It's been a [long] while...

[Thilde]

I (previously known to the Rebel community as Sambie Wilkes) am back.  It's been a year since I was last here, and more than that since I was last here to do serious work.  So much has changed, I just don't even...

 

I got divorced last year; that changes everything.  One by one, all the things I thought I knew about myself disintegrated, until I was just a line drawing with no detail or substance.  Then there was the grieving time when I did nothing but work, sleep, eat, and process my various losses.  And now, a year later, I'm starting to pick up pieces of my identity out of the dust, one at a time, and see if they still fit.  So far most things don't.  Derby skating doesn't fit anymore.  Running doesn't fit anymore.  Buddhism and blogging don't fit in the same way; they've morphed into something totally unlike my previous experience of them.  I'm a different person now and it's been a weird yet liberating process of starting over.

 

I have a new relationship, a new job, a new house, a new cat.  New friends, new family (on my partner's side).  New hobbies like doing crosswords and hula-hooping and watching Supernatural, and new versions of old hobbies like hiking, birding, and cooking.  New dreams and goals, like finally ditching social work for good and going back to school to pursue my lifelong dream of doing bee research.  I have a tattoo now, you guys.  And appointments scheduled to get two more.  WHAT.

 

I still love Keanu Reeves even though my profile picture here is now myself and no longer his beautiful face.  

 

I'm not jumping in to a challenge anytime soon.  I'm still in the uncertain phase of figuring out what fits, which means I have gone back to the drawing board regarding modes of activity and dietary preferences.  I don't know what my goals are yet.  I still sometimes get disoriented by how different my whole world is but I believe in continuing to try and move forward toward feeling whole again.  I'm getting there.

 

It's good to be back.  I am looking forward to reconnecting with old Rebel friends and making new ones.  

 

~Winx

[Guzzi]

Hey! I can totally relate to what you've just described. I went through a similar process, under slightly different circumstances right enough, but I described it as losing everything that I thought defined who I was as a person. I'm glad that you've found happiness in a new relationship, and that you've been able to rebuild yourself as a slightly modified version of who you were before. Although it's a horrible experience to go through, I've found it very liberating to shake off some of the shackles of the "old me" and I've had fun testing out new versions of "me" until I found the one that best fits. Did you have a similar experience?

I hope you enjoy being back on the boards and look forward to seeing you around.

[Samunwal]

Whoa - heavy stuff, but you're pretty resilient and I know will come out stronger. Sounds like you're already headed that way. Won't be easy, but you'll get there.