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Sleeping got much better with my last challenge, and now I want to work on things that bring focus to my life. I have a terrible tendency to flail around, wondering what I should do. I've been working on taking care of the basics, and doing so has made me more centered. I've also recently had a breakthrough on some things I am the most indecisive about, and I want to work to encourage myself to stick to this path (yes, I'm being terribly vague. I'm not quite ready to discuss it yet). So this challenge, I'm working on turning off all the noise and getting focused. 

 

So for this challenge, I will focus on the following four things:

 

Nutrition: Food journal daily. Track emotions, make note of what I eat depending on how I feel. This is to ultimately disconnect emotional eating.

Body: Yoga at least 3 days a week.

Mind: Meditate daily. 

Wealth: 5 job applications per week. Challenge met instantly if a job is found. 

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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On that note, something cool has happened even before this challenge has begun; in my effort to get a new job, I've been working on my sad and pitiful LinkedIn account and it's not quite so pitiful anymore. I've been adding lots of friends accepting requests to be added to my network, regardless of who it is (this is based on advice I heard on a podcast from a career adviser). 

 

Well, today someone that I just added messaged me on behalf of the head hunting firm he works for, saying that they need a senior tech writer for a client of theirs in Montgomery. This is pretty awesome, partly because they just came to me, and partly because they are trading on the fact that I'm experienced. There are so many jobs I've applied for where what they want is someone with 3 - 5 years of experience, or even 1 - 3. It's disheartening, and often makes me suspicious that they will also attempt to pay less. 

 

The client is in Montgomery, which is an hour and a half away from where I currently live, and also... well, Montgomery isn't terrible. It's just that I live in the biggest city in Alabama, with the goal to eventually move to the much, much bigger city of Atlanta. If the job requires relocation, we'll have to negotiate, because it will mean going through the extra work of finding someone to sublet my apartment. But still. It's good to know that I made it onto someone's radar. A couple of head hunters have contacted me in the past, but it's always been to vaguely say "can we put out your resume if we get any clients needing a tech writer?" Sure. If. It feels much nicer to be contacted about a specific job, where they want someone with my experience level. 

 

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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Oh, and in case you're wondering, because I was JUST talking about it - I decided to leave getting out more often off the challenge this time because honestly, searching for a job is a lot of work. There may be times that I don't get out so much this month, and I don't want to create a situation where I make things difficult for myself by insisting that it's a goal I have to meet.

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: CRUSTED is the only acronym I can come up with for this

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Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

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I'll be following your adventures. We're twins!

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Level 9 Ranger

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I replied to the recruiter. It's a 3-6 month job, but they want someone to go temp to permanent. 

 

I would have to be on site in Montgomery every day for it. 76 miles away from where I currently live. Moving would eventually be necessary if they took me on permanently. 

 

If...

 

I don't think it's right for me. The pay would have to be pretty amazing for me to accept something where permanence isn't a sure thing, and as it is I'm also only looking at jobs that are higher pay in Atlanta, a city I already want to move to. It would have to be really good pay to get me to work in Montgomery, a city I do not want to move to. I'm going to call him later today, though, when I have a spare minute. Because even if it's not a good fit, I can network with this guy. He's a headhunter at a place that was actually JUST recommended to me earlier this week by an acquaintance.

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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I had a phone call with the recruiter. The salary they are looking at for this would be more than I currently make. Considerably more. And they want someone in the position very soon, so this could mean a quick exit. They want contract to hire, which I find a little sketchy - why not just hire me? But the recruiter seemed to believe that they were interested enough in a permanent employee that it's likely I'd be hired. I wouldn't have benefits while under contract.

 

*Sigh* BUT MONTGOMERY. 

 

Birmingham's just a mid sized city as it is. Just big enough for an international airport (not a major hub, though) and an inferiority complex. There's a reason why I've been looking to move to Atlanta. As it is, I find Birmingham kind of boring. Montgomery is a small city. Definitely a city with an actual downtown, but SMALL. In fact, the population there has been dwindling in recent years. It's an aging city. Young people are leaving for better opportunities. 

 

I'm going to take the weekend to think about it, while also working out what the cost of providing my own insurance would be as well as the cost of moving. I keep coming back to how if I want to live in Atlanta, I should not move to Montgomery. 

