Adrianne, the chubby bride

[qlilac]

I'd offer to be your safe trip buddy for camp but I'm not sure I could make it. You're right that its a lot of money and I could put that in my down payment savings. Being an adult is awful.

[Adrianne]

34 minutes ago, qlilac said:

I've painted many a staircase in my time and I understand how much hell you went through. Give yourself HUGE credit for that! You're doing amazing!

THANK YOU!!! It's been horrible but the end results will be amazeballs!

 

33 minutes ago, qlilac said:

I'd offer to be your safe trip buddy for camp but I'm not sure I could make it. You're right that its a lot of money and I could put that in my down payment savings. Being an adult is awful.

 

Uh yaas! Being an adult is booring as hell but eh it comes with the territory I guess. From where would you be going to fly in case of?

[qlilac]

1 hour ago, Adrianne said:

Uh yaas! Being an adult is booring as hell but eh it comes with the territory I guess. From where would you be going to fly in case of?

 

 

From within the US, Massachusetts. But I'm sure plenty of other women here wouldn't mind meeting you at the airport to stick together. Safety in numbers right?

[Adrianne]

40 minutes ago, qlilac said:

 

 

From within the US, Massachusetts. But I'm sure plenty of other women here wouldn't mind meeting you at the airport to stick together. Safety in numbers right?

Yeah that would be great! It just would have been awesome to have someone to travel with.

[Adrianne]

YAY!!! Just got out of the dietitians office and I'm down another 1,8 kg, or 3.15 lbs, in a week. I'm killing the game right now! *proud* 

[deftona]

Woo! Well done!  

[Adrianne]

5 minutes ago, deftona said:

Woo! Well done!  

 

Thank you! I feel fantastic. And tonight when I get home it is time for a run again! Off to more gains! Or...you know...losses :-P

[Adrianne]

Just a few hours until crossfit! Can't wait! *nervous*

 

I just hope I don't puke my eyes out..  

[Adrianne]

So...ok...life happened. Or more or less a big fucking move happened!

 

I know I haven't been on here for a long long time but things were hactic as fuck. Packing all the shit we had and moving out of the appartment into a house that wasn't near finished, then cleaning out the old appartment, having to deal with constructino workers in the house at the same time as we try to get settled in AND having to handle terrified kitties on top of that. Oh, yeah, and eating like crap for almost 2 weeks and the man having to see a doctor about his foot - yeah, things has been hectic.

 

We still don't have any Interwebs in the house but I hope that will be fixed soo. I miss talking to my friends online and playing games. It also means I can't really get my shit together about the whole deal with food and working out as I would want to but I knew that this period would be a bitch. But hey, 2 weeks isn't the end of the world. I promise I will get back into writing about all the amazeballs of stuff that is happening to me right now, as soon as something amazeballs happens.

[Ivana Sedai]

Hej Adrianne! Awesome first post, I couldn't help myself, but read it

 

I recently married my fiance. He's a swede living with me in Bulgaria for around 2 and a half years now. The wedding was so cute and went so smoothly. I gotta tell you - don't panic about sh*t, it will go just fine LOL 

I must say - swedes are awesome when it comes to fitness, nutrition and keeping on track, you guys seem to have it so easy. I wish you best of luck and a HUGE success with your goals  

 

 

 

 

[Adrianne]

1 hour ago, Ivana Sedai said:

Hej Adrianne! Awesome first post, I couldn't help myself, but read it

 

I recently married my fiance. He's a swede living with me in Bulgaria for around 2 and a half years now. The wedding was so cute and went so smoothly. I gotta tell you - don't panic about sh*t, it will go just fine LOL 

I must say - swedes are awesome when it comes to fitness, nutrition and keeping on track, you guys seem to have it so easy. I wish you best of luck and a HUGE success with your goals  

 

First of all - congratulations to your wedding! I'm glad it all went smoothly.

