Starpuck: Now with Less Filler (Grand Fitness Games Arc)

[starpuck]

 

Ooooh just the return of Starpuck, that's all.  

After several weeks of filler, it looks like the main story is back on!

 

So, what is usually the peak of my summer fitness regime ended up being a hurdle race for me.   And after the last one clunked my solid in the head (quite literally) I pulled off the track and nursed my way toward the infield.   Didn't even finish the race, nope.  But that happens sometimes, and I am not going to let it get me down or hold me back.   

 

Need to get back into the full swing of things here, but I don't want to overload and burn out.   I've been doing a lot of things lately, that I do because I like the results, but don't necessarily like the activity.   I'm torn on this.   If I truly only did things I like-liked, I'd not do much of anything heh.  That said, I don't need to always do things I am meh about, just for the sake of getting my check mark for the week.    I'd like to really hit these 6 weeks hard because I typically max out my leaning phase by end of summer, and then as winter sets in, it gets HARD to not gain weight.   So we are going to focus on anti-hibernation here!   

 

 

 

 

Goal #1  Be Active - 6x a week.  

Best way to track this?   I must burn at least 2000 daily calories, according to my Fitbit ChargeHR, 6x a week.

Ideally?   This will be broken up into a few hockey sessions, a few lifting sessions and... ya know I really don't like running - but I love biking.  So while the weather is nice, frak it, I am gonna bike ride on lunch breaks.  If the weather is nice and I feel like a jog, fine.  But no more "Have to's" - they are depressing!

 

(Just have fun and move around!   No stress over how, or what!)

 

Goal #2  Work on Pull Ups - 3x a week.

This makes Goal #1 easier.   Really, the only thing that depresses me during breaks from strengh training, is my pull up losses.   So, here.  Simple.   Work on them 3x a week.   Any day, any amount.   Grease the Groove.  Whatever.  Just, 3x a week at least, get to a bar and lift yourself up.

 

(Carla is great at pulling!)

 

Goal #3  Stop eating like a halfling on D&D Nights - 2x a week.

Ok, awkward way of tracking, basically, I can have COUNTED out snacks, tracked snacks.  Even 'cookies' or whatever - but the goal is to NOT reach honey badger stage just because everyone at the table is eating.   So, two nights a week I game?   The goal is to NOT pig out uncontrollably.   Very little wiggle room on this goal, but that's because I am not saying NO EATING AT ALL.   I just need to be in control of this.

 

(No tables full of food... I'm no Dragon Slayer)

 

Goal #4  Draw Stuff - 2x a week.

Lowering the quantity from a previous 3x a week back to two just get back into this.  No time requirement, no quantity requirement as far as finished pieces.  Just, on two separate days of the week, spend time with the lead.    I want to be able to give out character portraits for Christmas for my D&D peeps this year, so I need to get back on track with this.

 

(Keep at it, even with setbacks and ruined attempts.)

 

 

Tracking for this Challenge will consist of the weekly goals:

Activity _/6

Pull Ups _/3

No Binge _2

Draw _/2

 

Plus weight, measurements and pictures at the end of the 6 weeks, to be compared against the ones from May.

Other small goals to come up as they come up!

 

KEEP IT SIMPLE STARPUCK

Let's just get back into this.

[Kareesh]

*Creeps in awkwardly. Gives a thumbs up before creeping back out.*

Sent from my XT907 using Tapatalk

[Nymeria]

I'm so glad you're back in the saddle and ready to go!  Your first goal is a great way to ease back into things.

 

I wish I knew the answer to not pigging out at social events.  I've found that I'm horrible with binging when the food is RIGHT THERE in front of me all night.  If it's out of sight, it's out of mind, but it's not like I can tell everyone else to put the junk food away.  Maybe you could come up with some sort of hourly quota for the junk.  Like, get a small bowl, let yourself fill it with chips or whatever at the beginning of the evening, and then tell yourself that you can't have any refills until a couple hours have passed.  

 

Good luck with everything!

[karinajean]

Yay it's you!!! How is your noggin?

I struggle like crazy with the "do what you love!" vs "being a healthy fit adult is work and obligation!" I love some active stuff but honestly I love a nice slow lazy morning and an evening reading on the couch more. So, I just do the activity because I have to. I count it in the Adulting column.