 

If I don't want to move to Montgomery, I should not move to Montgomery. :(

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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You're gonna spend 8 hours a day at the job. You're gonna spend 24 hours a day in the city the job is in. Make sure you can live with it.

 

But that said, a job isn't indentured servitude. If the money's there, and the cost of living is lower, it may be worth considering to take it for a couple of years, pay off some debt or save some up, and continue the quest to move somewhere more interesting.

 

Or it may not. :) Good luck. It's good to have options.

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"We can be heroes"

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I've decided to go home this weekend, calculate how much I currently pay out of salary for my benefits, what my taxes are, etc. then calculate how that compares to this raise with the added cost of moving, the cost of rent in Montgomery, paying for my own insurance while I'm under contract, and getting out of my lease. 

 

Because the raise is SUBSTANTIAL. 

 

If I'm still earning more after covering those costs, it's worth it. If I move to Montgomery, I would just continue to apply for new jobs. Why not earn more while doing it?

 

Also, none of this means I HAVE the job. I just felt like it was very clear that if I wanted to have a good relationship with this recruiter, I wouldn't say "sure let's do this!" and go through the whole process and then decide it's not a good move for me. 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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Good plan ;) 

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RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: CRUSTED is the only acronym I can come up with for this

Spoiler

Magickal, Eclectic, Goddess, Level 71

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My Character Page | Tracking Spreadsheet | My BlogMyFitnessPal |

Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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39 minutes ago, RES said:

Good plan ;) 


I'm tryin'. :D

 

Tomorrow I NSO at my first Derby bout. Excited about that! And I've been getting some leather working done the past two days, which is also exciting. Did yoga tonight. 

 

Yes, I know the challenge hasn't started yet. Just feeling positive. Funny how actually having a job prospect will give you a boost like that. ;)

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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7 hours ago, RogueLibrarian said:

You're gonna spend 8 hours a day at the job. You're gonna spend 24 hours a day in the city the job is in. Make sure you can live with it.

 

But that said, a job isn't indentured servitude. If the money's there, and the cost of living is lower, it may be worth considering to take it for a couple of years, pay off some debt or save some up, and continue the quest to move somewhere more interesting.

 

Or it may not. :) Good luck. It's good to have options.


Tonight my step mother was trying to convince me that Montgomery wouldn't be too awful. She said "there's the Shakespeare festival. And you'd be in the state's capital. All those politicians..." 
 

Right. I can watch our governor's sex scandal unfold and wonder how far away from me he lives. Ewww. She should have stopped at Shakespeare. 

 

But exactly, regarding how it's not indentured servitude. I intend to keep applying for jobs if I get this job. I honestly intend to stay on my feet from now on regarding jobs. I feel like the thing I did wrong in my current job was letting myself prefer comfort over change. I'm not saying I'm going to jump around a lot. But I'm going to tend to my LinkedIn page, keep my resume up to date, and browse for what else is out there from time to time. 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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On 4/2/2016 at 9:27 PM, shaeon said:

I intend to keep applying for jobs if I get this job. I honestly intend to stay on my feet from now on regarding jobs. I feel like the thing I did wrong in my current job was letting myself prefer comfort over change. I'm not saying I'm going to jump around a lot. But I'm going to tend to my LinkedIn page, keep my resume up to date, and browse for what else is out there from time to time. 

 

WE ARE SUCH FREAKING TWINS!!!

 

Holy Toledo. Or Montgomery, whatever. :P 

 

I spent most of yesterday updating my LinkedIn account. Some of these entries haven't been looked at since they were first posted. I refreshed the entire thing, and in a new move, posted a link to some samples of my work online. Now I feel as if my profile's "working" for me, all the time. I, too, fell into the "comfort" trap. Now I have a knot in my stomach more days than not. I'm being killed by this comfort. Time to get active!

 

I'm not keen on the career adviser's advice to accept LI friend requests for people you don't know. How can you recommend their skills? Will strangers actually give you contacts? I can understand accepting people you admire in your field, or work where you want to work. Also recruiters, for the off chance, but I mostly find them to be dead weight. If they have a job that pops up in their queue, they scattershot everyone and see who replies. Ignore you the rest of the time. This recruiter "Meri" phoned me at home and work, plus email, saying "Call me right away!" I returned, got the machine, sent her a fresh resume... and no reply. My guess is I was overqualified. But the jerk didn't even reply. There are some good ones, but that behavior to me is typical "recruiter."  

