willpower info ★ willpower challenge ★

[Lara]

Hi everybody,

 

this new battle log will be focused on willpower.

I think everybody deals in one or another way with those terrible moments when we do exactly the opposite of what we need to do to accomplish our goals. Sometimes we'll feel guilty, other times we will look at ourselves and say "what was I thinking?"

Well, I've been recently reading a book about willpower, challenges and goals (this one) and it gives many ideas on how to manage our willpower failures as well as good explanations to our sometimes irrational behavior with our goals. It has left me feeling there are many things I can do to improve the way I face my goals and how I manage challenges. I think this can be a very useful book but only if I work a bit on it and reflect on some ideas, so I've decided to open a thread because sharing always helps. I will be taking notes of the ideas most relevant to me and will try to work on the exercices proposed to better understand my "failures" and to make it easier to accomplish my own goals, so they will also be discussed here.

 

Every chapter of the book has some physiological/psychological explanations about human behavior concerning goals and willpower, illustrated with the studies made about the topic, and also a practical section on how to apply those things to your own life, so to make the reading more easy to those interested only in the ideas, or the exercices, or both, I will divide my posts in 3 different types:

 

1) those who reproduce ideas from the book, will be marked with the letters TH (theory) at their top.

2) those who will talk about the exercices or techniques proposed in the book will be marked with the letters PR (practice).

3) those I'll use to comment those ideas/exercices or to talk about my own experience with them, will be marked with RA (rambling).

 

And of course, everybody is welcome to write, comment, and share experiences.

[fitnessgurl]

This is a great idea! Definitely following along.

[fitnessgurl]

I'm going to see if I can get this from the library.

[Lara]

TH

 

INTRODUCTION

 

In this first chapter, the author introduces the subject of self-control and impulses, and the role these aspects play in our lives:

 

Many people feel guilty about letting themselves and others down. Others feel at the mercy of their thoughts, emotions, and cravings, their lives dictated by impulses rather than conscious choices. Even the best-controlled feel a kind of exhaustion at keeping it all together and wonder if life is supposed to be such a struggle.

 

Then she talks about some reasons that pushed her to write this book (and to set up a course on the topic):

 

Much of what people believed about willpower was sabotaging their success and creating unnecessary stress. Although scientific research had much to say [...] these insights had not yet become part of public understanding. Instead, people continue to rely on worn-out strategies for self-control.

 

First idea on how to achieve goals:

 

Self-knowledge is the foundation of self-control.

The best way to improve your self-control is to see how and why you lose control. Knowing how you are likely to give in doesn't set yourself up for failure. It allows you to support yourself and avoid the traps that lead to willpower failures.

 

The "how to use this book" section:

 

Each chapter dispels a common misconception about self-control and gives you a new way to think about your willpower challenges. For every willpower mistake, [...] what is the fatal error, and why do we make it?

Collect you own data to find out what is true and what works for you.

Pick a specific willpower challenge to test every idea.

Temptation, addiction, distraction and procrastination are not individual weaknesses that reveal our personal inadequacies -they are universal experiences and part of the human condition.

[Lara]

PR

 

Pick the willpower challenge to which you'd like to apply the ideas and strategies in the book. The following questions can help you identify the challenge you're ready to take on:

 

·  "I will" power (something you've been avoiding): What is something that you would like to do more of, or stop putting off, because you know that doing it will improve the quality of your life?

 

·  "I won't" power (a habit you want to break): What is the stickiest habit in your life? What would you like to give up or do less of because it's undermining your health, happiness, or success?

 

· "I want" power (an important goal in your life): What is the most important long-term goal you'd like to focus you energy on? What immediate want is most likely to distract you or tempt you away from this goal?

[Lara]

RA

 

My answer to the questions in post 5.

 

I think in my case, all these questions are completely related. 

My big goal (the "I want" power) is to be healthy, and for me healthy means having a strong, agile and flexible body, a calm and useful mind, and a controlled metabolism. From this point of view, what I would like the most (the "I will") would be to exercise more frequently than what I've been doing lately, to meditate regularly (which is already working) and to be more careful with what I eat. And my "I won't" would be stop the laziness and procrastination with exercise and stop eating sugary things that worsen my hyperinsulinism (because becoming diabetic doesn't belong to my idea of being healthy).

