[Rhakna] Something from Nothing

[Rhakna]

Man, I have no idea how to write this post! My story up until this point is kind of a downer.

 

Let's get to business: the two weeks after my first challenge threw me way off, so I'm hoping that by opening a battle log, I'll be better prepared for the reality of changing my life -- as in, it's not over after the first six weeks. In fact, the momentum is so awesome at that point that taking a break is a bad idea for me.

 

This battle log is my journal of efforts to give myself the life I have always wanted, and to climb out of the hole I fell into ten-or-so years ago. It's fitness, vanity, strength, food, health, self-awareness, self-forgiveness, self-improvement. It's not just my fitness journey; it's my road to recovery.

 

That is, if I can peel myself off of Fallout Shelter long enough to do anything else. ;P

 

STARTING STATS

08/15/15

26, female, 4'11"

Weight: 144.4 lbs

 

BODYWEIGHT MAX REPS

Push ups: 3, on a good day

Squats: 50+

Plank: 60 sec

Side Plank: 60 sec, though VERY shaky on the right side (I'm a lefty).

Crow Pose: a whopping 4 whole seconds

 

MISSION STATEMENT

To further my progress on my epic quest via smaller, manageable goals.

New goals every month, split into weekly stuff every Tuesday.

 

REWARDS

To be filled in at a later date!

[Rhakna]

MONTHLY REVIEWS

August 2015

 

 

CURRENT GOALS

Link here, yay.

[Rhakna]

Today's a weigh-in day! 

 

Current weight: 141.2

It's been about five days, and I've been eating well so I'm not surprised... but the whole time I was dying to weigh myself! I used to weigh daily and I was a little afraid of swapping to weekly weighs. Realistically I knew it was fine, but in my head it was a little scary, haha.

 

Inches lost this week: 2.75

Had great losses around my upper body, but gained a bit around my hips, which is pretty normal for me. Also, squats.

 

I'm feeling lazy and exhausted and so tired today, so I'm going to try out the NF Yoga program today and then just sit back today. Maybe I'll clean the house a little more or get something done later... but I'm not stressing about it today. It's my first day off that I have time to myself in weeks so I'm going to kick back.

 

I should have more time for daily updates starting tomorrow! I'm going to really pick up on my strength training and flexibility routines. Nothing too crazy at first; I'm the super-impatient type who thinks I need to spend two hours a day working out so I can have results now, but I'm going to take it slow and ease my way into finding stuff I really like.

[Rhakna]

Tried NF Yoga Water A yesterday and really liked it.

 

Forgot about my weekly goals yesterday, so here we go:

- Three work outs

- Three yoga sessions

 

 

I know, such an exhaustive list. I've been running on fumes for a couple of weeks now so I'm keeping it simple until I feel a little better.

 

Today I managed about 10 minutes of working out. Just dragging along.

[Rhakna]

Doing a little better today. Wednesdays are my Mondays, so I was probably suffering from Garfielditis, which stems from an unhealthy hatred of Mondays. ;p

 

All jokes aside, I think it's worth paying attention to. I generally feel my worst on Wednesdays, I think. We're usually understaffed at work, I have to have schedules entered in before the end of the day, etc. I also often feel like I haven't had any time off at all, even though I've just had my weekend. Maybe I should think about how I can make my Mondays easier.

 

I'm going to try to spend the rest of today away from the computer so I can re-evaluate myself. I'm going through a frustrating time where I can't leave a job that stresses me out way too much, and I'm smack in the middle of a quarter-life crisis, fretting over how I'm not where I wanted to be at 26 at all.

 

Anyway. Whatever workouts I do today will be posted below:

 

- NF Yoga, Water B

[Rhakna]

Tuesday, 8/25

Didn't get time to post yesterday, but I left it open so here it is:

 

Weigh-In: 143.4

 

I was expecting an increase, and am pretty pleased it's not back where I started. 

I forgot to weigh myself before my coffee, so it might also be a little lower.

 

I've basically just had a full week of eating crap food. It really started with the pasta I threw out that had a civilization living at the bottom (still gagging), which led me to eat pizza from work, and then I kinda ran with it for the rest of the week. We also made a trip out of town, which involved eating out for three meals, the last of which produced a lot of leftovers that we still have. I can eat them sensibly, so I'm not worried about gaining again this week. We're also going to the store tonight, so I can FINALLY restock my healthy foods after a month. There's a reason why I was eating all the pasta in the house. ;P

 

Workouts

 

On Friday I tried Fire A and looooved it. Today:

 

- Halfway through GMB Elements W1D1 before I was interrupted.

All I've tried so far, but I love it!

