Shaeon Sleeps

[shaeon]

I had this great idea. 

 

After last month's challenge fail due to a bad cold, I was going to set a challenge specifically on sleeping. I was looking forward to all that sleep. It was going to be awesome. 

 

And then on the first day of the challenge, before I even had a chance to start my new challenge thread, I got a call from my boss. 

 

It wasn't the worst news I could have gotten. But problems at work that have been brewing for a while have finally boiled over, and I'm now under intense scrutiny at work. My job is on the line. 

 

For the past 3 days, I've spent every minute at work putting together an improvement plan to show my manager, and working to meet the demands that are being placed upon me. And I've spent every minute at home at night applying for new jobs, and putting together a plan to save money for a worst case scenario while looking for freelance opportunities. I have the opportunity at work to prove myself and keep my job, but after over 2 years of increasingly terrible management, I don't feel terribly inclined to stay at this job. 

One thing I haven't been doing is getting sleep. I'm meditating and doing yoga to relieve stress, but I'm not getting sleep. 

 

After 3 days of planning, I'm beginning to feel more like I've got a handle on things. So I've decided to start a monthly challenge with only two goals: 

 

• Get to bed before midnight every night.
• Apply for at least one job every weekday.

That's it. Keeping it minimalist this time around. There are a few other things I'm doing. I'm reading a book called Moving Away from Diets, which is about body acceptance, pursuing healthy eating and exercise, and doing so free from the pressure of beauty and size standards, and I'm implementing some of the strategies from the book. I'm planning to spend my Sundays both cooking ahead for the week and seeking freelance work, which I will also do on Sundays. I'm networking with people I know to see if anyone knows about any openings. But in terms of measurable goals, this is all I'm doing this challenge. 

Having said all that, I live in Birmingham, AL and I'm applying for writing jobs in Birmingham and Atlanta, GA. My primary experience is technical writing, although I could easily side step into a number of writing/content/information/education jobs. If I run out of things to apply for in these two cities, I will add Nashville to my list as well. If you are in the south in a decent sized city, and you know of opportunities, let me know. The same goes for telecommuting jobs. 

[shaeon]

Oh! This is also a pretty major accomplishment: I finally got insurance for Mike the cat! And now he probably will never get sick again as I pay a monthly premium in preparation for any potential problems. 

And that's fine by me. I'm glad I was able to get that taken care of. I worry about the little guy. 

[SevenofSeven]

Well the Sleep Challenge is very cool!

The work thing sucks! I hope it works out the best for you, if that means moving on or staying put, I wish you luck.

[Aerisand]

Good luck with the job hunt,

and super duper piling up those sleep hours!

[shaeon]

Thanks! 

 

Yesterday... I did not get to sleep by midnight. See, this is why I need this challenge. 

 

I did get an application out though. 

 

Work was a slog today. It sucks a lot to work your ass off all day to keep a job you do not want. On the positive side, I have recently been put on a project where I work with a team, and I really like the team. They are 3 women that I already know well from the department, and they are all really great to work with. One of the down sides of my job (even before things got bad) is that I work remote from my department, largely on independent products, so I don't get a lot of interaction during the day. So working with this team is really great. It's nice to have one good thing going at work. 

 

Tonight I talked with a friend that works at a local university, which is also the biggest employer in the state. Also, a damn good place to work. She asked for my resume and she's going to send it on to her boss. Then, when I was trying to locate the job that I already submitted an application for there so I could pass that info on to her, I found an entirely new job at the university that fits my qualifications. That was my one job to apply for tonight. Yay! 

 

Now I'm going to go take a warm bath and read my body image book and try to go to bed at 11. So very tired. 

[shaeon]

Went to bed at midnight. Making goals out of things that are so basic and important and GOOD, such as sleep, makes me mindful of something - I have a noted tendency to procrastinate on good things. I have a noted tendency to put other stuff before good things. I need to stop that. But anyway, getting to sleep at midnight made a huge difference in how I felt this morning. I think the warm bath and reading were a big part of that. In a lot of ways, I've simply been depriving myself of relaxation and relief this week because I've been stressed. Letting myself just rest before bed yesterday was really nice.

