Urgan Shows Up, Does the Thing

[Urgan]

2/14/2018

I need an emotional support lion

 

Food

Lunch-time: 6/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2569 / 2649

Protein: 124 / 109

Fiber: 42 / 42

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 2/8

 

Well, as I mentioned earlier, the day started off in dumpster fire flame war territory and no gym because humans are dumb. It slowly, gradually improved thanks in large part to the copious application of food. Oddly enough, though I had no real hunger signal for most of the day, my stomach wasn't offline so I could put things in it without it being a miserable experience. That's about as good as it got today. I missed lunch due to having no "reminder" stomach gurgle and getting distracted. Oh well. Probably going to have to experiment with how much yogurt stuffs I consume, because I'm receiving some signs that it is not thrilled with the drinkable and maybe even the more solid form. The former feels way more emphatic.

 

Aikido happened, because if you can go to work, you can go to Aikido. Shihonage knife takeaways. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your wrists and elbows, 'cause they're breaking everybody up here. When all that was said and done, we had to say goodbye to a green belt today--job change precipitates a move. 

 

Came home to hydroponic tulips. I have tulips now. Praying the cats won't be having tulips today.

 

12 hours ago, ixaera said:

 

it's none of my bee's knees anyway!

 

In fairness, it was a bit much for my taste because mirin be sweet, too. * coughs * Oh well, I soldiered through it somehow.

 

2 hours ago, Taddea Zhaan said:

 

yeah but that sounds feckin' amazin' so #worthit

  

It was really good and while I'm working out diet stuff I'm not really concerned. 

[Urgan]

In other news

[Urgan]

2/15/2018

Self-inflicted Punishment R Us

 

Food

Lunch-time: 7/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2671 / 3026

Protein: 120 / 112

Fiber: 37 / 23

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 2/8

 

Deadlifts

135       5

145       5

165       5

181       5

162       3x5

 

It's sad when you feel like a hero for doing half of a planned training session a day late. I was going to skip the day entirely, but I couldn't go back to sleep for me needling myself about it, so I got up (late) and scooted out the door. Mistakes were made and I ended up spending the entire day feeling gross and tired and stuff. The drive back home was long and full of wrecks and people cutting me off and stabby lights in my face. At least I only had eye strain as opposed to migraine this week so far (it's Friday, c'mon, am I still vulnerable to jinxing it?). Some mild headache stuff here and there, but controlled by painkiller. Next month is gonna be speeeeeeeecial. Can't wait.

 

After a shower and an hour nap in the name of justice and sanity, we did a belated Valentine's dinner thing. Sushi and steak happened and will be happening again for lunch today. Sushi in the work fridge bay-bay (for an hour). 

 

So this thing happens every night. It's idiotic. I get most of the way ready for bed, lie down with some Youtube to relax and get so sleepy I don't want to get up to finish getting ready for bed, but I am about to fall asleep so I am useless for anything but going to bed. I am in bed, just not ready to turn the light off. So I fall asleep with the laptop, lights on, teeth unbrushed, etc until around 1-2AM. So uh. That shit's gonna have to stop because I'm ruining my training nbd.

 

Also maybe roll my shoulder. It's not in SOS mode anymore, thank God, but I made it a thing I need to do and it might just help things a little IDK?

[Urgan]

Legit I could listen to this cat eat all day.

 

[Kishi]

I swear, there are people whose pets eat better than me...

[Urgan]

4 hours ago, Kishi said:

I swear, there are people whose pets eat better than me...

 

Think of it this way, that cat is earning his noms from Youtube ad revenue LOL. 

[Urgan]

2/16/2018 - 2/18/2018

Rogue-like life

Food

Lunch-time: 7/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2612 / 2858, 2395, 2348

Protein: 114 / 112, 114, 91

Fiber: 35 / 24, 26, 45

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 4/8

 

 

...blah blah food, blah blah blah barely got my mobility in at 11PM Sunday night because Forgot, blah blah 162lb 5RM squat PR...

 

Guess whose migraine came in on Saturday night and stuck around for breakfast on Monday morning?

 

Yup. Yup. That post BC life. Living la vida loca indeed.