 

Our internet service is awful, so I couldn't start on Fire B because it didn't get to buffer enough for me to go through without interruption. Time to start downloading them all.

 

 

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Wednesday, 8/26

 

Bought myself GMB Elements yesterday.

I've been thinking about it for awhile 'cause I like their stuff and it really fits with my ideologies. It's great, but the only downside is streaming so many videos on my extremely terrible internet. I've found a way around it, but it's a pain in the butt.

 

I went ahead with the purchase because I've been enjoying the NF yoga so much. I really want to maneuver past the ideas I'm stuck with about fitness: at least 20 minutes or I didn't do well enough, must be drenched in sweat and gasping for air by the end, must be strength-training based (bodyweight exercises, weights, etc), can't freestyle or deviate from the plan or my training will be unbalanced. Logically I know this is not all completely true, but in practice, I feel disappointed in myself if I didn't meet all of these criteria. 

 

Elements and NFY are giving me positive messages I need beaten into my head, and they're giving me something I enjoy. They're also opening up all of the avenues for other hobbies: they'll be a great foundation for dance, parkour and freerunning, plus whatever other things I decide to try.

 

 

Workouts

 

I'm combining Elements W1D1 and D2 since I couldn't finish yesterday. Hopefully that doesn't kick my ass.

- Warm-up: Fingers, wrists, shoulders, shoulders w/ stick, squat, squat hip opener

- Assessment: Monkey, bear, then frogger BAPs

- Stretch: L-arm, lounge chair, A-frame to cobra (1.5 minutes), assisted monkey twists (high, med, low, then ground level)

 

This was fun, but took me just over an hour. Tomorrow should run much smoother/quicker. I like all three basic movements, and I like some of the stretching (down to up dog, L-arm, and the shoulder stretches using the stick).

 

Bonus round!

 

- NF Yoga Fire B, FINALLY. This one was fun and challenging!

 

Gotta rush through a shower and lunch! I hope tomorrow is this awesome.

[Rhakna]

Slightly sore upper body today.

 

 

Workouts

 

- GMB Elements W1D3.  First time doing the frogger stretch, really love it. Instant gratification.

- Water A. My copy of Star A had no sound and I didn't have time to wait for my stream to buffer. I modified a bit to add a little extra challenge here and there as she explained some of the poses I knew.

 

Total time: way too long. About 80-90 minutes. Rushed through second half of Elements for the sake of time. Some interruptions contributed, making it hard to track.

 

I'd like to take a quick moment here to reflect on a bit of motivation.

 

I feel amazing.

 

There's a little tingle running throughout my body, especially my upper arms, thighs, and a teensy bit in my upper back. I feel calm and relaxed and optimistic. This is what exercising -- especially doing something I really love -- does to me. I feel incredible and unstoppable. I was a little bummed about something involving my shift at work later today, but now, come what may. I am so ready.

 

I needed to stop and think about this feeling and really capture it while I'm in the moment. I'll be adding it to a motivation section in my first post. I'll be able to reflect on it really well, be able to remember what I was feeling when I wrote it. It's truly different from just adding how good I feel from exercise to a list when I'm not feeling it -- does that make sense? It gives the writing no power, so when I read back over it, I don't really consider it much.

 

I might bust out another session of yoga when I get home from work since it's a shorter shift tonight, so I'll have the extra time. I'm really, really enjoying it now that I feel like I get it. Also, now that I've dropped my internal monologue that used to tell me it was too girly to be my primary workout. ;P Before, it was acceptable, but only as an afterthought, a supplement to training hard.

 

This way, I am more at peace with myself.

 

I must remember this -- all of this -- when my days start to collapse, and I feel stressed all the time again.

 

Or will that ever happen again, if I continue on this path?

[Rhakna]

I always find ways to allow myself to sit around for about two hours before actually starting anything each day.

 

I get up around ten, and don't get to work until noon. I sit on the computer the whole time. I tell myself it has to do with drinking my morning coffee, and it's the only time to check my feeds -- this is true. But is it good for me? Is there something else I could do with my coffee time instead? How about drawing?

 

How about kicking it altogether, and getting up and moving around to wake up instead?

Baby steps, though.

 

 

Workouts

 

- GMB Elements, W1D4 & D5 combined

- NF Yoga Star A

 

Total time: 95 minutes. Those warm-ups take forever.

 

Limited time the rest of the week, so I'm squishing a couple of my Elements days together again. This is probably what the next four weeks are going to look like. I guess I could just take longer than seven weeks to complete the course -- maybe if the practice gets more difficult, that's what I'll do.

