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Harihead

Harihead is Moving Ahead

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Very interesting meeting with the director and my boss. Director apparently has finally read my perf review and is now terrified that I'm going to bolt (or as he says, I'm an "at risk" employee). Offered me complete support with other teams and a one-person workload all year. Generously took the blame for ignoring my cries for help all year. (But emphasized the help they did give: voice talent and one half-time outside contractor for 3-person load.)

 

Boss was really interesting. Beaming hate beams at me entire time, which of course the director didn't pick up on. What's cool is how bald-faced she lied. About immediately double-booking me with two huge projects, she said, "No projects are scheduled." She mentioned sending me home after the first meltdown, but not anything about ordering me to work over the weekends. I didn't call her out, because I didn't want to yield the high ground, but now I know she's a lying liar, it explains why perhaps director was failing to act; according to her, it's all just fine. She's probably a combination of self-centered and incompetent. My mistake in letting a preteen pretend to be a boss. 

 

So, thinking about it, I'm going to schedule a regular Monday meeting with lying-lair boss and clarify priorities and goals for the week, then send it out on email and copy the director and team, if relevant. So she can't do a flip like give me two projects and claim I blew up over nothing. Heck, if I were the director, I'd think I was a maniac. He was very impressed with the sensible materials I brought to the meeting to address our problems. He was very nice, but I think there's no future for me. I'll be tolerated and resented my entire stay.

 

Now for fun stuff! So nervous today I didn't eat much. Maybe tonight I'll sleep. Good prep so far. 2 pills

 

Mon stats:

Sleep:  6.5 hours, 4 of it "sound". 

Renew: Developed statistics to use at my interview Thurs

Blessing: Nice lady at DMV gave me a temp tag until I can get my emissions done. Yay for no tickets!

 

Phys: walk + Tai Chi class, very soothing

Fud: Clean diet, yogurt

MFP projection = -2.3 pounds/week

 

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Good for you for recognizing you are surrounded by narcissists and liars. I hope you find a new job yesterday.

You're so kind! And... dare I say it... encouraging! :)

 

Now that I've accepted the type of environment I work in, it's time for me to take charge. I was hoping to just do my work and let someone else "worry" about the management for this gig, but with all the self-promotion and misinformation going on, it's clearly time for me to put back on my management hat and treat my boss as if she was an employee I had put on a performance improvement plan. Since her response to me asking questions about her choices is to hide, I'm setting up a weekly meeting where she will state the priorities (she is still the boss), and I will write them up and copy the director. No more public about-faces. That kind of crap is over. 

 

I'm also hopeful about the interview Thursday and plan to spend much of the next 2 days preparing for it. And in a special treat, I'm bringing back to the office one personal item: a rubber hadrosaur I bought at Dinosaur National Monument. In troubling times, I plan to reenact Walsh's opening scene in Firefly. 

 

Sleep not so great; forgot to turn on UP. It's between 5 and 7 hours; kind of restless. But 7 is better than six! 

Thanks, all. 

HH

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You can reenact that scene on your way out the door. 

 

Interesting how suddenly things change when they realize they've put all their eggs in one basket and now the basket wants a new gig (not a perfect metaphor, I know). Them taking all this stuff personally is just more evidence that they are crappy at what they do. 

 

I'm glad that things are improving for you now that they've finally realized what they stand to lose. 

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You are both so sweet, I'm wibbling with gratitude! *wibble*

 

Them taking all this stuff personally is just more evidence that they are crappy at what they do.

 

It's sweet of you to say, and I SO appreciate the support. But they do good things, too. I'm becoming very generous now that I've decided to make an (I hope) dignified exit. I did learn some marketing things from weirdo strange boss who is now refusing to see me and spends her days hiding from me. Director is not my style but I think he believes his own rhetoric and really does want a family around him. But I'm not his family. I'm painfully, cuttingly lonely being the smartest kid on the block and he can't change that. I so desperately want to be included in my daily life, it's worth almost any price to leave. They do good in their way, but their way isn't my way, and I'm eager to find a new gig.  I've rehearsed my exit speech mentally and it will break your heart with its kindness. I hope. I really do mean to be kind. 

