Digital Battle Log

[Renate]

Leaving this meditation here. 

 

I personally enjoy it very much. One of the few I go back to over and over when I want a guided meditation. And the comments say it is really good for people that usually cannot stay still, it is like 10 minutes went by like nothing etc.

 

 

[Jean]

Great meditation, I love how they let you focus on something and then leave you to experiment with it: we're both guided and free. It's been a peaceful moment.

[Renate]

  Curious: the times I went to zumba I wondered why I could not keep up the tempo when doing knee-highs. That or I could not knee as high. 

Is that my lack of (muscle) endurance? Is that my lack of muscle MEMORY? 

It seems like it's similar like boxing fast. The more you train, the faster you get, especially if you use hand weights (or is that just in the movies)?

I disgard the hypothesis that it's my (leg) weight. Pretty sure bigger women than me can keep up with that pace.

I kinda want to be faster. Would make dancing (even) more fun in those cases. 

[Jean]

Agility could also enter the equation by lowering or upping the resistance to the movement. Thinking of it, balance could also help or hinder these kinds of movements. In any case, training should help.

 

Below is a video on weighted clothing centered on Goku. It's a different focus than deliberate training for knee-highs so you get to choose how relevant it is. I'm wearing (lightly) weighted bracers when I go running to help activate my arms and it feels like they're helping building some muscle there (I'm starting from very far so anything helps, really), I'm not sure I'd want to use it for speed: adding weight changes the movement so I'd have to correct for it. I'm interested in any link/study/video/article you have on hand regarding hand weighted boxing training (while I haven't done much research, that's a topic I'm still pretty interested in).

 

 

 

 

 

[Renate]

I weighed myself yesterday and it showed one kilogram less! First time it has budged since months (when I also lost one kg, and maintained that weight).

 

Anyway, as fun as it is, I am exercising, eating well and giving my metabolic (?) organs a break (by eating well during the day and stopping at 7 pm) because it makes me feel good and healthy.

 

If I lose weight that is fun (because I get to wear all my clothes again & feel lighter) but am going to continue with my journey even if the weight stays like this for a lonh damn while again.

[Renate]

Apparently last week was a week of Oversharing.

 

First I posted about my personal views, slightly unrelated about sensitive issues on one or two threads here on NF

 

Then Sunday i told something personal about my relationship with a friend to a woman I have known for only a month.

 

There are some happygolucky people who can pull that off and just radiate openness & strength simultaneously but I dislike offering information unprompted 

 

Definitely not the type to go "spreading my views" without being asked or without the discussion being specifically about a topic.

 

But just apologising about everything or feeling bad or making sure the person I confided in does not spread info is not necessary either. I cannot even stop someone from spreadjng info.

 

Just gotta trust my gut. That person seemed trustworthy and I wouldnt have been so open if I sensed she was the type to readily share info about people. Gossip or no gossipsituation.

 

And I have not hurt anyone by sharing my views. I might seem a bit participating without being invited but hey. Shit happens. 

 

Ill be good.

 

Gotta focus on my goals. Ill deal with any repurcussions IF ANY if they happen.

 

Repurcussions is a strong word but I cannot think of a better one now.

[Jean]

2 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Just gotta trust my gut.

This.

 

Openness is nice, it makes for deeper discussions than more protected ones. As long as you don't share a secret someone trusting you thought you were meant to keep (why, yes, I do have a terminal disease and were trying to act normal to enjoy my last moments on the planet, thank you), then dealing with the consequences has its own kind of fun.

 

There's danger out in the open, but that's also where the best relationships are forged.

[Renate]

22 hours ago, Jean said:

This.

 

Openness is nice, it makes for deeper discussions than more protected ones. As long as you don't share a secret someone trusting you thought you were meant to keep (why, yes, I do have a terminal disease and were trying to act normal to enjoy my last moments on the planet, thank you), then dealing with the consequences has its own kind of fun.

 

There's danger out in the open, but that's also where the best relationships are forged.

Weeeell, you have secrets and you have the personal details of the life of someone that generally does not share his personal life a lot with others, only with select individuals, and you know he usually keeps things abstract and directs the conversation to having others share about themselves. Because that's the rule in people skills anyway, people like talking about themselves Do you get the picture I am sketching?

 

Then implicitly, anything you share about such a person's personal life is something you were shared in privacy, because you were let into their personal circle.

 

Implicitly, you are expected not to share  this info with others outside of their circle. 

 

I am that way pretty much, actually. 

 

Just enjoy being able to exert control over the information that is available about me. 

 

On the other side, I have a strong inner "impulse" (nature) to make everyone feel accepted / understood and connected.

 

So sometimes, when my gut tells me someone is 'good people" and my guard is down, I share a story that is not mine.

