Jump to content

Elanor the Fair is focused again - Challenge #9


Recommended Posts

One year ago I started my first 6 week challenge. At the moment I'm starting something new again - I don't have much time but I made a short video already.

 

I'll write more details tomorrow! I just wated to say Hi! and make a start to this post!

 

 

  • Like 3

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

OMG - before I do anything else today, I have to write this entry. But first here are the good news: weight went down 500g and I survived 6 days WITHOUT ANY SLIP in my diet which is prettey amazing! 

 

But yesterday was a real test - I had a hard time. I had survived the cravings for sugar on thursday and my diet was doing good and you know - I feel good about myself, proud about what I'm doing. I don't worry about having to be perfect but I changed so much making an effort to get healthy.

 

My father came to visit me yesterday. We saw each other for the last time 3 weeks ago. Although he lives only 20 km away, sometimes time goes by without us taknig time to see each other. Which, after how it turned out yesterday, is a good thing!

 

You know, my father also always struggled with his weight and I understand that he's worried about me. But you guys know that I'm making efforts - and yes, of course I also make mistakes. So I'm totally fine with him giving me advice about his experiences etc. also on where to shop good quality ingredients etc.

 

I've never cooked for my father since 5 years. As I didn't know if he was staying over lunch, I made a bit more and I bought some beef to make a goulash like stew - something less "diet food" but still absolutely compatible with my diet plan, and added some rice. I was looking forward to it, I hadn't eaten any beef in a long time. My father did stay over lunch and at one point I had to eat even tough he didn't seem to even want to try what I had cooked, but as I had to eat, he of course wanted some.

 

So I was there, wheighing my meat and rice and he was just commenting on how about that the meat I had gotten was nowhere eatable because it wasn't organic and that that should've chopped the pieces smaller, and that it was not cooked soft enough - all ended with him saying that, as the rice hadn't been whole grain organic one he didn'T have enjoyed anything, he left the meat on the plate and really enjoyed lecturing me about how bad it was how I was doing shopping. 

 

I'm not exaggerating - it really was this way and afterwards I was left shocked. I couldn't move throughout the day but still had so many duties to fulfill. I really whished I had some chocolate in the house to eat - something to drown my emotions. It just wasn't possible to talk to him openly and experienced how terrible it is to have no compensation for those feelings.

 

I ended eating 2 slices of turkey more than in my diet at that moment and then I went over to my stew - looking at it - tasting it - feeling the pain and the disrespect. You know, I might not be a 4 star chef or anything, but I like cooking. Usually I'm not offended when somebody doesn't like what I've cooked, but to say, that it's overall bad and "uneatable" ... wow, that was heavy emotions.

 

I'm PRO eating organic, I don't want to argue about it - I understand that it's good to get less of something but of better quality - but I don't think of myself as a bad person if I buy regular products too. I wonder how a 100% ecologically acceptable meal would look and taste like and if that's even possible too cook. My father's going to McDonald's whenever he's in Germany, he loves chocolate and loads of things. 

 

Ok, it's enough ramble now - maybe someone has some encouragement for me. I will do WHAT I THINK. It's demotivating, you know - and I know today why I never had the courage to try dieting before ... :(

 

I will clear my mind and today's saturday so I will have some foods that I'm usually not allowed and have an evening with my sisters.

 

Thank you for reading - I don't want to swallow those things any more but find a place to let them out!

Yours,

Elanor aka Jaana

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

I'm sorry you had that bad experience with your dad, he was very rude about your cooking and that wasn't nice at all. But you're doing really well Elanor! You've lost weight this week and have stuck to your plan well for 6 days. 

 

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if he doesn't like your cooking or where you source your ingredients from. Allow yourself to be offended by his rude behaviour but don't let it make you doubt yourself because you're doing this for you, not for him, and you're doing really well. 

  • Like 2

I'm more than adequate. Leave Kanye out of this. 

Profile picture credit : NF's resident super artist - NinjaKitten

Link to post

thank you so much deftona - yes - I'm really confident again. But you know, it wasn't that he criticised - it was more that he was so negative about everything in life that brought me down ... 

 

But you're right - I do all of this for me, not for anybody else or to be accepted more ...

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post
 

thank you so much deftona - yes - I'm really confident again. But you know, it wasn't that he criticised - it was more that he was so negative about everything in life that brought me down ... 

 

But you're right - I do all of this for me, not for anybody else or to be accepted more ...

 

Some people are really negative and it's hard to not allow their negativity to make your own positivity slip. This is a feature of my current challenge so I understand where you're coming from on this one. I think you just have to find a way to let them be, and not let their outlook affect you. 

 

If you find a way to do this though, please tell me what it is! 

  • Like 2

I'm more than adequate. Leave Kanye out of this. 

Profile picture credit : NF's resident super artist - NinjaKitten

Link to post

*is heading over to read your challenge* ;)

 

hm, I searched for people in my life that are full of positivity and spend most time possible with them - even if I can't avoid others, it's some kind of priotization ;) 

  • Like 2

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post
 

hm, I searched for people in my life that are full of positivity and spend most time possible with them - even if I can't avoid others, it's some kind of priotization ;) 

 

This is a great idea, you may have cracked the answer to this one!

