Anxiety is the WORST.

[Samantha]

So I have begun my journey recently, started lifting weights and light cardio at my local gym across the street from my apartment.

 

I told myself that I was going to go to my university's group fitness classes this week (I'm a staff member at a university), trying something new. The class I was supposed to go to, boot camp, started 16 minutes ago, and as you can tell from this post, I am not there.

 

I don't know what it is. This happened on Monday too, where I literally pulled up to the group fitness place for a yoga class (something I'm already comfortable doing in a group environment at a different studio), and just sat in the car as I watched students go inside. My pulse was racing, my breath was shallow, my whole body felt stuck in dread. Then today happened. 

 

It's a mixture of social anxiety, of fear of failure, of not wanting to work out with students I might know (small university, power dynamics between professionals and students, etc., etc.), and I just couldn't make myself do it.

 

Now I'm hating my brain for working against me, and I don't know what to do, and I don't want it to discourage me from continuing to do the weights/yoga I've been working with. How does anyone else battle their brain? I have a counseling appointment scheduled for Thursday, so we'll see what that digs up.

[Brawlrus]

When I've gone through that, which still happens fairly often, I baby step it. You have to trick your brain.

Start off by just going to the gym, daily. tell yourself "I'm going to go there, but I don't have to go in and I don't have to workout, just be in the parking lot". Then, you move onto "I'm going to go in and just watch, maybe stay hidden in a corner, but I'm going to just be there and I don't have to workout". From there, you move into doing a couple exercises while you're there, then you progress into taking the classes, etc. You're pushing your boundaries, but appeasing your mind at the same time.

Your mind is freaking out, thinking of this big leap "Oh no, we have to drive somewhere we don't go and go in somewhere we're not familiar with, then we have to act a fool in front of everyone and possibly people we know!" You give it baby steps, it freaks out a little that you have to be in the parking lot, but the fact that it doesn't have to go in, gives it that relaxation effect.

It's about slowly creating a new comfort set point. Eventually, working out will be that set point.

[fitnessgurl]

I'm like this but for job hunting/interviewing. I panic, then get mad at myself for panicking, increasing stress level which leads to a panic attack, then frustration at myself. A vicious cycle.

I am confident in every other area of my life but this one.

I think I will follow the above advice and see if it helps.

Thanks for posting.

[LadyGrey]

Oh man, social anxiety is my life story! Anywhere is a nightmare for me. I would get so nervous about ppl I don't know that I couldn't even call to order pizza! Ordering online was a blessing when it came around.

I seem to have overcome a bit of my anxiety now that I am older. I think it's mostly because I'm too busy to notice anymore lol. A lot of times I just avoided packed places or just grit my teeth and bare it. A good medication has also been very helpful for me.

[idealistinfire]

My counselor usually has me say out loud the worst thing that will happen, then the likelihood of it happening and how I would respond if it did happen. Sometimes that helps - I love having a plan.

Otherwisw, baby steps work wonders. I also trick my brain on a regular bases (you don't have to workout, we're just changing into workout clothes because they're comfy...oh, well, we're already in workout clothes, so we may as well do 1 wall pushup...or 5...ando maybe a squat too...no? Alright maybe just another set of wall push-ups today. Don't we feel better? )

[fitnessgurl]

My counselor usually has me say out loud the worst thing that will happen, then the likelihood of it happening and how I would respond if it did happen. Sometimes that helps - I love having a plan.

Otherwisw, baby steps work wonders. I also trick my brain on a regular bases (you don't have to workout, we're just changing into workout clothes because they're comfy...oh, well, we're already in workout clothes, so we may as well do 1 wall pushup...or 5...ando maybe a squat too...no? Alright maybe just another set of wall push-ups today. Don't we feel better? )

Really need to remember this.

[caeliter]

I've dealt with and overcome anxiety a little over the years, so I've thought about this a lot.

This way of thinking has helped me (basically another way of thinking about the baby steps approach, which is oddly fitting in a fitness forum)

 

Let's think of confidence like muscles, and fear/anxiety the resistance we feel when we train those muscles:

• We can train for endurance: Do something we find mildly uncomfortable for as long as we can, gradually increasing the duration.
• We can train for strength: Do things we find rather uncomfortable, gradually increasing the difficulty
• There are things that are too (metaphorically) heavy for us to even lift off the ground. (In this case, going to classes at this gym for you right now possibly)
• There are things we can technically lift, but we are maybe not ready for (in this case, things that cause you to become discouraged usually, rather than risk of physical injury... I.e. sitting locked in the bathroom at a party after forcing yourself to go)
• There are things that are tough, but we can handle, and those are the baby steps we train with.
• Then there are things where the discomfort level is so minor it barely registers, and doing that over and over again isn't really going to help gain confidence.
• If you don't train, the muscles get weaker. (You may never forget entirely how to ride a bike, but if you go a decade without riding, you'll find a lot to be nervous about)
• Training one confidence muscle doesn't directly help you strengthen another (addressing a fear of heights likely won't translate to a lot of confidence around people for those who deal with social anxiety for example)
• There are exercises that train multiple muscles though, (Taking the singles line to ride the chair lift and getting paired with a stranger)