 

BP down to 97/75 after work today. There's an improvement you can put in your logbook. 

 

Tues stats:

Sleep:  ~7 hours, 4-5 of it "sound"? (no UP) 

Renew: Picked 2 more jobs to apply for if the interview tanks. 

Blessing: Tanktimus and Shaeon's posts. You are so amazing. You rock my world. 

 

Phys: walk + meditation

Fud: Clean diet, but some champagne, oh yeah

MFP projection = -0.5 pounds/week

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Nice on the blood pressure! 

 

I've just seen so many situations where people put only one person in charge of a position and pile a ton of work on them, and when that person leaves they take it personally and feel slighted. Meanwhile, they weren't treating that employee "like family" in the sense of making sure she's got all the help she needs and not weighing her down with too much for one person. And the most family-like job environment I was ever in was run by a manager who understood when it was time for us to move on, and was even happy to see us move on to better things. 

 

However, if you see them in a more positive light now, I'm happy. That definitely makes it easier.

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I've just seen so many situations where people put only one person in charge of a position and pile a ton of work on them, and when that person leaves they take it personally and feel slighted. Meanwhile, they weren't treating that employee "like family" in the sense of making sure she's got all the help she needs and not weighing her down with too much for one person. And the most family-like job environment I was ever in was run by a manager who understood when it was time for us to move on, and was even happy to see us move on to better things. 

 

However, if you see them in a more positive light now, I'm happy. That definitely makes it easier.

Yeah, well, the positive light was short-lived. The boss stayed at home and sent me passive-aggressive emails all day. I was originally going to spec one project, then 2, now 3 by the same date. Gosh, could this be how the work adds up? I'm documenting it all. It's important to stay detached and positive during the interview. 

 

Good for your manager who understood when it was time for people to move on! That's an extraordinary talent. We'll see if my current management is as graceful. 

 

Wed stats:

Sleep:  6 hours, 4 of it "sound".  Hoping to do better tonight. 2 pills again.

Renew: Detailed interview prep!

Blessing: The boss stayed home

 

Phys: walk + bike + Tai Chi

Fud: Awesomely clean diet

MFP projection = -2 pounds/week

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Yeah, well, the positive light was short-lived. The boss stayed at home and sent me passive-aggressive emails all day. I was originally going to spec one project, then 2, now 3 by the same date. Gosh, could this be how the work adds up? I'm documenting it all. It's important to stay detached and positive during the interview. 

 

Good for your manager who understood when it was time for people to move on! That's an extraordinary talent. We'll see if my current management is as graceful. 

 

Wed stats:

Sleep:  6 hours, 4 of it "sound".  Hoping to do better tonight. 2 pills again.

Renew: Detailed interview prep!

Blessing: The boss stayed home

 

Phys: walk + bike + Tai Chi

Fud: Awesomely clean diet

MFP projection = -2 pounds/week

 

Ugh, sorry to hear that about the manager.

 

Over and over when you talk about your work environment, it seems to me that they are taking things very personally. And they do it while reacting badly if you say anything negative, even though you are discussing problems in a professional manner. 

 

I've actually mostly had managers who would congratulate people for moving on, or didn't show that they cared much. It's the professional thing to do. Frankly, if I'm leaving a job and people take it personally and act childish, I'm definitely giving a negative exit interview because they've made it pretty clear to me that they won't be a good future reference anyway. It's mutually assured destruction; if they can be friendly and professional to me for two weeks because they know that this situation isn't changing anyway, then I'll give a pleasantly bland exit interview. If they have a tantrum because I had the audacity to actually take care of my own needs, then I'm going to go into the exit interview with a list of grievances and documentation to support my argument. Giving me nothing left to lose is of no benefit to them. 