 

My friend who works at the university continues to be a big help. She sent me links to a good job opening, and also to a Facebook group that posts job opportunities. 

Today is a better day so far.

[RogueLibrarian]

When the stress is on, keep the goals simple, achievable and directly related to quality of life. Makes sense. Good luck, Shaeon! We're pulling for you.

[RES]

Yay for sleep goals...and job goals...

I may be joining you on those soon...

[Aerisand]

Good to know things are starting to fall into place!

- - - -

Sent from my capsule using a telepathic squirrel.

[SevenofSeven]

I hope something comes your way from the University applications. Just being around learning makes me feel smarterer! 

[Harihead]

Hi, Shaeon. You and I seem to be in the same boat. I'm a technical writer (well, that's been my background; in elearning now) and I'm now looking for a new situation. My problem is a little different; I'm isolated and demeaned at work (I understand how discouraging a remote office can be). The company is happy to use my energy against impossible odds while not giving me the support I need. I'm going to see if I can find something a little less painful. 

 

What do you have in terms of tech writing networking in your area? Denver's a very active place. We have a pretty good chapter of the Society for Technical Communication. Are you a member? Even if not, you can look on the national website and see if you can dig up some job-switching aids. (The website is pretty horrible since they outsourced it and stopped using technical communicators to do it, but they have some resources if you dig.)

 

Best wishes to you. Hang in there. 

[shaeon]

Hi, Shaeon. You and I seem to be in the same boat. I'm a technical writer (well, that's been my background; in elearning now) and I'm now looking for a new situation. My problem is a little different; I'm isolated and demeaned at work (I understand how discouraging a remote office can be). The company is happy to use my energy against impossible odds while not giving me the support I need. I'm going to see if I can find something a little less painful. 

 

What do you have in terms of tech writing networking in your area? Denver's a very active place. We have a pretty good chapter of the Society for Technical Communication. Are you a member? Even if not, you can look on the national website and see if you can dig up some job-switching aids. (The website is pretty horrible since they outsourced it and stopped using technical communicators to do it, but they have some resources if you dig.)

 

Best wishes to you. Hang in there. 

Do you and I work at the same place?!? Because that's exactly how I've been feeling for over a year. (I'm thinking no, though; we don't have tech writers in Colorado). I actually started a job hunt about a year ago, but it slowed down because a change in management made the worst of my problems less awful for a while. But only less awful: not actually good. I'm remote from the rest of my department, and recently I was put on a team project which is currently my favorite part of my job. And it's my favorite part specifically because I'm not isolated while working on it. It's all by phone, of course, but all the women on the team project with me are people I've gotten to know over the years there, and I really love working with them. If the job were more like that most of the time, I honestly might have a harder time walking away from it. 

Good advice on the tech writing networking. I'll look into that, although honestly I'd like to get into other types as writing, elearning, etc. I think the job itself has just been so bad for so long that I'm kind of turned off to tech writing right  now. I'm interested in looking into other types of writing, and eventually transitioning into freelance as well. I have a theory about work; it doesn't matter what you do. It doesn't matter if your company is in the Forbes 500 or if it's one of Forbes' worst places to work in America (I've worked for both - you'd be surprised at which of those jobs I liked more). All that matters is your boss. If you and your boss get along and she's a good manager who understands you, it's a good job. If you don't have a good boss, the job is miserable. So I like the idea of just being my own boss, so I don't have to worry about all that anymore. 

 

 

When the stress is on, keep the goals simple, achievable and directly related to quality of life. Makes sense. Good luck, Shaeon! We're pulling for you.

Thanks Rogue! With all the applications I've been putting out in Atlanta, it's possible I could be in your neck of the woods before long.  

 

 

Yay for sleep goals...and job goals...

I may be joining you on those soon...

 

Uh oh. You needing to get out of your job? 

 

 

I hope something comes your way from the University applications. Just being around learning makes me feel smarterer! 