Sent from my iPhone while riding a unicorn through the cosmos.

[erosan]

neechan! okaerinasai!

how are you feeling? rested? ready to give this your all?

[joedog]

I'm here to cheer for you! 

[starpuck]

Hi hi!   Hi hi! 

 

 

Thanks for tagging along guys!    Trying to be all hyper motivated here on Day 1 so that I start off on a good foot!

 

Some news - my senior peer at work, who has been here for 31 years, is retiring on Aug 31st.   That means I'll now be the most tenured, and I get to move into the windowed office!  OooooOOOOOoooooo!

 

 

It also means that I will be involved in the interview process to help provide input on whoever might be our next hire.   OMG SCARY STUFF!  I've always only ever been worker bee, not grown up need to input stuff bee!    So today was supposed to be our first interview, and geek shirt Starpuck came to work in a maxi skirt and a pretty white blouse.    The guy no showed!   Tomorrow we have three!    And I will have to either brave the sundress I've never been 'skinny' enough to wear, or go with denim trousers and a blouse!    Woo!  Time to fake like I think I'm the shiznit!   Right?   I mean I am the shiznit here, (been here 15 years) and handle the biggest account and the most troublesome accounts and do a great job!    But ya know, confidence isn't something I grow on trees to ... ok, that isn't going to make any sense.    But fake it, till you make it, right?   I got this!

 

Today's temps hit 88 degrees and all sun, but the humidity dropped to a far less choking 37% - so I went for a bike ride on my lunch break.   But, I also needed groceries for TODAY's lunch, so I managed a 7 mile bike ride, PLUS shopping for produce and bread, AND managed to get that stuff home without turning my grapes into wine and my tomatoes into paste, within 48 minutes.  BOOM!

 

 

So, off to a good start, OMG I forgot that I have to draw stuff again this challenge lol!   Need to figure out when I'll be doing that.   And and and, I am taking a weekend fun trip with a boy who is my best friend, and possibly more >.> ...but that's a story for another post novel.   Ahem!

 

ANYWAY!

 

Activity 1/6

Pull Ups -/3

No Binge -/2

Draw -/2

 

Maybe I'll post a pic of skirted Starpuck for tomorrow.  ... IF you guys are good!

[obax]

Yay, good to see you getting back on that horse! Following along, as always!

[starpuck]

For entry into progress book later...

 

Workout Week 1 Day 1 (Strength Foo)

Pull Ups - 3 x 5 + 45" Hold/Negative

DB Pull Over - 4 x 10 @ 20#

Chair Sit Ups - 4 x 20

Deadlifts -  5 x 65, 5 x 75, 5 x 85, 5 x 75

SidePlanks (L/R) - 48/48 - 45/45 - 45/45 - 30/30

 

Conditions: 93 outside, whse very very hot and muggy, sweat, everywhere.   Sad about pull ups.  Okay with deadlifts since I rarely ever do them.   

Note- get a mirror at some point.  

 

Activity 2/6

Pull Ups 1/3

No Binge -/2

Draw -/2

[Raxie]

Wohoo! You're back in action yayyyyy Starpuck!

 

Also, what're you trying to say about Halflings, huhhhh?

(even though I was ressurected by a druid so now I'm in a rando dwarf body... I'm still a halfling at heart!)

[starpuck]

A week full of being out of my comfort zone + half-ass planning of camping trip this weekend and that leaves Starpuck ("she of high anxiety") feeling like this!

 

 

I always like to really nail week #1, but there is just SO much going on.

• Interviewed people all week - I've never done that before.
• Dressed up in not jeans and tee-shirts all week because of interviews - I exhausted all four 'nice outfits' I have.
• Getting things ready for when my peer retires and I move offices.
• Tried to plan weekend get away with King Wasabi.
• Got into email argument with my GM.
• Planning October Florida trip.
• Getting ready for my dad to arrive on Aug 12th.
• Handling things on a game where I staff.
• Tried to finish watching Black Lagoon - only to discover they had a second season!
• Trying to get all my workouts in, but not feeling it when I am dressed up, lol.

That said, since I'll be at a waterpark all day tomorrow (tempted to throw my old Fitbit Flex on so I can still kinda track), then camping, then doing a 20 mile bike ride on Saturday, I played it smart and did my indoor workout today.