 

> so many jobs I've applied for where what they want is someone with 3 - 5 years of experience, or even 1 - 3. It's disheartening, and often makes me suspicious that they will also attempt to pay less. 

 

You're right on about that. I won't even apply unless it's a senior position. I don't know about Atlanta, but in Denver we have jobs galore (that's how my old resume rose in this recruiter's stack-- 6 years old and she called me). I'm being picky, looking for something that is aligned with the culture and skills I prefer to use. I can't stand being bored; I need to have some creativity in the position. 

 

That said, as RogueLibrarian suggested, you can do anything in the short term for enough money. 6 mos is endurable if you're socking away the smackeroos. Just make sure you are. The recruiter has to know your firm bottom line, so they don't lead you down the path and then knock $10K off the offer (this just happened to me). You're in the driver's seat. State what you need, and they'd better meet it!

 

LOL, listen to me. You're handling the situation perfectly. But I'm keen to contribute however I can in someone else's prison break. Best of luck, my friend!

HH

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Level 9 Ranger

STR 13 | DEX 10 | STA 21 | CON 19 | WIS 20 | CHA 15

ChallengesCurrent 1 2 3 | 4 | 5 6 7 7.5 8 9 | 10 | 11 | 11.5 | 12  | 13 | 14  

Groups:  | Rangers Walk to Mordor

 

Nerd Fitness Academy level: 0 | Starting over

 

Eat clean, walk strong, age gracefully with joy. 

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15 hours ago, Harihead said:

 

WE ARE SUCH FREAKING TWINS!!!

 

Holy Toledo. Or Montgomery, whatever. :P 

 

I spent most of yesterday updating my LinkedIn account. Some of these entries haven't been looked at since they were first posted. I refreshed the entire thing, and in a new move, posted a link to some samples of my work online. Now I feel as if my profile's "working" for me, all the time. I, too, fell into the "comfort" trap. Now I have a knot in my stomach more days than not. I'm being killed by this comfort. Time to get active!

 

I'm not keen on the career adviser's advice to accept LI friend requests for people you don't know. How can you recommend their skills? Will strangers actually give you contacts? I can understand accepting people you admire in your field, or work where you want to work. Also recruiters, for the off chance, but I mostly find them to be dead weight. If they have a job that pops up in their queue, they scattershot everyone and see who replies. Ignore you the rest of the time. This recruiter "Meri" phoned me at home and work, plus email, saying "Call me right away!" I returned, got the machine, sent her a fresh resume... and no reply. My guess is I was overqualified. But the jerk didn't even reply. There are some good ones, but that behavior to me is typical "recruiter."  

 

> so many jobs I've applied for where what they want is someone with 3 - 5 years of experience, or even 1 - 3. It's disheartening, and often makes me suspicious that they will also attempt to pay less. 

 

You're right on about that. I won't even apply unless it's a senior position. I don't know about Atlanta, but in Denver we have jobs galore (that's how my old resume rose in this recruiter's stack-- 6 years old and she called me). I'm being picky, looking for something that is aligned with the culture and skills I prefer to use. I can't stand being bored; I need to have some creativity in the position. 

 

That said, as RogueLibrarian suggested, you can do anything in the short term for enough money. 6 mos is endurable if you're socking away the smackeroos. Just make sure you are. The recruiter has to know your firm bottom line, so they don't lead you down the path and then knock $10K off the offer (this just happened to me). You're in the driver's seat. State what you need, and they'd better meet it!

 

LOL, listen to me. You're handling the situation perfectly. But I'm keen to contribute however I can in someone else's prison break. Best of luck, my friend!

HH

 

 

We really are twins. 

 

I haven't been using LinkedIn for very long, but in the limited time, I don't find that "friends" (as in people I don't actually know but that request I add them) have any weight on me at all. The first friend request I got from someone I don't know is the recruiter who then immediately wanted to make an offer to me, which does nothing but help me out. I can always choose not to recommend someone's skills, but also if I do recommend someone I don't know, it doesn't really hurt my own reputation. If there's a downside to it, I haven't been using LinkedIn long enough to know what that is yet. 