 

So, as I see that I am getting better at taking care of my mind, and it is not an effort anymore to sit down to meditate (on the contrary, my mind has lately began to ask for its session), I am going to focus more on my body (exercise and meals).

[Lara]

This is a great idea! Definitely following along.

 

Very welcome!

[Lara]

TH

 

CHAPTER ONE.

 

When people say, "I have no willpower", what they usually mean is, "I have trouble saying no when my mouth, stomach or heart wants to say yes".

 

In this chapter, the author will establish the difference between two selves: the "impulsive" one and the "thoughtful" one, two selves supported by different parts of the brain, usually in conflict with each other (but not always).

 

For most evolutionary history, the prefrontal cortex mainly controlled physical movement. As humans evolved, the prefrontal cortex got bigger and better connected to other areas of the brain. It took on new control functions: controlling what you pay attention to, what you think about... This made it even better at controlling what you do. The prefrontal cortex helps you to do what you need/want to do.

 

As human required new skills, our primitive brain was not replaced with some completely new model -the system of self-control was slapped on top of the old system of urges and instincts. Any instinct that once served us well, evolution has kept it around. An insatiable sweet tooth once helped us survive when food was scarce and extra body fat was life insurance.

 

So there is the version of us that acts on impulse and seeks immediate gratification, and the version of us that controls our impulses and delays gratification to protect our long-term goals. This is what defines a willpower challenge: when these two selves disagree, one version of us has to override the other. The part of you that wants to give in isn't bad, it simply has a different point of view about what matters most. Without desires we'd become depressed, and part of succeeding at willpower challenges is finding a way to take advantage of, and not fight, such primitive instincts.

 

She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, and explains the role meditation can take in our self-control:

 

Self-awareness is the ability to realize what we are doing as we do it, and understand why we are doing it. You need to recognize when you're making a choice that requires willpower, otherwise, the brain always defaults to what is easiest. Most of our choices are made in autopilot, and without serious reflection on their consequences.

 

People who are distracted are more likely to give in to temptations. To have more self-control, you first need to develop more self-awareness.

 

Brain is remarkably responsive to experience. It actually remodels itself based on what you ask it to do. Whatever you ask your brain to do, it gets better at doing it. Except for meditation: when you ask the brain to meditate, it gets better not just at meditating, but at a wide range of self-control skills, including attention, focus, stress management, impulse control, and self-awareness. Over time, these brains become finely tuned willpower machines. They develop more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex and increase blood flow to it.

[Lara]

PR

 

· Every willpower challenge requires doing something difficult. Imagine yourself facing your specific willpower challenge. What is the hardest thing? What makes it so difficult? How do you feel about when you think about doing it?

 

· What does the impulsive version of you want? What does the wiser version of you want?

 

· To have more self-control, you first need to develop more self-awareness. A good first step is to notice when you are making choices related to your willpower challenge. Track your choices. Try to analize when decisions were made that either supported or undermined your goals. Tracking your choices will also reduce the number of decisions you make while distracted.

 

· What thoughts, feelings, and situations are most likely to prompt the impulse. What do you think or say to yourself that makes it more likely that you will give in?

[fitnessgurl]

Very interesting!

[SymphonicDan]

Ooh, this is really good I intend to join in with some of the practice exercises, and hopefully I'll actually get around to it!

[iatetheyeti]

I'm intrigued.

 

I think I'm going to stick around, 'cause I'm probably going to learn a lot!

[Lara]

Ooh, this is really good I intend to join in with some of the practice exercises, and hopefully I'll actually get around to it!

I'm intrigued.

 

I think I'm going to stick around, 'cause I'm probably going to learn a lot!

 

Thank you for coming, guys!

I hope this will be useful for some of us.

[Lara]

RA

 

My answer to the questions in post 9.

 

· What's the hardest thing about my willpower challenge:

 

- concerning what I eat, one of my worst moments is at night. I work late in the evening and when I arrive home I am hungry, tired and with all my willpower consumed. And in that moment I have to face my nemesis: that f*** bread and candy store in the ground floor of my building. I only go in there once or twice a week, some weeks 3 times, and my feelings are always of anxiety. I long for something sweet but at the same time there is a mix of guilt and anxiety for putting my health in danger. There are many diabetics in my boyfriend's family and I don't want that for myself. I know that I can keep my hyperinsulinism at bay if I work on that, and that I may be able to escape diabetes or push it to a very far moment of my life, but yet no rational arguments can convince myself to not step into that store.

