Now hiring Dr Frankenstein / necromancers. Pays well in gratitude. Convenient work hours.

[Tyburn Lil]

Zombie Lil is twitching in her grave...

 

I hope to get her(me) out, but I need necromancers to give me a lot of support to help me get there. 

 

My last challenge was way back in July, and Lil looked healthy, I looked like I might make it all the way to the end of my first challenge!

Unfortunately a bad smear meant I had to have a minor operation to remove evil cells, evil, eeeevillll. (Thank-you my sexually promiscuous ex *)

 

Because of my myellin attacking immune system (MS) my body didn't handle this well and Lil started looking a little ill.

 

No worries, she wasn't dead yet!

 

Then I got cold, after cold, MS relapse after relapse until Lil stopped breathing, turned a tasty shade of green and bits of skins started falling  like leaves.

 

Right now Lil is well and truely dead.

For someone who has cycled almost every day for her whole life, the last six months have left me too tired to even consider getting on a bicycle.

I have put on a stone of weight (again).

I keep getting 'we miss you!' texts from the gym. 

I am the weakest and unhealthiest I have ever been.

Haven't been up to snuggle time with my oh as lying energy-less like a corpse isn't exactly sexy.

I'm sleeping around 16 hours a day, and all I can say, is that the will to resurrect is strong.

 

Once again I'm ready to reach for the surface and start fighting.

 

As I keep on reading that paleo is the answer, I'm going to be trying it for the second time, following/ammending Dr Wahls supposed autoimmune bottom kicking version (9 cups of fruit veg a day is funny right now!) I fell of the wagon last time due to lack of nice snacks and years of sugar addiction. The new diet will start in the new year, post Christmas yumminess. The next challenge seems to be about the right time!

 

There's also a lot of signs that some of my health issues that I attributed to the MS might be because of hypothyroidism (Inability to feel warm or get pregnant, Intense fatigue, depression, weight gain, intermittent and random shark weeks), so I'm getting my bum to the doctor asap to see if she can do some magic and manage to get blood out of these dusty veins for a test. I hope so, 

 

Upping my exercise sadly has to wait, no matter how much I psyche myself up with 'I can do it, I have the energy of the gods!!!'  I just can't make it out the house for anything other than walking the dogs for half an hour a day (don't fret, my sexy Thor walks them for the other two and a half right now so they're a lot healthier than me)

Also spending 24 hours a day in a shoe-box, three metre squared room with my other half and two large dogs means that I'm lucky if I sit on a chair, let alone get to exercise inside.

Hopefully though it looks like I'll be moving in February to a larger place, which will let me start doing the yoga course if I haven't managed to start anything else before then

 

Life and Lil it seems might be about to start improving and rising to better places. I'd love any advice, help or suggestions that can help to bring me back to the surface. Doing a Frankenstein and getting her moving about again, would be a massive massive help

.

I'm going to try to commit to getting on here at least three times a week, to give mutual support and send cheery zombie grunts to any who need it x x x

 

 

*Sarcasm. In case you missed it. You didn't miss it did you? Thought not, that's for other people.

[Tyburn Lil]

*Runs away to the grave to sob*

[Tyburn Lil]

Do I smell? I smell don't I. 

 

What is it that prompts answers to some posts but not others. 

 

When I was around the first time, I went out of my way to post answers to those who hadn't any replies. I'm guessing this is unusual behaviour.

In this respawn forum everyone is reaching out to ask for help and support, we've all 'failed' ourselves in some way and have got the guts to get up and start again.

 

I'm guessing it shouldn't affect me so much, but I'm kind of down now, I was hoping for at least one kind person to offer help to someone who is getting her ar*e seriously kicked by life. I don't want to be in the position I am, but I was hoping for help to get out of it. 

 

Still, happy christmas to you all guys x x . 

[Raincloak]

happy xmas to you too. It's not easy being green, is it?  Drink your tea and I hope you flush a nice healthy pink/brown very soon.

 

don't take it personally if you don't get a response, there's an awful lot of spawnage going down and people are busy and stuff.  It's not like most of us are getting paid to respond to posts.

 

How'd the doc visit go?

[Hyperion]

So accountability is what you are after?

[Rezdent]

Hi

Lurker here, made an account just to reply to you.

I hear you.

I am rooting for you.

The hardest part is the beginning - hesitation kills, so don't put it off.

[fitnessgurl]

*hugs* You can do this. Just take it one step at a time.

[Tyburn Lil]

Thanks for responding guys.

 

Surprisingly I did get that folks were busy, only when your own post is unanswered and new posts since have 10+ comments it's a little hard not to wonder what you'd done wrong; And accountability wasn't what I was looking for, just the feeling that I wasn't alone, that others might had been through something similar, could understand, or even if they couldn't, that human kindness still existed.

 

It's all sadly irrelevant now; I made the mistake of going over to my parents for a post christmas family get together and someone there infected me with a stomach virus, my immune system saw an opportunity and every small virus I've had is now having a go so I'm further back health wise now than I was. 

 

Cognition = fine in the morning, but deteriorates to a par with an elderly alzheimers sufferer during the day, a gibbering jelly before bed. 

Emotions = uncontrollable, they're on a rampage. Rezdent you made me cry again. I could hug you tight and just not let go. Thankyou <3

Mobility = well I have lost almost all feeling below the elbow/knee of all four limbs. Just praying that muscle weakness and hence lack of control doesn't make an appearance in .

Stress and anxiety levels = through the roof

Fatigue = bwuahahahahahaha

Other issues =  far too much information from a stranger.

 

Ah unnecessary waffle. On the positive side, I've lost about six pounds in as many days.

 

And I'm crossing my fingers that maybe in another two to three months the outfall from this virus will have receded enough, and the brain scarring that it's causing will have healed enough for me to respawn again.

 

Sending so many happy thoughts and vibes to you all (especially Rezdent) I do wish everyone here the best with all my heart.

 

Though I would kindly suggest that if everyone who logged on thought about taking ten seconds out to reply to an unanswered post, even with just a simple 'Go you!' then not only would no-one feel alone in their rebellion, but that the odds of having to actually take that tens seconds would be so minimal and slim that it'd be about as much effort as sneezing (because everyone else would be doing the same). 

 

Dead an' buried (for now!), Lil x

[fitnessgurl]

*hugs*

[Agnarr]

Hey Lil! I just found your thread... you are going through a really rough patch right now.  I can't claim to know what you are going throw, but know that here is a dude all the way across the world who'll keep an eye on you. Stay strong, don't let your inner fire die away. You are a rebel, an adventurer, you are alive! Where there's life, there's hope. Hugs from Argentina

[Agnarr]

Hi girl! how is it going? Feeling any better?

[fitnessgurl]

Checking...

[TMedina]

Folks are about to dig you up and apply electrodes.

 

That might be inconvenient.  Just saying.

[girljen]

My first thought to your first post was this:  WOW.  This is too hard to answer.  I haven't been through most of this, and when I have been through something similar, the cause has been different!

 

I still have no advice.  I honestly can't imagine what you're going through.  All I know is that you WANT to get through it, and that's a huge bonus.