Also, now I've made a connection, I was very honest with him that I don't particularly want to work in Montgomery, and he seemed to really appreciate the honesty. I think it's a good sign that he wanted to give me the weekend to make up my mind about it. Maybe if he has something that's a good fit for me in the future, this situation will cause him to show me preference. I have run into the scattershot recruiters you've mentioned. I get contacted by them at my Indeed.com account now and then, and they always just say something like "hey, can I send out your resume if I get someone that needs a tech writer?" I always tell them yes, but clearly they don't have anything specific in mind. Only one of them ever said he had a specific place he would like to send my resume to, but he never tried to get a phone call with me, never told me who he was sending it to, and not surprisingly, I never heard from him again. This definitely felt different, because he wanted to talk, talked specifically about what the pay would be, told me the name of the company, even gave me specifics about the software I would be writing for. He essentially gave me enough info to start prepping for an interview. 

And yeah, I have made the decision that this wouldn't be a good choice. I hate to turn it down because if they accepted me it would be a really fast exit, which I would like. But I did the math, and with the costs of providing my own insurance and moving, it would still be more money, but not enough to make it worthwhile to me to relocate to somewhere that I just don't want to live. Even though the company says they want someone Contract-to-Permanent, there's always the possibility that when the contract is up, I'll be out, and the contract may be as short as 3-6 months. That's hardly enough time to even make up for the cost of moving. 

Other than that, busy weekend. Only had time to put out one job application this weekend, but I am getting more and more into the ways I can use LinkedIn now that I've started using it. It's cool that I can look for jobs through LinkedIn, and then actually know who posted them so I know who to send a follow up email to! That's been really frustrating - applying through job websites, they hide who the contact might be, and it completely robs you of the opportunity to stand out a little by sending a follow up letter. 

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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Day one of the challenge, wooooo!

 

I'm a bit tired this morning. I spent last week doing a really good job of getting sleep, getting just under 7 hours a night each day. But last night was the Walking Dead season finale (no spoilers, I promise!), and I went to watch it with a friend, and then stayed out with her for a while talking it over. So I've had 5 hours of sleep. Not my favorite way to start a challenge, but it's also very rare that I am out on a Sunday night, so it should not be a frequent issue. 

 

I had a good weekend, though I didn't get as much done as I wanted too. Specifically, I didn't have time to cook for the week ahead yesterday. I made chicken stock, but didn't get a complete meal finished. But that's fine; I plan to do a stir fry tonight that will last me for several days, and an enchilada bake that I can do on Tuesday or Wednesday. In the meantime, I have leftover greek stir fry that I can eat today, and a couple of homemade frozen burritos as well. 

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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I'm glad you turned down Montgomery. It sounded like a pain and a bad fit. Unless they paid you boatloads of money, I think the annoyance factor was too high.

It sounds like you got a better recruiter than I ever got. Congratulations! Maybe he'll actually keep you on his list and work for you. Fingers crossed!

 

My job is trying to make up for treating me so bad. I'm getting special recognition Weds and they're acknowledging my work. I won't lie, it feels good, but I also know that it's a manipulation to keep me putting in those extra hours. I still don't fit the culture and I have no actual friends. I'm a "self-starter" vs a "family" culture, as defined by this smart job lady here: 

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/topics/career_success/danger_signs/how_to_spot_the_culture_clues_at_work.aspx

 

I'm glad I started hunting around, because now I understand better why I never fit in. They put buddy-buddy over work, and I'm task-oriented. That will never change. Plus it looks like they're going to sell the company. Pretty dicey. I hope I get out soon. 

Good luck on your own escape! May it be soon.

 

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Level 9 Ranger

STR 13 | DEX 10 | STA 21 | CON 19 | WIS 20 | CHA 15

ChallengesCurrent 1 2 3 | 4 | 5 6 7 7.5 8 9 | 10 | 11 | 11.5 | 12  | 13 | 14  

Groups:  | Rangers Walk to Mordor

 

Nerd Fitness Academy level: 0 | Starting over

 

Eat clean, walk strong, age gracefully with joy. 

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Yesterday: 

 

Kept food journal all day. Because I didn't get enough sleep, I really wanted comfort food. This is a trend I've noticed since I started the food journal: sleeplessness = less nutritious food choices. I basically ate carbs for dinner, and a craving for bread and similar flour-based carbs is highly associated with a desire for comfort (not that I need to back it up with any kind of science. When I want comfort, I want bread). 

 

Meditated in the middle of the day. I'd prefer to change that to an early day practice. 

 

Also, this is unrelated to my challenge, but I'm making time to leather work every single day now. It's been great. It brings a lot of peace to my life. I'm going to try to get back into the habit of going to hang out in the leather shop every Saturday too, because I learn a lot from others who spend a lot of time there.

