Fighting Dark Link

[Shockshot]

Hey fellow rebels.
After one and a half years of having an account here, I finally decided to create a battle log. The Introduction got a little long, so if you just want to know what's going on, skip that part

 

Introduction

Here I am once again, asking myself "Why are you doing this?"

I actually started reading NF articles and trying to change my life in November 2012 when I was totally sick of being fat and feeling miserable about it. What followed was about a year and a half of dedication (there had been ups and downs in between though) and after that my consistency broke when I finished school and just couldn't decide what to do with my life. I tried to get back on track here multiple times, but out of the three challenges I started, only one was properly finished. (yeah, 3 challenges in one and a half years) For a while it looked like I actually managed to regain my motivation (that one successful challenge), but that's long gone by now. A few weeks ago I got another sudden burst of motivation and wanted to start another challenge on Nov 2, but then once again there appeared this little voice inside my head, saying: "You won't manage to finish it anyway, so why bother trying? Save yourself the frustration."

I hate that voice.

 

It's not only my fitness goals, but my entire life being polluted by all those "what if?"'s and "you're not gonna make it anyway"'s. Every day I'm taking the train to university, waisting a total of 3h each day, instead of just moving to that city. Why? Because I'm scared. Of what? I don't even know.

Every weekend I work at my poorly paid part-time job that I don't like anyways and let it eat up most of the little free time I have. But I won't change anything about it. Why? Because I'm scared. Of what? I DON'T F***ING KNOW.

I can't attend the weekly krav maga sessions anymore because the way to university and my part-time job are taking up too much time. How could I solve that? Quit my job, move closer to the university, search for other training groups and another part-time job there. Why am I not doing this? Because I'm scared. Of what? Well, I guess you know the answer...

 

I hate that voice, I hate that lack of motivation, I hate those fears and I want to get rid of them or at least shut them down to a bearable level. But apparently trying to set a goal for 6 weeks doesn't work for me. Maybe my goals were too high, maybe I let myself listen to that voice too much. Whatever it was, I'll start a different approach this time.

 

My Battle Log

So what this thing is about is basically me fighting myself. My own lack of motivation, my listlessness, my lazyness, my disencouraging thoughts - my dark self. Therefore I will write down positive decisions or accomplishments that I made during the day. Like me completing a workout, eating healthy, or whatever. I know I could've just gotten a book and write it in there for myself - to be honest I was thinking about that - because that's basically what this is supposed to be. No one needs to comment, not even read those things, it's mainly just for myself to focus on those things. (Though I'd be happy about replies ;D) The reason why this still ended up online is that I know I tend to cheat on myself and give up easily. Having some kind of audience creates a pressure to go on. (Or at least I hope so)

 

The only "rules" I determined are about getting rid of bad habits (currently tracking them on HabitBull):
- only on 3 days per week sweets (went pretty well so far, despite christmas coming up ^^)

- only on 3 days per week coffee

- only once per week alcohol

Those are basically not restrictions, since it's pretty easy for me to stick with them. I'm mainly trying to keep track of this stuff and getting used to checking it daily, so that it's easier to lower the limits in the future.

[Shockshot]

#1 - 03.12.15

- made myself complete 5 sets of push ups and squats while watching a new episode of the Flash

- started this topic (yeah, I kinda call that a win)

 

#2 - 04.12.15

- snacked cucumber and tomatoes instead of that incredibly delicious looking muffin

- cleaned up my room (long overdue)

 

#3 - 05.12.15

- first free saturday in what feels like ages - krav magaaaa!

[Shockshot]

#4 - 06.12.15
- had a bunch of vegetables for dinner
- did a bit of stretching

#5 - 07.12.15
- cooked a paleo meal with a friend (and it was delicious)

- started writing vocabulary cards to learn for upcoming tests

#6 - 08.12.15
- paleo breakfast and a huge salad for dinner

- finally managed to fix my phone (messed it up 2 days ago when trying to use a new rom)

[Shockshot]

#7 - 09.12.15

- had a bunch of fruit and vegetables and chose a handful of nuts as a snack

- push ups, squats and supermans / stretching afterwards

 

---

 

Something I noticed once again today: I need to do some exercises to strengthen my back. I tend to get back pain very easily (usually just by standing for a long time..).  As long as I have been frequently working out in the gym that problem was almost gone but now I feel it coming back.

And another thing: I'd really like to become more flexible. Whenever it comes to the stretches at the end of a training session, I feel like Sheldon:

I guess a little stretching every now and then wouldn't be so wrong..

 

And last but not least: I should try to write in here daily. I noticed when I wrote days 4-6 that I had a hard time remembering what I ate or did that day... ^^

[sashi]

Inertia and fear are powerful forces. I absolutely feel you there! 

 

Good to see you making progress on your goals.

 

As far as flexibility -- I am the worst about doing mobility stuff. I ended up just joining a stretch class taught at my gym. 

[Shockshot]

thank you

I guess I'll just start with searching for some exercises and try to do a few every day. I also thought about joining NF Yoga, but I still need to buy stuff for christmas, so maybe next year when I'm not that short on money ^^

 

 

#8 - 10.12.15

- had a healthy breakfast and lunch (despite meeting up with friends at Burger King, I didn't order anything)

- I spontaneously decided not to go home, but instead join my classmates in a bar (I'm not really a spontaneous person and always feel bad when they go out and I leave because I have to catch the train. Slept at a new friends' house instead )

 

#9 - 11.12.15

- no sweets all week (well, weekend has yet to come)

- learning

[Shockshot]

#10 - 12.12.15

uuuh... I don't really know if there is anything I can write down here for that day. Well, at least I ate "normal" stuff - neither especially healthy nor unhealthy I guess.

