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LittleTurtle fights her way to the castle beyond the Goblin City


LittleTurtle

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Long story short:  My goals are still to eat as healthy as possible and exercise 4 times per week.  But also to pay attention to how I FEEL rather than the number on the scale.  This might mean more walking and yoga and less Tabata.  I hate Tabata.  It gives me anxiety...

 

Sounds very reasonable to me! 

Walking and Yoga are balancing each other in a great way: one is like light cardio, the other has a meditative aspect with controlled moves plus the better feelling for your body.

Having DOMS is one thing, but working out and being in a lot of pain? Hell, no, that does not sound good.

 

I know how the number on that stupid scale can bum you out… felt that way quite a lot in my life.

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FLUCTUAT  NEC  MERGITUR

 

 

FUELED BY PALEO

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Sounds like you know what sort of adjustments you want to make.

 

Good job on abandoning an exercise that isn't working for you.  And the number on the scale... don't freak out as long as you're mostly doing the right things to stay healthy.

 

Treating sugar like it's evil will just cause problems.  Our bodies need things that can be broken down for glucose, and sugar is an easy source.  It's not an addictive substance that is just for joy.  (I trained my taste buds so I prefer foods without added salt, but when I did that and was good about clean eating, I would occasionally I feel the need to eat a finger-full of straight salt.)

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I got on the treadmill this evening.  No Tabata Timer.  Just me…jogging when I felt like jogging, walking when I felt like walking, and sprinting when I felt like sprinting.  I enjoyed myself more this evening than I have since I started with that dreadful Tabata bullshit.  Nice stretch and foam roll afterwards and a couple ibuprofen.  I plan to go to bed shortly and wake up feeling great.  

 

fJ7Kc7c1HQqli.gif

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PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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It sounds like you're getting a healthier attitude. Worrying about your weight when you're sorting out medical issues which could be contributing to your weight problems in the first place still seems like it hasn't been very helpful. Hopefully it works out. :)

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I got on the treadmill this evening.  No Tabata Timer.  Just me…jogging when I felt like jogging, walking when I felt like walking, and sprinting when I felt like sprinting.  I enjoyed myself more this evening than I have since I started with that dreadful Tabata bullshit.  Nice stretch and foam roll afterwards and a couple ibuprofen.  I plan to go to bed shortly and wake up feeling great.  

 

 

See this is the  key to  making lifestyle changes.  Exercise has to be   at least tolerable and ideally fun and  enjoyable.  It took me a long time to  be willing to  try being mindful during my workouts and stop trying to escape the whole time.  when I finally did it I realized that the experience of  my body working was actually kind of rewarding and  awesome and I was able to  be comfortable and proud of my body in a different way. 

How did you get into foam rolling and figure out what  all to do?  I have heard good things about it but  know nothing about how to actually  DO it for myself. 

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Lv 0 Leandran Ranger

STR: 0 | DEX: 0 | STA: 0 | CON: 0| WIS: 0 | CHA: 0

 

Current Challenge: Surakha Rises: The hunt for Ebon

 

 

 

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Jumping in late to return the support!

 

Kudos for listening to your body when it comes to food and exercise. Weight and health issues are quite stressful to deal with... I've had to remind myself many times to be kind to myself while sorting such things out.

 

My thyroid level came in at 4.5 and the lady that I saw said all my blood work looked great, but 4.5 still seems a bit high for me.  I don't know.

 

By thyroid level, do you mean TSH? Mind if I ask what the units and reference range were?

-:- THE LIONESS -:-

Challenge 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4, 2.5, 2.6, 2.7, 2.8, 2.9, 2.10, 2.11, 2.12  

 

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It sounds like you're getting a healthier attitude. Worrying about your weight when you're sorting out medical issues which could be contributing to your weight problems in the first place still seems like it hasn't been very helpful. Hopefully it works out. :)

Thanks!  My attitude adjustment has felt very nice these past few days.   :frog:

 

Hey LT.

