Emotional eating tried to take me down after a major loss

[ResetYourCrown]

I don't really get to discuss my journey with my friends, so I'm posting just to get it all out.

 

Here goes...

 

I've battled with my weight most of my life. It's a long boring story, so I'll skip that part. However, I've studied myself, and now I'm aware that I'm an emotional eater. Which didn't help my case at all when my boyfriend was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2015. I spent an entire year pouring over medical articles and researching alternatives in efforts to help him heal. All of the credible articles and forums pointed to eating more veggies, juicing and getting exercise as the biggest way to heal all that ails you. I begged and pleaded with him to eat the healthy stuff yet all the while I ate more and more bad things in private. My nerves were bad, I couldn't sleep, we had to move in with my mom when he could no longer work. It was an overwhelming and completely stressful time in my life. Oh yeah, I also have a five year old daughter who I couldn't spend as much time with because of all the stress and worry I was dealing with.  So that just tacked on the guilt, worry, fear and frustration. I felt like a bad mom and powerless to help. 

 

We never agreed on what tv shows or movies to watch. However, we bonded over our mutual love for sci-fi and superhero movies. Which is another reason I think this group will be beneficial in my healing process. I also have his xbox that I have no games for. All he played were zombie games and stuff like that. So I'm hoping to pick up some recommendations.

 

He passed away this February, almost a year to the date of his diagnosis. Prior to him getting sick, I was wearing size 14 and now I find myself squeezing into size 18s and XXLs. A big part of why I'm hear is because I feel like I'm not honoring his memory by continuing on this unhealthy path I'm on. From my year-long research of disease, I know what I am supposed to eat and I know that fitness is key. But I need all the help I can get battling the urge to give up and self medicate with food.

 

My Main Quest:

My motivation for joining this group is actually not physical. Of course, looking like a badass is a great result of being healthy, but for me it's more than that. I want to FEEL better. I've noticed that certain foods make me feel sluggish and most often they are in fact bread and sugar. I've just gotten used to feeling bad. But since "Feeling Good" is not a measurable goal, I'm listing something that I'm scared to put out there, but it would be awesome. 

• I'm turning 40 in September and I'd like to confidently wear a bikini on Miami Beach. For me, that's fitting in a size 12 bathing suit. (I know the American standard of beauty is a size 6 or something, but honestly that's not my goal.)
• To do so, for the next six weeks I will:
  • Work out 4 days per week with at least two of those days being strength training
  • I will replace my frequent fast food meals with salads or paleo approved meals when I'm on the go at least 3 days of the week
  • Cut my sweets habit down from 2 a day to 2 a week.

My Motivation:

• I want to be an example for my daughter of how to eat right and take care of herself so she doesn't deal with having to constantly "think" about her weight all her life. I'm soo sick of THINKING about my weight! I want to put a system in place that works and stick with it forever! and ever! I also want to have the energy and good spirits to play with her and enjoy her as a kid.
• Many of my friends, no MOST of my friends are on some kind of medication-high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, etc. I want to manage my body without relying on pharmaceuticals (no offense to the pharm reps on the board)
• My long-reaching goal is to be a health coach so I can help people avoid getting cancer in the first place. To be a health coach, I have to in fact BE healthy. Go figure!

Leveling Up:

• Get into real estate investing
• Pursue a travel photography business I've been mulling around for a few months
• Pay off my student loans 

Whew! I know what you're thinking...that just wasn't long enough. lol But seriously, it helped so much to write that out. Let's see where this thing goes.

[Bob the Bardbarian]

It sounds like you have some great motivations for getting healthy.  Honestly, eating healthy is an incredibly simple, but difficult process.  Fortunately there are plenty of resources online here to help you out.  Living happily and healthy is something I'm striving for as well, and I can tell you this:  It's going to be hard.  Not all of the time, but there will be days when it will seem impossible.  It's not though, and if your reason for living better is strong enough, anything is possible.  Remember your motivations, your big "WHY", and keep pushing.  Never let your emotional state make you forget who you are, who you're becoming, and what you're capable of.

Welcome to the Rebellion.

[ResetYourCrown]

Thank you so much for the reply and the motivation Bob the Barbarian! I truly appreciate it.

[Eirlys]

Hey there, please accept my condolences over your boyfriend's loss.  I've lost my elderly grandparents to cancer, but I can only imagine how tough it must be to see someone that young and close to you fade away.  I'm not surprised you have found an outlet for your stress.

 

It's testament to your character that you are looking to tackle this and get healthy again.

 

I really hope it works out for you.

 

p.s. is that your pic at the bottom?  Whoever is in the photo looks fabulous!  xx

[Jack of Hearts]

I know where you're coming from. I lived with my grandfather for 7 years while he was suffering from cancer and I just recently lost my father from cancer. I am new here and I want to be here for you. My goals are the same as yours and if there is anything I can do to help you achieve them let me know. We all need to work together here and I found your hero's story very touching.

[Steaky]

Welcome to the rebellion. Sorry to hear about the struggles you've had over the last year and condolences on the loss of your partner.

 

You have some good, solid goals and motivations there.  And it doesn't matter what the 'standard' for other people is.  What's important is what you will be happy with.  It is, after all, your life.  Good luck with it all and may the Force be with you.

[shaolin_nerd542]

Hey lady,

 

You have an awesome story to tell, and it's only just getting started.  I can recommend you the Thug Kitchen books.  They are foul-mouthed, vegan cookbooks.  I swear by them (literally, I talk a lot of s***).  I cooked exclusively out of them and lost five pounds, allowing for the odd cheat day.  I believe in a plant-based, whole foods diet, and these cookbooks are the layman's way of getting started.

 

Go forth and kick butt.

B