[Mistr]

On 2/16/2018 at 9:08 AM, Urgan said:

So this thing happens every night. It's idiotic. I get most of the way ready for bed, lie down with some Youtube to relax and get so sleepy I don't want to get up to finish getting ready for bed, but I am about to fall asleep so I am useless for anything but going to bed. I am in bed, just not ready to turn the light off. So I fall asleep with the laptop, lights on, teeth unbrushed, etc until around 1-2AM. So uh. That shit's gonna have to stop because I'm ruining my training nbd.

 

I don't know if this would help, but it might be worth a try. I've started brushing my teeth earlier in the evening. For me this is a marker that I'm done eating for the day. I could snack after that, but I'd have to brush my teeth again. Some nights I need all the extra encouragement I can get to stick to my plan. As a bonus, I just need to wash my face before going to bed and that is quick to do.

 

You could do almost all of your prep early. Maybe even invest in a remote for your bedroom light, so you don't have to get up to turn it off. Technology to the rescue.

[Urgan]

2 minutes ago, Mistr said:

I don't know if this would help, but it might be worth a try. I've started brushing my teeth earlier in the evening. For me this is a marker that I'm done eating for the day. I could snack after that, but I'd have to brush my teeth again. Some nights I need all the extra encouragement I can get to stick to my plan. As a bonus, I just need to wash my face before going to bed and that is quick to do.

 

I wash my face after showering in the evening vs just before bed, realizing this helps cut down on nighttime ritual duration and increases the odds that face washing will actually occur. To speak nothing of the benefits of cleansing while one's pores are steamed and ready to give up all the crud they've been hoarding all day long. Food consumption often happens right up until just before the lights go out, so unless I am prepared to ax that, it'd be difficult to pull off. I do have an alternative plan and it involves divorcing my relaxation routine from Youtube. 

 

This is mostly just me spit-balling words on this post here, but I've been meaning to express a general dissatisfaction with the way my evenings go. Now the ultimate root of this problem is my commute eating an hour easy of life that could be better used making food, reading a book, watching anime, or lying spread-eagle on the bed doing absolutely jack nothing. But aside from that is the slow slide to spend "just 5 more minutes" on a Youtube video when I know full well that at 2.5 minutes I will be either a) too lazy to get up and finish my business or b ) ASLEEP. I need to flex my self-discipline muscle just a little bit more, trust me at night there is plenty of room for a little bit to go a long way. This happens on Sunday, which sets me up for 5 days of fail. 

 

 

So. If I were more proactive I could observe opportunities for a better nighttime routine to tilt the odds in my favor. Maybe making better chill time media choices is the first step to get me there, such that once I am too sleepy/tired to consume those things, I am too tired to stay up, huh? 

 

17 minutes ago, Mistr said:

You could do almost all of your prep early. Maybe even invest in a remote for your bedroom light, so you don't have to get up to turn it off. Technology to the rescue.

 

I have switched to doing food prep before I curl up with my laptop. It's probably going to result in a bit less temptation to a broken night's sleep followed by scrambling to put food in containers for 15+ minutes. This issue is gonna be a major focus sooner than later. 

 

1. Heavily limit nighttime Youtube usage in favor of other media

2. Frontload nighttime/next day prep before relaxation time

3. Bedtime curfew is not optional

[Urgan]

I just wanted to add my appreciation for you underscoring this point from a prior post, because I've been mulling over the issue and now I have a bit of an action plan (add to the above prepping for more than just the next day, so every night isn't prepping madness). I also should probably clarify the point of changing media isn't that Youtube is bad, it's just stuff like Crunchyroll and books force active engagement in the thing I am taking in, which would help me decide to turn out the light under circumstances that will be more likely to create a positive feedback loop. 

[Jord]

16 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

...blah blah food, blah blah blah barely got my mobility in at 11PM Sunday night because Forgot, blah blah 162lb 5RM squat PR...

 

 

here for those squat PRs!