 

And then I feel bad afterwards. 

 

A secret is a secret. Concrete pieces of information that I have been told not to share. That is usually almost like a geass on me :p

 

But with other pieces of information, my willingness to have and share the feeling of connectedness sometimes wins.

 

Yeaaaah if I was a teen or adult in the 70s I wouldve so been a rock hippie.

 

I have learnt to maintain a healthy dose of skepticism and reservedness but mostly I am just a private person that does sometimes share information "for the greater good" haha

 

But thanks for the acknowledgement anyways

 

 

 

[Jean]

I obviously can't speak for you, the person you speak of, your situation or hers but I'd still like to offer a different reading:

 

42 minutes ago, analoggirl said:

A secret is a secret.

 

A confidence isn't a secret, it's a reward that is given with the implicit understanding that you'll know how to use it, including when to share it and when to keep it to yourself. It comes with trust, the trust that you are a good person who deserves it. My understanding is that your job is to keep being a good person, worthy of such confidence, not to keep it a secret no matter what happens.

 

42 minutes ago, analoggirl said:

Weeeell, you have secrets and you have the personal details of the life of someone that generally does not share his personal life a lot with others, only with select individuals, and you know he usually keeps things abstract and directs the conversation to having others share about themselves. Because that's the rule in people skills anyway, people like talking about themselves Do you get the picture I am sketching? 

 

I know that guy! Well, I know people that I'd describe as fitting this description anyway. People skills are a way to take us away of what really matters and hide it under a (un)healthy dose of make-up and ceremony. That someone adheres to it and doesn't draw the light to oneself doesn't mean that what she lives and feels and thinks isn't worthy of sharing. Often, it does and as long as you don't put it in the wrong hands (people who'd try to use it to harm the person who confided to you), sharing helps that person's experience radiate and help others where she couldn't have done it herself (because speaking of yourself directly outside of a trusted relationship takes away much of the values carried by the person).

 

42 minutes ago, analoggirl said:

On the other side, I have a strong inner "impulse" (nature) to make everyone feel accepted / understood and connected.

 

So sometimes, when my gut tells me someone is 'good people" and my guard is down, I share a story that is not mine. 

 

That's a good impulse, you are a good person (as far as I can read). Good people understand when other good people do genuine mistakes trying to do good and don't take it on them. They are also happy when the thing the good person was trying to accomplish results in more good overall even though it carried a risk of being a mistake (because, you know, not doing any mistake is not doing anything). Not good people are not worth having as friends and keeping their confidences shouldn't be a big concern.

 

Since you have a trusted enough relationship with that person that she considers you worthy of personal confidences, I'd talk about it with her directly to try and see if it was a big deal, if she doesn't care or if she is indeed happy to have her experiences be shared and maybe help other people.

 

But of course, that's just me, based on my own experiences. This may totally not apply to you and/or your friend.

 

Just keep being a good person. You seem to be doing a good job of it.

[Renate]

Aha. Good to hear another perspective!

[Renate]

7 minutes ago, Jean said:

Just keep being a good person. You seem to be doing a good job of it.

Hmmm well, when I have actually made a grave mistake I do always admit I have and understand if someone gets angry with me.

 

After all "the road to hell is built on good intentions" :p

 

Though I do get what you mean

[Jean]

I've got another mundane quote and then I'm off, promise!

 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

 

Have a great day/evening/night!

[Renate]

5 hours ago, Jean said:

Have a great day/evening/night!

These few days have been getting me off on philosophic tangents.

 

It is also partially the material of my course. Talking about inheritences and of course divorces and new spouses and such. And international divorces and such.

 

Just gotta give my head to read about some company law articles or so soon. People are interesting, and I like to do good, but ahhh human relations... 

[Renate]

I have less than 4 hours left to sleep.

[Jean]

5 hours ago, analoggirl said:

international divorces

 

This one must be especially tricky, let alone the feelings involved.

 

Sending energy for the day after the low sleep night.

[Renate]

21 minutes ago, Jean said:

 

This one must be especially tricky, let alone the feelings involved.

 

Sending energy for the day after the low sleep night.

Yeah. Think women usually moving to where the men live, having kid(s) & not being able to go home because they cannot leave their kid nor take their kid with them. Cause it is unreasonable to have the dad to travel hours in order to make use of his right to visit his kids. 

 

(And obviously would be awful if it was the man wanting to leave with the kids as well.)

 

Makes sense, but tough stuff.

[Renate]

Bah, for some reason I have avoided doing anything with my down times to make my life easier. There is so much to study. I feel good when I read summaries or cases on the train after my seminars. Looking forward to having some fun with Zumba on friday...

[Renate]

Started doing things with my down times, did not exercise last week. And today was weird with public transport delays.