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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10 hours ago, Harihead said:

I'm glad you turned down Montgomery. It sounded like a pain and a bad fit. Unless they paid you boatloads of money, I think the annoyance factor was too high.

It sounds like you got a better recruiter than I ever got. Congratulations! Maybe he'll actually keep you on his list and work for you. Fingers crossed!

 

My job is trying to make up for treating me so bad. I'm getting special recognition Weds and they're acknowledging my work. I won't lie, it feels good, but I also know that it's a manipulation to keep me putting in those extra hours. I still don't fit the culture and I have no actual friends. I'm a "self-starter" vs a "family" culture, as defined by this smart job lady here: 

http://www.yourofficecoach.com/topics/career_success/danger_signs/how_to_spot_the_culture_clues_at_work.aspx

 

I'm glad I started hunting around, because now I understand better why I never fit in. They put buddy-buddy over work, and I'm task-oriented. That will never change. Plus it looks like they're going to sell the company. Pretty dicey. I hope I get out soon. 

Good luck on your own escape! May it be soon.

 

 

Yeah, if I had gotten the same offer for a job in Atlanta, I would have jumped at the chance. But it's definitely not worth the trouble and expense of moving to a place that I would just want to move right back out of. 

 

That's interesting, the different job culture descriptions. I feel like my group is shifting from Family to Boot Camp right now, which is a really weird shift, and probably has a lot to do with why I'm feeling uncomfortable. It feels like "we like you, we want you to like us, we care about liking and being liked: but here's a ton of stuff to do," and then you're judged harshly for not getting it done on a tight schedule. I feel like a lot of it comes down to "I want you to like me," which is just so uncomfortable. I'd rather have a straight up Boot Camp manager than someone who wants to be hard AND be liked.

 

I've had those feelings of rewards that also feel like manipulation (and I feel like it's part of the culture I just described). I tend to like a culture that's more Family oriented, but only assuming that I can find a place where I fit in, which is not always the case for me. This is the South, after all, and it's not hard to find oneself working among nothing but people whose whole social life is kids, work, and church. My best jobs have always been the ones where I find myself working with the odd geek outcasts. I tend to form friendships in that environment, and if I genuinely like and care about my boss, I can find tons of motivation in that. This whole thing actually gives me a good sense of the kinds of questions I should be asking in job interviews. Really helpful!

 

And I'm not surprised if it looks like they are selling. So much of what you've described has sounded unstable, which is usually a characteristic of a place going through a ton of change. Good luck out there! 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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21 minutes ago, RogueLibrarian said:

Oh man, am I with you on the carbs = comfort thing. Gathering more info about your habits and noticing correlations can only be a good thing. 

 

That comes from this book I've been reading. It's called Moving Away from Diets, and it was recommended to me years ago by a therapist whose primary work is with eating disorders (I was not seeing her for an eating disorder, but that qualification always made me feel like she probably had a much greater handle on this weight loss thing than I did). 

 

Basically, the first action you take is the practice of food journaling your feelings while you eat. I officially started that in March, but since the book doesn't specify an amount of time for it so I've decided to at least do a month of food journaling, so I'll do it all throughout April. The results are that my eating on a daily basis tends to be way better than before, just because I'm actually thinking really hard about why I'm eating what I eat, and that has the effect of making me change my choices. But also, when I do make less nutritious choices, I had to work hard at first to actually write down my feelings instead of making an excuse for what I was eating. Also because sleepiness is so often associated with me eating comfort food, I have to work to identify the emotions that are going on with the sleepiness (as well as acknowledging that too little sleep makes me emotional!). It's interesting work. 

 

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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Got better sleep. Worked. Meditated at work, which is not my favorite, but eh. Came home, did yoga. Cooked a stir fry. Watched The Force Awakens. Kept the food journal up all day. Didn't need to eat the comfort carbs. 

 

54832aa142c0b_-_tumblr_mq7bz3jibt1r8ttpb

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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22 hours ago, shaeon said:

It feels like "we like you, we want you to like us, we care about liking and being liked: but here's a ton of stuff to do," and then you're judged harshly for not getting it done on a tight schedule.

WE ARE SUCH TWINS!!!