I really like the idea of working at the university. It's a university/hospital, so there are also jobs on the hospital side as well (as you may imagine, this also means the healthcare benefits are amazing there). I actually just applied for a writing job with the ophthalmology department of the hospital. Yep. Writing about eyeballs, apparently. 

[shaeon]

I didn't get to sleep before midnight over the weekend, and I'm beginning to think I should extend the sleep goals out to the weekends. Mainly because it's now 12:30 in the afternoon and I'm sitting in my pajamas, drinking my coffee, and making up my grocery list for today. I have to get to bed by midnight tonight, and waking up this late in the day is eating into what I can accomplish between now and then. 

Friday is the only weekday this week in which I did not apply for a job. That's because I went out with a friend that night for dinner, and then we came back to my place and finished up Jessica Jones (she doesn't have Netflix, so she'd been slowly working her way through the show during hangouts at my place). It is very satisfying to watch that show with another person! I have no regrets. I really needed some social time after this week. 

 

That, by the way, is the same friend who has given my resume a signal boost at the university. I have to give her credit; she has opened up a completely different caliber of jobs to me with the contacts and information she has. The job board she gave me a link to included a job at a local art museum, directing a group of writers, handling social media for the museum, writing articles about the museum for local publications, managing the museum's magazine that goes out to patrons - it sounds like a really cool job. I try not to spend to much time fantasizing about how awesome a job would be when I haven't even gotten an interview yet, but I can't help but wonder if the office for this job is IN the museum. That would be amazing, to work in such a beautiful place. It's a very nice idea. (Note to self: if and when I transition fully to freelance work, I must spend days getting my work done in museum cafes so that I can take breaks and walk around looking at art). I'm going to apply for that job today, to make up for not applying for anything on Friday.

I do keep reminding myself, however, that my friend at the university applied for a job at an art school before getting the job she has now, and she was stunned at how conservative the staff and management were. So I'm also trying to remind myself that working in proximity to art does not mean that all the people you work with will be cool and laid back and creative-minded folk. 

 

I held to my promise to myself to use Saturday to relax. I don't see myself breaking this promise anytime soon. I'm under a lot of stress. Having one day off is probably the most important part of my plan. It's about equal to getting more sleep. Anyway, most of the day yesterday, I just sat around doing not much of anything. Later in the day I decided to continue my tidying up project, and went through the closet where I keep all my art/costuming/leatherworking tools and supplies. I got rid of 5 garbage bags full of stuff (the thrift store is about to get a pretty big donation from me), and the closet now looks amazing. It's so good to have that organized, especially my rolls of leather. 

 

Today, I have work I brought home from the office that I need to work on. I'm a bit annoyed that it's come to this: I would much rather spend Sunday doing work that promotes my own ability to get freelance jobs. But after spending this week assessing everything I need to get done on the job right now, it's just a good decision. It doesn't hurt that it gives my boss the sense that I'm going the extra mile, which does me good in the Not Losing My Job department. Also, the project I'm working on today isn't hard, just time consuming. I'm also going to slow cook a roast after I go to the grocery store, then I'm setting my slow cooker for a chicken dish overnight that will be ready when I wake up. I think I'm going to put some of the roast into a shepherd's pie tonight for dinner, since I tend to do that with the roast leftovers anyway. May as well just make one right away since that's my favorite way to eat it.

Hopefully next weekend, I'll be far enough ahead on the work I have to do that I can hold to my original plan of Sunday being freelance research and work day. 

 

Interesting side note on how the stress from work is affecting me: I had a dream last night that a musician I like offered that I come work for her (I am not qualified to work for a musician, by the way. Unless she really needs someone to write things for her. I'm not qualified to be in a band, definitely). Now, I'm sure a big part of the dream was that she's very pretty and it was nice to imagine that a beautiful woman wanted to take me away from all this. But in the dream I specifically asked her, "are you rescuing me?" That's the part I remembered most when I woke up. I've never been one to be rescued. I've tried to be a rescuer in the past (until I learned that it never goes well), and perhaps specifically because of that, I've always insisted that I don't need rescuing. I think it says a lot about my stress level for it to even enter into my mind that someone should rescue me. 