 

Hopefully starting thursday evening I can get my rhytm back on track. I am bobbing and weaving past any ungrounded negativity towards myself, but I want my rhytm back ! :p

[Renate]

 New challenge thread.

[Renate]

 

So glad I found Nerd Fitness before Instagram influencers etc. Were a thing. I got my fitness-related influence mostly the blog and from here :p

 

So. I do enjoy a Blogilates video every now and then. Especially when the Winter Has Come. Incidentally, I came across her 90 days journey video & blog post in August.

 

I mean. It was not anything many Nerds have not done before. Setting smart goals and striving to execute them within a set time period because they are looking for what is good for Them.

 

So I kind of did not get all the back lash from her fans etc. I guess people just want to be offended at things. Or I am not understanding it well.

 

It led to Cassey (the founder and face of Blogilates) going on a Googling mission to find out what Body Positivity means.

 

Although I am not a fan of the Dramatic Tone she uses in videos like these, I thought it might be interesting for some.

 

 

 

[Renate]

A friend of mine and I talk every now and then about how one-sided most friendships are.

 

Her and I have also actively agreed to keep meeting up, despite the fact that she has moved quite some away. And I have seen her more consistent/ often than any of my other friends. 2 hour train ride/about as much by car for her.

 

For her, she sometimes wonders why. It seems like people hook up and do stuff often. She had been described as cold, and her mom often critiques her directness. While that is exactly what I like about her.

 

Sometimes her advice lacks the insight she need to be advising in the first place, because she and her fam have always been well off. But then I think: You know what. I am just going to read between the lines and apply the principles of what she is saying. I usually offer more of a listening ear/understanding/validation. I have a natural tendency to see similarities between people, rather than differences.

 

Usually I do not mind the one-sidedness tho. But lately I have been thinking: Gee, why can I not be sought after a bit more? Why do people not ask me how I am doing more often?

 

And why do they give short answers when I ask how they are doing? Normally you do that because you assume people just ask out of politeness. But I have shown with my semi-long answers to people I consider to have close-friendship-potential & often also said explicitly that I am interested in them. Even when we do not have the chance to get a cup of tea or coffee or a glass of wine.

 

I dunno. I did make one new friend this year, and she is quite responsive and happy to meet up every time we meet. So that is a plus. Again someone that is also in a new situation, without an established circle of friends in the environment where we met.

 

Guess I just click well with people that venture out and so uncomfortable things regularly. Do not mind being the new person. But that is unfair to say in this formulation.

 

It is okay to want roots. To want an established circle. To not keep meeting new people.

 

I did not often see people I could be open with as a teen, and this has not changed as an adult. What has changed is that most people have an established circle of people they hang out with. And it is simply more difficult to gain and maintain friendships as an adult. Especially when you are someone who is fine with not meeting up for over a month with someone. My max socialising per week is about 2-3 meetings per person, or 2 group meetings.

 

I could do more, it just does not come to me as necessary to meet up with people often.

 

And I have enough to do, both necessary and leisurely, every week.

 

Asking why is not useful though. I am happy the way I am. I am grateful for the friends I have. I will meet new people. And some will stay with me for a longer time. Others will not. And that is what life is for me, now. If I wanted this to change, the way I maintain friendships will change as well.

 

 

 

 

[Jean]

This hits close to home, I'll be interested with all the thoughts you'll care to share on the matter.

 

6 hours ago, analoggirl said:

And why do they give short answers when I ask how they are doing?

 

I do that a lot, it's one of my shortcomings. Basically, I don't consider my situation being worthy of attention, I just work through it. That plus the worry of not being understood, which is part of what you are referring to if I'm not mistaken. If it can smooth things a bit, I've been in a close friendly relationship with someone I'd call my confidante for years and am only now starting to open up with her about the things that I'd consider constitutive of my being. It depends on the people but it can be a very slow process, especially when there's some non-conformity with society thrown in the mix. Which doesn't help your situation, of course (because, yes, it means that you are not being trusted on a truly intimate level).

 

I feel that one-sidedness comes when you are not with the right people. There can be times of one-sidedness in a deep friendship when one of the friends is going through hardship and needs more support than the other but the other situation also applies when tough times hit the other friend. I'd guess true friendship isn't something everybody experiences, nor even needs (some people are ok with surface level friendships) though if you want to go through it, I'd say that opening up when you can probably helps. If you're not well received, it's probably not a person with whom you could build a significant deep friendship anyway - though that's my helpfully binary view of life talking here, so that may not stand true at all given other people's experiences.

 

Also, all of the feelings you're expressing here are absolutely ok and worthy expectations in life. Some people need a closer relationship to keep it meaningful, so inviting people to some events once in a while might help. The good news is that reestablishing lost relationships is often just a phonecall/message away. The people I've dealt with react very positively to being contacted after years of having no news (as a rule of thumb, people like it when we show interest in them - I know that's true for me).