 

And I hear you on the detached and positive thing. I'm thinking the same thing with my upcoming interview this afternoon. I'm trying to prepare for the inevitable "why are you leaving?" question. 

 

Good job on your stats! Good luck today!

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Thank you for such a kind and thoughtful post, Shaeon. Yes, the more they try to pretend nothing's wrong, the weirder it gets. Just detach and let go, already!

 

How did your interview go? Mine went well enough; I'm graduating to round 3. This is the technical grilling one. Actually, I feel pretty comfortable about that. The one thing I consistently count upon is my geekhood. 

 

Tired. Up prepping for interview at 5:30 AM, leaving work at 5:30 PM, met a friend for drinks and catch-up after work, home around 8. Ready for a nice movie and then bed!

 

Thurs stats:

Sleep:  Better. 7 hours, 5 of it "sound". 1 pill tonight; hope it works. 

Renew: Interview turned out to be about culture. I really like them more and more. I hope they pick me!

Blessing: Stress from friend I hired and boss fired appears to be mellowed out. He's an absolutely awesome man. 

 

Phys: Zip physical + meditation

Fud: Very clean diet, 2 red wine

MFP projection = -1 pounds/week

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Mine went good! They don't have a tech writer at all. This is a new position. So downside - could end up like what's going on with you, with a ton of work piled on me and no help. Upside - if they are good people that respect work/life balance, I basically get to be in charge of the doc and build something myself. we talked some about content management systems. It's exciting to think of having control over those choices instead of a large department making them for me. And frankly... I kind of like being a know-it-all. :P And in this job, I'd have a real chance to come in knowing a LOT that they need. Because they know less than Jon Snow. I think it would be good to feel needed in my job like that. 

Just so long as it doesn't turn into overwork hell. 

 

I already know she plans to call me in for a second interview. So that's good. She's going to schedule them tomorrow. Over the weekend I'm going to do a little research so I can come in to that interview with suggestions for content management. 

Awesome news about round 3!!! You're going to rock the technical interview. 

 

Also awesome about the sleep. Speaking of which: bedtime. Night, Harihead! 

bitches-get-stuff-done.gif

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Whahoo! That is so awesome about round 2. 

 

I basically get to be in charge of the doc and build something myself

This is a GREAT position to be in, provided of course you don't get overwork hell. 

 

I'm documenting the dickens out of my daily life, because boss keeps adding on in sneaky little ways. My friend M very compassionately observed she was in way over her head, and I definitely agree.

 

I do find it strange that, with all that's going on, no one has dropped in to see how I'm doing. Not the director, who gave such an inspiring speech of going-forward support, not the VP who had a nice talk with me for 90 minutes (which really helped the director meeting go smoothly), not the training guy who was the first one I confided in at work (and led to my first call to the director). Certainly not my boss, who is actively avoiding me, declining meetings, and working with her door shut. 

 

It's super weird. It's like, no one wants to talk to me. I was reading over some of my recs in LinkedIn, and person after person says how much fun I am to work with, team player, etc. Yet this place treats me like a pariah. I just don't get it. I reach out and.... people don't follow up. They really don't want to know me or have anything to do with me. They just want me to produce. 

 

Yes, of course, I can always follow up myself. But I'm the upset one. Wouldn't you think, if you cared a scrap about a person, you'd drop in or just send a ping saying, "How are you doing? How did the meeting go?" But nothing. 

 

This place is very strange. 

 

Anyway, best wishes to both of us for our next round!

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Sneaky boss is sneaky. 

 

Ah, that magic moment when you've become a pariah. I would recommend that you do something crazy like shave half your head or dye your hair blue (um... I MAY have done both of these things last year...), but you are on the job hunt and that might not go over well. :D

 

Best wishes indeed!

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You have committed the cardinal sin of being healthy and having boundaries in a toxic work environment. Everyone can either address your issues and change things in themselves and the system that leads to the dysfunction, or they can ignore you and pretend you aren't there. 

 

They have chosen the path of least resistance. Get out as quick as you can.