[shaeon]

Well, this is an interesting turn of events. 

 

My workplace content management system is malfunctioning. It's Sunday, so tech support is unavailable for the CMS. So I can't do the work I brought home with me. 

 

I'm just going to take this as evidence that I was really meant to be doing other things today.

[RogueLibrarian]

The museum job sounds awesome! Good luck.

[Leimanu]

Good luck with the job search!  Good for you for seeing the forest for the trees and sending some feelers out there.  All the cities you mention sound awesome.

[RES]

Uh oh. You needing to get out of your job? 

 

Depends on the next board meeting...ethically speaking I'm having a rough time...

 

 

Well, this is an interesting turn of events. 

 

My workplace content management system is malfunctioning. It's Sunday, so tech support is unavailable for the CMS. So I can't do the work I brought home with me. 

 

I'm just going to take this as evidence that I was really meant to be doing other things today.

I concur with this assessment

[shaeon]

Had a doctor's appointment today to discuss my blood pressure, because I've been having issues that I suspect are side effects of the medication. Last time me and the doctor talked about this, I had a really bad time of it. My doctor wanted to talk about extreme weight loss options (such as bariatric surgery). I thought that was out of place considering my blood pressure is only in the pre-hypertension level, I was just beginning blood pressure medication after a year of monitoring to make sure it was remaining in that level, and I don't have any other chronic issues that are connected to weight. 

 

After that visit, I decided that in future visits I would draw certain lines with my doctor, specifically:

• I am not open to extreme measures while my health situation is not also extreme
• Most of my food issues are deeply tied to emotional roots, and I need her to respect that
• I am working on it, but it's a long process, and I need her to empathize with that

She didn't overreact this time, and as a result I didn't freak out like I did last time (it helps that I wasn't there for a fasting test, so I wasn't hungry and tired at the time). We talked about the side-effects, and then she asked me about diet/exercise. I told her that I am actually more immediately concerned about stress right now, because when my stress levels about work went up last week, my blood pressure went up too. We talked about what I'm doing about that (sleep, yoga, meditation). Then I told her about some of my struggles over the years with weight, going back to issues with my parents telling me I was too fat as a teenager when I was at an average weight for my height. 

 

We ended up having a conversation. It was really good. She talked about how she had a lot of fears that she was too fat when she was young, too, and that it still worries her, and also makes her worry that she doesn't talk about it in the right way with her daughter (not that it matters, but my doctor is not fat). She was impressed that I meditate daily, and said she was taking a meditation class and still couldn't make herself do it every day. I shared my meditation app with her. I talked to her about the book that I'm reading, and how I've had success with Mindfulness, and that this book incorporates that and takes it a level further by separating eating from feelings and teaching you to connect it to hunger.

 

I'm really glad that we had this conversation. After my last visit, I was really frustrated. I have parents that are not obese but both of them have high blood pressure. I felt like it was imperative that my doctor start considering causes of health problems OTHER than weight, or else I would need to seek out a new doctor. And I really would rather not change doctors; I've been with her for a long time, and I like her (which is part of why that last visit hit me so hard). 

 

Mainly, I'm really glad I gave her a second chance. After that last visit, I suspected that she was reacting out of her own personal anxieties about weight. I expect her to be professional, of course, but at the same time it's good to be able to relate to her as a human being who also struggles.

 

And kicks herself for not meditating. I didn't think of it in the moment, but that's just so sad. She is probably stressing herself out a LOT over not doing enough about her stress. 

[shaeon]

By the way, a bit of wisdom from the book I'm reading: one of the main ideas in this book is that if you drop body image issues and learn to love your physical body, you'll be naturally inclined to take good care of it. The book specifically challenges the reader to think of a thing that you love, and asks if you take better care of the things you love. 

 

My first thought was my cat, Mike (summary for those who haven't followed the trials and tribulations of Mike the Cat: Mike is one very unlucky cat. He had two unrelated and expensive health issues last year). And of course, I love Mike dearly and caring for him through sickness has just made me love him even more. 