 

 

no matter whats happening, when possible, you get in those workouts and the payoff shows

[Urgan]

2/19/2018

Flash in the pan

Food

Lunch-time: 7/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2685 / 2685

Protein: 123 / 123

Fiber: 52 / 52

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 4/8

 

Bench

45         5

70         5

80         3

85         1

96         1

101       1

 

OHP

45         5

50         5

60         3

65         1

72         1

58         3x3

 

So what happened is I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed at all. Decided that if I got up and put pills in my face, went to the gym, and got gas, I would be in a better position to know if I'd to be able to go to work. The good-ish feels lasted....well, about as long as my bench session and began to waffle through OHP and the trip to the car. I got gas and decided I could probably make it at least two hours at work, check to see if anything popped up that demanded attention.  The further along I got, the worse my head got so I ended up turning around when I realized I was just completely miserable. 

 

Cue much lazing around trying to get my food in, keep busy, and not make with the face-stabby. I made gumbo in the early evening and we actually ate it at a normal-ish hour. Much anime was then watched because I was feeling pretty okay by that point, I made sure that food for the next day was ready to go, and did not flail around trying to get ready for bed OR fall asleep prematurely, so that was a win of a sort. 

 

Not doing stellar today, either, after staring at this screen for a few hours, but it could be worse, I suppose.

 

4 hours ago, Taddea Zhaan said:

here for those squat PRs!

 

 

no matter whats happening, when possible, you get in those workouts and the payoff shows

 

Some days training is the only thing that keeps me sane. Wednesdays are particularly difficult. I need an adult.

[Kishi]

2 hours ago, Urgan said:

Some days training is the only thing that keeps me sane.

 

Cheaper than therapy, lets you work out your feelings, and makes you useful to others. If only more people did this (but then, the squat racks would be crowded...).

[ixaera]

Stupid migraines

Who even told them they get a vote anyway

 

[Urgan]

2/20/2018

Who's up for a Tuesday?

Food

Lunch-time: 8/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2848 / 3010

Protein: 120 / 116

Fiber: 51 / 49

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 4/8

 

Meh. Let's play a game called survive the day walking around like there's fog inside your skull. Tag, you're it.

 

The only thing of note, other than I adulted at bedtime much like the day prior, was dinner. I took inspiration from @Taddea Zhaan doing a mac & cheese + ground turkey + peas thing and made my very own cheese mess. 

 

I basically made this baked pasta recipe but swapped broccoli for edamame. It was kind of by accident as I wanted to use ground pork BUT the store was out of ground pork, so sausage. It's basically the best thing ever.

 

18 hours ago, Kishi said:

 

Cheaper than therapy, lets you work out your feelings, and makes you useful to others. If only more people did this (but then, the squat racks would be crowded...).

 

Legit the latter part is the only reason I don't cheer more enthusiastically for local people to use barbells--fear that the gym will be slow on the uptake. This fear was realized this morning, when there was a Crossfitter occupying the squat rack (the Crossfit Games t-shirt and Oly complexes gave it away...). I can't say he was "in" the rack, because he was just using the outside of the rack as a stand. The squat rack was also being used, except properly, so I lost about 10-12 minutes just waiting for one to open up that I couldn't really afford to lose, but oh well. The perils of morning gym life.

 

11 hours ago, ixaera said:

Stupid migraines

Who even told them they get a vote anyway

 

 

Migraines be like

[shaar]

On 2/19/2018 at 4:22 PM, Urgan said:

But aside from that is the slow slide to spend "just 5 more minutes" on a Youtube video when I know full well that at 2.5 minutes I will be either a) too lazy to get up and finish my business or b ) ASLEEP. I need to flex my self-discipline muscle just a little bit more, trust me at night there is plenty of room for a little bit to go a long way. This happens on Sunday, which sets me up for 5 days of fail. 

 

Heehee, this is me lately too.  ESPECIALLY on Sunday night.  I'll spend "just another 5 minutes" logged into FF talking to friends or hanging out on Discord and suddenly I've stalled for 30 minutes and frick I'm already in sleep debt on a Sunday night NEAT.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

 

Meh. Let's play a game called survive the day walking around like there's fog inside your skull. Tag, you're it.

 

 

How'd you know I was playing this game too?!!?!

 

 

It us

[Urgan]

7 minutes ago, shaar said:

Heehee, this is me lately too.  ESPECIALLY on Sunday night.  I'll spend "just another 5 minutes" logged into FF talking to friends or hanging out on Discord and suddenly I've stalled for 30 minutes and frick I'm already in sleep debt on a Sunday night NEAT.

