Amdhiel's Perpetual Quest to become BAMF v6

[Amdhiel]

INTRODUCTION:

 

 

Hi All! My name is Amdhiel and I'm coming back to my 6th challenge after a hiatus of a few months. Going to CNF 2015 reminded me that I need to keep pushing forward and challenging myself to grow and that these challenges give me a safe place to do that.

 

I am a person who is recovering from a long bout with severe depression. I am a person with general anxiety and social anxiety. 

 

Lately I've been struggling with a lot of changes and self imposed stress that have stirred up my demons and caused me to stumble. These changes are all good and will help me move in a positive direction. I just need to get back on the path and improve my ability to accept and release my emotions.  

 

I'm ready to move forward and grow because change is something that comes with life.

 

 

MAIN QUEST:

Improve my ability to cope with life, emotions and change. To do this I need to get back into a regular schedule of working out and eating well as well as find/learn a better way to accept and release my emotions.

 

QUEST 1: 

Food has an impact in how I feel and function so I need to make sure that I'm eating well and eating regularly. When I don't eat my ability to cope with emotions and concentrate decreases. To combat this I will  prep and bring healthy lunches to work everyday and eat a sensible dinner.

 

• A - 30 lunches and dinners
• B - 28 lunches and dinners
• C - 25 lunches and dinners

 

QUEST 2: 

Exercise also impacts how I feel and function so I need to get back to moving every day for 20 minutes or more. This can be going to the gym and lifting, taking a 20 minute walk or doing some circuits; the goal is to move.

• A - 42 days
• B - 39 days
• C - 35 days

 

 

QUEST 3:

I am currently a person who focuses on the negative and dreams about worst possible outcomes. I want to be a person who is realistic but focuses on the positives and dreams about the best possible outcomes. In order to make this change, I will write down at least one positive thing that happened each day. A bonus will be given for recognizing when I'm going down the worst case path, writing it down and exploring what's behind it.

 

• A - 42 days
• B - 39 days
• C - 35 days
• Bonus for each negative thought pattern explored

 

LIFE QUEST: 

A symptom of internal chaos is external chaos in my apartment and spending habits. One of the changes was that I moved into a new apartment that is more expensive and has more space. This is a fresh start for me and I want to build the habit of keeping my home clean. I also want to make my apartment into a real home for myself. I need to keep track of my finances so can buy a few pieces of furniture and decorate.

• Maintain budget in YNAB and track spending
• Keep apartment tidy by cleaning 10 - 20 minutes each day
• Hang curtains and shelves
• Buy furniture
  • couch
  • dresser
  • night stands
  • entry table
  • TV
• Decorate and organize - work with friends

 

_________________________

 

BEFORE PICS:

 

 

BEFORE MEASUREMENTS:

• Weight: 160
• Chest: 36
• Waist: 28
• Hips: 38

[Raxie]

Yayyyy so glad you're here!

Sent by TARDIS delivery service. Apologies for typos caused by interactions with the time vortex.

[Elastigirl]

Good to see you. I can relate to being a person who thinks about the worst possible outcome, I struggle with that. One of the pieces of advice for people who worry is to think about the worst thing that can happen and then realize it would be ok, my problem is when I do that I start running through 1000 horrible scenarios, and before I know it I've imagined everyone  I loved killed in a zombie apocalypse.  I've realized it is better for me to switch tracks completely and either think of something else, or think of the best possible outcomes that happen.

[Amdhiel]

Good to see you. I can relate to being a person who thinks about the worst possible outcome, I struggle with that. One of the pieces of advice for people who worry is to think about the worst thing that can happen and then realize it would be ok, my problem is when I do that I start running through 1000 horrible scenarios, and before I know it I've imagined everyone  I loved killed in a zombie apocalypse.  I've realized it is better for me to switch tracks completely and either think of something else, or think of the best possible outcomes that happen.

 

That's kinda what I do, I tend to get stuck in a negative thought spiral and then work myself into an anxiety attack. It happens most frequently with work related stuff because I'm still recovering from leaving a bad work situation a bit over 2 years ago.

[goodbye_farewell]

Hey bunkie! [emoji14]

[Trembriele]

I'm glad to see you! I was on hiatus from challenges for awhile and am just getting back into it with this one. I'll be following along here on your thread.

[Elastigirl]

That's kinda what I do, I tend to get stuck in a negative thought spiral and then work myself into an anxiety attack. It happens most frequently with work related stuff because I'm still recovering from leaving a bad work situation a bit over 2 years ago.