- concerning exercise, I think the worst situation is when I think about it vaguely. When I say to myself "I should go downstairs and do a workout", "I should go outdoors" and so. It makes me feel lazy and tired and so I don't want to exercise. The thing is I could easily turn it around by simply being more specific "I could go downstairs and work a bit on L-sits, and chin-ups and bridges". Those are movements I like to do, they are fun and they make me feel well. But instead, I keep on saying "should" things to myself, making me feel guilty and too tired to try.

 

· What do my differents selves want?

 

Well, I have this hedonistic side of mine who only wants to enjoy the pleasures of life. Immediate pleasures, to make it clear. Staying at home, near the computer, eating something sweet when possible and just watch life pass by. It makes me wonder at how some things are not considered pleasures by this side of mine: I obtain lots of pleasures from doing a chin-up or a bridge, from being outside in the sunny country, from hiking, from reading and learning things, and yet I have to force myself to do this activities.

Then there is my know-it-all side. This side loves lots of nice things that require some effort (some ones more than others) and it clearly knows what it's best for my health in the long run. But I call it smartypants because it acts like a complete stupid self by trying to lecture my hedonistic side. Maybe if my hedonistic side wouldn't feel so despised it would be more inclined to be helpful. 

 

· Track my choices. This is going to be hard. Because it requires like A LOT of self-awareness. Maybe I can try to put 2 columns on a paper and make a cross everytime I choose to follow one of my two selves and make the count at the end of the day? And note down at its side how did I take that decission? Seems complicated to remember and follow. But that idea of reducing the number of decisions I make while being distracted seems very interesting.

 

· What thoughts, feelings, and situations are most likely to prompt the impulse. What do you think or say to yourself that makes it more likely that you will give in?

Well, I've said it before: fatigue, feeling low or sad, feeling anxious, unrested, bad sleep... Those are my worst moments. I've learnt to manage some of these situations, like knowing that when I have a bad night of sleep what I need to do is just rest without recriminating myself; that when I feel anxious and/or angry I can burn it all with exercise... But the usual fatigue after a long day at night, feeling sad or low... those situations I can't manage them yet. I usually say "well, it's just once", "one ----- won't harm me", "yes, there's a wonderful weather outside, but tomorrow will also be a good day, I am too tired right now". Lame excuses, really. It makes me think of a sentence I read in one of Steve's articles: at the end of the day, nobody believes your excuses except for you.

[Lara]

RA

 

It is really difficult to track oneself's decisions. Yesterday I didn't remember to do it, at all.

[Lara]

TH

 

CHAPTER 2.

 

You might ask yourself, "what was I thinking!" but a better question might be "what was my body doing?". Self-control is a state of both mind and body that gives you the strength and calm to override your impulses.

 

Fight-or flight stress response is an energy-management instinct. It decides how you are going to spend your limited physical and mental energy.

 

(Cheesecake example). Your brain is temporarily taken over by the promise of reward. It launches dopamine. Your blood sugar drops to prevent a sugar coma making you crave the cake even more.

Your brain needs to bring your body on board with your goals and put the brakes on your impulses (pause-and-plan response).

 

The best physiological measurement of the pause-and-plan response is the heart rate variability. When people successfully exert self-control, heart rate goes down but variability goes up, contributing to a sense of focus and calm. Heart rate variability is such a good index of willpower that it can be used to predict who will resist temptation and who will give in.

Anxiety, anger, depression and loneliness are associated with lower heart rate variability, as well as chronic pain and illness.

Best ways to increase heart rate variability: slow breathing, exercising outdoors, and sleep.

[Lara]

RA

 

I've found this chapter extremely interesting. On one side, to know about the physiological "symptoms" of temptation. The rush of dopamine making it look like a life or death decision, the blood sugar droping and thus making you more vulnerable... On the other side, the discovery of this "heart rate variability". I had always perceived this difference between the two parts of breathing, but never had an explanation for it. I had noticed the increase of this variability when being relaxed, but never thought it was so tightly related to self-control. 