The big take away from this is you don't have a fear or not have a fear, there are degrees of it. I'm afraid of spiders enough that I don't want to hold a tarantula, but it doesn't even register if I see one crawling around my apartment. On the other hand, I knew a girl who passed out while taking a shower because she thought she MIGHT have seen a spider somewhere in the bathroom.

 

So to apply this practically, using the example from the OP, how do we get you into that class?

 

What are the "muscles" at play?

 

Social anxiety

Fear of Failure

Fear of working out with students

 

So now we either need to build those muscles, or lower the difficulty (or combinations of the two)

 

One idea would be to introduce yourself to the teacher of the class ahead of time, explaining your worries about not being able to handle it. If the teacher is worth your time, they're going to talk to you about their expectations, and knowledge is one way to lower the weight of the fear. Further more, you'll now know someone in the class, so it won't be a bunch of total strangers.

 

You might casually mention to a student you get along with that you were thinking of taking the class, followed by, "I don't know, I think it might be weird to run into students I know while I'm exercising" gauge their reaction.

 

Or start small talk with students you run into at the grocery store. Start using a grocery store where that is a higher likelihood, etc.

 

Find a buddy and bring them along for one or two classes. Strength in numbers.

 

You could audit a course or take a class where you already know the material. Get some practice possibly running into students in a situation where you're a student as well, and get practice overcoming the group of strangers, without having to worry about failing, because you're already covered there.

 

I don't know, I hope some of that might be helpful.

[fitnessgurl]

I've dealt with and overcome anxiety a little over the years, so I've thought about this a lot.

This way of thinking has helped me (basically another way of thinking about the baby steps approach, which is oddly fitting in a fitness forum)

 

Let's think of confidence like muscles, and fear/anxiety the resistance we feel when we train those muscles:

• We can train for endurance: Do something we find mildly uncomfortable for as long as we can, gradually increasing the duration.
• We can train for strength: Do things we find rather uncomfortable, gradually increasing the difficulty
• There are things that are too (metaphorically) heavy for us to even lift off the ground. (In this case, going to classes at this gym for you right now possibly)
• There are things we can technically lift, but we are maybe not ready for (in this case, things that cause you to become discouraged usually, rather than risk of physical injury... I.e. sitting locked in the bathroom at a party after forcing yourself to go)
• There are things that are tough, but we can handle, and those are the baby steps we train with.
• Then there are things where the discomfort level is so minor it barely registers, and doing that over and over again isn't really going to help gain confidence.
• If you don't train, the muscles get weaker. (You may never forget entirely how to ride a bike, but if you go a decade without riding, you'll find a lot to be nervous about)
• Training one confidence muscle doesn't directly help you strengthen another (addressing a fear of heights likely won't translate to a lot of confidence around people for those who deal with social anxiety for example)
• There are exercises that train multiple muscles though, (Taking the singles line to ride the chair lift and getting paired with a stranger)

The big take away from this is you don't have a fear or not have a fear, there are degrees of it. I'm afraid of spiders enough that I don't want to hold a tarantula, but it doesn't even register if I see one crawling around my apartment. On the other hand, I knew a girl who passed out while taking a shower because she thought she MIGHT have seen a spider somewhere in the bathroom.

 

So to apply this practically, using the example from the OP, how do we get you into that class?

 

What are the "muscles" at play?

 

Social anxiety

Fear of Failure

Fear of working out with students

 

So now we either need to build those muscles, or lower the difficulty (or combinations of the two)

 

One idea would be to introduce yourself to the teacher of the class ahead of time, explaining your worries about not being able to handle it. If the teacher is worth your time, they're going to talk to you about their expectations, and knowledge is one way to lower the weight of the fear. Further more, you'll now know someone in the class, so it won't be a bunch of total strangers.

 

You might casually mention to a student you get along with that you were thinking of taking the class, followed by, "I don't know, I think it might be weird to run into students I know while I'm exercising" gauge their reaction.

 

Or start small talk with students you run into at the grocery store. Start using a grocery store where that is a higher likelihood, etc.

 

Find a buddy and bring them along for one or two classes. Strength in numbers.

 

You could audit a course or take a class where you already know the material. Get some practice possibly running into students in a situation where you're a student as well, and get practice overcoming the group of strangers, without having to worry about failing, because you're already covered there.

 

I don't know, I hope some of that might be helpful.

This is brilliant!