  • Like 2

I'm more than adequate. Leave Kanye out of this. 

Profile picture credit : NF's resident super artist - NinjaKitten

Link to post

oh, glad I could help! 

 

you know, my mother experienced so much negativity in her environment (and she wasn't overweight) for just being the way she wanted and doing the things she wanted without being commented on, she even decided to move to another country (France) and she really was at peace finding her own lifestyle first and then building up the relationships again from there. Today, we have a more or less positive relationship with our other relatives, but it's just awesome to have the possibility of distance. She did a lot for us kids.

 

I don't think it will be the same for you, but being around positive energy makes those situations when you're forced to deal with negativity so much easier. That's to say that you also become more and more intolerant to negativity because you know it can be different, so the visit of my dad was really a good reminder of old times ;)

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post
 

So I was there, wheighing my meat and rice and he was just commenting on how about that the meat I had gotten was nowhere eatable because it wasn't organic and that that should've chopped the pieces smaller, and that it was not cooked soft enough - all ended with him saying that, as the rice hadn't been whole grain organic one he didn'T have enjoyed anything, he left the meat on the plate and really enjoyed lecturing me about how bad it was how I was doing shopping. 

 

I'm not exaggerating - it really was this way and afterwards I was left shocked. I couldn't move throughout the day but still had so many duties to fulfill. I really whished I had some chocolate in the house to eat - something to drown my emotions. It just wasn't possible to talk to him openly and experienced how terrible it is to have no compensation for those feelings.

 

I ended eating 2 slices of turkey more than in my diet at that moment and then I went over to my stew - looking at it - tasting it - feeling the pain and the disrespect. You know, I might not be a 4 star chef or anything, but I like cooking. Usually I'm not offended when somebody doesn't like what I've cooked, but to say, that it's overall bad and "uneatable" ... wow, that was heavy emotions.

 

I'm PRO eating organic, I don't want to argue about it - I understand that it's good to get less of something but of better quality - but I don't think of myself as a bad person if I buy regular products too. I wonder how a 100% ecologically acceptable meal would look and taste like and if that's even possible too cook. My father's going to McDonald's whenever he's in Germany, he loves chocolate and loads of things. 

 

TELL YOUR FATHER THAT I TOLD HIM TO GO AND FUCK HIMSELF!!

 

as i said to you earlier about the rice. surely a full wheat rice might be a tad better in some mysterious ways, but white rice tastes a lot better, and you're not going to die into it. this is about you losing weight and you can do it even if you eat something that tastes good. i haven't tasted your cookings but as we have sometimes compared what we get out of same ingredients, you're definitely not a bad cook. your father probably just feels bad for not having been able to get to this point himself, and tries to push up his ego by this. and worst part is, he probably doesn't even know it himself. don't care about him.

 

  • Like 2
Link to post

I don't know your father, and yup what he did was outrageously rude.

However if he's come from a place of losing a lot of weight it may just be that he hasn't really dealt with all of his food issues.

 

Having had disordered eating, there were points where I would happily bite someones head off if I felt they were trying to force something on me. (My mother insists I'm too skinny when I'm actually 2 stone over my ideal weight, and would force feed me if she could.)

 

Not wanting to eat something made by a loved on, just because it's not organic or whole grain strikes me as someone  who's tending towards Orthorexia.

 

I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted to upset you so much, it's easy to forget your impact on others when lost in your own head and situation

  • Like 3

Sending vibes of motivation and love to all x

 

 

Link to post

Thanks for all of your replies and you reflecting me and the situation. It enables me to view the situation from many different perspectives. I realise also how much all of this affects me and how I can find no rest when not stuffing everything down with food or video games ;) 

 

It seems to bring up so many old storys. I realize that him being so rude about my meal was just the top of it all - making the volcano inside explode! It seemed just so obvious at that moment, how little he knows about me, my life - how little we share. How he is always miserable and the victim of the world and just can't enjoy what is right in front of him. This is his usual attitude and he must be sad - but he thinks living alone means to not having to adjust to others so he's free - it's the choice of everyone I'm not judging, but when he's complaining all the time, it's sometimes hard to listen.

 

It's always the others that are doing everything wrong. While my mother was alive, she was being a bad influence etc. - and now that she's passed away, it's so simple to blame her now. That's got nothing to do with eating habits, but with everything going wrong in his life - and they've been separated for over 20 years!!!

 

When is the moment to take responsibility for your own life and not waiting for others to arrange it and if they don't do it, blame them?

 

This is the question that led me to make changes - it's me, my body, my life! How can I be so horrible to say, that others are responsible for it??? 

