Daily Grind, unfortunately, not the coffee kind.

[MadameLucretia]

Lets start with Today.

 

• I had an omelette for lunch, egg and onion. It was delicious.
• I emptied my email inbox (over 900!!).
• I replied to an email that I've been meaning to do for 3 months.
• I downloaded all of the stuff that I will need for the rest of my course, assuming I havent failed.
• I posted on here.
• I soaked my new piercings.
• I was on time to work.
• I had a pretty good day.

 

Small steps. Just keep swimming and breathing and we'll be fine.

[GlitterGirl]

I know how depression can make you just not want to do anything, even when it's something you need or normally feel enjoyment doing.

 

You did great today! 

[MadameLucretia]

On 12/12/2015 at 1:59 AM, GlitterGirl said:

I know how depression can make you just not want to do anything, even when it's something you need or normally feel enjoyment doing.

 

You did great today! 

Despite it being 6 months late, thank you so much for your response! I appreciate it so much.

[MadameLucretia]

Phew. So its been a 6 months or so since I posted, I remember the last time I posted I had a massive social anxiety attack which is why I haven't been back. Its silly because your all so nice, but it delves into the whole too many people focused on me expecting stuff off me. 

Anywho onto the good things. I managed three meals today, I had a bagel and coffee for breakfast, lunch was half a kebab, dinner some carrots and greens beans with garlic sauce. I'm really proud that I've been managing to have breakfast over the past week or so!

I'm planning for this week to focus on getting up at the same time everyday, and also having breakfast. 
I'm not going to underpants or take on too much. I'm fighting the urge to do everything at once but I'm already burnt out. Small steps. Small.

So I'm going to watch the youtube vid I'm trying to load, going to meditate for a while before I go to bed. 

Night!

[MadameLucretia]

Today I've eaten quite a bit. I've had an up and go, a spring roll, some rice and chicken, more chicken, corn flakes, a bagel. I've biked to work and home twice today so about 20m.

 

Im feeling kinda weird but good. I feel like someone's for lack of better words, ripped my heart out of my chest. I don't hurt but there's a strange empty/numb feeling. It's probably the stress. Move is in 5 days. Lots of packaging to go. Just breathe. 

[MadameLucretia]

I'm so tired. And stressed. So very stressed. We're supposed to be out tomorrow, but we've still got heaps to pack and move. I've made the ill  advised purchase of a 6 pack of energy drinks but there's so much to do and I'm already exhausted. I just have to make it through the next 36 hours and everything should be fine. In theory. 

 

Don't even bother with food. Today I've had 2 up and go's, 3 chocolate bars and half a pack of biscuits and all I want to do it cry until I cannot any more and go to sleep. 

[MadameLucretia]

We were supposed to be out today. Hahaha. Not happening. We've got an extension till Monday. I'm all about ready to quit my second job as I messaged my boss and theyve just been really frustrating. It started to thunderstorm  as I came to work so my mattress and everything outside is now soaked/ruined. Frustrated beyond belief. 

[SevenofSeven]

That really does suck about the mattress, the weather gods are just cruel sometimes.

 

The most stressful thing I have ever done beside birthing my Lads is move house. It just does my head in! I hope it gets better for you and things go smoothly from now on. 

[MadameLucretia]

On 30/06/2016 at 11:40 PM, SevenofSeven said:

That really does suck about the mattress, the weather gods are just cruel sometimes.

 

The most stressful thing I have ever done beside birthing my Lads is move house. It just does my head in! I hope it gets better for you and things go smoothly from now on. 

Hey! Thanks for your kind words, they're very much appreciated. We've not had much more luck with the weather, but we've not lost anything else (fingers crossed, knock on wood) so far. I suppose thats what you get for trying to move in winter. 

I cannot wait for this to be over!

[MadameLucretia]

We were evicted on the Monday past, we've so far been allowed back on the property two days to get things. I'm still working both jobs. Im struggling to eat especially because I am sick at the moment, (4th time in 2 months, yay! Stress has weakened my immune system.) Breathing is uncomfortable, so far betting on some form of sinus/chest infection or sinus infection+pneumonia. But, It could just be the flu. If Im still unless I'll book a doctors app...Tuesday..

