20 seconds of courage does not cover 30 minutes of me swearing and farting my way through a yoga session

[Oh Beep]

The respawn battle plan died at first contact with the enemy...

 

Back in November, or was it early December? Anway, back then I was in need of a respawn; so I drew up the following plan of attack:

 

Going totally back to basics. Depression was too hard to keep on top of this season. I’ve let it pull me down to where alcohol and food were too hard to say no to. Gym sessions have become too hard as a result of just feeling so low. Also feel like I’m trying to tackle too many things at once. So, I’m going back to January this year. Back to when I was too out of shape to even walk without pain. No, I’m not going to put the weight back on,

I’m going back to those baby steps I took to kick of a great year of fitness (I lost 4 stone in weight this year and have kept all but 8 pounds off – none of this accounting for muscle gains). I look at that as success.

 

Basics for me means:

• Walking everyday – starting week one
• Reducing alcohol intake – Down to one bottle of wine twice a week. This will take a couple of weeks to take hold. But is totally worth the effort.
• Reducing food intake – not worrying about what I eat, more focused on eating less of it. Then moving on to what I eat after about 3-4 weeks.
• Gym – starting week two. I’m going back to basics here too. Nerd Fitness Academy Barbell level one. I need simple, but effective for now.

These are the steps I took in January – looking back at my diary. The walking helped to clear my mind and to get me re-focused. I’ve not been walking regularly for a couple of months and think this is where it started to slide for me.

We have a puppy now, so I have a little pal to take out walking too. I even jogged a little with him the other day.

Fitbit replaced my broken Charge HR for free – it was out of warranty too. So I can obsess over those steps. Again simple. With strength training I had so many stats to obsess over. It cluttered my mind. So, just one matters. 10k per day. The other stats can kick in when my mind is in a better place and I am not worried about them.

I’m leaving this here as a reminder to myself. If I put it out there, I am less likely to fail.

 

 

Oh, did I fail. Something snapped in my mind and I realised that after years of being on anti-depressant, I was no less depressed and at the same time less engaged emotionally with everything and everyone around me. That started a battle to get off those damn tablets.  The result was the above respawn went by the wayside. 

 

Kicking the meds was harder than I thought it would be, even with the Dr's guidance. The result was a success, but backwards progress (is that a thing?) on the fitness side.

 

By years end I'd lost 2 stone, yes I put 2 of the 4 lost back on. But that has since evened out, no loss since early Jan but no gains either. Considering the emotional rollercoaster I've been on, I consider that to be ok.

 

2016 so far...

 

I've kept up with the walking - it's my go to thing for fitness.

The fitbit is gone - seriously the replacement unit wouldn't sync, so was no use.  Replaced by the Apple watch. Which ticks so many geek boxes lol (I can even use it for geocaching).

Alcohol intake - we went to Dublin, need I say more.

Food intake - not been great with a new liking for sausage rolls

Gym - kept a regular routine, with some gains in the deadlift and squats. Didn't go back to Barbell lvl 1.

 

2016 Going Forward (aka the Respawn of the Respawn)...

 

Keep on walking

Focus on food and alcohol intake - log it, reduce it, make a habit out of good

Gym - I'm looking at barbell lvl 4. Lvl 3 is fine, but its becoming mundane. I'm even considering trying bodyweight stuff. This is the part of the respawn I'm not entirely sure how to proceed on.

Mental health - This is the part I need to really knuckle down on, no going back to those meds.

• I've been working on meditation the last couple of weeks and am loving it.
• Reading - educating myself on why I make the choices I do when it comes to food etc. 
• Yoga - ok its physical, but I understand it can be good for mental health. Its also something new to me. I can't keep going with what I was doing and expect different outcome, right?

Writing it down, it looks a lot to focus on. But it's happening in stages. The gym has and always will be there, just in what form is to be developed.

 

Meditation and reading fall into my gym routine easily. I have 30 minutes before the gym opens, so I sit in the quietest place I have (the car) and meditate for 10 minutes and then read for 15 minutes - thats been so easy to incorporate doing it that way.

 

The Yoga, well not so easy in a house with 6 people and yoga classes all seeming to take place at weird hours (work time or 7am on a Sunday - no excuse, it just wont happen then). So NF yoga comes to the rescue. I get slots at home in the week when the house is mine - small slithers of time - I'm looking to use. Plus, I may just dip in to one of the empty work out rooms at the gym (20 seconds of courage does not cover 30 minutes of me swearing and farting my way through a yoga session).

