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Emma

Emma in rehab

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Having a bad day. Whining ahead. 

Was invited to hang out with some neighbors last night. I went. I regret it. They were very nice people. They apologized for not having their teeth in :) and invited me to share their beer and pot. I was just not comfortable with them. Skipped Rotary meeting today, have really nothing in common with them, business owners and politicians. Nice people, doing good with their fund raisers, but I am not comfortable around them either.

Went to store this morning, felt something on my leg, looked down and there was a dog wearing a vest that said SERVICE DOG trying to climb my leg. I was yelling DOWN DOWN DOWN for a while before the stupid woman on the other end of the very long leash noticed that her stupid "service" dog was behaving very badly. She said her dog "hardly ever" does that. Excuse me, a properly trained dog, service or not, does not EVER climb on people, especially in public. I don 't have a problem with service dogs. They are important and highly trained and do a lot of good for people dealing with blindness, deafness, PTSD agoraphobia and all kinds of things. I have a problem with "service" dogs that people cart around with them without training for the dogs or the owners. I have lived with dogs my entire life. You do not take a dog into public if it hasn't been trained or if it is being trained, the owner is paying very close attention to what the dog is doing instead of chatting with the store clerk and being oblivious to what the animal is doing to other people.

Still looking for the cat when I turn around, you know how it is. Haven't told anyone else yet because I just don't want to deal with the people's reactions. 

Feeling extremely antisocial today.

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Having a bad day. Whining ahead.  You're allowed to whine with friends Emma.

 

Feeling extremely antisocial today.  You and me both, are we allowed to be anti-social together? <g>

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Whining and antisocial is completely understandable. Do what you need to do to make the day better. *Hugs*

 

That is just outrageous with the "service dog." I raised Guide Dog puppies in 4H many moons ago and that is absolutely unacceptable even for dogs that are in the earliest stages of their training!

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Okay, been in meltdown the past couple of days.

Update: Standing desk is good/bad. Bad because it makes Emma's back hurt after awhile. Good because that means she's not spending as much time surfing aimlessly and doing more stretches. Since she spends a good deal of her workday sitting and driving, we will continue this.

High iron/high protein vegetarian: fail. Emma started feeling just not well, added in a bit of meat and her energy level was back up again. Gained a bit of weight, back off again.

People are still being stupid. Sigh. They are just being human. Can't let it get to me.

Started down the cat food aisle at the grocery store. Oh wait, no cat anymore.

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First what kind of neighbors do you have? Beer, pot, and no teeth? Did they happen to have a home made distillery in the back yard also?

Second with the Rotary Club I have to give you props for going out and trying to get involved and being social. Perhaps they are not the best fit for what you want to do, but there are many other clubs and organizations out there.

Third, the dog. When I was up at my BIL's place they had a party and one of the persons there was talking about how he was trying to get service dog papers so he could take his dog shopping with him cause he thought that would be adorable. Said he filled out the paper work for anxiety issues and that the dog calmed him down. Ugh, it's people misusing good programs like that that piss me off. Wonder if your encounter was the same deal?

Meltdown understandable.

I don't have any experience with a standing desk. I was wondering if having a stool around to put one foot up on would help or not?

Lack of meat is an inconceivable concept to me, so no comments there.

Looking for the cat and shopping for it are understandable. I still keep wondering if I should call my mom to tell her something, then I remember that she's been dead for 5 years. The thing is that the cat seemed to have a positive impact on you and those are memories you can cherish.

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You are completely allowed to whine with friends, and I wouldn't even call that whining - I would call it a completely appropriate and healthy reaction to the week you've had.  It takes a while for a loss like that to sink in - you deserve plenty of space to grieve, and be in meltdown, and feel what you need to feel.  

 

I admire that you are still sticking with this challenge even in a tough time - keep checking in, and I hope that stupid people go and find a nice insulated room to go be stupid in where they won't bother anyone.

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Thanks guys

This is not your grandma's senior citizen park. There is also a no clothes allowed hot tub. Haven't had the courage for that one, don't want to see that much of my neighbors :) The people here are great, laid back, and mostly retired (former hippies?). There isn't a whole lot for them to do except beer, pot and educating each other about their health.

I am coming out of my meltdown and continuing with Rotary. I may not have much in common with the people, but I like their goals. Just need to find (or make) my place there.

The dogs oh gods the dogs. Service dog is a great idea and yes it does help some people with anxiety but my problem is TRAINING! Any animal that goes out in public needs to have learned at least basic manners (and so do their owners)

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I've been working on getting out of the people are stupid mode. The local (San Francisco) talk station is, at this moment, discussing new legislation proposed that says it's okay for bicyclists to not stop at stop signs. Why the legislation? So many bikes are blasting through the stop signs, it's a waste of money to ticket them. Sigh.