Very awesome that you are making it part of your challenge to change that habit. 

[Amdhiel]

Hey bunkie! [emoji14]

Hey there yourself!

I'm glad to see you! I was on hiatus from challenges for awhile and am just getting back into it with this one. I'll be following along here on your thread.

Same here! I'll follow your thread as well.

Very awesome that you are making it part of your challenge to change that habit.

It's a habit that holds me back and I'm tired of it. I'll need all the help I can get but I think that I can crack it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Big_Show]

Hey there, good to see you back!

[insanity]

You helped me out at camp, I'll do what I can to help out here. :-)

[Amdhiel]

Hey there, good to see you back!

 

Thanks! I'm glad to be back!!

 

You helped me out at camp, I'll do what I can to help out here. :-)

 

Fab! I'll do what I can to help you too!!

[shaar]

OH HALLO THAR       

[starsapart]

YAY HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

 

Are you going to post your lists of positive things?  Would love to see those and celebrate with you.

[blkhole24601]

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! Glad to see you back around, and here for this challenge!

[shaar]

 

Are you going to post your lists of positive things?  Would love to see those and celebrate with you.

 

YES PLS!!!!!!!!!

[stillskies]

 

ohai

[Amdhiel]

OH HALLO THAR       

 

:D

 

YAY HIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

 

Are you going to post your lists of positive things?  Would love to see those and celebrate with you.

 

Totally is the plan! :-D I've been doing good with it on my own but it's so much better sharing stuff and getting encouragement.

 

 

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! Glad to see you back around, and here for this challenge!

 

Thank! I'm glad to be back!!

 

 

 

ohai

 

<3

[Amdhiel]

UPDATE - DAY 1

 

All in all I'd say I had a successful start to this challenge. I was able to complete all my quests today and did the bonus for quest 3. Lately I've been freaking out when I get close to the office and this morning I was able to stop it by taking a few deep breaths and reminding myself that I don't need to do all the things right now. 

 

QUEST 1: FOOD

Had a win here even if I kind of rushed my lunch. I had Italian Wedding soup for lunch and then made a pork tenderloin with acorn squash when I got home from work. I even took a picture so I can post for the Assassin Mini!

 

QUEST 2: EXERCISE

Exercise today was doing a circuit from darebee's Hero's Journey with leg lifts, jump squats, toe tap hops and mountain climbers. I did 4 sets of 20 and added an extra 20 squat jumps to round out my 100 for the Assassin Mini.

 

 

QUEST 3: POSITIVES

• Had a very positive talk with my boss at work about how we can set me up for success in my new position while accommodating my anxiety and depression. 
  
• Spent a few minutes with a friend and shared a pic of the table I bought for by my front door
  
• Walked to department meeting with other people from my team & department
  
• Caught up with another friend about how my weekend was and some of my work anxiety struggles
  
• Made positive contributions in a project meeting by translating some things for my boss and helping to come up with options and solutions for how to get the right piece of data
  
• Reviewed health insurance options for 2016 open enrollment - still need to make a decision by Friday but I'd been putting off even looking at the options b/c they switched to CDHP only >.< which really annoyed me.
  
• Made dinner when I got home from work (I really like the kitchen in my new apartment!!)
  
• Did my 20 minutes of exercise and switched squats for jump squats for assassin mini
  
• Cleaned up kitchen and put away laundry
  

[insanity]

UPDATE - DAY 1

 

All in all I'd say I had a successful start to this challenge. I was able to complete all my quests today and did the bonus for quest 3. Lately I've been freaking out when I get close to the office and this morning I was able to stop it by taking a few deep breaths and reminding myself that I don't need to do all the things right now. 

 

QUEST 1: FOOD

Had a win here even if I kind of rushed my lunch. I had Italian Wedding soup for lunch and then made a pork tenderloin with acorn squash when I got home from work. I even took a picture so I can post for the Assassin Mini!

 

QUEST 2: EXERCISE

Exercise today was doing a circuit from darebee's Hero's Journey with leg lifts, jump squats, toe tap hops and mountain climbers. I did 4 sets of 20 and added an extra 20 squat jumps to round out my 100 for the Assassin Mini.