 

What if I loved myself as much as I love my cats?

 

I was thunderstruck by this question. I also spent a couple of days sharing this revelation with my friends (mainly I yelled "WHAT IF I LOVED MYSELF AS MUCH AS I LOVE MIKE" a lot). 

 

I foresee a lot of challenges in my future that are focused on self-care, like this one is. Because I need to at the very least spend as much effort caring for myself as I do for Mike. 

[RES]

Fuck.Me...that is amazing...

 

and it doesn't sound like Mike is unlucky at all to me...

[RogueLibrarian]

Yeah, I think Mike's probably got it pretty good.

[Harihead]

> After that visit, I decided that in future visits I would draw certain lines with my doctor, specifically: I am not open to extreme measures while my health situation is not also extreme

 

Wow, so glad you had a good, productive talk with your doc. My previous one went all non-linear over my cholesterol and put a black mark in my record because I "refused medication" (which I did). I was so pissed I dropped him and found a doctor I like much better. My cholesterol has been dropping as I've lost weight and improved my diet, and she was willing to work with me. Lo and behold, last test I came out in the optimum range! Take that, stupid drug-pusher doctor!

 

My word, everyone wants to solve everything with a pill. Good on you for doing the deep work. 

[shaeon]

 

Fuck.Me...that is amazing...

 

and it doesn't sound like Mike is unlucky at all to me...

 

 

Yeah, I think Mike's probably got it pretty good.

 

I will be the first to say that Mike is lucky to have me. 

Now, the unidentified blood parasite and the broken hip, those he probably could have done without. 

 

 

 

> After that visit, I decided that in future visits I would draw certain lines with my doctor, specifically: I am not open to extreme measures while my health situation is not also extreme

 

Wow, so glad you had a good, productive talk with your doc. My previous one went all non-linear over my cholesterol and put a black mark in my record because I "refused medication" (which I did). I was so pissed I dropped him and found a doctor I like much better. My cholesterol has been dropping as I've lost weight and improved my diet, and she was willing to work with me. Lo and behold, last test I came out in the optimum range! Take that, stupid drug-pusher doctor!

 

My word, everyone wants to solve everything with a pill. Good on you for doing the deep work. 

 

Oh yeah. I get it in a way - I think most patients just want a pill. 

At first when we started talking about stress affecting my blood pressure, she said "do you need something for stress?" and I gave her a look and said "nooooo..."

 

She's getting it, though. 

[shaeon]

Today is kind of crap.

 

I did get to bed just after midnight last night, and also got an application in. But also yesterday, a friend I've been having trouble with contacted me yesterday. We had a disagreement a little over a week ago. I don't want to go into it: it's dumb. Anyway, she contacted me to let me know she's still upset and she's not talking to me. 

Sigh.

 

She doesn't know what I'm going through right now, because as she noted, she's not talking to me. And this "I'm still not talking to you" business would annoy me no matter what. But it's not the time. It simply is not a good time for it. 

 

Added to that, the things wrong with my right leg now include pitting edema. All this has to be medication side effect. It's just too weird that all these symptoms have come on so fast, with no other major changes in my life. It honestly makes me want to just stop the medicine altogether. So now I've got my second doctor's appointment this week scheduled. I'm so frustrated with it that it makes me want to just completely quit taking the blood pressure medication at all. 

 

So tonight I'm taking a break from the job hunt. I need to just relax tonight. I keep trying to get so much done when I get home from work that I basically end up having to stop everything right at midnight and go to bed. Seriously, last night I was washing dishes, and I just stopped and went to bed. I really need a break this evening to truly wind down from everything that's going on. It actually makes me question if my time wouldn't be better used submitting 5 applications every weekend, instead of one every night. 

[Aerisand]

That's so mean, about your friend, why would they need to contact you to remind you they are still upset. Best to try to let go of related thoughts.

I hope the doctor finds a way to help with your leg.

And about time management. It could be easier if you batch things, like: Write a bunch of different angled job applications in a row. Then, at a later time, do the looking and submitting.

 

Hugs!