Been reading through your spreadsheet. 40 days is a great streak. And It took less than 48 hours to get back in gear with your diet. That's fantastic.

Thanks!  I typically ease up on my diet just a bit on the weekends, but that means keeping it pretty strict Monday - Friday.  I think the balance works well for me.   :)

 

See this is the  key to  making lifestyle changes.  Exercise has to be   at least tolerable and ideally fun and  enjoyable.  It took me a long time to  be willing to  try being mindful during my workouts and stop trying to escape the whole time.  when I finally did it I realized that the experience of  my body working was actually kind of rewarding and  awesome and I was able to  be comfortable and proud of my body in a different way. 

How did you get into foam rolling and figure out what  all to do?  I have heard good things about it but  know nothing about how to actually  DO it for myself. 

Years ago, I signed up for a deal to have two sessions with a personal trainer at the gym I used to go to and she actually introduced me to the foam roller as a way to ease my chronic pain.  She showed me a few ways to use it and I was hooked.  I purchased one for home use shortly thereafter and it came with a video with all sorts of ways to use it.  You can also find several helpful videos online (i.e. YouTube).  I generally lay on the floor with the foam roller under my back and use my legs to push my body back on forth until I feel a release in my back.  Good luck with it!   :)

 

Jumping in late to return the support!

 

Kudos for listening to your body when it comes to food and exercise. Weight and health issues are quite stressful to deal with... I've had to remind myself many times to be kind to myself while sorting such things out.

 

 

By thyroid level, do you mean TSH? Mind if I ask what the units and reference range were?

Ah yes, I meant TSH.  The reference range on my lab report was 0.45 - 4.5, and when I checked back to my readings in previous years, my TSH levels have always been between 2.5 and 3.5.  However, I've been doing extensive research on other possible symptoms of the birth control that I recently stopped taking, and I've decided to give my body a few months back on my original birth control to see if that TSH level goes back down.  One month back on my original birth control, and I'm already feeling SO much better!  That "Jolessa" was not a good option for me for so many reasons.    

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PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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Ah yes, I meant TSH.  The reference range on my lab report was 0.45 - 4.5, and when I checked back to my readings in previous years, my TSH levels have always been between 2.5 and 3.5.  However, I've been doing extensive research on other possible symptoms of the birth control that I recently stopped taking, and I've decided to give my body a few months back on my original birth control to see if that TSH level goes back down.  One month back on my original birth control, and I'm already feeling SO much better!  That "Jolessa" was not a good option for me for so many reasons.    

 

I'm glad you're feeling better! Yeah, sex hormones can definitely interfere with thyroid hormone levels--hopefully that explains the spike.

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-:- THE LIONESS -:-

Challenge 2.1, 2.2, 2.3, 2.4, 2.5, 2.6, 2.7, 2.8, 2.9, 2.10, 2.11, 2.12  

 

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I have a few things I want to jot down.  Please feel free to dismiss this if you don't want to read about "mystical lady parts".  :playful:

 

 

Tomorrow, I finish up the first packet of my original birth control.  4 weeks down, and I'm feeling better every single day!

 

That being said, I started my period yesterday.  Either it sucks REALLY SUPER bad because it's been almost 3 months since my last one, or I've just forgotten how much it sucks.  One way or the other.  Yikes.  Yesterday was rough.  We had an all staff luncheon in the Library and I resisted the chocolate cake.  At first.  A couple hours later and I couldn't hold out anymore, so I ate a small piece.  It was amazing and I enjoyed every bite.  Chocolate fixes things when I'm on my period.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

Around 1:30 in the afternoon, I felt like I'd been hit by a bus (perhaps a sugar crash?).  My entire body ached and I got a migraine.  I felt cold and crabby and miserable.  I kept telling myself that I needed to get on the treadmill when I got home because it would probably make me feel better, but when I got home, all I wanted to do was eat Raisin Bran, wrap up in a warm blanket, and snuggle my cat.  So I did.  When my boyfriend got home, I told him I needed pizza STAT, but decided that it wasn't what I needed, but rather what I wanted in that particular moment, so we didn't get pizza.  