 

Star A was fun, and it seems "challenging" equates with "stand on one leg." Which I'm totally cool with. The only thing that I really could not do in the slightest was the candy cane pose. Everything else involved lots of wobbling and falling, but I was able to hold the pose for some fraction of a second, haha.

 

Anyway. Today I'm making chili. No cornbread, but oooh well. I've got avocado to make up for that.

[Rhakna]

I was pretty optimistic with work today, but by the end of it I had a massive headache. It's mostly gone now, but I still feel anxious and just all around awful. So, time to work out.

 

 

Workouts:

- Went on my first run!! 5k around the neighborhood... in 51 minutes, haha. Still faster than my previous couch potato status. My mile was approximately 15:30 if my math is right (51 minutes divided by 3.3 miles).

- NF Yoga Water B

 

Let's talk about my first run! Or, rather, my first run in about 3-4 years. The short story: it was great.

I did much better than I expected! I went into it thinking I'd just walk the whole time. After a few minutes, I began to jog very slowly, and spent almost the entire run that way. The only times I stopped were when I had to adjust my pouch so it wouldn't fly off; the magnets didn't want to hold at all. I ended up turning it backwards (so the pouch was against my skin and the magnet flap was on the outside) in order to make it stay. I went slowly for a long time thinking it would still fly around, but after a while I realized I could go much faster.

 

I could have left sooner, and spent most of the time running around in the dark. The neighborhood was close and I designed my route so I could bail and quickly get home at any time if I was too tired or scared. I ended up having to pee less than a mile in, and that made the rest of the route uncomfortable, but with my job I'm kinda used to it, haha.

 

I didn't cool down. It occurred to me that I should have been walking for a block or two when I was a house or two down. As soon as I started walking, my body kinda went "what's going on?!" similarly to when you step off of a treadmill onto solid ground.

 

 

I was so proud of myself I went ahead and bought a doorway pull-up bar, plus an assistance band, online. Maybe it was a bit hasty of me to do so... but I have wanted one for SO long, and I was making a lot of excuses not to go outside and run. 100% worth it. I can't wait for it to arrive!! I want to incorporate things like leg lifts and active flexibility (a thing I learn about just today... haha) and just be all-around graceful as fuck while I am sweating my ass off hanging from that thing. ;P

 

Anyway. Time for dinner, a cup of coffee, and a relaxing evening. I feel so much better after training. I felt so stressed by work, and now I am so happy. All that stuff people say about working out or running to find peace with their everyday struggles? Totally true.

[Rhakna]

I wanted to run again today, but my hips are still sore, so I'm going to do some other stuff instead. (I'm pretty bummed about this, but oh well.)

 

Workouts

- GMB Elements, W1D6 (30 min)

- 30 Days of Yoga with Adriene - Day 1 (30 min)

- NF Yoga Star B (40 min)

 

Today's my day off, though I still have to go in and do inventory and payroll later tonight. Tomorrow's a morning shift so I can run again.

My goal is to start running during my available evenings (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday), so I want to start with Sunday and Tuesday and work Monday in as my hips/body get stronger. All other days will be some form of strength, yoga, flexibility, or whatever else I feel like, since I don't want to go run in the midday Arizona sun.

 

Sometime tonight or tomorrow I'll be reviewing my week. Tomorrow is supposed to be my weigh-in day, but I might have to move it to Wednesday if I can't get up before work in time. I'm feeling pretty confident, to the point where I have had to really actively make the choice to not step on the scale and just check. I feel like it's been longer than a week since I last weighed, but since I used to weigh daily (sometimes multiple times a day), I'm not surprised by the frustration.

[Rhakna]

Remember that time -- you know, a few hours ago -- when I said I wasn't going to run today?

 

Welp. I went out for a run. I completed it. 46 minutes. 

 

I also went out into my yard and started working on it. Nothing major, just a bit of weeding and raking.

 

 

Here's my GMB Elements W1 Review:

 

What surprised you in this first week? Was there anything you didn’t expect along with the things you already knew?

I didn't expect one minute of each of these movements to leave me so out of breath. I've done HIIT intervals that were one minute or less that were much more intense, but I was surprised to find the effort, thought, etc involved in one minute of slow, controlled movement could leave my heart pounding.

 

What new thing did you learn this week that clicked with you the most?

The bear worked out well. I like downward dog so that might be the connection. I also really like stretching with a pole/stick; I'm already pretty flexible, it just feels good and it feels like I'm making some progress.

 

How will this change the way you approach movement the next time you practice?

I'm already thinking more freely about how I can change something up if I'm feeling bored in the moment. I might be concerned about the outcome, but I won't be worrying about it being a waste of time like I would have before starting.