I got my manager in trouble today, well tomorrow. Vaguely worried about the repercussions of that one. The store manager is going to have a chat to her about her attitude. More stress I dont need. 

 

I've figured out I've reached my limit on things I can handle. Between working two jobs, trying to pack a house, find a new house, move in with a mate, my mother being homeless, being sick, exhausted, worried about my ferrets, broke and just generally super stressed and depressed, plus I suffer anxiety so thats here too....I found my limit today when my manager didn't replace my shift while I covered another ladies, because she 'forgot' so I wouldn't have anyone for breaks and there would just be two of us. Her exact words were, "I've just pulled into my driveway, what do you want me to do about it?" To which my response was "FINE. Dont worry about it. Have a good night." and proceed to try and not burst into tears. This was at 4:30p, I'd been awake since 8:15 am and was working till 12am. 

 

Gah. Sorry for the rant. But I've noticed thing, like Im struggling to form coherent sentances in RL, I cannot give locations of myself or items easily, although I've always struggled with that to some extent but I feel its gotten worse. As is my ability to just explain things, the other day I tried to tell my boss that one of our regular older customers wasn't well and needed someone to help her to her car when her husband pulled up because she could barely walk, I dont even know what I said but it was like keywords and form your own sentances. 

 

I know I just have to hang on for a couple more weeks and this should be all over. Fingers crossed. 

 

Oh, did I mention my laptop is no longer recognising its battery? Other great things have been happening but I really cant. Im going to go to bed. I have to be up in 7.2 hours. Yay. 

[MadameLucretia]

Where to begin? Its been rather horrible. We've been trying to pack the rest of the house and thats been rather slow in itself. My mother has almost had like another 3 strokes/heart attacks in the past two weeks because of pushing herself past her limits with packing and moving and that, plus since shes sleeping in a car shes in alot more pain than normal. 

I'm stressed and I've realised I dont think I could live with my current housemate for long term, since she's..I dont know how to explain it...I dont get a break from work? I'm so tired and stressed and I just want to relax, but I dont feel all that comfortable in her house, maybe because Im still trying to find a place for my mother and I or maybe because I'm hyper obvious to the fact I'm invading her space...

I called in sick today to my main job because I wanted to help mum, we didnt end up doing any packing but we ran some errands and stuff and generally had a good evening. Which was nice. Since I haven't had a day off in like 3 weeks. I got one of those detangler hairbrushes and I'm really glad I did. Its pretty damn awesome. If not only for the fact it gives really good head scritches. I also got a book on doing custom tattoos and a new set of headphones and a super warm jumper. 

 

I shouldn't be spending money but in total I spent...$34 which isnt too bad. We're hoping to be out of the house by.. Wednesday...We're hiring removalists to move the rest of our stuff. I suppose my exercise level has gone up, between packing and working I'm probably not doing to bad. 

 

I've got to go put my stuff in my room as I've just dumped it in the living room and my housemate will be back from work in an hour. 

[MadameLucretia]

Where to begin? Its been rather horrible. We've been trying to pack the rest of the house and thats been rather slow in itself. My mother has almost had like another 3 strokes/heart attacks in the past two weeks because of pushing herself past her limits with packing and moving and that, plus since shes sleeping in a car shes in alot more pain than normal. 

I'm stressed and I've realised I dont think I could live with my current housemate for long term, since she's..I dont know how to explain it...I dont get a break from work? I'm so tired and stressed and I just want to relax, but I dont feel all that comfortable in her house, maybe because Im still trying to find a place for my mother and I or maybe because I'm hyper obvious to the fact I'm invading her space...

I called in sick today to my main job because I wanted to help mum, we didnt end up doing any packing but we ran some errands and stuff and generally had a good evening. Which was nice. Since I haven't had a day off in like 3 weeks. I got one of those detangler hairbrushes and I'm really glad I did. Its pretty damn awesome. If not only for the fact it gives really good head scritches. I also got a book on doing custom tattoos and a new set of headphones and a super warm jumper. 

 

I shouldn't be spending money but in total I spent...$34 which isnt too bad. We're hoping to be out of the house by.. Wednesday...We're hiring removalists to move the rest of our stuff. I suppose my exercise level has gone up, between packing and working I'm probably not doing to bad. 

 

I've got to go put my stuff in my room as I've just dumped it in the living room and my housemate will be back from work in an hour.