 

 

QUEST 3: POSITIVES

• Had a very positive talk with my boss at work about how we can set me up for success in my new position while accommodating my anxiety and depression. 
• Spent a few minutes with a friend and shared a pic of the table I bought for by my front door
• Walked to department meeting with other people from my team & department
• Caught up with another friend about how my weekend was and some of my work anxiety struggles
• Made positive contributions in a project meeting by translating some things for my boss and helping to come up with options and solutions for how to get the right piece of data
• Reviewed health insurance options for 2016 open enrollment - still need to make a decision by Friday but I'd been putting off even looking at the options b/c they switched to CDHP only >.< which really annoyed me.
• Made dinner when I got home from work (I really like the kitchen in my new apartment!!)
• Did my 20 minutes of exercise and switched squats for jump squats for assassin mini
• Cleaned up kitchen and put away laundry

Yay... Sounds like a good list there. Liking the positive vibes.

[Big_Show]

I had Italian Wedding soup for lunch

 

That sounds interesting, what it is?  Homemade or bought?

 

Also, well done on tidying up your kitchen after cooking - I am terrible at doing that...

[starsapart]

So many positives!

[shaar]

 Lately I've been freaking out when I get close to the office and this morning I was able to stop it by taking a few deep breaths and reminding myself that I don't need to do all the things right now.

 

This is the best.  I feel like this sometimes too and I have to make myself remember - I can only do as much as I can do.  Bleh.

 

GIANT POSITIVES LIST

 

WIN

[Amdhiel]

Yay... Sounds like a good list there. Liking the positive vibes.

 

I find the aim low and just try for one normally results in a bunch more than one which is pretty sweet.

 

That sounds interesting, what it is?  Homemade or bought?

 

Also, well done on tidying up your kitchen after cooking - I am terrible at doing that...

 

It was a canned version similar to this. I might actually try making it because that's a pretty easy recipe .

 

I'm generally terrible at cleaning up as I go. The goal is to use my brand new apartment that I moved into after getting back from camp as a new start from a keeping the place clean perspective and having an actual home.  It's a tough habit to change but it's a change that I REALLY want so I'm trying for the clean as I go to make it easier to maintain.

 

So many positives!

 

I know!! It was a good day!

 

This is the best.  I feel like this sometimes too and I have to make myself remember - I can only do as much as I can do.  Bleh.

 

GIANT POSITIVES LIST

 

WIN

 

I try to remember that I'm not perfect and able to do all the things in no time. It's worse right now since I just moved to a new manager who has different expectations. Luckily he's awesome and wants me to succeed, understands where I'm at and is super supportive.

 

WINNING

[insanity]

I find the aim low and just try for one normally results in a bunch more than one which is pretty sweet.

 

 

Sounds like working out on a bad day... just do one set...

[Amdhiel]

UPDATE - DAY 2

 

Another good day in the bag. I think getting back to exercising yesterday made a positive impact on my mood and such today because things felt much easier today. It could be placebo but I'll chalk it up to the exercise.

 

I got started a bit late this morning but I didn't let it hold me back. Instead, I made my day into to a very productive one in spite of 4ish hours of meetings. I packed breakfast (mango and some cheese) and lunch (pork tenderloin and acorn squash) before heading out. When I got to the office I made sure to eat my breakfast, plotted out what I needed to work on in my free time since I knew I had a bunch of meetings and then knocked out the weekly reports that I needed to for the day. The rest of the day was meetings and working on data prep for someone.

 

QUEST 1: FOOD

Not the best food day but I ate which is what matters. Lunch was impeded by a 2 hour meeting so I ended up having a protein bar and apple rather than the leftovers that I brought (I'll eat them tomorrow). Dinner was left over roast chicken and mashed potatoes from the weekend.

 

QUEST 2: EXERCISE

Changed things up and decided I'm going to try the Age of Pandora fitness quest on darebee. I think I'll stick with moving through that this week and may start back to lifting next week or later in the challenge.

 

 

QUEST 3: POSITIVES

• Packed breakfast and lunch, managed to eat breakfast once I got to work and I'll eat the lunch tomorrow.
• No freaking out on the way into the office
• Made a list of a few key things I needed to make progress on today when I wasn't in meetings and was able to make progress on them!
• Ran into one of my teammates while grabbing coffee, we ended up talking about Thanksgiving plans. She doesn't have anyone local so I may end up going to her place for it.
• Got my expense report done from the Tableau Conference and hopefully will not have to touch the expense system for many months
• Another good project meeting today... figuring out data models for data warehouse stuff hurts my brain a bit but it's fun stuff too (I think I'm sick and twisted for saying that...)
• Had a good convo with my boss regarding other bits from the project about some concerns and questions/clarifications. Afterwards he told me that it was a very nice convo and that I did a good job explaining things.
• A few different positive interactions with co-workers including being reminded by one that I should go home since I was at the office later than normal yesterday and today
• Had fun with my workout