 

The pain and misera-bil-iality that I was experiencing later that evening was just too intense, so instead of exercising, I didn't move from the couch.  I watched re-runs of "Grey's Anatomy" and had a little cry.  

 

I could have been better yesterday, but then again - I could have been much, much worse.  So I'm not going to be too hard on myself.  Today is a new day, and I feel MUCH better and will make up for yesterday.

 

 

 

* On a somewhat related note, there is a new article posted on NF today, and this part really resonated with me:

"The problem is, when we couple emotional judgment with our assessment of our body, we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves we’re ugly, or that we’re perfect, when neither is true. We tell ourselves we don’t need to lose weight, when our doctor tells us we are headed for an early grave. Or conversely, we become obsessed with body image and fail to recognize that we actually ARE healthy. This isn’t just for people with body image problems. These automatic thoughts affect us ALL."

 

Regardless of how my doctor's appointment went last week, when she looked at my blood work. she said that everything looks great.  I need to embrace the fact that I have no major health issues.  I'm a healthy woman and the rest is really just vanity.  And I don't want to be the person who obsesses over every extra percentage of fat on my body.

 

I want to focus on happiness (the kind that isn't defined by a number on a scale).   :peaceful:  

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Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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You get a little bit of leeway with the period, but good job on "later" ing the pizza.

Haha!  Thanks!  :D

Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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As innocuous as it seems, I would ask you to consider not making up for the other day and just keep going. If that day was that bad, and you only had 1 small piece of cake, then I'd say there's nothing to 'make up for.' You did what you needed to and did it well as you even forwent the pizza too. It's those kinds of days that don;t need to be labeled as a day to be made up for. It was a day that was tough to handle, you did your best, and the next day is the next day. My two and a half cents (as I'm 50, I think I get an additional half cent of wisdom to dowel out). hehe

 

Keep kicking booty whenever possible and curl up in the wonderful sounding warm blanket whenever you need to give yourself some TLC. I think you're doing great stuff.

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As innocuous as it seems, I would ask you to consider not making up for the other day and just keep going. If that day was that bad, and you only had 1 small piece of cake, then I'd say there's nothing to 'make up for.' You did what you needed to and did it well as you even forwent the pizza too. It's those kinds of days that don;t need to be labeled as a day to be made up for. It was a day that was tough to handle, you did your best, and the next day is the next day. My two and a half cents (as I'm 50, I think I get an additional half cent of wisdom to dowel out). hehe

 

Keep kicking booty whenever possible and curl up in the wonderful sounding warm blanket whenever you need to give yourself some TLC. I think you're doing great stuff.

I like this a lot.  Thank you!

 

Also, some good news that I'm almost afraid to share because I don't want to jinx anything, but I finally lost weight last week!  And I wasn't even trying that hard because of being on my period.  YAY!  :D

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PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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I find that I actually lose weight right before my period. It seems like whatever fat I lose during the preceding month gets replaced by water or something, and then it all flushes out right when my period starts. I used to get frustrated that I was doing everything "right" and not losing anything, but then I noticed that pattern, and that usually the amount I lost was the right amount for the whole month, all at once. Maybe your body is doing something similar. :P

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THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

- Runner's High (experienced this evening for the first time since I can remember)

- Two day work weeks and 6 days of vacation for Thanksgiving

- 50 degree days with no wind and abundant sunshine in the middle of November

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PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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Challenge Wrap-Up

 

I've been awol for the past couple weeks.  Fearkiller and I had a nice personal chat and I think I'm ready now to talk about my reasons for being absent (thanks Fearkiller.  :wub: ) 

 

The problem is, I don't even know where to begin.  

 

Somewhere along the way, I've lost interest.  I just don't care about my goals anymore.  I have a lot of personal shit that I'm trying to deal with lately and it makes weight loss pretty much the last thing on my list of things to worry about.