 

 But, as I wrote in the answer to deftona, I also see now, that negativity in people can destroy motivation and I need to be strong to not let it get to me when people talk badly about the things that I love. I don't care whether my cooking is good or not, but I loved my stew - I enjoyed every bite of it - and having someone sitting across to me just loading it with negativity made me mad. I also love my fitness concept, my life in general. I see so many things that are positive in life, that I just refuse to only deal with the negative things. Of course you have to acknowledge what's going wrong to be able to change for the better - and life's never perfect - why should it be?

 

And this goes over to older and deeper issues: my mother might not have been perfect, but she was a strong woman, with an open heart for everybody, and now only talking negatively about her makes me mad also! 

 

With your help here, I'm able to figure out all of this - it makes me see clearer, explain maybe a little better - and it makes me see that's not only about fitness, but about much more. I never expected this! but maybe that's why I never ventured into the realms of diet and health be cause I knew intuitively, that so much more would break open.

 

It might seem that I'm a wreck psychically, ranting so much about all of this, but it just comes out - thank you thank you thank you!

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

You've got a great way of finding the source of problems and then facing that source, Elanor! Negative people can be really tiring and stressful to deal with, especially if they're people you care about. You're probably doing the best thing you can to help your dad by making good choices and living positively.

  • Like 1

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

Link to post
 

It might seem that I'm a wreck psychically, ranting so much about all of this, but it just comes out - thank you thank you thank you!

 

Actually you come across as someone with the strength to try to fight and find a way out.  :applouse:

Your dad sounds like he has a lot of issues, I hope you have the strength to continue being patient with him, and hope also that you manage to not make any more of his issues, yours. 

So much zen love your way. 

And the Larkin poem:

 

 

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.” 
 Philip Larkin

 

And finally a cute fluffy bunny

129FklkXsetHl6.gif

  • Like 1

Sending vibes of motivation and love to all x

 

 

Link to post

Thank you so much everyone (although I hope still to be able to have kids someday anyway ;) ). I don't know how to express my gratitude. 

 

For the moment, I'll show you my latest video, where I'm talking about what inspires me to stay exploring. It's the channel description video, but you can see a bit more of myself ;) 

 

 

 

and yeah - I went for a bike ride yesterday!!!!! :D I was looking forward to start biking again for the whole winter!

 

 

12969412_10153450456151232_1592421287_n.jpg

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

yes, it really is spring here now - it's a field of wheat. 

 

my hip hurts a little and my tighs are a bit sore from yesterday, so I'm glad I started with a small ride and listened to my body when my injured leg started to hurt a little and I got down, walked, got up and biked again. tomorrow will be the next ride!

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post
 

yes, it really is spring here now - it's a field of wheat. 

 

my hip hurts a little and my tighs are a bit sore from yesterday, so I'm glad I started with a small ride and listened to my body when my injured leg started to hurt a little and I got down, walked, got up and biked again. tomorrow will be the next ride!

 

Glad to hear you enjoyed it. remember to listen to your body. there is difference between "good" and "bad" pain. even the 15 or 20 minutes is better exercise than no exercise. start small and amp it up when it starts to feel fine :)

  • Like 1
Link to post

yes, it's full of emotion :D just wrote an article about it and while writing I really felt like crying: http://elanorthefairsjourney.blogspot.fr/2016/04/learning-to-move-again-connecting-to.html

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

ok, I admit, I overate at the barbecue on saturday and since then I struggle a little to not slip. I have to find ballance again - I didn'T know that such "loose days" could have that much of an impact ... but I only ate meat, bread, rice and potato-salad, so not very much sweets in it!

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

Yup, those days can throw you off - you eat the things and then you want more of the things. But congrats on keeping the sweets away!

  • Like 1

Stealthstitcher

 

"You see, what you've got to consider is: are you going to be the hero of this 'ere adventure, or ain't you? You can't 'ave it both ways."

              - E. Nesbit, The Magic City

 

Challenges:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15

 

Link to post

df414399b34c2356d43c9a9188374f2292ebffa3

I don't know why the last days I was so stressed - there was also going on a lot emotionally and everytime I sat down to write my next blogentry something blocked - as though I hadn't figured out something.

 

Before this week is over, I wanted to give everyone a sign, that I'm still alive. But I'm also not sure whether my inner block comes from a new wave of depression rising up - again, I'm confronted with some things I couldn't talk to anyone for a few days - now I forced myself to do it so I feel better.

 

Of course I've done a lot of other stuff but I also struggled with my diet because I really craved other foods and it was hard, being forced to sit and wait while my whole family stuffed themselves with chocolates and pastry and I start to crack after one hour - having to leave the room and feeling bad the rest of the day.

 

Any suggestions for this? It's especially difficult if we're sitting together and having to plan things throughout the week or having fun activities like board games, movie nights and - that's where I'll head now - photo slideshows of travel.

 

How do you manage those situations?

 

Thanks for reading!

Elanor

  • Like 1

Level 9 Human-Viking Paladin
Challenges: #1 ... #2 ... #3 ... #4 ... #5 ... #6 ... #7 ... #8 ... #9 ... Current: #10

My journey - Elanor's official Blog

My weekly Fitness-Vlog on YouTube

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines