Still intimidated by the gym

[zaph34]

So I have just joined a new gym here in the UK. Nice cheap discount rates, and easy parking. I have been a member of one before, but avoided free weights. Mainly used machines and exercise mats.

 

My problem is I still feel like a fraud in the gym, especially in the free weight section. Generally quite shy, so I prefer to figure things out myself. So I tried the free weight section and the one guy there starts telling me everything I am doing wrong. Now I know he was trying to be helpful, though looking at various youtube videos his advice was not 100% acurate, but I did find it off putting.

 

Does anyone else feel the same way?

[Closet Librarian]

Yes, yes, and yes.  I ended up springing for a personal trainer package but making it very clear that I wanted to learn proper form for free weights and not to waste my time with other stuff.  Of course, you would need to use your 20 seconds of courage to do that.

[suzyQlou]

I'm a newbie at my gym, so yeah.  I feel your pain.  My confidence is getting better, though, as I get more comfortable with the regular crowd.  I started with bodyweight stuff.  Now I am ok with dumbbells.  I still need to muster up my 20 seconds of courage to hit the squat rack.

 

I like how you did your own research after your experience with the guy at your gym.  Now you are armed with more knowledge.  The next time someone helpful offers you advice, you can shrug it off.  Or roll your eyes.  Or whatever works.

 

If you want to do free weights, good for you!  Keep doing them.  You're not a fraud - you're a beginner.  Everyone starts somewhere.

[CrimsonTide2006]

Some people that see a new person at the gym wants to jump at the chance to be the one to "save them" & tell them how to do "this" or "that"..It is an ego thing for them. Don't let it discourage you though. 

[Nolondil]

I'm the same - I always get a bit nervous walking over the free weights. Luckily my natural resting bitch face keeps stops people from talking to me, but I also know in advance what exercises I'm going in to do, and I know how to do them. Knowledge is power!

[PolarCat]

Gyms can definitely be intimidating.  The one thing I try to think about is that everybody in there, no matter the level, is trying to improve something about themselves.  It could be something that they don't like or something that they're not confident about.  

 

So you might be standing next to the Hulk or somebody with a "perfect body" but they don't think they're perfect and they're usually not concerned about other people.  Everybody is a fitness genius and most everyone is genuinely just trying to help but they don't always have the best way of showing it.  You'll also probably be surprised about how well you'll get along with anyone at the gym because you already have something in common.  

[Darth Yoga]

If you look a little nervous and lost, well-meaning people are likely to try to help, even if they don't actually know much. They mean well. Maybe they are thinking, "Aw man, I remember when I was scared to use the squat rack. Lemme go try to be friendly and reassuring."

 

For guys, looking reasonably confident and somewhat antisocial is generally enough to keep helpful intruders away. Headphones and a complete lack of eye contact can help. 

 

For gals, well... That might work, but I bet spezzy still gets douchebags offering her "helpful" newb advice. Unless you obviously look like the She-Hulk, a lot of guys can't fathom that a woman would actually know her way around a weight room, and besides, offering assistance to a helpless lady is a time-honored flirting technique.

[animuse]

I completely hear you - that's why going to the gym once a week was part of my challenge last round o.o

 

Having a personal trainer there definitely helps, since they can show you proper form and how the equipment works, but I know that can get expensive. Maybe reaching out to those you know and see if anyone else goes to that gym? If nothing else, I used positive association when I went by myself the first time, and allowed myself something I'd been wanting for a while after I went. You don't have to do it every time, just to help get over the initial hurdle

And in the wise words of SpecialSundae, "Also, on the gym front, you're automatically a badass the moment that you walk into a gym to train for strength. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

WORDS TO LIVE BY o.o

[TMedina]

Men, we gotta man-splain everything.  It wouldn't surprise me if Adam lectured Eve on childbirth at one point.

[SpecialSundae]

You've made the biggest step and you are already a badass.

You always get a lot of guys trying to teach you how to lift to stroke their own egos. Sometimes, on the other hand, you'll find people biting their tongue when someone's doing something dangerous to avoid being that guy.

Research good form and try to find someone in the gym who has it and then ask them for a recommendation, or check to see if any of the trainers in your gym are powerlifters. Both run a good chance of them knowing good form (even if their programming advice may still be iffy). PT certification actually doesn't teach good form for lifting so it's usually luck if your trainer has it otherwise.

If you're in Scotland, give me a shout and I'd be happy to come and look over your lifts for free and/or scare the gymbros.

[NeuroPunkNonsense]

I also find the free-weight area of gyms pretty intimidating. I mentioned this to a classmate of mine who goes to the gym often and is an all-around BAMF and she suggested I go to the gym early or late. There tend to be fewer people around so I don't have to worry about being self-conscious. I just get in, hammer through my work-out, and take off. I'm still learning though so I'm taking it pretty slow .

[Mobyd]

I've just started at the gym myself. I am currently just walking on the treadmill with a bit of jogging using the Zombies Run! App. I've looked at the free weight section and want to go there but thought I'd rather just start off slowly and build my way up first before I jump in. I might at some point get a trainer for a bit but who knows!

[Br3tt]

I feel your pain! 

 

I joined 'The Gym' in the UK <- Yep, that's their actual name! and ended up getting annoyed with the egos in there, I was asked to move from equipment sometimes which is rude but I can deal with it, however one day some guy asked if I was finished with my exercise mat as he wanted to use it! - even though there were plenty more around the gym! Unfortunately I haven't been back since as I got fed up, but i'm going to start up again next week!

 

My thoughts would be, if you're not enjoying it try a more premium gym as I've noticed these are a little easier for beginners, maybe a leisure centre or likewise, somewhere a little less full on, I visited one this week and found it to be great, another thing I've started doing is just going for it! grab that exercise ball or that weight and do it how you feel is good for you! it's your body! Good luck pal! 

[Nolondil]

 

I just started going to a gym after roughly 5 years of being physically idle outside of work.  I picked the scariest gym I could find (the kind PF makes fun of in their commercials) and my experience the past month has been 100% positive.  On my first couple days, I could only overhead press an empty bar and squatted less than half my bodyweight and no one judged me for it.  No one at the gym is particularly interested in what anyone else is doing, and no one watches me work out, except for one time I got stuck under the bar and some random guy helped rescue me.

 

 

This, 100%. I naturally have what's known as a 'resting bitch face', and when I'm at the gym in between sets my mind just wanders and sometimes I've been looking at someone (or at least in the direction of someone) without realising. Now I just assume that's what other people are doing. 

[J.Sark]

It's ok. I actually appreciate when people give me advice; you don't have to take it, they are just trying to be helpful. If you believe what they say is incorrect just tell them, or tell them ok and keep doing it the way you want. I've met some cool people over there in the last 5 months, and usually it's easy to tell who are the experienced lifter and who are the ones fucking around; if you see a guy squatting 400 lbs you probably should consider his advice a little bit more seriously than some other random guy.

[LilyLuna]

I'm with you! I totally understand the intimidation factor! In the beginning, I, like others here, also got a personal trainer. He was great and taught me a lot in terms of the free weights section. If you do end up getting a trainer, you definitely need someone who you vibe with and feel comfortable with, otherwise you'll never get rid of that intimidation feeling. But, other than that, I think the most important thing to remember is that everyone was a beginner at some point and it's okay to let yourself be a beginner. : )

[Jarric]

I was definitely nervous the first time I went to the gym; I put it off for over a month after starting the membership!

 

For me, I had one trainer session and got him to put a routine together for me. Then when I go in I've got a plan of attack. I know what I'm doing so it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, I can just zone them out.

[Mike_d85]

I argue with those guys.  It's the one redeeming quality of collecting underpants.  "Oh, I should treat my deadlift like a squat?  Funny, I read on Bodybuilding.com and in Men's Health that I should specifically avoid doing that..."

 

I do the same thing to the "you're not working out how I work out" guys:

"Oh, I should do more curls and work on my biceps more?  How does that help my marathon training?"

[dustoff]

So I have just joined a new gym here in the UK. Nice cheap discount rates, and easy parking. I have been a member of one before, but avoided free weights. Mainly used machines and exercise mats.

 

My problem is I still feel like a fraud in the gym, especially in the free weight section. Generally quite shy, so I prefer to figure things out myself. So I tried the free weight section and the one guy there starts telling me everything I am doing wrong. Now I know he was trying to be helpful, though looking at various youtube videos his advice was not 100% acurate, but I did find it off putting.

 

Does anyone else feel the same way?

I've been in and out of the gym for my entire adult life. I go for a year or two then end up slowly going less and less until I just cancel my membership.I take a year or two off and end up right back in the gym as a beginner. I recently started going again. I found a partner and we meet in the gym in the mornings. Having a partner is a huge amount of help both in confidence and in motivation to show up. Even having been in the gym before and having a good idea of how to lift there is still that intimidation factor. Being a beginner is never the best feeling and the only way past it is to gain experience. For the most part others can see if you are lost and some people are going to try and help. You can judge for yourself their intentions but in my experience if someone approaches you and offers advice they are normally just trying to be helpful. If you don't want their advice politely telling them no thank you is always an option. 

 

I can tell you for me the biggest confidence booster is having a plan. Know what you are going to do in the gym before you show up. Know the general form for the lifts before you leave the house. I take a small notebook with me when I go to the gym. Before I leave the house I write out my plan. I include all my lifts and the reps I plan to do. As I do the lifts I record the weight and reps. This helps me know what weight I need to start with next time I do that lift and it keeps me on task. I follow a lifting program and never just wing it for the day. You can quickly learn the lifts in your program and by the second week you have a lot more confidence in what you are doing.

 

I think the one thing to keep in mind though is that at one point in time everyone in that gym had a first day. Everyone there had to learn how to do the lifts. Ge into a routine and ignore what everyone else is doing and know that for the most part they are ignoring you so they can focus on themselves.

[Mitchilich]

If you are a homeowner, the best decision you could make - in my opinion - is to invest in your own gym.  I did this years back, and have never regretted it.  You are the owner, and can invite who you want to invite, without the know-it-alls that plague the public gyms. 

 

They are well meaning most of the time, but those of you who voiced irritation by them are right to feel that way. 

 

The way I had my gym below was when I was competitive powerlifting.  I bought most of this from fatbars.com and have since had a friend make some modifications - my bench now also has an incline bench attachment... stuff like that.  It's all 7 gauge steel, square tube, ultra heavy duty. The base of the bench press station is over 200 lbs by itself.   But you don't need that.  The gym pictured below could be outfitted by New York Barbells for less than $1,500.  Maybe way less if you used a freestanding bench in a squat rack.

 

I've also known people who rent workshop space in an industrial part of town, but use it as a private gym for a small number of people who split the rent cost.  Or even a storage garage rental... lots of ways to stay out of a public gym.

 

[burkey_station515]

as a trainer myself, i totally agree that hiring someone to hold your hand a bit is a wise move - but i also know how little the official training process taught me so trust your gut and find someone who you can talk to. a good trainer is a teacher, someone who can meet you wherever you are, filter information into digestible bites and get you to the next screen. as far as quick fixes - when i first started going to the gym i took my glasses off in the locker room (i have a focal distance of about a foot) and that helped me shake the "being watched" feeling and just focus on my own goals, finding times where the gym is more empty and also taking a couple light weights into a group training room when there are no classes can get you a bit of privacy - the key to confidence is time, you are doing what needs to be done, putting in the time - and it will be worth it.  

[RedStone]

This is 100% my concern going forward. I'm confident with the equipment I use at home - KBs, medicine balls, bands, some light free weights etc, but I'm at a place in my training where I'm ready to start a lifting program.

 

The gym I'm interested in offers introductory trainer programs and I've been doing my due diligence in research and body weight practice, so it's not so much the exploring of technique that makes me apprehensive. 

 

Problem is... I seem to be a mansplaining magnet. Maybe because I'm little, (4'10"), maybe because I'm a girl. Maybe because I'm too polite to tell people to FO? I mean, if I get hassled at the grocery store, I can only imagine how that would go down at a gym. (Really? Do I look like I need your advise on how to pick a pineapple??) I think I might suffer from resting approachability face.

 

So, I don't know. I think I'm going to need my 20 seconds to make the leap, but hey, 20 seconds seems manageable...

[BigBear]

I understand this completely.  Part of the gym experience for me is not only pushing myself physically, but pushing myself mentally. I used to be afraid of the free weight section because that where all the people work out who are athletic and I was just a "visitor" to this lifestyle ... and I felt I would either be in their way or look stupid while learning.

 

How am I going to go over and lift my 10 or 15lb dumbbells next to a person who is lifting 30 to 5olbs? I'm also a big guy (6'4") so it makes me look even weaker when someone smaller is lifting 5 times what I do.  So I stuck to machines because they were a bit secluded. 

 

My workout partner wasn't having any of this though.  She saw right through my insecurities.  She's a badass who didn't care what people thought about what she could lift and was determined to get me off machines and on to free weights.  She made sure to position me next to people who were practicing good form and wouldn't let me get away with lifting too much weight with bad form just to feel better. I've learned a lot from her on feeling comfortable at the gym.

 

When someone comes up to me and they give me pointers I always assume they mean well.  I can take it or leave it, but I always thank them after. I research the pointers they give and see if it applied to what I need to improve or where I am going.

 

Keep figuring what makes you feel uncomfortable at the gym and then challenge yourself to push past that discomfort. I've lived long enough with doubt and fear to let them make me fail again.

[Keldream Nebula]

On February 29, 2016 at 7:31 AM, Meredith said:

This is 100% my concern going forward. I'm confident with the equipment I use at home - KBs, medicine balls, bands, some light free weights etc, but I'm at a place in my training where I'm ready to start a lifting program.

 

The gym I'm interested in offers introductory trainer programs and I've been doing my due diligence in research and body weight practice, so it's not so much the exploring of technique that makes me apprehensive. 

 

Problem is... I seem to be a mansplaining magnet. Maybe because I'm little, (4'10"), maybe because I'm a girl. Maybe because I'm too polite to tell people to FO? I mean, if I get hassled at the grocery store, I can only imagine how that would go down at a gym. (Really? Do I look like I need your advise on how to pick a pineapple??) I think I might suffer from resting approachability face.

 

So, I don't know. I think I'm going to need my 20 seconds to make the leap, but hey, 20 seconds seems manageable...

This is part of my fear. I didn't realize it until reading this thread, but yeah. My mom and sister insist I have a giant sign on my forehead that says "COME TALK TO ME! I"M NICE!" So between being shy of trying new things/self-conscious, and I get flustered when people come over and start trying to help me with something I'm already nervous about (at the store or anywhere, and I'm 5'7", so you aren't alone).

 

Sounds like finding an introductory program like what people have been suggesting might be the way to go for me when I make the leap to the gym. Its good to hear other people expressing the same fears and how they are/have overcome them. 

[RedStone]

10 hours ago, Keldream Nebula said:

This is part of my fear. I didn't realize it until reading this thread, but yeah. My mom and sister insist I have a giant sign on my forehead that says "COME TALK TO ME! I"M NICE!" So between being shy of trying new things/self-conscious, and I get flustered when people come over and start trying to help me with something I'm already nervous about (at the store or anywhere, and I'm 5'7", so you aren't alone).

 

Sounds like finding an introductory program like what people have been suggesting might be the way to go for me when I make the leap to the gym. Its good to hear other people expressing the same fears and how they are/have overcome them. 

 

Hey there! So good news, I totally went and did the stuff! I did it with my resting approachability face and I did all the stuff... and NOTHING bad happened!

 

I think the biggest thing for me was finding a gym I really felt comfortable in. On the advise of folks here, I did a trial week at all the gyms near me, and it became very clear very fast where I belonged. I figure the more comfortable I am in the environment, the more I want to be there and feel less inhibited while working out, and it's proven true since I found my good fit!

 

No one has offered me unsolicited advise since I started. I'd read this line multiple times on the threads before: everyone starts from nowhere. Good news is you have everywhere to go from here! 

 

Reality of the gym: yeah, there's an occasionally meathead with the grunting and counting out loud and all that, but truth? I can count 2 or 3 instances in the month I've been going regularly. For the most part, it's just folks doing exactly what we're doing, trying to level up their lives, and everyone is bothered by those distractors.