The Big Why of My Fitness Goals

[Angor]

Hey, guys! So, I've really come to appreciate you guys. All the encouragement and the pick me ups, the good jobs and what the hells. I just joined the Academy today (been on the forums for about 3 months), and I got to a part where they ask you to find "the big why" of why you want to get fit. Steve said to take a pen and paper. Well, this IS the rebel army, so, I started typing instead. The weird thing was, as I started typing, I just kept going. I couldn't stop. Before I knew it, I had dug deep and found out for the first time why I want to get fit. At first, a few months ago, it was "I want to look good" or "I think I'm fat." But this time it was much deeper than that.

 

The Rebel Army is almost all about accountability. To me, accountability means letting someone you trust know something intimate about yourself so they can steer you in the right direction when you falter. That being said, I wanted to share my Big Why with you. This is why I want to get fit:

 

I hate who I see in the mirror. The blubber hanging and rippling from the side, the back that melts with the ass to form one wobbly entity, the sack hanging from my chin, the bags covering my chest and stomach and limbs hiding the muscle I know I have. Every girl I see, I feel like I can read their minds as they think to themselves, “He’s a really nice guy, but I would never find him physically attractive.†The body in the mirror stares back with eyes that preach sermons on how I’m a pathetic loser, doomed to being insecure and scared but forcing myself to act differently so nobody will notice. The eyes, they scream from the reflection at me and they say, “You will never be happy! You will never find your second half! You will never be both nice and attractive, just nice, and that is a turn off!â€

What is the big why of my fitness goals? I want the man I become to kick the ass of the man I am. I want the man I become to inspire those who are like the man I am. I want the reflection in the mirror to be one whose eyes still scream at me, but they do so with pride and glory and triumph! I want to be seen as attractive as well as super nice. I want to be more than just someone I can imagine. I want to be imagination incarnate.

 

And there you have it. Guys, you rock. If there is any way I can help or if you just want to talk or joke around or watch a movie or something, please let me know! And remember: if you don't find me handsome, at least you'll find me handy!

[Juni0r83]

I really like what you've written here. It speaks to me on a very personal level, and I can so relate. It is almost exactly why I started training in the first place. Things have changed a little since then (January 2014) and now I have goals that aren't just 'become someone you would be proud to be' to 'make so the weight of the world resting on your shoulders is something you could squat for reps' but that's a whole other story.

Good luck with the Academy though, I hope it really works for you.

[Angor]

I really like what you've written here. It speaks to me on a very personal level, and I can so relate. It is almost exactly why I started training in the first place. Things have changed a little since then (January 2014) and now I have goals that aren't just 'become someone you would be proud to be' to 'make so the weight of the world resting on your shoulders is something you could squat for reps' but that's a whole other story.

Good luck with the Academy though, I hope it really works for you.

I look forward to getting to that point!

[Lou186000]

Angor, nicely written post! Although I have no science to back this up (maybe someone else does), I believe that writing things down can provide one with valuable insight and perspective. My belief in this comes from the end of my first marriage. Part of the reason she claimed she was leaving me was because I'd gotten fat. Yep, that was good for the `ol self-esteem. One of the things I did to help process through things at the time was to start keeping a handwritten journal. That was nearly 20 years ago, and it proved such a helpful and restorative exercise that I still journal regularly.

 

I'm finding that writing here in the forums can be similar to keeping a journal. Depending on what one chooses to write, that is. And what you're choosing to write and share is Good Stuff. Stuff that results in inner and outer growth. Well done!

[Ilham]

 

Angor, nicely written post! Although I have no science to back this up (maybe someone else does), I believe that writing things down can provide one with valuable insight and perspective. My belief in this comes from the end of my first marriage. Part of the reason she claimed she was leaving me was because I'd gotten fat. Yep, that was good for the `ol self-esteem. One of the things I did to help process through things at the time was to start keeping a handwritten journal. That was nearly 20 years ago, and it proved such a helpful and restorative exercise that I still journal regularly.

 

I'm finding that writing here in the forums can be similar to keeping a journal. Depending on what one chooses to write, that is. And what you're choosing to write and share is Good Stuff. Stuff that results in inner and outer growth. Well done!

 

Quoted for truth.

Writing is therapeutic. Especially now when there are so many means of speaking out, but so little people willing to actually listen to you. And it turns out NF has plenty of those people that can only be happy to hear your story.

I started posting on NF after moving countries, and finding out I wouldn't fit in for religious and cultural reasons. My battle against obesity was almost already won, but I still had a pre-diabetes to fight and a good number of pounds to shed. And no one to talk to about it, no one that would take pride in what I was doing, no one to help me with it either.

 

---

 

My big why is simple. When I suddenly gained a lot of weight because of a bout of hormonal craziness and insulin resistance, I was too busy not fucking up my third attempt at studying. Those were the three most miserable years of my life, both physically and mentally. I knew that to get back some of that lost spark in life, I had to get healthy again. But along the way, I understood why I kept working out despite being relatively healthy now. This is the first time EVER, that I do something on my own, for my own sake and that I succeed in it. I grew up in a house where I was told I'd never amount to much, either because the world would work against me, or because I wasn't good enough. I understood that fighting against myself during those workouts was the only way I would one day be able to actually tackle big life decisions, which I have always tried to avoid, or always taken knowing I can blame someone else for it if I fail - which always happened as a consequence.

[Companion]

I hope that soon, instead of feeling contempt when you look at your body, you feel love.

It sounds like you are beating yourself up a lot for how you got where you are. I hope you forgive yourself.

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[Angor]

It really is a pretty difficult struggle. But it's worth it. Recently I've been getting compliments on how I look! Not like a ton, but here and there. But I've never had that. The feeling it gives is subtle, but it makes my entire day much brighter, especially because I worked to get to this point.

 

Thanks for your support, guys. Backup goes a looooooong way!