Dealing with my neice/nephews

[Briguy]

I have issues with some anxiety and depression, I try to manage it and do failry well in my own opinion. In most cases if when trouble starts I am able to leave and not have to worry about it as much. Watching the kids is another story. They were adopted in 2010, they were family, now at 10, 12 and 13(14 in January) The oldest is the girl.

In most cases they can do fairly well on there own, the oldest babysits for others, however when they are all together the get into arguments and they don't resolve. They have gotten better and don't nearly have the issues they had when they first arrived. I realize that it is part of the growing proccess and they need to have these sibling squabbles to figure things out, but they tend to get me frustrated really quick and I go towards the blanket punishment approach. If it turns into any type of argument or complaining you are not doing whatever it is anymore, depending on time Iwould be happy with everybody quietly reading a book.

I was watching them earlier tonight and a 'negative joke' was said. I adviced them that it is better to be positive and they could go to bed early. And in the same manner advise that even if it is ment as a joke those things can still have negative effects on people so it is better to not use them in private or public. After having the two boys say they don't to watch a TV show the oldest got permission for (not a big deal, she told them an hour before she had permission to watch it, so a little complaining, but not all that bad) They started getting into an argument over who could hold the cat. I followed my normal I'll take it and you don't have to worry about it routine and was met by the 'but mom said', but John said' and a whining voice. I don't deal with that so I said go to bed. She stated as went upstairs 'this always happens when you watch us'. After that the TV was turned off and Itold the youngest he could do something just not watch TV. After about 15 minutes I went up and told the two older ones that they could come out and we could play a game or something, but they need to figure out a way to not argue because gives I don't want to deal with it. I heard a responce from one but not the oldest, her light was on but Ifigured she was ignoring me.

We played a couple games until 9:30 when they were supposed to go to bed and then tried looking up some things. So far didn't find much. I have worked on some CBT skills, but they haven't been working for me. I want to be an Uncle that they like to hang out with, I want to learn how to deal with kids and eventually have my own family.

What ways do you deal with kids this age that have been raised with a different mindset than than you have? What can help me adapt to them when I only see them a few times a month and get to spend time with them when my sister and her husband go on dates (generally they buy pizza and the kids have something they want to watch on TV)

[Elastigirl]

I think you handled it very well. Kids will often push and see what they can get away with. As a parent that is pretty much how I would have handled it. SInce you don't get much time with them, see if you can spend some time watching them when you aren't the person in charge. Times when you guys can all play games together, but mom and dad handle the squabbles. Then you will have some fun Uncle time where you can just work on building relationships and not have to be the disciplinarian.

[Briguy]

I thought Iadded more to this, I guess not...

I took them out for a hot coco (at Moxie Java) and talked to them a little about what had happened. and asked them if they had any ideas on how we could solve any potential problems in the future before they happened. Their response (the youngest was the only one to have an idea he voiced) was to let them just do what they wanted. I agree with what you say Elastigirl, however whenever they are around they are generally on electronics, playing the piano, watching TV or running around outside, and I am unable to keep up for more than a few minutes before my heart acts up.