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You have committed the cardinal sin of being healthy and having boundaries in a toxic work environment. Everyone can either address your issues and change things in themselves and the system that leads to the dysfunction, or they can ignore you and pretend you aren't there. 

 

They have chosen the path of least resistance. Get out as quick as you can.

Wow, that's such an empowering way to look at it. Yes, this is a compromise kind of place. I want more than that. I will seek and I hope find. Thanks for the lovely viewpoint. 

 

Sneaky boss is sneaky.

She's ridiculous. Today she tried to trick me into sharing my software license with a whole division. What the...?!?!? I sent her the license terms and she backed off. She can't do anything above board. It's all manipulation. I am tiring of this little self-involved irritant. 

 

Tomorrow is snow. Looking forward to a quiet day. 

 

Fri stats:

Sleep:  7 hours, 5.5 of it "sound". 1 pill seems to work as well as 2, so 1 again. 

Renew: Contacted photographer for head shot (message)

Blessing: Long chat with friend. 

 

Phys: Walks, Tai Chi + meditation

Fud: Pretty clean diet, some dairy

MFP projection = -1 pounds/week

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Good luck with round 3.  Hope you end up in a good place. 

Thank you so much, Hilary! It's healing my heart to know that better possibilities are out there. It will all be okay.

 

Today was the first day in two months I actually felt myself decompress. Around noon, this cloud lifted off me, and I felt my old self again. Thank goodness for snow, quiet, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off playing on Amazon Prime. Talk about a perfect movie for me. 

 

Sat stats:

Sleep:  6 hours, 5 of it "sound". Tonight, feeling peaceful, I'm going to go all wacky and take no pills. Just to see. 

Renew: Contacted another photographer for head shot (message) and two graphic artists about covers. 

Blessing: This whole day. From the snow to the peace to a long sweet talk with my Mom and Dad. 

 

Phys: Laundry + meditation. I'm going to play guitar now. It's been too long. 

Fud: Pretty clean diet, one truffle

MFP projection = -1 pounds/week

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So glad that you got snow and quiet and a sense of peace!

 

I want to chime in on Tank's comment about the "cardinal sin of being healthy." They have put themselves into the position where they really can't acknowledge you or your very valid feelings and requests. It's a case of the Emperor's new clothes. They are all so enmeshed and dysfunctional that if any one of them admits to the truth in what you say (which could be as simple as acknowledging your basic humanity by inquiring about how you are doing), the whole charade will fall apart. I used to have a friend that would say, "Never underestimate the power of denial." And, unfortunately,  she was correct. It is amazing how fear can keep people so enslaved that they can be totally unfeeling towards another's pain.

 

Congratulations on your progress to stage 3! Hold your course and move forward with compassion towards them and for yourself. You have handled yourself professionally and honorably and respectfully. You are on a worthy path.

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I want to chime in on Tank's comment about the "cardinal sin of being healthy." They have put themselves into the position where they really can't acknowledge you or your very valid feelings and requests. It's a case of the Emperor's new clothes. They are all so enmeshed and dysfunctional that if any one of them admits to the truth in what you say (which could be as simple as acknowledging your basic humanity by inquiring about how you are doing), the whole charade will fall apart. I used to have a friend that would say, "Never underestimate the power of denial." And, unfortunately,  she was correct. It is amazing how fear can keep people so enslaved that they can be totally unfeeling towards another's pain.

 

Congratulations on your progress to stage 3! Hold your course and move forward with compassion towards them and for yourself. You have handled yourself professionally and honorably and respectfully. You are on a worthy path.

 

Shadowlion, you are so kind and supportive you're melting my heart. I feel you're giving me too much credit, but I will take your positive view as a pledge for super-correct behavior in the future. No tempers, no crying-- I honestly feel that's all behind me. There is such a better world out there, I just have to step forward into it. Playing "Sunshine" by Jonathon Edwards this morning and bopping around. Life is good. 

 

 

Week 2 Roundup:

 
Exercise
Cardio = 6 workouts, but none of them too strenuous. B for week.
 