 

And second of all - I WISH I had the whole thing with nutrition and fitness down, but it's just do damned hard staying on track. I have a weak personality I guess *shrugs*

[Adrianne]

I'll try to get this post together, even if it is hard for me. It's hard to write because I feel like a faliure. I've fallen back into the trap that is sugar. Like completely faceplanted in it. That week we had to move made it horrible hard for me to eat good foor and cooking was out of the question. I went to the dietitian yesterday and I've gainer almost 6 lbs back. And that sucks. Even if she told me that like 5,5 lbs of those were water and the rest was like muscels it still feel...shit. I think I've been hitting a temporary bottom right now but I just feel ugly, misserable and stupid. I know that these things comes around when I've been eating like shit and not moving as much as I should but right now I just feel....why should I care? I'm a faliure anyways.

 

I know it is the stupid voices in my head that is talking, idiotic bad selfesteem. It's just....hard. So damn hard. But I'll just focus on trying to crawl up out of this hole right now and just take babysteps. My dietitian told me that she wants me to focus on eating less sweets. The food I got down, I eat my meals as I should ajnd I've been struggeling hard to get all the fruit ang veg back as much as I could, but the sugar...oh man, the sugar.

 

So as of the beginning of this week I'm writing down all the sweets I'm eating in an attempt to make myself SEE what I'm putting into my body. And then next week I'll fokus on lowering that number. Maybe with just one day or even with just one snack. Right now I need to get back on track but if I push too hard I'll break. I'm so fragile as of now it's insane.

 

One step at a time...just one at a time...

[deftona]

Definitely one step at a time, Adrianne. Weight loss is not a perfectly linear journey. You will slip back into your old habits sometimes because old habits really do die hard. But if you keep coming back and working on this stuff, the slip ups will get less frequent and you'll learn some really valuable lessons in the process. 

 

I'm currently re-losing a little weight I had already lost, it happens to the best of us. It's disappointing, yes. But those 6 lbs will not all be fat and you can lose them again, just don't get discouraged. 

 

You can do this. Seriously. And I will be here telling you this until you believe it for yourself. 

[Adrianne]

Friday. Finally. 

 

I just want to thank you guys that are supporting me in this. Sometimes it is hard as heck to get my head around the fact that I don't need to be super skinny to be healthy. I don't need to be running marathons to be healthy. I don't need to deadlift 300 lbs to be in good shape. Some days I can say I'm healthy just because I said no to cake at work or because I made dinner at home instead of getting a pizza even if I wanted one or even just because I decided to take an extra 30 min walk. 

 

 

This will be my mantra for a while now. I'm good enough as I am, I love myself and I can do this. I just don't need to do it all in one go. Babysteps. And sticking to them. I realised yesterday evening that the reason as to why I'm feeling so low is because I've been sleeping so badly for the last week. And when I don't sleep I make bad choices. And bad choices turn into bad food and bad food turns into over eating and that turns into the fact that I feel like a piece of poop....you see where I'm going with this? 

 

So assignment for next week:

1) Sleep at least 7 hours every night. 

2) Reduce sweets to every other day instead of every day (which has been the norm for the past 2 weeks)

 

I got this. Heck I can do this. I'm not a failure. I'm a godess just waiting to come out. I will find the flab and I will crush it. #gamefaceON

[Adrianne]

So the whole thing with eating sweets every other day didn't really work. Instead I piggeg out on Sunday and had all the bad stuff. And when Monday came around I was feeling so sick I had to stay at home. Monday I spent in bed with just water and some sour milk (filmjölk in swedish), just leaving to go to the bathroom or kitchen. And the cravings was horrible. Even if the thought of candy made my tummy turn and twist in disgust a little part of me wanted all of the things.  I must be mad. Simple as that. 

 

Tuseday I purged the house. I threw all the bad stuff out before I could eat it. And I cried. That's how much I wanted it. I wanted that icecream with every fiber of my being. And that was scary as hell. I'm starting to understand a fraction of how it is to be an drug addict. I need to keep that shit out of my life. 

 

And today I was back at work. And it's chaos. But it's always the same before the summer vacations, everyone cleans out their part of the hospital and all those administrational things that I have been hunting for 6 months magically end up on my desk.... grrr, idiots. So stress. All the stress.