 

#1 - I hate my job.  I hate the people I work and I hate what I do.  It's a thankless job and I want to cry every minute of every day that I'm there.  My bosses are more concerned with having fun than actually running an educational facility and it makes me so angry that I don't even know how to deal with it.  Finding a new job seems to be the easy fix, but I make a decent wage, have good health benefits, get a lot of paid time off, and in this economy, I just need to feel grateful that I even have a job.  I'm so good at what I do, but I feel like because of that, people take me for granted.

 

#2 - I'm tired of being in pain ALL the time.  I'm frustrated because I've told doctors this and I get nothing in return.  I need to find a new doctor, but again - easier said than done.  I don't even want to exercise anymore because even the simplest (or what used to be simple) activities aggravate the pain, so I haven't been doing anything at all which leaves me feeling stiff and crabby on top of being in miserable pain.

 

#3 - My uncle tried to kill himself.  I was really angry at first, but now I'm just worried all the time that he'll try again.  I don't know how to cope with it because I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it, so I keep it bottled up inside.  The stress is unbearable.

 

#4 - Seasonal Affective Disorder is kicking my butt, but I refuse to go back on anti-depressants because I'm over that game.  I've been on so many different kinds of medications and none of them do anything except make me feel numb and fat which makes me feel even more depressed.

 

#5 - It has been 2 years since I've been happy with my weight and I'm so tired of trying anymore because I've been killing myself to see any movement at all on the scale.  I know that the weight gain was Prozac and the inability to lose was probably the Jolessa, but God!!  The lightest I've been all year is 142.9 and that was only because I felt like I basically starved myself for a few weeks.  I eat normally (which is pretty damn good) and I gain like 2 pounds.  I'm over it.  I'm done with doing all the right things and seeing no progress.  I know that the number on the scale is not the most important thing in the world, but words cannot even begin to express how disappointing it's been.

 

 

 

Looking over my spreadsheets for the past year has been so deflating.  It looks like I will end the year at about the same weight I started it at.  So even though I haven't lost anything, I really haven't gained either, so that's nice.  But it's so aggravating when I think about the amount of energy and effort I put into losing weight to get nowhere.

 

I'm not having fun anymore.  I don't have a "Big Why" and every day is a challenge.  I'm filled with far too much negativity and it's exhausting.  

 

I started this challenge so strong but slowly burned out.  I do not give myself a passing grade for this one.

 

I need some inspiration. 

Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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LT there is so much going on in your life right now so first and foremost- HUGS

1794-feel-the-ghost-hug.gif

I'm going to try and respond to everything in the same order you listed it. Hopefully something I say will resonate but at the very least, know that someone is listening <3

 

1. Can you let yourself be frustrated and grateful at the same time? I know it sounds ridiculous but the way you described it makes me think there are very good reasons for feeling both ways and forcing yourself to feel one way over the other (grateful instead of angry/upset) means your not letting your anger or dissatisfaction be valid, which it is. Feel those sucky parts and then move on to the grateful parts if you can. If this doesn't makes sense for you then feel free to ignore it <3

 

2. Definitely find a new doctor. It's so hard to do that when you're feeling de-motivated so give yourself time to follow through and try to be gentle with yourself. While managing your pain better is really important it's not necessarily productive to cause yourself extra mental stress to do so, if that makes sense.

 

3. This is so tough, and I'm so sorry that you're struggling with this. As someone who has been in a similar state of mind to your uncle, all I can say is it is about pain, but then again everyone is different. I am ALWAYS here if you want to talk, and I am sure there are many others here who would be happy to lend an ear as well <3.

 

4. Meditation is the only thing I've found (besides medication and exercise) that helps me regulate my mood and manage my depression and anxiety. If you want to talk about it, I'm always here :D. Silverwitch has found St. John's Wort helpful but I've never tried that. Maybe you could ask her about that too?