Diet
Yes! 0 processed food, met alcohol limit of 7. A for week! 
Down 2 more pounds. :)
 
Refresh:
I achieved >= 7 hours total a night for only 3 nights this week. C for week. 
- Tai Chi and meditation sketchy this week. 
 
Renew:
Super-dooper active on the new job front, plus some fiction gains. A+ for week. 
 
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Redid my resume once again. I like it much better now. It's more "general purpose" also, so I can resubmit it and handle the changes in the cover letter.

Whew, applying's a battle! 4 hours to get it done and posted to 3 jobs. I wish I could say I now have the procedure down, but as Shaeon pointed out, every place is different. 

 

I also consulted the guy who runs my website server, and he can post the sample I need to show to Possible Employer #1. So that's great news. They still remain a much better fit than the 3 places I applied to today. 

 

In other news, no pills is no good. I'm not ready to solo yet.  

I have 2 hours of wind-down in front of me. Looking forward to it. 

 

Sun stats:

Sleep:  6 hours, 3.5 of it "sound". Prepping bigtime, and 1 pill again. 

Renew: 3 job applications, arranged server hosting

Blessing: My Mom's router got installed! Happy birthday!

 

Phys: short walk + meditation

Fud: Super-squeaky clean diet

MFP projection = -1 pounds/week

 

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Hmm, I may have a new sleep strategy here. What happened was, when I woke at 3 in the morning, I took half a pill. It made me a bit sluggish this morning (usually I spring out of bed), but it might be worth it for the extra sleep. 

 

With 1.5 pills spaced out, I ended up with 7.5 hours, almost 5 of it "sound". That's an improvement! I'm going back to 1 tonight, because I have a big, stressful meeting tomorrow AM, but I might try this again later in the week.

 

In other news, lost another pound. That's 4 since this challenge began. I last hit this weight for about 3 weeks a year ago, and before that, not since 2010. Obviously I want to break the next barrier so I can have an inspiring MFP chart. :)

 

I think this "challenge" is going to remain the way I eat from now on. I allow myself some exceptions, but they're in fact exceptional. My body obviously likes the clean food. There's something about a "mostly" paleo diet. The word should get out about it. Perhaps... a website, or a forum....

Nah!

 

Have a good day, everyone!

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Redid my resume once again. I like it much better now. It's more "general purpose" also, so I can resubmit it and handle the changes in the cover letter.

Whew, applying's a battle! 4 hours to get it done and posted to 3 jobs. I wish I could say I now have the procedure down, but as Shaeon pointed out, every place is different. 

 

I also consulted the guy who runs my website server, and he can post the sample I need to show to Possible Employer #1. So that's great news. They still remain a much better fit than the 3 places I applied to today. 

 

 

 

 

I felt extremely lucky to do 4 applications in 1 hour on Sunday. Partly my new trick of writing all the cover letters in a row helped, because I was able to get into the flow of writing. But partly, they happened to be easy-apply sites. So few of the sites are easy. Every now and then you get to one where applying is so difficult it feels like the application process itself is a gauntlet they are forcing you to run just to prove that you actually want the job. 

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Whahoo! After last night's sleep fail (1/2 pill delayed made me drowsy all day), I bought a new herbal sleep prep from Gaia called "Sleep Thru". It worked GREAT! I show 7 solid hours of sleep before I broke into lighter sleep, almost 8 hours!

 

I'm glad. Today could be tricky, and I need to have my wits about me. :)

 

Yesterday was calm, as I worked at home. My self-care is so much better in my own environment. 

 

Mon stats:

Sleep:  7 hours, 5 of it "sound". Delayed 1/2 pill not a good tactic. 

Renew: 1 more job application, uploaded sample file for server hosting

Blessing: The wonderful people in Tai Chi who actually are interested in me

 

Phys: Walk + Tai Chi class

Fud: Really clean diet, some milk

MFP projection = -2 pounds/week

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