Emmi Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 Hello, lovely people of the rebellion. I've been a member for about a year now and I've barely been active, as you might have noticed (or rather.... haven't noticed...). I was all about changing and progress, and I still am, though so many things have happened in between now and a year ago that I feel like my perspective has changed. I have a younger sister who just turned 17 and who has been at home with a rare illness since april 2014. The illness she has is the same one that I had back in 2010, and apparently this illness is not supposed to occur more than once in the same family. We're a medical miracle, yay.The disease she has is called idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH). It means that the pressure in your head is too high for some reason and it gives you an awful headache, presses on all your senses, can turn you blind and can cause temporary paralysis (don't ask me how, when I had the disease and it was at its worst, I had the starting symptoms. I've also heard stories of people who became completely paralyzed until their treatment started. It's scary). The cause of this disease can be known or unknown; it can be chronic or occur once. When it occurs once, it can be cured easily with treatment, or it can stay in your body for about two years (even with treatment).I had the quick version back in 2010 (sadly I lost nearly all my muscles and needed to revalidate for a year), my sister has the long version. We still don't know whether or not this one is chronic or that we just need to be a little more patient before it ends. Around the same time I heard that I failed my maths exam for the second time, my sister got diagnosed with this disease. Bad news piling up. It hurt my soul. At the start of this summer I didn't fail maths and I got the degree I needed to get into uni. I have started studying cultural anthropology a month ago, finally This summer too, my sister got diagnosed with a depression. The very obvious cause for this depression is the disease that doesn't seem to have an ending. She hasn't been going to school for over a year, barely sees her friends and is starting to get symptoms of social anxiety. She plays an MMORPG and has made some friends on there who also struggle with a long lasting illness. Two weeks ago I got a call that my sister had gotten worse. I went to see my family over the weekend and it was very tough. Even now, when I'm writing this and am remembering how it was when I was there, it physically hurts. This makes it hard to focus on my studies at times, especially when I get news that my sister has gotten worse. Luckily I got a call last week that she was starting to feel better *big sigh of relief* That was a very long story. I always think that this has more impact on me than I realise. I am in uni and I should be feeling both unstoppable and probably also very stressed. I've been working towards this for three years and now I'm finally here and I feel more scared than ever. I've developed a pretty bad fear of failure and I feel super dumb most of the time, even though I know that I'm not and people tell me that I'm not. I choose to not say something during a discussion if I know there's a chance that it might be wrong. I feel even dumber when I don't get something that people who are 5 years younger than me don't have any trouble with. There are times I don't sleep well because I have to make a test or because I have to hand in something.I've gained a lot of weight during the summer and the last month. My house is a mess most of the time, I feel drained and tired all the time, am bloated a lot and I have a hard time saying no to unhealthy snacks.I worry about money a lot too. I don't want to take a job at least the first part of this year, and even though I receive government money because I'm a student, uni is very expensive and it doesn't help that there has been trouble with a sending for previous schoolbooks. It's not even my fault that something went wrong and this joke could cost me €500. There's a chance of a lawsuit. Stressed, me? What are you talking about According to my best friend I'm hyper focussing on the bad things that are happening in my life. That's probably true, but I'm not sure how to change that focus to something else because this is all I feel as being true. There are times I feel like I'm a depressing person and that it's better for me not to have much contact with people at uni. There I days I need a high-five for getting out of bed. I am also tired of this mentality and tired of being tired in general. I know that I want to change things in my life, I know most things that I want to change, I'm just not sure where I want to start yet. I've made a list and tomorrow (hopefully) my Passion Planner will arrive. This will help me to set specific goals and help me to get more organized in general. That's a good start, I'd say I've also started working out more regularly again. This helps me to manage stress and makes me feel happier and more cheerful overall. Finding time to work out, now that's a different story.... One thing I do know is that I want to start hanging out at the Rebellion HQ more. I find all of you lovely and inspiring and the chat over here helps me to focus on something completely different than uni or the worries about my family. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some statistics to do... Quote Link to comment
TheGreyJedi-Ranger Posted October 6, 2015 Report Share Posted October 6, 2015 One good place to start in overhauling life is your diet. When I eat a lot of bad foods, I feel bad. I'm still working on this, but even baby steps help. Find an inexpensive source of protein and have that with fruits and veggies. For when you're stressed, write down or type up all the things that are stressing you out. Figure out what you have control over, and fix it. Exert what little bits of control you can. Drink LOTS of water. Also tea. Sleep plenty. Find some kind of exercise that makes you happy and make time for it. It will help with stress, mood, and your general feeling about life/yourself. Make to-do lists of small tasks and cross them off when you do them so that you feel more accomplished Quote Grey Jedi Ranger Jedi Becomes Her Own Hero Jedi Battle Log “Keep Calm, Carry On, and Don't Freeze Up!” - Oboro Shirakumo (Loud Cloud), My Hero Academia Vigilantes Challenges: #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12. #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #24, #25, #26, #27, #28, #29, #30, #31, #32, #33, #34, #35, #36, #37, #38, #39, #40, #41, #42, #43, #44, #45, #46, #47, #48, #49, #50, #51, #52, #53, #54, #55, #56, #57, #58, #59, #60, #61, #62, #63 Link to comment
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