 

Workout Week 1 Day 2 (Strength Foo)

Pull Ups - 4 x 5 + 47" Hold/Negative

Deadbug Bicycles - 4 x 15 (abs still sore from last workout)

Goblet Squats - 4 x 10 @ 40#

Pushups (incline) 8 - 10 - 8 - 8  (mindful of form/shoulder)

10 minutes of stretching

 

Conditions: 88 outside, whse till warm.   Still ab-sore from last workout.  Mentally did not want to do this one, did it anyway.

 

D&D was canceled tonight, but we still got together for some anime watching.  I had only 2 cups of light popcorn, so we're calling that a non-binge night.  Woo.

 

Activity 3/6

Pull Ups 2/3

No Binge 1/2

Draw -/2

[Batwoman]

Anything that is not normal routine I get anxious about. Logically I know everything is fine, but my body just goes into panic mode. That sucks.

 

But good job on the workouts and such. Looks like you are doing well.

[starpuck]

Week 1 Final Score

 

Activity 7/6

Pull Ups 2/3

No Binge 1/2

Draw -/2

 

The weekend plans went so far south I may not have even ended up on the same planet.   Let's just say one thing after another went wrong for my weekend of fun, and it turned out to be exhausting and frustrating and totally throw me off my rhythm.

 

The bright side?   I did reach a TDEE of over 2000 calories all seven days of the week.   My rest day was just over 2000, and the other days ranged from 2100-2700.    I got two good strength days in, several bike rides and had an amazing time at hockey last night.

 

I binged on Sunday even though we had no gaming.   Shark week + weekend exhaustion + crap going wrong and I just didn't care.   Back on track now.

 

Drawing was a fail- need to get this straightened out.    

 

I have this week to get my routine back in order - next week will be a little out of comfort zone for me as I'll be training the new hire.  Ooof, first time doing that... AND, Tannis is on vacation so I'll be trying to train WHILE handling two peoples jobs.   Ugh ugh ugh.

 

I am not doing very well at keeping up on everyones threads yet, but it's on my to do list for today or tomorrow.  /glomps to all

[Raxie]

No worries about stopping by our threads.  You're a busy lady, don't overwhelm yourself!

 

Nice job on week 1, depsite the weekend.  You did so much awesome!   This next week sounds like it's gonna be tough but I know you'll pull through

[obax]

Holy, you've got a lot going on!! I'm with Raxie, don't worry about getting to other people's threads, just do what you gotta do for you and all that busy first.

 

A fine week one! And just take week 2 by the horns and show it who's boss!

[starpuck]

Arg.   Possible breaking point pending.

 

Yesterday, I managed almost 7000 low key steps, PLUS a 45 minute strength workout where I burned 287 calories.   At the end of the day, my Fitbit ChargeHR told me, even with all the steps and workout, I only had a TDEE of 2035 calories.   Um.  What?  Barely break 2000 with an intentional workout in the mix?   

 

It made me angry.  Very angry.   Because I like food.   And based off that TDEE, I should eat only 1500 calories to lose weight.     

 

So today I did an experiment.  I woke up.  Showered.   Put my Fitbit back on.   Put my Polar HRM on.   Fitbit tracker said I burned 416 overnight.  (That's 416 calories in 7.5 hours, so... Fitbit thinks I burn roughly 50-60 calories per hour at rest/sleep... oookay.)    I then started a 'workout' on my Polar HRM (chest strap style monitor).

 

After ten hours:

Fitbit says I burned 812 calories.   (Total burned - 416 from the starting point of the experiment.)

Polar says I burned 1162 calories.

 

That is a HUGE difference.     Now, do I think that my TDEE on a pretty slow and lazy rest days is going to hit 2400 calories, as per what the average would be based on my ten hour experiment?  No.   But I also don't think that my TDEE is 1750 calories.      Or if it is, on a day that I did NOTHING.   (Today's step totals are only 2700)   Then how on a day that I did 7000 steps PLUS a workout, did I barely tip over 2000?

 

The math has gotten me pissed to the point of hating all of this again.

If I just EAT, I risk not eating enough AND eating too much all at once.

If I track calories in versus out, it gets to this insane point of obsession and frustration.

 

I really can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but I have been stuck in this same 5lbs and bodyfat look for MONTHS.    It's starting to get to the point of effort not equating to the reward.   Bleh.