 

 

Week 2 is unlocked, which is good, but it's more of the same. I expect I'll have made some nice improvements, and it'll be good for me to just go through the whole thing again, but I might get a little impatient. We'll see.

 

For now, all this exercise I've been doing has made me feel so awesome. I'm still stressed and insecure overall, but the movement is freeing.

[Rhakna]

Weigh-In: 142.6

Almost a full pound down from last week, though I may re-weigh tomorrow and get my measurements then too. I didn't really have time to touch on that stuff. I DID notice that my butt looks nicer in the mirror this morning though, haha.

 

I didn't do much today, just a 30 minute run. I was running my 5k route but cut it short, so I probably did about 2-2.3 miles. Just wasn't feeling it much, especially after all the texts I got from work interrupted me in my first mile. I need a system. Maybe I'll just shut off all notifications. They can live without me for 45 minutes.

 

Feeling too tired to do any yoga or GMB stuff; I haven't even looked into rewards like I was thinking about earlier (it would justify a lot of stuff I want to buy). I just want to eat and sleep, so that's what I'll do.

 

Tomorrow is another day.

[Rhakna]

Today. Today! Todaaayy.

 

Workouts

- GMB Elements W2D1

- Focusing on 10+ minutes of deep squatting today

- Moving around more in general. This isn't really a workout, but I'm spending much less time sitting, so it counts.

 

Highly anxious today, our store could be getting inspected. I have to go in early but have barely finished my shower, haven't eaten ANYTHING, etc. so off I go.

[Rhakna]

Started using SuperBetter yesterday.

 

The overly-positive mood of the website is feeling pretty silly to me right now, but I'm still interested in its dailies (three power-ups, three quests, one bad guy battle). I think it's a good choice. I might get the android app, but I'm a little apprehensive to drop the $5 on it with its bad reviews. Still, I've spent $5 on less.

 

Yesterday was a long, stressful work day, and today will be a long, stressful workday, and the next few days will all be long, stressful workdays. I'm going to find out today if I get Saturday off. That would be amazing, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

 

Anyway, as is obvious by my tone right now (...), I think today would make a good rest day. I'm exhausted. I'll fit some little stuff in, but no structured work outs today.

[Rhakna]

Yesterday was hard. Long day of work, ended up talking about my past a bit to two of my coworkers. "I didn't think that kind of thing ever really happened," one said. "Just in movies." The second person agreed. It was harder than expected; I can talk casually about my trauma much of the time. I tried not to show that it hurt. I didn't even go into detail.

 

I still have to work Saturday, but I'm really not surprised. Someone just called in, but again, I'm not surprised. Overall, my well-being is improving, but work is really dragging me down still. It's the hardest part. I'm really trying to stay positive and all, but it's not easy. My days are roller-coasters of emotion.

 

Today can be better. I'm feeling pretty anxious, but plan on getting my workout, a nice shower, a hot meal, clean clothes, a little sunshine. I'm going to try.

 

 

Workout

- Elements W2D2 and D3

- NF Yoga Fire B

- Five minutes of extra yoga on the back porch for my sanity.

[Rhakna]

I ran yesterday. I weighed in today. I ate pretty poorly Sunday and Monday.

 

Weigh In: 143.2

 

Not surprising, since I ate poorly, like I said. However, I think I'll be moving my weigh-in days to Saturdays. This is the day just before I start eating crap food (Sunday), and the day before I usually go to the store. Weighing in then -- after several days of clean eating -- might help push better decisions on my odd-days (Sunday through Tuesday).

 

I've been hanging around this 141-144 range for ages and it's driving me crazy. I know weight doesn't really matter, it's all about body composition, but I feel this plateau is pretty telling. I'm getting so close to breaking through, I just need to truly act.

 

- I'm going to start counting calories again. Yep. Maybe not for long, but I need an idea of what's going on.

- I'm going to meal prep again. This will make the whole calorie-counting thing so much more manageable.

- Saturdays will be where I weigh-in and measure, but this will also be completely optional.

- This adds Saturday to my Tuesday check-in. I'll essentially be checking in every 3-4 days this way.

- I'm (slowly) quitting sugary coffee, once and for all.

 

I don't want to start obsessing, but I need some hard data to get past this plateau, and I need to know how much I'm eating and if it's too much or too little. I'll be taking my workouts more seriously now -- more on that in a moment -- and possibly adjusting macros/calories based on my outcomes.

 

Here's some facts I have based off of my battle log so far:

- 8/15 - 8/25: Was eating well & lost weight, then ate crap food and gained.

- 8/25 - 9/1: A few nights of running, first week of Elements, lots of yoga. In the end, I "lost" a pound, but I was eating crap the week before, so was it the workouts, the diet, both, or neither? There's no control here.