 

I have had many, oh so many,  dirty paws on my legs from our own friendly dogs. We lived in the country and the dogs had a half acre of (strongly fenced) room to run and they never went into town so we never really bothered training them not to jump on people. My annoyance is with people who take untrained dogs in public. I miss having dogs around the house.

 

And you just can't say you know a joke and leave us in suspense, you have to tell us the joke about the neighbors.

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Well, we've had a rocky couple of weeks here. Emma skipped gym last week with my blessing, thinking the pain in shoulders and elbows was too much weight at the gym, and then this week she melted down after having to put the cat to sleep.The shoulder and elbow pain continue, leading me to believe it is work related and Emma needs to get back to the gym. Maybe with some lighter weights to start with, but she really needs to build her upper body strength so as to avoid disability or permanent damage. Her diet has been crap the past two days and she needs to get back on track with it. I gave my permission for a snack late last night (she had a long drive ahead and was truly hungry and hadn't had cheetos for ages) and a cheat meal today, which turned into two cheat meals and she is now  unhappily stuffed. She continues to feel antisocial and is trying hard not to be so pissed off at people. To that end she has not been visiting Facebook lately :)

I have been putting together a small home gym in the back room for her. She really needs to use it daily. She is not as strong as she likes to think she is and gets surprised sometimes by her lack, especially of stamina. Of course, all the extra weight she is carrying doesn't help. Therefore, re-spawn.  Day off tomorrow, supposed to be really hot so Emma will take a walk in the morning before it gets hot,  possibly to Starbucks(motivation) and then to the gym (air conditioning). I am preparing proper meals for her tomorrow and limiting treats.

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Well, we've had a rocky couple of weeks here. Emma skipped gym last week with my blessing, thinking the pain in shoulders and elbows was too much weight at the gym, and then this week she melted down after having to put the cat to sleep.The shoulder and elbow pain continue, leading me to believe it is work related and Emma needs to get back to the gym. Maybe with some lighter weights to start with, but she really needs to build her upper body strength so as to avoid disability or permanent damage. Her diet has been crap the past two days and she needs to get back on track with it. I gave my permission for a snack late last night (she had a long drive ahead and was truly hungry and hadn't had cheetos for ages) and a cheat meal today, which turned into two cheat meals and she is now  unhappily stuffed. She continues to feel antisocial and is trying hard not to be so pissed off at people. To that end she has not been visiting Facebook lately :)

I have been putting together a small home gym in the back room for her. She really needs to use it daily. She is not as strong as she likes to think she is and gets surprised sometimes by her lack, especially of stamina. Of course, all the extra weight she is carrying doesn't help. Therefore, re-spawn.  Day off tomorrow, supposed to be really hot so Emma will take a walk in the morning before it gets hot,  possibly to Starbucks(motivation) and then to the gym (air conditioning). I am preparing proper meals for her tomorrow and limiting treats.

Please send Emma our best wishes and tell her not to beat herself up about the cheat meals, her re-spawn is at hand!

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So Emma was just lying around the house today, just didn't have any energy. I was trying to get her up to do her rehab but she just wouldn't. All she wanted to do was read and nap and avoid her to do list. Now I didn't expect her to do everything on that list, or even half, but she just didn't want to get out of bed. In a moment of brilliance I decided to check her food log for the last couple of days. Zucchini fritters, roasted carrots, strawberries, green beans, all good stuff...but..."Emma, where's the protein?" "Protein? Uh, there was an egg in the fritters..."  Sigh. "Emma, get your clothes on, we are going to get a burger." "Don' wanna. Not gonna." It took rather a lot of poking, prodding, cajoling, coaxing and finally outright bribery (eat the burger and we'll take the puppy for a run, okay?) to get her out of bed. She perked up after the burger, and had a nice run with the puppy. When we got home I fixed bacon and eggs and then she did her rehab.  I'm going to have to keep an eye on her and make sure she gets her protein.

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Protein!  So important!  Good on you for being able to suss out what Emma needed, and getting her out the door to eat that burger!  What kind of meals are you prepping for her?  Since it seems like you're doing a bit of planning a head, that could be a good time to tweak protein levels!

 

Happy week 4! So inspiring to see Emma bouncing back after a few days of non-optimal eating - I can completely relate (matcha truffles are healthy because of green tea...right?)