 

Also met with my dietitian. And nothing had changed with my weight. And I started to freak out. And instead of having a 15 min check up we ended up talking for 45....not so good. Or you know, for me it was good. We did a recap of my goals. I said I wanted to be at 95 kg and she laughed and told me I would probably look sick. And then she gave me a new goal -120 kg. That's about 15 kg away from where I'm at now. And 15 kg is alot...it's just....not what I thought I needed to lose. It's strange. Because I mean...120 kg is still fat. But then I listen to her say "We start here. Let's get you there and then you can just feel that body in. Just take your time. There is no rush. And besides you have too much muscles to be too small. I would say never under 110 kg." 

 

I almost cried. Seriously. I've been fat my entire adult life and not once has anyone told me that I should just feel my body instead of hurting it and pushing it into this mold of what I think it wants. Just go with it, move and clean up the diet and the rest will happen on its own. Feeling a little overwhelmed right now. 

[deftona]

 I am sorry to hear you've been sick and you've been struggling with the cravings. I completely feel you on that (I haven't had a great day food-wise myself either, trust me I feel you on this!!!) 

 

But your meeting with the dietitian sounds like it went really well and has hopefully given you a different outlook on this. It's great she's told you to aim for a higher weight, I think this is a good idea because when you get to that, you can readjust and keep cutting if that's what you want to do.

 

But try to change your perspective on all this. Don't eat well and exercise to be less fat. Don't do it to become less anything. Do it to become more something. More strong, more healthy, more happy, more fit. More anything. But never put your hard work or energy into trying to become less of anything. You've got this Adrianne. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 

[Adrianne]

12 hours ago, deftona said:

Don't eat well and exercise to be less fat. Don't do it to become less anything. Do it to become more something. More strong, more healthy, more happy, more fit. More anything. But never put your hard work or energy into trying to become less of anything. You've got this Adrianne. Take it one day at a time and be kind to yourself. 

 

This. I need this. Heck, I'm going to start up a wall at home I think with all the good stuff people tell me. I need it to keep from going insane. It's so easy to loose sight of what I really want - a healthy relationship with my body. I've always been in this negative spiral and as you say, striving to be something less. I'ts not healthy. I want to change that perspect. I want to be more healthy, more fit, more capable of doing things I want to do. Thank you @deftona, thank you....

[Rookie]

I can 100% relate to what you are going through right now. Boyfriend and I have been trying to eat LCHF since February and for the most part we were succeeding but then we started doing a cheat meal on the weekend for a few weeks... which turned into a cheat day for a few weeks... which turned into a cheat week and we are trying to recover from that. It is freaking hard!I feel so disappointed in myself when I don't have the willpower to stand up to my cravings. Then I feel like a failure and plot in my head how I need to turn it around and how I will do better the next day. I feel even with 3-4/7 days a week with healthy eating we are eating worse than we were before we tried eating this way. My body is hating me for it too I can tell. I got down to 230lbs and now I am back at 240lbs. We just have to be strong. @deftona made a great post and they hit the hammer on the head with that one... I also needed to hear it! 

[Cataleya]

I LOVE THIS STORY. My partner and I play MTG a lot too. What an adorable idea!

 

Just as a note, your challenges can also revolve around what your dietitian/doctors recommend. I've done that in the past. If your dietitian says, "Hey, you need to try to get in 3-5 servings of veggies a day," you can make that one of your challenge goals! You have complete control over them and don't have to add in anything new if you don't want. You're also under no obligation to do challenges at all.

 

But it sounds like you're off to a great start with the walking and jogging and changes with the diet and such. Sugar is definitely the hardest thing for me to avoid. I just end up drinking a lot of lemon water and tea when I get cravings. It doesn't always work but I do what I can.

[Adrianne]

Apparently I suck att updating now adays! But I can change that! I WILL change that! Things has just been hectic...for a long time. But hey, I got this!

 

So a little recap of what me and the dietitian talked about last week. First of all I had lost 0,3 kg in one week. That's like...what...almost 1 lbs? It's monday morning and I can't be arsed to look up a converter...forgive my laziness. I was a little dissapointed but then she told me that all lost is good. And that it just had been one week between our last two meetings. And then I sucked it up, told myself that I'm doing ok anyways and that I need to give myself some slack. Like...alot of slack.