 

5. Weight loss is a bitch, no other way around it. I've found focusing on inches and not weight has helped a lot. Do you do strength training? From what I remember you like running and yoga? Maybe it's time to try a different form of exercise? But really I think more than anything is knowing you have a ton of value as a wonderful human being no matter what the scale says. And I KNOW that's so hard to accept on days when the number on the scale makes you want to cry and hangs over your whole day. I've struggled with eating disorders in the past and I know what it's like to live and die by the scale. It's not worth your happiness LT <3

 

You've found your maintenance level though and that's pretty damn great :)

 

I think you stated your Big Why at the bottom of your post, even if you didn't realize it: You want to be happy, inspired, and have fun. That sounds like an amazing Big Why to me <3

 

Hugs LT, if anyone can get through this, it's you <3 <3 <3

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My sweet Turtle. I am sorry for the troubles that abound in your life right now. It is a hard road you are on and the actions of others has brought you tremendous pain and anguish. I don't know how it will feel to hear things, but I have been and I am in these same shoes you speak of here, plus and minus a few. If you would indulge me a moment.

 

It's perfectly okay to feel 'done' with everything. You heart is strong and it may well be telling you to stop pushing so hard right now. Giving up isn't the answer I'm touting, but people want to hear that sometimes so they can put their load down and cry and scram and sleep. I suggest doing what your heart wants you to do in this very moment, knowing that the next moment will come and you will make another decision then. You are likely exhausted and no corner of your world feels all that safe, let alone invigorating or soothing. That seems like a cue for you to take action for yourself. The troubles that surround you are pulling out all the stops at the same time. One day, work isn't so miserable and you can take or leave what others say and do, knowing you are doing what you can for those that need your services. Other days, can be understandable, because you're strong enough that day to realize the scale doesn't always move and measurements may or may not tell you anything about how your body is changing and getting healthier. The pain surrounding your uncle suicide attempt may have been a mere one tear easier to deal with if the rest of life's events weren't crashing at your door. You only have to look at the size of this paragraph to realize how much is on your plate.

 

I have been in therapy for over seven years with the same amazing person. She has helped me realize that there are times that I just need to focus on maintaining myself. Pushing or pulling change around and expectations only leads to more disappointment and fear that things will not get better or easier. I like perhaps this is what I sense you are going through right now. So may I say, sit down, dear. Don't take on anyone else's crap. Do everything you can to 'give yourself permission' to relax and gather your strength.

 

What are the most important things you need to do right now? Breathe, sleep, drink water, and eat...

How do you feel about taking a sick day or two this week to remove some of the stress, even if just for two days? Your work will be there and the butt-heads will be there when you get back, but you won't be there with them. You aren't responsible for them and for a short time, you're free of the demands of work.

 

How do you feel about making a private cave for yourself; made of soft pillows, comfort food (grilled cheese works great for me), and a nice distraction or two to pass the time? If your family situation can be organized so you can take some time off, perhaps that will get you some breathing room.

 

The hard one will be your uncle. To state this bluntly, I have been in your uncle's shoes before. It is a dark and damning place for a soul to be. Nothing looks possible, no good decision has any chance of success when the deep scars of the mind are in control. He is exhausted and can't feel himself anywhere. He wants help, but doesn't think he deserves it or figures it's too late. No matter what, the scars in his subconscious will not let him think of the people he loves beyond the egregious belief that they will be better off without him in the way. He his caught in a maelstrom of shame, guilt, and fear.

 

What is hard is to be mad at that. It's like a double-edged sword. I understand the anger. I understand the death wish. I understand the pain. It isn't easy to realize someone you love 'wants' to end things. Your uncle's life looks better from the outside looking in than the inside looking out. Just knowing that's how it is, makes our hearts cry for them and to worry that the next time will be the end. I can't tell you not to worry, but I can tell you that's not what he wants for you. I'm not certain that makes it easier, but the more energy you put in your worry for him, the more you take from yourself. And you are in your own tough place right now. Focusing on you does not negate your love and worry for him. And you can never dispel all the worry for him, because you are connected to him.