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Sent Emma out for her walk this morning. She didn't get very far before she started coughing. The wildfires are north and east of us and the smoke is blowing our way. The weather forecast on her phone says "smoke" instead of you know, cloudy or rain...  So Emma is spending the day inside, cleaning, not eating junk, and thinking about what she would take if she had to evacuate quickly (not a problem, just a theoretical exercise to identify what is most important to her). Which then led to her favorite fantasy about living in a hotel (maid service! room service! no responsibility!). Alas, still not affordable.

Emma and I both don't like to cook so we outsource and automate a great deal of it. (Gratitude here for home freezers and well stocked grocery store freezers.)

Green tea is very healthy for us, so matcha truffles must be. :)

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 Which then led to her favorite fantasy about living in a hotel (maid service! room service! no responsibility!). Alas, still not affordable.

 

 

I would have to bring my own mattress though, seen too many ugly news stories to feel comfortable. 

 

There was a news just last week in which a hotel just flipped the mattress on a bed in which a people had passed away upon and laid there for the better part of 2 days!

 

On that note, have a good nights sleep! <g>

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Batch cooking for the win! Do the same here. Cooking is an endurance event...

 

That's a great thought exercise to prioritize possessions. Not sure where you are, but as someone who has lived in fire-prone country and fought fires, I urge you to take it a step further, though, and keep a packed bag with basics and essentials (including prescriptions and copies of important documents). Many areas are having extreme and unpredictable fire behavior and there often is not much warning to get out. Hopefully you will never need to evacuate, but much better to be ready just in case.

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@petefeet Eewww! Eeeww! Eeww! And another fantasy bites the dust, thank you very much.

 

@shadowlion: I live near a (relatively) populated area so fire is not really so big a concern. Earthquake country though. Had a plan, backpacks of supplies and a sleeping bag in my pickup but I have moved, as have family, and bought a much smaller vehicle, so need to make a new plan and should refresh my supplies.

 

Smoke is better today and Emma is breathing better, although she has been inside all day again.

Last night for dinner Emma stopped at McD. After eating she was very angry and in a really foul mood. After decades of trying to ignore feelings (and succeeding) she was surprised and confused. Some of you may understand how it took her quite a while to figure out a) exactly what she was feeling and b ) why she was feeling that way. We think she was angry at herself for feeding her body all that crap at McD. This is new to her. She has been trying to be loving and accepting of her fat the way some people say. But lately she has taken the 1950s attitude towards fat, that it is disgusting and embarrassing and not acceptable at all. In the past when she ate too much crap Emma would shrug her shoulders and say "meh, it doesn't matter, nobody cares". Last night though, Emma did not shrug her shoulders, she pounded the steering wheel and in her anger said "I care! I care! I care that I am doing this to my body and my body deserves better damn it!". The idea of the body deserving good treatment seems to be sinking in finally.

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 Last night though, Emma did not shrug her shoulders, she pounded the steering wheel and in her anger said "I care! I care! I care that I am doing this to my body and my body deserves better damn it!". The idea of the body deserving good treatment seems to be sinking in finally.

This is awesome! Really happy to hear that Emma has reached this turning point! 

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@petefeet Eewww! Eeeww! Eeww! And another fantasy bites the dust, thank you very much.

 

@shadowlion: I live near a (relatively) populated area so fire is not really so big a concern. Earthquake country though. Had a plan, backpacks of supplies and a sleeping bag in my pickup but I have moved, as have family, and bought a much smaller vehicle, so need to make a new plan and should refresh my supplies.

 

Smoke is better today and Emma is breathing better, although she has been inside all day again.

Last night for dinner Emma stopped at McD. After eating she was very angry and in a really foul mood. After decades of trying to ignore feelings (and succeeding) she was surprised and confused. Some of you may understand how it took her quite a while to figure out a) exactly what she was feeling and b ) why she was feeling that way. We think she was angry at herself for feeding her body all that crap at McD. This is new to her. She has been trying to be loving and accepting of her fat the way some people say. But lately she has taken the 1950s attitude towards fat, that it is disgusting and embarrassing and not acceptable at all. In the past when she ate too much crap Emma would shrug her shoulders and say "meh, it doesn't matter, nobody cares". Last night though, Emma did not shrug her shoulders, she pounded the steering wheel and in her anger said "I care! I care! I care that I am doing this to my body and my body deserves better damn it!". The idea of the body deserving good treatment seems to be sinking in finally.

This is a good realization to have even if it is hard. It really shows that you are changing for the better. Plus how many people are not making these realization? I drove past McD's and read the sign that says billions and billions served and a tear nearly rolled down my cheek. And I'm sure you know this but I'll state the obvious "There are a lot of people on NF that care for you". Let's all keep making little changes so that in the future we can change that McD sign from billions served to out of business due to lack of customers.