 

/rant

[obax]

If I just EAT, I risk not eating enough AND eating too much all at once.

If I track calories in versus out, it gets to this insane point of obsession and frustration.

 

 

This perfectly sums up my mixed feelings regarding calorie tracking and weight/fat loss (though I tend to have more risk of over eating than under eating...). And why I have more trouble with it than I probably should. Unfortunately I have no solution for you.... But I feel ya.

[Raxie]

That's why I don't bother with those monitor things.  There are so many variables that could be effecting it.  I just find a model on the internet that puts out numbers that sound rightish to me and stick with them (IIFYM and IF come to mind).  Then seriously, just go with it.  Don't think about how day to day stuff might change it, it'll all even out in the end and the insane frustration you'll get from trying to manage it all will probably end up more of a detriment than improving your progress.

[RisenPhoenix]

*sneaks in*

 

Hi.  I'm here now.

 

Re:

I really can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but I have been stuck in this same 5lbs and bodyfat look for MONTHS.    It's starting to get to the point of effort not equating to the reward.   Bleh.

 

1) I know this feel.  I know this feel really, really well.  Especially as I've gotten lower in weight but not in apparent BF% reduction.

 

2)  But.

Arg.   Possible breaking point pending.

 

Yesterday, I managed almost 7000 low key steps, PLUS a 45 minute strength workout where I burned 287 calories.   At the end of the day, my Fitbit ChargeHR told me, even with all the steps and workout, I only had a TDEE of 2035 calories.   Um.  What?  Barely break 2000 with an intentional workout in the mix?   

 

It made me angry.  Very angry.   Because I like food.   And based off that TDEE, I should eat only 1500 calories to lose weight.     

 

So today I did an experiment.  I woke up.  Showered.   Put my Fitbit back on.   Put my Polar HRM on.   Fitbit tracker said I burned 416 overnight.  (That's 416 calories in 7.5 hours, so... Fitbit thinks I burn roughly 50-60 calories per hour at rest/sleep... oookay.)    I then started a 'workout' on my Polar HRM (chest strap style monitor).

 

After ten hours:

Fitbit says I burned 812 calories.   (Total burned - 416 from the starting point of the experiment.)

Polar says I burned 1162 calories.

 

That is a HUGE difference.     Now, do I think that my TDEE on a pretty slow and lazy rest days is going to hit 2400 calories, as per what the average would be based on my ten hour experiment?  No.   But I also don't think that my TDEE is 1750 calories.      Or if it is, on a day that I did NOTHING.   (Today's step totals are only 2700)   Then how on a day that I did 7000 steps PLUS a workout, did I barely tip over 2000?

 

The math has gotten me pissed to the point of hating all of this again.

If I just EAT, I risk not eating enough AND eating too much all at once.

If I track calories in versus out, it gets to this insane point of obsession and frustration.

 

I applaud the science behind this.  It's freaking genius.  BUT.  It may be too micro to give an accurate point of view for you to work with.  You may want to go a bit more low tech.  Try a week or two of just logging calories.  Note starting and final weights.  And then from there do a baseline calculation using 1 pound of lost weight being equal to 3500 additional calories.  If you do that you can get your average TDEE which will be a little more solid than a day comparing Fitbit and polaris.  Yea, it won't get your nitty-gritty calories burned per day, but it can help you budget accordingly. I took an entire challenge to do that, though you don't need that long.  Turns out I found my average was also lower than expected.  The depressing nature of the beast.  But, the more you know, yadda yadda yadda.

[starpuck]

Thanks for the encouragement guys.   At the very least, knowing that I am not the only one that goes through these rage moments over the hassle of it all, helps reassure me that I'm not completely rabid with madness.

 

RP!  Zomg, hi!  >.>    For this thing you are suggesting... are you saying to just track calories EATEN?   And see if I gain or lose weight, and then whatever I gain or lose, use it to like, reverse figure out what my typical TDEE is?

 

 

For now, this week, I've decided to NOT track on MFP, but still track on Fitbit.   I know that seems weird and like it's 6 of one, half dozen of another - but sometimes I think I get growly when I see MFP subtract any numbers from anything... at least on Fitbit, it calculates remaining calories based on historical tendencies AND the current day's in vs out numbers.  