I liked a lot this chapter, because it gives you reasons to understand better why you failed at self-control and helps leaving guilt out of the equation, and also gives you ways to improve that heart rate variability.

[Lara]

PR

 

· Next time you are tempted, turn your attention inward, to what your body is doing.

 

· How does being worried or overworked affect your choices? Does being hungry or tired drain your willpower? What about physical pain and illness? Or emotions like anger, loneliness or sadness? Do you experience cravings when in any of these situations or feelings?

[iatetheyeti]

 

Whatever you ask your brain to do, it gets better at doing it. Except for meditation: when you ask the brain to meditate, it gets better not just at meditating, but at a wide range of self-control skills, including attention, focus, stress management, impulse control, and self-awareness. Over time, these brains become finely tuned willpower machines. They develop more gray matter in the prefrontal cortex and increase blood flow to it.

 

Well now this is exactly what I want to hear when I'm trying to form a meditation habit! I haven't actually done any serious reading into the technicalities of meditation yet, but I think I may have to hit the library now.

 

 

But the usual fatigue after a long day at night, feeling sad or low... those situations I can't manage them yet. I usually say "well, it's just once", "one ----- won't harm me", "yes, there's a wonderful weather outside, but tomorrow will also be a good day, I am too tired right now". Lame excuses, really. It makes me thing of a sentence I read in one of Steve's articles: at the end of the day, nobody believes your excuses except for you.

 

It's this same thing that gets me again and again. The lower my mood gets, the worse my excuses for avoiding doing something get, and I haven't figured out the trick to fighting through that just yet. Sometimes it's as easy as standing up the moment I have the thought 'I should do x now', and then just going and doing it. And more often than not, it really isn't as easy as that at all.

 

Steve was right in saying that nobody believes your excuses except for you, but when you get to the point where even you don't believe those excuses any more... Maybe I need to have a go at this tracking decisions business as well, see if I can't find something there.

 

And to end on a brighter note, I really am learning things!

[SymphonicDan]

Ooh, the heart-rate variability metric is something that Mad Hatter (NF, Assassin) has been exploring (see her previous NF challenge for more details). For the last couple months she's been using a smartphone app ($$) that tracks HRV and other information (e.g. exercise level) and gives you statistics and recommendations (e.g. today is a good/bad day to do a bodyweight circuit).

 

It's really interesting to read how this relates also to willpower, breathing patterns and mood. I wonder which things can affect the others. (e.g. can focusing on breathing improve HRV and willpower, or is just the case that when you have good willpower your breathing stays slow and deep naturally?)

 

I should bookmark this thread - so many things to think about

[Lara]

 

Well now this is exactly what I want to hear when I'm trying to form a meditation habit! I haven't actually done any serious reading into the technicalities of meditation yet, but I think I may have to hit the library now.

 

 

 

It's this same thing that gets me again and again. The lower my mood gets, the worse my excuses for avoiding doing something get, and I haven't figured out the trick to fighting through that just yet. Sometimes it's as easy as standing up the moment I have the thought 'I should do x now', and then just going and doing it. And more often than not, it really isn't as easy as that at all.

 

Steve was right in saying that nobody believes your excuses except for you, but when you get to the point where even you don't believe those excuses any more... Maybe I need to have a go at this tracking decisions business as well, see if I can't find something there.

 

And to end on a brighter note, I really am learning things!

 

 

About meditation, maybe you want to try the headspace app. I've been using it on and off for more than 2 years now and I really like it. It's guided meditation, so of course you have to like the guy's voice or you won't enjoy the experience, but it's a rather thougtful site. It's not free, though.

 

This excuse thing is the worst. Because when you come back to a normal mind state and look closer into the sentences you've used to avoid doing what you needed to do... well, at least me I feel so stupid...

 

Glad to see you are enjoying the thread!

[Lara]

Ooh, the heart-rate variability metric is something that Mad Hatter (NF, Assassin) has been exploring (see her previous NF challenge for more details). For the last couple months she's been using a smartphone app ($$) that tracks HRV and other information (e.g. exercise level) and gives you statistics and recommendations (e.g. today is a good/bad day to do a bodyweight circuit).