 

#11 - 13.12.15

- paleo dinner

- no sweets all week (now for real )

- more learning for upcoming tests

[Shockshot]

#12 - 14.12.15

- took a look at a flat close to university and might have already decided to move in there

- paleo dinner

Gesendet von meinem One X+ mit Tapatalk

[Shockshot]

#13 - 15.12.15

- learning, learning, and more learning...

- paleo breakfast & lunch

- stretching (woke up with MASSIVE back pain this morning - no clue what caused it o.O)

[Shockshot]

Just as expected I completely neglected this battle log already.

To summarize the last week: I caught a cold, ate pretty unhealthy, celebrated the beginning of the holidays (*cough* alcohol) and did absolutely nothing connected to sports.

But since this is not a six week challenge and I can't use an excuse like "I'm completely derailed now, I can't finish it anyway", let's just get back up and start again.

- fruit and vegetables for breakfast

- stretching

Gesendet von meinem One X+ mit Tapatalk

[Shockshot]

- fruit and vegetables as snacks

- push ups and stretching

[Shockshot]

Concerning the food, Christmas wasn't as much a disaster as I feared (so far). No sweets today, had grapes instead of ice cream as dessert and even dinner wasn't that rich in calories. Between all those family gatherings I also managed to squeeze in a few stretching exercises (I'm trying to do them daily, let's see how well this will turn out...)

Gesendet von meinem One X+ mit Tapatalk

[Shockshot]

Seems like a pretty healthy Christmas this year - a huge salad, antipasti and seafood for dinner today.

Stretching right after I got up

Gesendet von meinem One X+ mit Tapatalk

[Shockshot]

So... I've decided to start this 100 Push Ups thing in 2016 and here we go - Week 1, Day 1:

2-3-2-2-5

Stretching afterwards.

[Shockshot]

Once again Week 1, Day 1, this time on a Monday (so I won't get confused with the numbers... I just had a sudden burst of motivation on Friday and wanted to make use of that ^^)

2-3-2-2-5

Stretching.

[sashi]

Once again Week 1, Day 1, this time on a Monday (so I won't get confused with the numbers... I just had a sudden burst of motivation on Friday and wanted to make use of that ^^)

2-3-2-2-5

Stretching.

Sounds like you're keeping yourself motivated! Awesome!!!

[Shockshot]

Sounds like you're keeping yourself motivated! Awesome!!!

Well at least I'm trying to... xD

Apparently many of the things I do depend on whether I have something I'd rather do or not. It's that funny phenomenon when there's something I have to do but don't want to, so I'm willing to do anything just so I have something that keeps me from finishing the stuff I have to get done. Same today - should be learning, motivation gone, so I started cleaning up and even completed some sets of squats. Things that I definitely wouldn't do out of nowhere xD

 

While cleaning up I found a pair of pants that I last wore about 5 years ago, when I weighted less than now. I thought I got rid of all those during the time I put on way too much weight and couldn't wear them anymore. Tried it on just for fun and you know what? They're pretty tight, but it fucking fits! Back when I cleaned out my wardrobe I couldn't even get my legs in. Totally made my day

[sashi]

Well at least I'm trying to... xD

Apparently many of the things I do depend on whether I have something I'd rather do or not. It's that funny phenomenon when there's something I have to do but don't want to, so I'm willing to do anything just so I have something that keeps me from finishing the stuff I have to get done. Same today - should be learning, motivation gone, so I started cleaning up and even completed some sets of squats. Things that I definitely wouldn't do out of nowhere xD

 

While cleaning up I found a pair of pants that I last wore about 5 years ago, when I weighted less than now. I thought I got rid of all those during the time I put on way too much weight and couldn't wear them anymore. Tried it on just for fun and you know what? They're pretty tight, but it fucking fits! Back when I cleaned out my wardrobe I couldn't even get my legs in. Totally made my day

 

Woo hoo!!!!  And I totally understand about the distraction. It's how I had a clean house and no dissertation.  

What are you learning? Anything that could be fun? 

[Shockshot]

What are you learning? Anything that could be fun? 

 

Well... It should be fun - at least for me - since I chose it xD And most of the time it is, but learning for tests is still no fun at all (I guess that never changes.. ^^) I'm studying chemistry, but it's currently the physics part that's driving me crazy.

 

Week 1, Day 2:

3-4-2-3-5

Stretching

[Shockshot]

Week 1, Day 3:

4-5-4-4-7

Stretching

[Shockshot]

Week 2, Day 1:

4-6-4-4-6

Stretching

Gesendet von meinem One X+ mit Tapatalk

[Shockshot]

Week 2, Day 2:

5-6-4-4-7

Stretching

[Shockshot]

Week 2, Day 3:

5-7-5-5-10

Stretching

[Shockshot]

Week 3, Day 1:

10-12-7-7-9

I struggled a bit with this one and needed more rest between the sets.

Stretching

[Shockshot]

Week 3, Day 2:

10-12-8-8-12

Stretching