 

I'm still floored (it happened again yesterday) that I can work out for 45 minutes, and STILL barely tip the 2000 calorie benchmark.    This has, though, opened my eyes to something I perhaps had rationalized my way out of noticing before.   While I'm active.    My work is VERY sedentary.     Like, not even getting up to move most of the day.     I bet, if I made it a point, to take a 1 mile, leisure-paced (20minutes) walk every day, either before work or after work, in addition to my workouts, whatever they might be for the day, it would go a long way in the 'more active throughout the day' department.    So, maybe that's a thing.

 

Anywho.    Next post to catch up on some shiznit.

[starpuck]

Week 2 Update - kinda all over.

 

Workout Week 2 Day 1 (Strength Foo)

Pull Ups - 4 x 5 + 45" Hold/Negative

Squats - 5 x 5 [65, 65, 75, 75, 65]

Planks - 3 x 60"

DB Bench Press - 3 x 10 [20#]

Side Lunges - 3 x 10

 

Everything felt super hard when I did this on Monday, but I had a really not great weekend so that could be part of it.

 

Workout Week 2 Day 2 (Strength Foo)

Pull Ups - 3 x 6 + 50" Hold!!! (new best)

Flutter Kicks - 3 x 20

Deadlifts - 3 x 5 [65, 75, 75]

Side Planks - 3 x 45" each side

Push Ups - 3 x 8 (incline, still being careful of shoulder)

Box Jumps - 1 Final Set of 15

 

 

So, Monday was strength, Tuesday was rest, Wednesday was hockey, Thursday was strength, today was a run.  (First in a while.)

Last night was D&D, AND there were additional stressors in place, and I STILL managed to not get binge-possessed.

 

Activity 4/6

Pull Ups 2/3

No Binge 1/2

Draw -/2

 

Quick story time as to why the weekend blew chunks?    

 

The plan:

Friday morning 8:45am load up car with bikes, camping stuff and fun in the sun day stuff.

Get to water park when it opens at 10am.

Enjoy water park for several hours, then drive to State Park.

Set up tent, get dinner.

Sleep under the stars.

Wake up Sat and go for 20 mile bike ride.

Go to awesome brewery for Cherry Ale.

Go home, anime.

Sleep.

 

How it actually went down:

Get to friends house at 8:30.  Both his bike tires are flat.

We try to pump them, they won't take air.  Tubes need replacing.

Find a place that is open at 9.

Drive 30 minutes in wrong direction to get bike to place.

Drive 60 minutes to water park.

It's 20 minutes after it opens, and the line is out the street already.

Decide the $40 a person for that is insane.

Google alternate plan.

Small local waterpark near by, has lazy river and lap pool... ok golden.

Go there.

Have good time, YAY!

Despite reapplying sun screen (SPF50) every hour, friend gets burned.

Have to leave at 3 to drive on two really terrible roads in rush hour, to get 60 minutes back north.

Get bike.

Drive back south, stop half way to get dinner.

Get to campground at 7pm, only two spots left.   Right by the road, between the mom with kids and twenty something boys.

Exhausted so lie around for a few hours.

Only to then, when sleeping SHOULD happen.   Have rowdy boys next to us screaming and hollaring until 3am!!! 

At 3am.  They pack up their tents and leave the FREAKING CAMPGROUND, WTF?!

Get no sleep.

Wake up at 8am.  

MY bike tire has now lost air, and the pin is busted so it won't take MORE air.

Start riding anyway.

... stomach... ache?.... oh god brutal cramps.

SHARK WEEK HELLO, RIGHT THIS SECOND?  THANKS, Awesome you showed up 4 days early.

Abort bike ride after just 5 miles.

Head to brewery.   No cherry ale.   And 'Bears are in Training Camp in this Town' so at 11am the place is packed and noisey and service is slow.

Get food.  Head home.

Barely keep eyes open on drive home.

Take nap.  Yes, me, who can't take naps, takes a nap.

But man ... my body, once sleep is lost, it's like 5 days of good sleep until I recover.  So the weekend was shot.

 

So yeah, I pretty much dislike camping now lol.  Just was NOT conducive to a happy, plucky, energy filled Starpuck.   Add in that I've been hit with an odd, out of the blue case of anxiety over the past two weeks (I thought it was just shark week being a bitch, but it hasn't abated yet) and it really was not a great weekend.