This is such a resonance with what I've been going through. The trouble is, nice people really don't know how to be drill masters, so they turn into bullies-- the direct orders without buy-in, the ridiculous deadlines. Then they want to nice-n up and be friends again, after putting you through unnecessary stress and impairing your health. This system just doesn't work. 

 

My best jobs have always been the ones where I find myself working with the odd geek outcasts. I tend to form friendships in that environment

LOL. Geekiness trumps regionality every time. :)

 

22 hours ago, shaeon said:

the first action you take is the practice of food journaling your feelings while you eat.

I found the food journal fascinating. I think I'll take that up next challenge. Besides, we both know we're good documenters. :)

 

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts during this chaotic time. May things go well for both of us!

HH

 

 

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Level 9 Ranger

STR 13 | DEX 10 | STA 21 | CON 19 | WIS 20 | CHA 15

ChallengesCurrent 1 2 3 | 4 | 5 6 7 7.5 8 9 | 10 | 11 | 11.5 | 12  | 13 | 14  

Groups:  | Rangers Walk to Mordor

 

Nerd Fitness Academy level: 0 | Starting over

 

Eat clean, walk strong, age gracefully with joy. 

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12 hours ago, Harihead said:

WE ARE SUCH TWINS!!!

This is such a resonance with what I've been going through. The trouble is, nice people really don't know how to be drill masters, so they turn into bullies-- the direct orders without buy-in, the ridiculous deadlines. Then they want to nice-n up and be friends again, after putting you through unnecessary stress and impairing your health. This system just doesn't work. 

 

My best jobs have always been the ones where I find myself working with the odd geek outcasts. I tend to form friendships in that environment

LOL. Geekiness trumps regionality every time. :)

 

I found the food journal fascinating. I think I'll take that up next challenge. Besides, we both know we're good documenters. :)

 

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts during this chaotic time. May things go well for both of us!

HH

 

 


SO TRUE. With my direct manager, it's almost like narcissism; she wants to be liked, she wants to be described as a "laid back manager." In reality, she's a manager that prefers not to be bothered by anything and therefore she never takes the time to get involved in her employees' projects, then she overreacts if anything at all goes wrong. She also wants to be liked without bothering to really care anything about me. 

My head manager is very nice, and I genuinely think she cares about people too, including me - but she doesn't take that caring and turn it into useful action. A co-worker of mine got fired last year because she wasn't getting her work done, but during that time she was going through some hellish personal issues - her infant granddaughter had to have multiple surgeries due to complications at birth, and her daughter was sick due to problems in childbirth. She was going through the kind of problems that would make anyone unable to work. My head manager cared a lot and felt sorry for her, right up to the moment she fired her. She's nice, but she doesn't turn it into action, and it makes me resent the niceness. 
 

The best manager I ever had cared quite a lot for his employees, and he also took care of us. He worked hard to have a team of employees who would enjoy their time together, which is great seeing as you spend most of your day with these people, but also had the effect of making us all work harder because we didn't want to burden the people we like with any work we didn't finish. He also stood up for us if some directive from above came down that was going to make things bad for us. Honestly, being a task master was never even an issue. People just liked him so much, no one wanted to ever let him down. 

For me, that's the difference between being nice and being good: Nice is polite, but it's in the serviced of how someone wants to be perceived. Good is all in your own actions. Good is more than just being polite and cordial. I'd much rather have a boss that was straightforward and not very caring (as long as they aren't mean or cruel - I can't deal with a tyrant) than a boss that acts like a jerk but then turns around and is needy about being liked. 

 

pcr_lauren_BR_ITW_nicedifferentthangood.

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SHAEON

 Jedi Apprentice

Druid Character Sheet

Daily Battle Log: Shaeon Restores Balance to the Force

Past Challenges: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Current Challenge: Shaeon Focuses

"With great boots comes great responsibility."

 

 

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I learnt very early in my working life to do the bobble head, (smile and nod your head). I worked in shearing sheds which were male dominant, the males were all Alpha sorts and their women rode those coat tails with gusto, so I learnt to look happy, not have an open opinion and just stay below the radar. Survival mode really, and for all the years I was in the sheds, I never made a long term friendship.

 

These days as a swimming teacher I adopt the same attitude, smile and nod your head at the helicopter parents, their precious snowflake children and anyone else who wants a piece. My boss is awesome but is never going to be a friend. We kinda sorted that out real early. So it works for us.

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Wait! What............?

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