postpartum depression the "black puppy"?

I haven't had enough to do with the system to know if it's the best - certainly every system has flaws, but I will say my personal experiences have been ok. If you go to a GP here with symptoms of depression or anxiety, they can refer you to a psychologist for up to 10 sessions which are then partially covered by Medicare - I went through that last year when I was tired and unmotivated a lot with no physical cause, and the psyche I saw was great.

After giving birth, this is a new set of issues with likely a similar cause to my previous sad patch, namely my perfectionist tendencies and impatience with myself and others when things don't work the first time (otherwise known as unrealistic expectations!) Last time also involved work on cutting back my commitments to prevent burn-out. I think I have a handle on that these days, I don't try to do All The Things any more, but perfectionism and fear of failure is definitely rearing it's head again.

Anyway will see how it goes. One day at a time, as they keep saying to me. Each day is a new opportunity for things to not suck :-)

[Cledbo]

Yay did my GMB workout today! Felt good too, did all the stretches and managed some decent wall handstands and crow holds. My wrists get sore at the time, but recover pretty quick which is good progress.

We also walked around the shops, so I got my steps up, and did my breathing done too. If I get time I might do a meditation later, which would make a smashing day :-)

[Cledbo]

I feel like my life is manic depressive at the moment. I'm worried that baby girl is getting sick again, because she's been off and on all day with crying for reasons beyond me. If she is, the timing couldn't be worse, as my mum has gone home (back in 2 weeks) and my partner left for London 2 hours ago, back Saturday. I keep telling myself, it's only a week, even if it gets bad it's only a week. She's alright at the moment, having a feed, and I also squeezed in a shower which made a huge difference to my mood.

Like so many parents, I just wish she could tell me what was wrong, even if it was nothing, because at least I'd know! So frustrating.

Got my steps up shopping today, no GMB - I think my daily exercise habit goal is going to have to sit with walking for the near future, because doing an actual workout just isn't happening with any sort of consistency.

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[Cledbo]

Something wrong with my baby, don't know what, probably won't be around for a while. Super stressed, tired, and struggling on my own until my partner gets home in 37 hours.

[Phayze]

Hope it's all working out for you and the baby, Clem. We'll keep a light on for you here.

[Cledbo]

Thanks Phayze. It's going better, but I'm definitely in survival mode still and can't focus at all on fitness past walking.

As if to punctuate my situation, baby started crying after only a 15 min sleep! Am back only to finish this post, then off again