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Guzzi

Guzz goes mental

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Thanks guys!:D

 

Happy to hear from you!

It's a pity that you have to still wait 4 months for the surgery, but I think this is good news. First, someone seems to understand what is happening to you, and that is the first step to get improvement. Second, it opens a door for you to have hope, and that is the most encouraging. I wish the best will happen :)

About the wheelchair, I love the way you made a game of it with the kids, I am sure that can help you to see it as something more positive.

 

I can't even begin to tell you what a weight has been lifted off me.  All of this started in July 2014 and I've felt that up until now, no one has really listened to me or looked at the bigger picture.  I also felt that because there was no obvious cause that people didn't really believe that there was something wrong with me.  I'm sure that even my solicitor must have found it slightly convenient that I was making such a good recovery for 3 years and then as soon as it started getting near time for a settlement, all of a sudden I started going backwards.  :blink:

 

My biggest fear was that I was going to be told that there was nothing that they could do and that I was going to be like this for the rest of my life. To know for sure that there is a way forward, it's indescribable.

 

The goal board is a great idea, do you use Pinterest? It's great for motivation like that. 

 

Pintrest???? Seriously girl,your expectations are waaaaay too high!  I can barely even use facebook, lol! 

 

That sounds dirty.

 

Well, it's a Bone, right?

From a dONER...?

And it will be in my pants.

 

So we're all agreed that from now on we're referring to it as my B-ONER, yeah?  

Also YAY for upgrades, when do you get the little rocket launchers that pop out of your wrists?

 

I'm going for x-ray vision first.  The frivolities come later ;)

 

schweet.  I dunno about donor bone either, why can't they just use a bit of your other bones?

 

They might, but it looks like the gap is going to be too big to fill with my own bone.  What he has said they may do is to use small sections of my own bone on either side of the B-ONER to try and minimise the risk of rejection.  They won't know for sure until they get in there and see how bad it really is.

 

I'm super excited that you have this new path forward!!!

 

also I love the idea of the kids pushing you around (and then each other). how old are they?

 

The twins are 6 (and the all important half, can't ever forget the half!) and the eldest is 8 and a half. God! It's like men when they talk about their penis. "It's five and a half inches, honestly babe!"  :P

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I'm going for x-ray vision first.  The frivolities come later ;)

 

Sure... you can see the guy, but you can't shoot him... makes sense. :peaceful: 

 

 

The twins are 6 (and the all important half, can't ever forget the half!) and the eldest is 8 and a half. God! It's like men when they talk about their penis. "It's five and a half inches, honestly babe!"   :tongue:

 

5 and a half? That's it??? :playful:

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Sorry for the lack of updates, My health has been pretty poor lately so I've been sleeping a lot and didn't have the energy to write very much.  Obviously this challenge is old news by now but I wanted to add in my (very late) final report.

 

1st step - accepting where I am now, and understanding that I'm not here because I "failed". This is not my fault any more than the original accident was. Let go of guilt. 

1st step - Because I am embarrassed and ashamed of the wheelchair I need to do something to overcome that. I think that exposure therapy is the way to go here. I'm going to make a point of using the chair. This will get me used to it and also get me out of the house a bit more. Bonus! I'm going to take a photo of myself each time I use the chair and either share it on here or with my family and friends. 

 

Well, I never managed to get any photos taken, but I did actually achieve this over the whole 3 weeks.  The wheelchair is now "the norm" and I'm completely almost over my embarrassment.  It's been difficult to find ways of getting out in the chair since I'm completely dependent on someone taking me, so the opportunities have been limited, but there has been a remarkable change in my attitude over the last month. I have even hired a mobility scooter for 4 weeks so that I can get out of the house on my own which I would never have done before.

 

2nd step - taking stock of my abilities and limitations, and finding ways and tools to improve them and prevent "crashing" (when I try to do too much and make myself ill)

2nd step - Take stock! I'm going to start a diary of sorts, to keep a record of what I have done, instead of focusing on what I haven't done. (This will be really boring so I'm not going to share it. Even going for a shower is an achievement for me right now) This will also help stop me from overdoing it when I do have a good day. 

I'm also going to start a To Do list. This will help to keep on top of things and give me back a sense of control. 

 

This one went well, I kept going with the diary and being able to see a list of thing that I had done  made me feel a lot better.  I realise now that there are things that I do to contribute to the household and I don't feel like such a burden any more. I still overdid things (coz I'm an idiot like that) but I do think it helped me just being more aware of how much I was doing.

 

After a good start I have slipped on the To Do list, so I need to get back on top of that as it really was a big help to me.

 

3rd step - use what I've learnt in steps 1&2 to find ways to improve my day to day life and engage in some social activities. 

3rd step - Since moving to Shetland I have been pretty isolated. I haven't been able to build a social circle or make friends. This isn't good for your mental health. I need to try and get out and meet people. I will need to plan this carefully as it could easily exhaust me and make me ill. I need to plan some "rest days" before and after. 

 

This one was always going to be difficult to achieve within the time scale of the challenge, however, I did go south on a day trip to Aberdeen with a friend, and I met up with Colin's mum for a look round the clothing dept of a local shop.  I'm counting those two things as a win.

 

I'm also feeling more positive about the prospect of joining some of the local "women's groups".  I haven't been well enough to action this yet but I think it's a possibility. 

 

 

Thank you everyone for your support, I really appreciate it. xx

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So, you're back... at least for now. So, short story time....

 

You've possessed my phone...

 

So I was typing up the time for some farmers market stuff I'm doing, and I punched in 10am - 2pm

 

After I hit the - and the space after it, up in my predictive text I see "the" "you" and "Guzzi"

 

Not really sure why, but there you be...

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Nice to hear from you!

I like a lot the idea of the scooter, it can give you a lot of independence. That was a great step.

Glad to see you have kept on your goals even when you've been so tired fingerdanceplz.gif?1

 

What are you thinking now? Are you going to continue working on this? Do you have new thoughts to share?

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So, you're back... at least for now. So, short story time....

 

You've possessed my phone...

 

So I was typing up the time for some farmers market stuff I'm doing, and I punched in 10am - 2pm

 

After I hit the - and the space after it, up in my predictive text I see "the" "you" and "Guzzi"

 

Not really sure why, but there you be...

 

I am everywhere....  :ph34r:

 

Nice to hear from you!

I like a lot the idea of the scooter, it can give you a lot of independence. That was a great step.

Glad to see you have kept on your goals even when you've been so tired fingerdanceplz.gif?1

 

What are you thinking now? Are you going to continue working on this? Do you have new thoughts to share?

 

Thank you! I think the 3 goals will remain the same for a while, but the method of achieving them may alter. I may have come to terms with using the wheelchair, but I still have some scope to work on my self esteem in terms of feeling like I've "failed".  Ok, so rationally I know that this isn't my fault, but I still feel guilty about all the things I can't do or for asking for help. I need to learn cut myself some slack.

 

I will work on that. ;)

 

this is a great challenge update! I'm glad it's going well, though I'm sorry you have had some rough time with feeling poorly.

 

Thank you so much! xx

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