 

I think I have touched up on this before but I'm a total perfectionist. I suck at it, but I still am. So for me to actually throw my worries away and just...breathe and live...is a big thing. I have put all thoughts of "I need to work out otherwise I suck!" on the legendary shelf for now and just trying to focus on getting my sleep back. And sanity. And just....being able to breathe again. This is good I think. Plus we had a party this friday....it was epic! First midsummer in the new house! YAY! And for all you non-swedes out there, here you go:

 

We didn't have a maypole or did any of the dancing but we did drink snapps, sing songs and play games. Also food. Lots and lots of food. And you know what? I'm okay with that! I met with friends I haven't seen in almost a year and I had fun. I laughed until I cried and I did a little butt-wiggle, aka stupid dance, in the livingroom together with one of my oldes friends and it was hillarious. It made my soul happy. I was happy when I went to bed. Hung over the next day but happy still. All in all it was a very very good weekend.

 

And yesterday evening it was the first time in a long time that I wanted to go for a walk. I wanted to move. I wanted to do something else then just sit or sleep or eat. It was so nice to feel that again. So the plan is to go from there. Just take it easy and not overdo it. I was considering doing something like getting of the train on the way home one station earlier then I usually do. That means I have at least a 6 km walk to get home, that is about an hour if I take it chill. And I see no need for me to do anything but walk. But as I said, this is just a thought.

 

One thing I will do is go back to the gym at work. Starting tomorrow I'll go there. And then I'll just go when I feel like it. As soon as it feels like i HAVE to go otherwise I'm a bad person - then I'll maybe just go for a long walk instead. I don't want working out to become a bad thing for me. If anyone can understand where I'm coming from here. So this is a start. It will work out just fine.

 

And this morning I also sat down and made a dinner-list for the rest of the working week. I have missed this, alot. If I can't do proper meal prep on a weekend then this is what I do instead. I write down what is for dinner the following night and then I just make enough food that me and the man has lunch-boxes for the following day. It works out just fine. The ultimate goal is to be able to do mealprep and just have finished lunches in the fridge come sunday night but as I said - this is good enough right now.

 

Regarding sugar, this will be the hardest thing to get over for me. Easy. I will keep leaving my wallet at home and also clean out the fridge when I get home tonight. I don't need chocolate staring me in the face when I open the fridge door. Also I'll move the alcohol to the basement. Alcohol is no problem for me to be without but it feels...irritating....to have it just standing there and taking up space. Space I can use for awesome foods.

 

[Adrianne]

 

*takes deep breath*

 

I belive in myself. I know I can do it. The road is bumpy but I can do it! Goal is set and I have the outline of a plan. Right now that will have to be good enough. I'm not quite ready to share this yet, I'm still working out the details, but something is cooking. And it is going to work out just fine. In the meantime I'll just have to belive in myself and get back to the joy of doing this. Heck, the ride is probably more rewarding the the goal really. I can do this.

 

So yesterday I did something very very different from what I usually do. I took a nap after I got home. Usually I try to stay awake and do stuff but then I remembered what my dietitian and me had agreed on - letting my body heal. And if it wanted sleep it would get sleep. So I took a 1 hour nap.

 

 

Then the man woke me up when he got home, we made dinner, watched the last episode of Game of Thrones. Side note: WTF IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!?!

 

*cough* Oh well. We will see! Next year... urgh, I can't handle this!

 

After all that trauma I packed my gymbag for today and made a lunchbox, then I had a cookie and a cup of tea and watched an episode of Attack on Titan.

'Nuff said.

 

And then I did some pushups, a 1 min plank and some squats in the bathroom as I was getting ready for bed.

 

 

Wait...what? Me? Doing plank? For 1 minute?! What the hell is going on?! But hey, I did it. And it felt good. Today I will try to do some fun stuff at the gym, just get back into the whole feel of loving moving my body and I'll just take it from there. Yay for that. And for dinner tonight I'll be making breaded plaice with boiled potatoes and a cold sauce plus a shitload of veg. YAY for food!
 