 

It's really interesting to read how this relates also to willpower, breathing patterns and mood. I wonder which things can affect the others. (e.g. can focusing on breathing improve HRV and willpower, or is just the case that when you have good willpower your breathing stays slow and deep naturally?)

 

I should bookmark this thread - so many things to think about

 

That's interesting. So your heart rate variability also influences energy/results on exercise? Starting to feel as I should have known about this metric a long long time ago  I'll try to take a look at Mad Hatter's thread.

According to this researcher, focusing on breathing actually improves heart rate variability and thus improves willpower, so yes, practising slow breathing should help. She also mentions exercise, but outdoors exercise. I should check the specific study, but it seems that what counts is not the exercise on its own but to be moving outside in the green.

 

It's great to see other people like this

[iatetheyeti]

About meditation, maybe you want to try the headspace app. I've been using it on and off for more than 2 years now and I really like it. It's guided meditation, so of course you have to like the guy's voice or you won't enjoy the experience, but it's a rather thougtful site. It's not free, though.

 

This excuse thing is the worst. Because when you come back to a normal mind state and look closer into the sentences you've used to avoid doing what you needed to do... well, at least me I feel so stupid...

 

Glad to see you are enjoying the thread!

 

The reviews for the headspace app look good, but I think I'm going to have to track down the free equivalent of it for the time being. At least until things pick up at work again, anyway.

 

Yep, right there with you. It's an unpleasant cycle to be stuck in, that's for sure...

[Lara]

RA
 

Answer to questions in post 18.

 

When I am tempted, I feel stressed. Let's imagine I want a doughnut (which, by the way, I don't even like, which makes me think my mind is stupid -why do I have cravings for something I don't like the taste of?). My feelings are at first like "hey, I could eat a doughnut!", with a rush of anticipated pleasure. But almost instantly I recall my hyperinsulinism, and I start to think about the possibility of feeling like crap after eating it, so the desire seems to diminish. But almost immediately, I feel stressed: I absolutely WANT that doughnut, I MUST have it, but no, I should not eat it because it is not good for my health. But I MUST have it! Noooo, it is better not to... I SAID I WANT IT! At that moment I am sooo stressed I could cry. It's like I am at mercy of those feelings of want-now-this-must and can't get rid of them. The only way to avoid arriving to that point is to take the f*** doughnut with me. Sometimes I don't eat it in the end, but having it in my hands right in the moment kind of soothes me.

 

At least, I'll be able to fully understand my children if I have them some day, because I am sure this is what they feel right before a tantrum begins.

 

---------------------

 

Thinking about children. I have one book about communication with children I bought some time ago for my classes, and it says that when a child is in that state of I-absolutely-want-this, instead of saying no, it is much better to give things in fantasy. Like in "I want a cookie" -- "we don't have cookies", and the tantrum that follows, instead you give the child that cookie but in fantasy "I wish I could give you a cookie now, or maybe even a whole box, and we would eat them non-stop until we explode!" or something like that, that makes the child laugh and opens a way for you to create a new interest for him so he forgets the cookie. Maybe I should apply that to myself when I feel myself at mercy of those feelings?

 

 

And yes to everything described in the second question: I do feel tempted when: worried, overworked, hungry, tired, ill, angry, lonely or sad. All of them make it worst. I can manage angry and maybe ill and tired. I am starting to handle worries better. This leaves me with no solution for: overworked, hungry, lonely and sad. 

[Lara]

TH

 

CHAPTER 3.

 

Modern life is full of self-control demands that can drain your willpower.

Self-control is highest in the morning and steadily deteriorates over the course fo the day.

A concentration task doesn't just lead to worse attention over time, it depletes physical strength.

Every willpower act draws from the same source of strength, leaving people weaker with each successful act of self-control. With each use of willpower, the self-control system of the brain becomes less active. Willpower failures point to how hard we've been working.

The more a person's blood sugar drops after a self-control task, the worse her performance on the next task. Low blood sugar levels predict a wide range of willpower failures. When the brain detects a drop in available energy, it may decide to stop spending and save what resources it has, so to prevent starvation it will shift to a more impulsive state, favoring short-term thinking.

 

Committing to any small, consistent act of self-control, can increase overall willpower.

Push your limits but also pace yourself, so you don't run out of willpower. If your find yourself constantly drained, you may need to consider whether you have been running yourself to exhaustion.