- 9/1 - present: I was very stressed out. I spent more time on my feet, but overall had fewer structured workouts. In the end, I gained, but was the gain from eating poorly the two days before, from a week of very little working out compared to before, my diet in general, etc? I understand the fickle nature of weight here.

 

I haven't measured properly in a while, but part of that is because I already know I'm going to be in the same position I've been in for months now. My weight and measurements move simultaneously right now; this is my experience for many months now. I haven't had a hardcore, structured diet/exercise regimen for a long time and would like to carefully bring that back.

 

I'm considering a food scale, but haven't taken the plunge yet.

 

Anyway. I've just finished the book Following Through, and will be implementing some of its information.

One tactic I like is "Going Too Far," where if I choose to do something "wrong," I have to take it too far. The example in the book was if the woman wanted to take a doughnut, she could, but she must take -- and eat -- three at a time. For me, it's workouts. If I want to skip a day, I can -- but I must skip two days in a row. If I find myself wanting to take up that offer, I already know I'll stop and think, Why? This will easily segue into tapping into my current emotions, and figuring out why I don't want to work out: Is it an exercise I hate? Am I too sore? What are my alternatives? I may not feel like working out one day, but I know I'll want to the next day. I was going to be lazy and skip my run yesterday, but knowing I couldn't do it today either broke my heart, so I did it.

 

I'm scheduling an hour and a half of active time each day -- not to burn myself into the ground, just as my "window." I'm trying to find time for everything I want to do because I'm on the road to recovery and there's so much I want to re-discover about myself and not enough time in the day for all of it.

 

This active time will be when I work out. Maybe I'll work out the whole time -- maybe just twenty minutes. But the rest of the time can't be spent at the computer or doing anything else "lazy." The goal is to be on my feet the whole time, but I'll be lenient about it depending on how I feel.

 

My goal for this time frame:

- Elements to warm up (since it implements many warm-ups anyway)

- Strength work -- pull up bar, squats, etc.

- Yoga to finish; anywhere between 20-50 minutes

 

Then right after I'll have time to shower, eat, etc. before moving on to drawing or whatever else is on the agenda.

 

Anyway, I need to get dressed and try the post office, hit the ATM, make my grocery list, all that fun stuff. Here's hoping I can make some truly influential changes this week.

[Rhakna]

So. Six week challenges are picking up again.

 

Even better, this one will likely end just before a big trip we're plotting.

 

I think it's just the boost I need.

 

 

THIS WEEK'S MEALS:

- Vegan chili!! Still crazy about this, but I'm switching it up next week so I don't burn out.

- Baked potatoes, side salad, mixed frozen veggies

- Must.. portion... fruit!!

 

My pull-up bar won't be arriving until FRIDAY! I'm dying just waiting around for it.

 

 

 

 

Just learned how incredibly low-calorie my chili is! I had it split into 7 servings, but cut it down to 5 so that I could hit ~450 calories per serving. This is with (whole grain) pasta.

 

Feel like posting more, but no time, so I guess this is it for now.

[Rhakna]

So, I posted my 6WC thread even though I was nervous about committing. 

 

Today I'm concocting a list of things I can do with no computer/internet.

One of my goals is to leave my computer off until at least 2 PM (shooting for 2:30 but giving myself some slack). One exception is the laptop in the back. It's a pain in the ass to navigate with the trackpad, the wifi from the back of the house is crappy -- all in all, an unpleasant experience. But I'll be using it to play tutorial videos I'm gathering today (along with Elements, NF Yoga, etc). So, technically, there will be computering before 2PM, but unless I start browsing youtube or reading my 10th lifehacker article of the day, I think I'll be good.

 

My pull up bar arrived yesterday. I'm still too wimpy for even one pull up, but I gladly hop onto it every time I pass by.

[Rhakna]

Weigh-In: 141.6!

 

See, Saturdays are much better for weigh ins. I'll probably be back up three pounds on Tuesday. We'll see how next Saturday goes, though.

 

Today is my last day on the computer, kind-of, so I wanted to get as much "done" as I could, but I really don't have much to do. Yesterday I downloaded a bunch of beginner parkour videos and read up a bit on how to get started, and I'm pretty confident now in my options. 

 

I haven't worked out this week, as is clear by my posts. Why? I'm not really sure. I haven't been feeling up to it. I'm experimenting a bit with my diet, but not really enough to warrant a complete halt on all my workouts. Next week the challenge begins and my computer will be off for an extra four hours a day, so I think I'll be able to pick up where I left off.

 

I feel like it's useless posting this, but one day I might like to look back on it, so here it is.