 

 

[Jupiter]

8 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Usually I do not mind the one-sidedness tho. But lately I have been thinking: Gee, why can I not be sought after a bit more? Why do people not ask me how I am doing more often?

 

And why do they give short answers when I ask how they are doing? Normally you do that because you assume people just ask out of politeness. But I have shown with my semi-long answers to people I consider to have close-friendship-potential & often also said explicitly that I am interested in them. Even when we do not have the chance to get a cup of tea or coffee or a glass of wine.

 

I dunno.

 

I'm in a similar situation and wonder about this myself at times. @Jean makes some good points though. Could be they are not looking at the friendship the same way and/or they are just not the right people. 

[Renate]

11 hours ago, Jean said:

If you're not well received, it's probably not a person with whom you could build a significant deep friendship anyway - though that's my helpfully binary view of life talking here, so that may not stand true at all given other people's experiences.

 That is usually my practically binary view of life as well. Kind of a bit of my interpretation of stoicism too.

 

Can't read people's minds, and if I ask I can only go on what they tell me.

 

Moreover, I do not mind putting people on the spot when it comes to ROMANTIC(/sexual) relationships, because misunderstandings in that sense can have grieve consequences. Not that I want a concrete answer then and there, but even making known what I am thinking about I consider very important. So we can calibrate which pages we are on.

 

But FRIENDSHIP related stuff ... they can also mess you up, in some sense, but the consequences are manageable. So I decide not to force things in principle.

 

I make it known that people MAY be comfortable around me, that I am open for friendship. My "not forcing" things for one friend seemed like I did not look like I cared for her that much, by the way. Lots of talks were needed for us to understand each other. I wish people would know that I do not say stuff lightly. When I say it, I mean it. Oh well

 

@Answering shortly. I just feel like, I am not capable of making people feel comfortable around me. And I blame myself for not always being super chill haha. When I am excited about someone, I am all like spelling things out "HEY MAN I APPRECIATE YOU, SO NICE THAT WE MET!"  I am sure another person would not get away with it as often as I do because I "look cute" but it is objectively weird. Usually people do not spell things out like that unless they are intoxicated.

 

And I know why a lot of answers are short. Just "it is going well/not so much but we will manage". 

 

My stance is that people look at friendships differently so it would be very tiring to worry about what I perceive as one-sidedness make me sad or whatever.

 

In the end, it also just makes me feel better when I contact others and maybe make them feel like someone thinks about them. 

 

It is just EVERY SO OFTEN that I am like:"Meh. I like what THIS one friend does. Why are we all not like that." 

 

But then I remember that all of my friends are in different friend circles because of the variety in people that I like having around me. So it is socially logical that I have to be the connecting factor. Most people's "friend-attention" goes to the group dynamic, because that is what is important to humans.

 

 It is all on me that I have a fear of committing to a group of people haha. I like to butterfly from one to the other while being free enough to also just sit to the side of the groups when I want to do my own thing. Obviously that will not work well if I get an office job, but going to cross the bridge when I get there.

[Jean]

I'm going to be really unhelpful here:

 

It looks to me like you are someone who cares and who knows what she's searching for. There's nothing wrong with weird if it's your way of expressing your feelings, you just need to know, as you seem to do, that some people may feel taken off foot by it and take that in consideration if you care for that person. You've got unique qualities that not everybody has, let usual people do usual things, you can shine and just be you, that's what other people are searching in you:

 

You can be the one spelling things out. You can sit mysteriously in a corner. You can be the one who understands or the one who opens up or both. Being makes you beautiful because beautiful is what you do: that's the butterfly way. So, sure, maybe that's unsettling but those who'll stay will be there for the better and the worst.

 

 

11 hours ago, analoggirl said:

It is all on me that I have a fear of committing to a group of people haha. I like to butterfly from one to the other while being free enough to also just sit to the side of the groups when I want to do my own thing.

 

Free spirits. I call that image of myself "mercenary" (in a positive way). There are plenty of positive sides to it, you can take the best of a group and bring it to others.

 

 

11 hours ago, analoggirl said:

Obviously that will not work well if I get an office job, but going to cross the bridge when I get there.

 

Why would it not? You have to be there for the happy hour once in a while, maybe bring in the bottles and the snacks yourself to celebrate an occasion or another once or twice a year (this one is deeply appreciated and always seems to score a lot of points) but you can totally roam free beside of that. Being able to work with different teams and people is extremely valuable: to people, you become the one with connections who can solve their problems because she meddles just enough in the affairs of the other departments that they consider her like she belongs in their circles.