 

This coming week, the new girl starts and it will be my first time training someone here.    What's worse, is that it means I will have ZERO daytime access to the internet and all the things I do.   This is gonna make for a growly Starpuck.    I am going to do my best to pretend to be super awesome worker bee go hung ho trainer girl, but I have my doubts.     Add in that my dad comes into town on Wed, which means, (and I love my dad and miss him, and want to spend time with him) that my EVENING time will have zero 'down time' either.   No, 'Puck chilling with her video games' time to unwind and escape reality.   

 

I still have not picked up the pencil in over a month, and I see all this great anime and I love it and I am super noticing how the art works these days, but I still can't get over my returned fear of 'This is gonna be hard and I am gonna suck again'.   UGH.   

 

So.   That's about where I am right now.

 

Stuck somewhere in between really wanting to get back on the wagon and then looking at everything going on and going, Ah Frak Me.

 

[joedog]

That bad weekend was kind of a bad weekend. I'm still going to work on you to head down this way for a camping/floating trip some time. That place I told you about is strictly a no crazy parties 'til 3 am kind of place. They also have cabins. I don't know about up there, but in Missouri we have tons of state parks that have cabins for reasonable prices. 

 

The anxiety bug seems to be biting lots of people hard lately. Sounds like a stressful week coming up since you won't have any downtime. Just do your best to remember that it's a temporary situation. You'll get back to a point where you have your free time. Just try to breathe your way through and don't be afraid to lock yourself in the bathroom if you need to. "I had some bad Vietnamese last night" will be your golden ticket to a few minutes of peace. 

[obax]

Holy crappy weekend, Batman! But you made it though, and made the best of it, at least as far as the water park is concerned... Shit happens, man, it's just sucks when it all happens at once.

 

As for your coming week, just do what you gotta do, do what you can, and, like joedog says, remember it's temporary. One day at a time. One breath at a time. You're strong and capable and will figure a way to the other end. And like I always say, when things get crazy, if something's gotta give for you to stay sane, then something's gotta give. That's part of life, so don't worry about it or beat yourself up about it. But you got this!

 

I also like the idea of 'bad Vietnamese' as an excuse for some alone time. I'll have to remember that one.

[Nymeria]

The math has gotten me pissed to the point of hating all of this again.

If I just EAT, I risk not eating enough AND eating too much all at once.

If I track calories in versus out, it gets to this insane point of obsession and frustration.

 

I really can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, but I have been stuck in this same 5lbs and bodyfat look for MONTHS.    It's starting to get to the point of effort not equating to the reward.   Bleh.

 

/rant

 

This is exactly why I don't track.  If I try, I get obsessed.  I feel guilty if I go over my calorie allowance.  I feel upset if I stick to things perfectly, and then I still don't lose any weight.  In the end, I'd rather spend all of the time and stress on something more productive.

 

 I think part of the problem is that our culture has such a narrow range of what a healthy, fit woman should look like.  We're all kind of trying to meet that range, even if it's not appropriate or correct for our body types.  You're clearly fit and healthy, because you can do so many awesome things and you're much much stronger than most women.  So, your body is probably exactly how it wants and needs to be.

 

I'm not saying give up on those 5 lbs.  I'm really, truly, in the same boat, where I have a somewhat non-ideal body type, I have 5 lbs of extra pooch that I'd love to lose, but I can still get out there and kick some serious ass when I'm doing any sports.  I've spent the last few years coming to terms with the fact that I'll either have to eat perfectly (no sweets, no alcohol, no eating out, etc.) to lose those pounds, or I can just continue eating mostly clean but enjoying life, too, not obsessing or tracking, and staying about the same.  

 

For what it's worth, I would think that the Polar estimate is more accurate, since it actually is tracking heart rate.  

 

I'm really sorry to hear about the miserable weekend.  I think you totally will need some down time, and I'm sure your dad would be perfectly understanding if you were to carve out an hour for yourself in the evening to take a walk, exercise, read a book, play video games, or whatever.  

[Raxie]

Wow what an intense/crappy weekend.  Sorry things aren't coming along the way you had hoped and life is being ... life-y.  As it tends to be.  Try to take some Starpuck time if you can, relax and get your mind back in it.  Get some good recharge action in there! Hope this weekend turned out better <3