 

If you can  believe, and act on the understanding, that when you're visiting him, you put him first and when you are not with him, you put yourself first, you will be able to maintain your energy levels better without being selfish or too selfless. It's like that with everything. Oh if you have children than the line is much blurrier, but most times other humans are responsible for themselves and you are responsible for yourself whether at work, at the dinner table, and in your self-made cave of recovery.

 

I hope this for you... (I wrote this in my holiday cards this year)

 

Focus yourself,

bring your dreams to light

Heal yourself,

at every opportunity

Embrace yourself,

even as you change

Celebrate yourself,

share your joy!

 

Happy Holidays Little Turtle  

  • Like 2

The Way

Better Now than Back Then

Better Now than Later On

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Thank you for sharing this.

I feel with you about the job... Same for me.

 

I'm sorry, but I have no idea for a quick fix.

All I know is that accepting the reality that is right now and getting rid of some "have to"s releases a huge burden. My major point was that a job, that is unfulfilling and not ok for me still can contain fun, success and MYSELF.

 

What I withdrew from my job and 99% of my life was MYSELF. I am learning to stand to myself, my feelings and my needs. This involves not to make a quick project finish at work, because the fix appears wrong to me. Felt way better, but now I have to improve the fix ;). Not too bad.

 

Now all I can ask you is:

 

What do you want to do? What do you enjoy? Shortterm(PIZZA) and Longterm effective!

What do you really need? And are ok ok with having these needs? This one was a big one for me...

 

Live is about getting better day by day and figuring the rest out =)

Don't worry about your weight right now. There is more important stuff for yourself to deal with.

 

Teri is right about your uncle. He needs support and its good to help. But you also need to take care of yourself in a way that you are in a good condition. You can't give what you lack yourself, right?

 

Have a safe time and welcome back to enjoying life!

  • Like 3

Fate whispers to the warrior: "You cannot withstand the storm."

 The warrior whispers back:
 "
I am the storm."

 

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Thanks, friends.  Your kind words have meant a lot.  

 

Today, I nailed my diet and I forced myself to walk (ONLY WALK) on the treadmill for 20 minutes…and it felt so nice I made it 30 minutes.  The only pain I had was in my right hamstring but I plan to foam roll shortly.

 

I talked to my uncle for almost 40 minutes this evening and we had a really healthy conversation.

 

BONUS!  I just got an automated call from the school district.  School has been cancelled tomorrow (for the first time in over 25 years) due to the road conditions.  

 

Today was a good day, and for that…I'm so grateful.

  • Like 4
Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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Wow! It looks like the universe decided to give you a little break. I'm so glad to hear that.

 

I don't really feel like I have much to add to all the kind words and excellent advice already given, but I'll say something anyway. :tongue:

 

It sounds like you were overwhelmed by all the stressful stuff going on in your life. I've been there... it's definitely hard to make yourself focus on any one thing, or even care about anything when everything seems to be going wrong. But, it looks like you are actually dealing with it perfectly so far. Just do what you can, when you can. Try to overcome one thing at a time if you can, to slowly lessen the amount of stuff you have to deal with. If possible... the chronic pain would be a good place to start, I think. Being in pain lowers your ability to deal with everything else. But just start with something you can accomplish, and do that. Which is late advice, it seems, because you did your walk, and on top of that, your diet and talked with your uncle, too! That's awesome!

 

Specifically, though, I wanted to say, don't feel like you have to lose weight if you don't want to, or don't feel like taking the effort to do so. Your doctor vetted you as being totally healthy, so you don't need to lose it for health reasons. If you do want to lose it... then go for it! But don't let anyone make you feel like you have to. If it turns into just one more thing that's stressing you out and making you feel like you're not succeeding in life, then maybe it's time to take a break from strict dieting and weighing yourself. Do what you need to do!

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