 

Its exciting know I have things to work on. It used to be intimidating and frustrating when I couldn't do things right the first time. Something changed in my mind last year. So, now when I tried yoga for the first time and was crap I knew I'd get better. What changed? I went from walking around the block hurting so, so, so much to it being so easy and enjoyable. Walking changed my mindset for so many other things.

 

[Slayer]

Yay for getting back up again! For what it's worth, the yoga studios that I've been to and the instructors I've had are all really understanding of where you're at, not just in your body, but on that particular day. That's one of my favorite things about yoga. With that said, though, NF Yoga is awesome! The full sessions and the mini-sessions have both been super helpful for me. Go, go, go!

[fitnessgurl]

The respawn battle plan died at first contact with the enemy...

 

Back in November, or was it early December? Anway, back then I was in need of a respawn; so I drew up the following plan of attack:

 

 

Oh, did I fail. Something snapped in my mind and I realised that after years of being on anti-depressant, I was no less depressed and at the same time less engaged emotionally with everything and everyone around me. That started a battle to get off those damn tablets.  The result was the above respawn went by the wayside. 

 

Kicking the meds was harder than I thought it would be, even with the Dr's guidance. The result was a success, but backwards progress (is that a thing?) on the fitness side.

 

By years end I'd lost 2 stone, yes I put 2 of the 4 lost back on. But that has since evened out, no loss since early Jan but no gains either. Considering the emotional rollercoaster I've been on, I consider that to be ok.

 

2016 so far...

 

I've kept up with the walking - it's my go to thing for fitness.

The fitbit is gone - seriously the replacement unit wouldn't sync, so was no use.  Replaced by the Apple watch. Which ticks so many geek boxes lol (I can even use it for geocaching).

Alcohol intake - we went to Dublin, need I say more.

Food intake - not been great with a new liking for sausage rolls

Gym - kept a regular routine, with some gains in the deadlift and squats. Didn't go back to Barbell lvl 1.

 

2016 Going Forward (aka the Respawn of the Respawn)...

 

Keep on walking

Focus on food and alcohol intake - log it, reduce it, make a habit out of good

Gym - I'm looking at barbell lvl 4. Lvl 3 is fine, but its becoming mundane. I'm even considering trying bodyweight stuff. This is the part of the respawn I'm not entirely sure how to proceed on.

Mental health - This is the part I need to really knuckle down on, no going back to those meds.

• I've been working on meditation the last couple of weeks and am loving it.
• Reading - educating myself on why I make the choices I do when it comes to food etc. 
• Yoga - ok its physical, but I understand it can be good for mental health. Its also something new to me. I can't keep going with what I was doing and expect different outcome, right?

Writing it down, it looks a lot to focus on. But it's happening in stages. The gym has and always will be there, just in what form is to be developed.

 

Meditation and reading fall into my gym routine easily. I have 30 minutes before the gym opens, so I sit in the quietest place I have (the car) and meditate for 10 minutes and then read for 15 minutes - thats been so easy to incorporate doing it that way.

 

The Yoga, well not so easy in a house with 6 people and yoga classes all seeming to take place at weird hours (work time or 7am on a Sunday - no excuse, it just wont happen then). So NF yoga comes to the rescue. I get slots at home in the week when the house is mine - small slithers of time - I'm looking to use. Plus, I may just dip in to one of the empty work out rooms at the gym (20 seconds of courage does not cover 30 minutes of me swearing and farting my way through a yoga session).

 

Its exciting know I have things to work on. It used to be intimidating and frustrating when I couldn't do things right the first time. Something changed in my mind last year. So, now when I tried yoga for the first time and was crap I knew I'd get better. What changed? I went from walking around the block hurting so, so, so much to it being so easy and enjoyable. Walking changed my mindset for so many other things.[/quote/]

Sounds like you're pulling it all together. Congrats!

[Oh Beep]

Thanks you both. 

[Oh Beep]

Two things I need to get control of and both are foods. Annoying the hell out of me

[Cataleya]

It sounds like you've made some awesome progress. Congrats! Yoga can be super awkward for me because I'm overweight and constantly worrying about the fit of my clothes (even when I know it's fine) or if I'm going to fall over or fart or slip or pull something or... or... haha. But I've always liked the classes I've gone to. I'm glad you're finding something that works for you!

[girljen]

You're doing well! 

 

I have trouble moderating food intake and alcohol intake as well.  (Especially alcohol. I freakin' love beer and vodka.)

 

Here is what works for me:

1.  No sweets at home.  They just straight-up don't enter my house.  Same with white bread.

2.  Alcohol is hard to get to, in the back of the cabinet (or fridge, for the beer) behind all the cans of beans and tomatoes.  Herbal tea, however, is sitting out on the counter by the electric kettle and the mugs.  And I've made a rule for myself that the only liquor stores I go to are the ones with "points" programs so I can save money...coincidentally, both of them are far enough away to be a pain in my ass to go to.  So, I don't buy alcohol too often, and never on impulse.