[Adrianne]

On 2016-06-20 at 6:45 PM, Rookie said:

I can 100% relate to what you are going through right now. Boyfriend and I have been trying to eat LCHF since February and for the most part we were succeeding but then we started doing a cheat meal on the weekend for a few weeks... which turned into a cheat day for a few weeks... which turned into a cheat week and we are trying to recover from that. It is freaking hard!I feel so disappointed in myself when I don't have the willpower to stand up to my cravings. Then I feel like a failure and plot in my head how I need to turn it around and how I will do better the next day. I feel even with 3-4/7 days a week with healthy eating we are eating worse than we were before we tried eating this way. My body is hating me for it too I can tell. I got down to 230lbs and now I am back at 240lbs. We just have to be strong. @deftona made a great post and they hit the hammer on the head with that one... I also needed to hear it! 

 

First of all - sorry for late answer!

Second of all - I also did LCHF. And it works wonder. I just....I can't keep to a certain thing. Too much restrictions like that makes me mad. I know I can't have chocolates or cakes every bloody day but if someone tells me I CAN'T I go mental and eat all the bad stuff. ALL the bad stuff. So I tried it and even if I lost weight I wasn't happy and miserable most of the time I belive.

 

And just stick to whatever works for you! And cut yourself some slack. You are wonderful as you are and we are only trying to get better, remember?

 

On 2016-06-26 at 5:13 AM, Cataleya said:

I LOVE THIS STORY. My partner and I play MTG a lot too. What an adorable idea!

 

Just as a note, your challenges can also revolve around what your dietitian/doctors recommend. I've done that in the past. If your dietitian says, "Hey, you need to try to get in 3-5 servings of veggies a day," you can make that one of your challenge goals! You have complete control over them and don't have to add in anything new if you don't want. You're also under no obligation to do challenges at all.

 

But it sounds like you're off to a great start with the walking and jogging and changes with the diet and such. Sugar is definitely the hardest thing for me to avoid. I just end up drinking a lot of lemon water and tea when I get cravings. It doesn't always work but I do what I can.

 

Sorry for such a late answer! But thank you! He was VERY suprised and I think he very much enjoyed it.

 

Regardiing the challenges and such I'm just not doing them right now. I'm working too hard on trying to get back into the groove of things again after all this stress with the house and such. And I'm getting there. But right now challenges are just too much. I want to get back to them though. And sugar man....the struggle is real! Urgh...

[Rookie]

Thank you @Adrianne  You have such a wonderful personality and attitude! I feel that is what is happening as of late lol I was only able to go so strong for so long because my boyfriend was on board but now we all have such weak willpowers haha. But I agree with everything you said and it is important we do what works for us. 

[Adrianne]

11 minutes ago, Rookie said:

Thank you @Adrianne  You have such a wonderful personality and attitude! I feel that is what is happening as of late lol I was only able to go so strong for so long because my boyfriend was on board but now we all have such weak willpowers haha. But I agree with everything you said and it is important we do what works for us. 

 

Why is it so easy to give advice to someone else then yourself? I mean...I would tell you to try to find something that makes YOU want to do what you want  to/need to do, with or without the boyfriend on board but...yeah. I know how hard that is. Can you sit down together and get a battle plan going? That's what me and the hubbs did. He isn't really into moving around as much as I am and that is fine. But as long as I have him sort of on track regarding food at home I'm glad.

 

[Rookie]

4 minutes ago, Adrianne said:

 

Why is it so easy to give advice to someone else then yourself? I mean...I would tell you to try to find something that makes YOU want to do what you want  to/need to do, with or without the boyfriend on board but...yeah. I know how hard that is. Can you sit down together and get a battle plan going? That's what me and the hubbs did. He isn't really into moving around as much as I am and that is fine. But as long as I have him sort of on track regarding food at home I'm glad.

 

 

 

Ommmmg otter!

 

Well we are both bad lol because he will be like "I kind of want chocolate" and then I am like "Yah I could have chocolate" then BAM we have chocolate  So its just easier to have him on board. And I was going to do it by myself, I am fine with that too but he wants to be in on it because he liked the results. He hates cooking and anything to do with food planning so that is out. We will figure it out one way or another lol