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What? Two challenges in a row? Jeez.


I realize I didn't do a lot of updating over the last challenge, and really no visiting of anyone else's threads. For me, NF is a very all-or-nothing thing. I used to spend all day on here, updating, reading, encouraging, playing in chat, etc. And then it got to be too much (well, Mr Mir felt it was too much because I wasn't spending any time with him). So, in my way of doing things, the NF switch got flipped to Off. I'm still not sure what an appropriate amount of time looks like. I miss interacting with nerds; I miss talking to the people that have encouraged and loved me through some of the hardest times in my (recent) life. So I'm trying. This is me, trying.


I still don't have any clear goals for this challenge, other than continuing my am/pm routine and trying to turn it into a habit. Not doing so great so far - from Jan 11 to 31 I only did my am/pm stuff 6 times. It's easy stuff, but I just wait until too late and then I'm tired and say, "whatever, I can just do it in the morning". As far as the morning stuff...I'm usually running behind during the week, and I guess I'm just lazy on the weekend - I'll get up, put on some pjs, and go downstairs instead of cleaning my guard, which would take all of 2 minutes.


Sometimes I take a step back and analyze the reason for putting these things into place to begin with. I don't want to get stuck back in a place where I feel guilty because I'm not doing the things I said I would, but the only reason I said I would do them was so I could accomplish some other goal, and I'm accomplishing the other goal without doing the things. (That seems rambly; does it make sense?) So like prepping my coffee the night before - is it necessary? Not really. I can do coffee in the morning. But it IS kind of nice (especially during the week) to be able to stumble downstairs and basically just hit "brew". Eliminating steps in the morning is good. And cleaning my occlusal guard isn't to accomplish something else but should be done for its own sake - because ew. And meds - goes without saying, really.


So, yes, back to the goals. I don't know what to set. There are too many things and I can't decide what's most important. Is it important to do my physical therapy exercises? Is it important to set up a launch pad? Is it important to make sure the dishes are done every day? Is it important to keep laundry off the floor? There are too many options, and then I get overwhelmed and think maybe I should just keep trying the am/pm thing until it's a habit and then add things slowly. But then I think maybe I should discard the am/pm idea because it's not working. Too much stress. Very overwhelm.


In other news, which I don't think I talked about last challenge, I got dumped by my therapist. (Bolding bc important thing in the middle of word vomit.) Being dumped sucks. Being dumped by a therapist REALLY sucks. Being dumped by a therapist via no contact/response really, really, really, REALLY sucks. I will admit that I was not great at keeping appointments. But I never no call/no showed. I always let her know. And really...last summer was tough. Some days I didn't have enough spoons to even get dressed. One day I emailed her (yes, we primarily communicated via email) to cancel/reschedule...and I never heard back from her. Ever. To this day. It was just a couple weeks before I was planning to go back to work, and I thought it was probably a good idea to see her. But yeah, no response. I tried not to judge; I figured maybe she was sick or wasn't practicing anymore or whatever. However, I heard through the grapevine that she is, indeed, still practicing. So I vagged up one day and called her. Got her voicemail stating she would return my call within 24 hours. Never heard back. Ever. To this day. It was fairly recent - about 2 weeks ago. Definitely informed my depressive episode.


So now here I am, without a therapist, and still in that place of "omg, I'm going to have to find someone new and spend all that time and energy and effort AGAIN" - those of you who are/have been in therapy know exactly what I'm talking about. Rehashing everything all over again...it gets so old. 


Anyway...other than that, feeling generally sad and weepy today. And frustrated. Frustrated by many things. I'm trying to just sit with it and not judge or be mad at myself that I've basically gotten no work done yet today. Especially since I might start crying at any moment! :)


But! There's a ray of sunshine in the darkness! 

20160129 213511 HDR

20160129 213503 HDR


His name is Benson; I've nicknamed him Bun Bun. He is adorable and soft and cute and sweet...but, in true guinea pig fashion, still very skittish and frightened. Hopefully he will warm up to me in time.

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17


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I get the all-or nothing mentality with NF. Because if I do comment on other people's threads, it can take a long time to keep up with everyone that I started commenting on, and sometimes I feel lame not really having anything besides "keep going" "woo" "you can do it" to say.


But then if I don't go all out and post on other people's threads, then no one posts on my thread, and it seems pointless to go on and update at all.


I'm really sorry your therapist dumped you with no word. That's really sucky. I've been considering going to therapy to work on some depression/anxiety/stress things, but only vaguely... I guess I'm worried it will cost a lot even with my insurance.

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I continue to be shocked by the unprofessional attitude of many professionals.  And I see it a lot in my job.  

Warriors don't count reps and sets. They count tons.

My psychologist weighs 45 pounds, has an iron soul and sits on the end of a bar

Tally Sheet for 2019

Encouragement for older members: Chronologically Blessed Group;

Encouragement for newbie lifters: When we were weaker


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Aww, hi Bunbun. So, so sorry about the situation with that therapist. I can't even. Many, many. many hugs.

Raptron, alot assassin

67666564636261605958 575655545352515049484746454443424140393837363534333231302928272625242322212019181716151413121110987 | 6 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 1

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Wow.  I can't believe how unprofessional that therapist is.  I know it's going to royally suck finding a new one, but isn't that better than one that won't talk to you?  Sheesh.


Not everything is as important as everything else.  Someone told me recently that priorities aren't a "list of everything."  You've got a lot on your plate, working in manageable bits seems better than worrying too much about little things.


I would say that your therapy stuff (physical and mental) should probably top the list.  Worry about other stuff when you've got that down and feel more capable.



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People suck.  I suggest forming a Nerd Army and storming the office.



Maybe you'll remember to tag me next time. :P

RisenPhoenix, the Entish Aikidoka

Challenge: RisenPhoenix Turns to Ash


"The essence of koryu [...is] you offer your loyalty to something that you choose to regard as greater than yourself so that you will, someday, be able to offer service to something that truly is transcendent." ~ Ellis Amdur, Old School

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New therapists are hard.  I just had to switch because of scheduling issues (the only time I was available, she wasn't) and rehashing stuff is.... not fun.

I will say though, I actually like this one better, so I'm glad it happened, in a way? Maybe you'll get similarly lucky?


But breaking up by nor responding is like.... a teenager thing. I'm sorry that happened to you. [Could you maybe find one that would do phone sessions when you can't come in? Mine will do that, so it is possible. Not sure about your insurance/medical/etc though. I'm at a university, so it's a little easier for me]


I don't have any advice but *virtual hugz*

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Goal: Deadlift a (Female) Wookie (100 kg): 65.8%

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Accountability is hard when you don't care about anything and you feel like you're failing at everything (I put away SOME clothes, but not all of them, so I'm a failure).

And I feel very disconnected from everything and everyone, and it's so hard to be around people when I feel like that....that I'd rather just not. Everything is exhausting. It's like that hyperbole and a half comic....trying to figure out how to interact when feeling numb.

I liken it to putting on an ill-fitting, uncomfortable human suit - and everyone can tell.


Sent from my LGLS991 using Tapatalk

  • Like 3

Level ? Half-Dwarf/Half-Amazon Warrior

STR:21.25 STA:15 DEX: 10.95 CON: 14 WIS:15.5 CHA:17


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