[Oh Beep]

It sounds like you've made some awesome progress. Congrats! Yoga can be super awkward for me because I'm overweight and constantly worrying about the fit of my clothes (even when I know it's fine) or if I'm going to fall over or fart or slip or pull something or... or... haha. But I've always liked the classes I've gone to. I'm glad you're finding something that works for you!

 

Yeah, the gut and clothing is my issue in the gym. For pull ups I tend to tuck my t shirt in to my shorts - no one needs to see that first thing in the morning. I look a bit of a dork, but that doesn't matter as long as I feel comfortable. With yoga I didn't feel ready to venture in to a class yet, maybe when I've worked out how not to fall asleep during corpse pose ;-)

[Oh Beep]

You're doing well! 

 

I have trouble moderating food intake and alcohol intake as well.  (Especially alcohol. I freakin' love beer and vodka.)

 

Here is what works for me:

1.  No sweets at home.  They just straight-up don't enter my house.  Same with white bread.

2.  Alcohol is hard to get to, in the back of the cabinet (or fridge, for the beer) behind all the cans of beans and tomatoes.  Herbal tea, however, is sitting out on the counter by the electric kettle and the mugs.  And I've made a rule for myself that the only liquor stores I go to are the ones with "points" programs so I can save money...coincidentally, both of them are far enough away to be a pain in my ass to go to.  So, I don't buy alcohol too often, and never on impulse.

 

 

Chocolate biscuits were my downfall and crisps...so long time ago I stopped buying them for the kids. Which removed them from my temptation.

 

Alcohol is just the killer. At 41 its been part of my life since I was 18, every weekend. Thats a long habit to break. 

[Cataleya]

Yeah, the gut and clothing is my issue in the gym. For pull ups I tend to tuck my t shirt in to my shorts - no one needs to see that first thing in the morning. I look a bit of a dork, but that doesn't matter as long as I feel comfortable. With yoga I didn't feel ready to venture in to a class yet, maybe when I've worked out how not to fall asleep during corpse pose ;-)

One of my former yoga instructors said if you fall asleep during corpse pose (we always did it at the end), she's done her job.

[Oh Beep]

One of my former yoga instructors said if you fall asleep during corpse pose (we always did it at the end), she's done her job.

 

I wait for the dog to come and check if I'm still alive - usually done with a sloppy licking of the face. 

[Jarric]

Sounds like you made really great progress last year, even after a bit of a slip back, and well done for sticking with it and pushing forward.

 

Alcohol is my biggest diet issue too, I was having a couple every day when I got home from work and then going out for a lot more at the weekend. I dealt with it by stopping having alcohol in the house altogether, because I know if it's there I'll drink it instead of anything else. I still go out and drink 3 nights most weeks, but knowing that I have at least 4 dry days each week does help and did bring my weight down.

[Oh Beep]

That morning you wake up and wish you hadn't. I got up. Meditated. Read. All of that was an effort. ALL victories in a depressed mind state.

[Cataleya]

Been there. Totally empathize. Keep trucking, and if you need an ear, we're here to listen.

[Oh Beep]

Been there. Totally empathize. Keep trucking, and if you need an ear, we're here to listen.

 

Those dark days are getting less and less. Thanks for the support

[Oh Beep]

What an amazing workout yesterday. Gains in everything I did, even a PR. Improvement in form on leg raises. Glad I made the effort to go, which I wasn't going to. It set me up well for the week.  Irony, I did some heavy lifting and then got home and twisted my ankle walking down the stairs  Respawn going well.

[Oh Beep]

That anxious, something needs to change feeling. I know change is about to come - I'll be working away from home again. Maybe that is it. Most days I'm restless for no apparent reason. Thankful for the respawn focus, it helps keep my mind off things for a few hours a day.

[Oh Beep]

This morning was a bad one. 


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[Jarric]

This morning was a bad one. 

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What's up dude? Was this morning any better?

[Oh Beep]

One of those tough mental days.

This morning, after a good nights sleep and a great training session was so much better.

Thanks for asking

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[Oh Beep]

Well that was a surprise, shock, bloody hell.

 

Went to the doctor's this morning. Back on the anti-depressants. Which is ok, I noticed the signs and acted accordingly.  What I didn't expect was the blood tests and ECG tests she wants me to take, as a result of her examination this morning.

 

Not going to let it derail the re-spawn, but a little worried nonetheless. Just as things were starting to turn around on this re-spawn and the new routine was becoming habit.