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I only know 3 jokes. This is one of them:

 

Old Van got tired of living in the city and bought himself a small farm in the mountains.

 

After moving in and getting everything right he was sitting on the stoep enjoying the peace and quiet.

 

Suddenly a rusted old truck come smoking onto the werf and when it stopped right in front of Van it dripped a bunch of oil on his driveway.

 

A big dirty hairy guy got out of the truck, grind out the cigarette butt on the ground and hitching up his dirty pants he greeted Van like a long lost brother.

 

"Welkom, welkom" he said loudly, and shook Van's hand roughly. "Nice to have a new neighbour around here."

 

Van was a bit overwhelmed but Koos was so friendly he invited him to sit down.

 

They chatted a bit and then Koos said: "Listen, I am having a party at my place Saturday and I would like you to come, it would also be a  welcoming party for you."

 

"That is very nice of you," Van replied."I would love to come."

 

But Koos stuttered a bit, "But I have to warn you, it is  a bit rough around here, there are going to be a lot of drinking."

 

"No problem, I can keep up with drinking." said Van.

 

"And also some fighting when we had a few too many."

 

"No problem," said Van, "I can handle myself in a fight, I've been in a few"

 

And then Koos turned red, "And there will also be a lot of sex."

 

 "No problem, I like sex" said Van.

 

When Koos leave Van asked him,"Tell me, how many people are there going to be at the party?"

 

And Koos said, "Just the two of us."

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Smoke is better today and Emma is breathing better, although she has been inside all day again.

Last night for dinner Emma stopped at McD. After eating she was very angry and in a really foul mood. After decades of trying to ignore feelings (and succeeding) she was surprised and confused. Some of you may understand how it took her quite a while to figure out a) exactly what she was feeling and b ) why she was feeling that way. We think she was angry at herself for feeding her body all that crap at McD. This is new to her. She has been trying to be loving and accepting of her fat the way some people say. But lately she has taken the 1950s attitude towards fat, that it is disgusting and embarrassing and not acceptable at all. In the past when she ate too much crap Emma would shrug her shoulders and say "meh, it doesn't matter, nobody cares". Last night though, Emma did not shrug her shoulders, she pounded the steering wheel and in her anger said "I care! I care! I care that I am doing this to my body and my body deserves better damn it!". The idea of the body deserving good treatment seems to be sinking in finally.

 

This is so important!  Emotions are weird and confusing, and it can be hard to wrangle them into something constructive, but just feeling that anger and seeing it for what it is is very powerful.  Realizing that you really do care about something can be a kick in the teeth, but this just shows that you have fighting spirit!  It looks like Emma is finding the right reasons for this work, and she DEFINITELY has the fire in her to slay the weight-loss dragon!

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Emma has been busy and rather anti social lately. Thanks for checking in guys. I have been checking in with you all, just trying to keep up.

Tuesday was Rotary with a guest speaker, a native of Afghanistan, sharing his life story. Very interesting. His grandmother told him stories of the 60s and 70s, when she went to university, wore miniskirts and bikinis and hung out at coed swimming pools. Very western life. Then the Soviets came and war. Then the Soviets left and the Taliban moved into the power vacuum. And didn't leave. His dad was killed by the Soviets when he was six months old. Much of his family was also. So according to Taliban rules, as the only male in the family he was the sole provider. At the age of 7. But there was no one else to help. HIs mother and sister weren't allowed out of the house. They still snuck out from time to time and occasionally came back bleeding from being beaten by the Taliban. He learned English watching (forbidden) movies and eventually found work as a translator for the US troops. Very dangerous, If the wrong people found out he and his family would be killed. After a couple of years he decided to quit and find less dangerous work. One of the guys he translated for was a great high muckety muck in the Army (I forget exactly what) and also a Rotarian. Told kid that if he got a visa and admission to a college, any college, in the US, his tuition and living expenses would be paid. Basically, kid was adopted by Rotarians in US and put through college. He is on his way to Oxford as a Rotarian peace fellow to get his Master's. He spoke of the good things US is doing in Afghanistan which gave me mixed feelings. Nice that we are doing some good there, but still don't know why we are there to begin with. The world is a mess.

 

Worked until 4 am on Wednesday morning. Decided to let Emma skip the plan to go on a hike and have a rest day.

Another late night, bed at 2 this morning. Still feeling tired and behind on my sleep.

Thinking about going to a nerd meet up tomorrow night. Not a good thing to do feeling as anti social as Emma is right now. We hope that some rest will help improve her mood.

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Take it from me, forcing yourself to go to the Nerd Meet-up probably is just what the Doctor ordered. While it might be hard to do, I have no doubt that you will enjoy yourself.

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