 

In dreamtime, 5 more minutes is in fact 50+ minutes. GAH.

 

8 minutes ago, shaar said:

How'd you know I was playing this game too?!!?!

 

 

It us

 

[shaar]

41 minutes ago, Urgan said:

 

 

This gif has so many perfect levels when you really think about it.. ('Cause who does WORK at work anymore IDK)

 

- Gonna fake it till I make it

- I Have No Idea What The Hell I'm Doing And That's Okay

- SLEEP DEPRIVATION WHEEEEE~

[Mistr]

4 hours ago, Urgan said:

In dreamtime, 5 more minutes is in fact 50+ minutes. GAH.

 

Oh yes. Something about screens makes time pass more quickly. Washing dishes for 5 minutes feels like 15. Reading a newspaper for 5 minutes usually feels like 5 minutes. Reading social media? At five minutes it feels like you just opened the file and barely started. Gaming on the computer is even worse. "Just one more round" was the bane of my schedule. I had to implement a firm curfew on gaming.

 

That is one of the things I appreciate about knitting. Five minutes is just about what it takes for me to knit one row. That is not a lot, but it is visible progress. And there is a clear stopping point at the end of each row. That gives me more chances to make my saving throw and put it down.

[Urgan]

2 minutes ago, Mistr said:

Oh yes. Something about screens makes time pass more quickly. Washing dishes for 5 minutes feels like 15. Reading a newspaper for 5 minutes usually feels like 5 minutes. Reading social media? At five minutes it feels like you just opened the file and barely started. Gaming on the computer is even worse. "Just one more round" was the bane of my schedule. I had to implement a firm curfew on gaming.

 

That is one of the things I appreciate about knitting. Five minutes is just about what it takes for me to knit one row. That is not a lot, but it is visible progress. And there is a clear stopping point at the end of each row. That gives me more chances to make my saving throw and put it down.

 

After that big ol' ramble about how I need an adult, I've done well at redirecting my attention and it luckily dovetails with me getting bored with a lot of the channels I've been watching. Having to be actively engaged in something makes it easier to say no mas, lest you lose your "place." A lot like your knitting experience, it builds in time management opportunity.

 

In the case of the 40th time you've watched some dude crawl through Super Mario 64, who cares? Actually playing the game takes more energy than I have left to give by the time I am in a position to actually play anything. Sad, huh? 

[Jord]

21 hours ago, Urgan said:

The only thing of note, other than I adulted at bedtime much like the day prior, was dinner. I took inspiration from @Taddea Zhaan doing a mac & cheese + ground turkey + peas thing and made my very own cheese mess. 

 

I basically made this baked pasta recipe but swapped broccoli for edamame. It was kind of by accident as I wanted to use ground pork BUT the store was out of ground pork, so sausage. It's basically the best thing ever.

 

 

 

yay for easy weeknight meals! and yay for pasta. I don't think I could ever lead the keto life because noodles and cheese is a thing.

[Urgan]

2/21/2018

It is what's written on the tin

Food

Lunch-time: 9/20

Miso meal: 1/1

Calories: 2813 / 2744

Protein: 114 / 101

Fiber: 50 / 48

 

Self-Care

Mobility: 4/8

 

Squats

45         5

135       5

155       3

165       1

170       1

186       1

190       3x1

 

Scored a morning PR. This makes around the fifth time I have put 190lbs on my back and it needs to get a lot more common. Only squats because once again I woke up with the alarm but fell right back asleep inadvertently. My energy levels have been all over the place this week--it's hardly surprising, but it's a thing worth noting. I'm only doing the essential and have instinctually withdrawn from a work relationship. It's like a light switch went off and I couldn't take interacting with this person anymore. Have you had an experience like this? Where you roll along for a while and then all of a sudden it's unbearable to continue business as usual? We have a high stress project in this short-staffed department and I am helping to get bits and pieces over the finish line--it's not my stress, but I feel for the guy whose it is (he's laying claim to a lot more responsibility than he by any right should, for the record) and to some extent it becomes my stress, too, you know? That's the background for the hormone crap hitting the fan.

 

So this other guy is unrelated to my embed department but we talk. It's not all bad, but he's my last tie to the QA department drama, a constant source of drawing wild conclusions about me based on limited intel that demand clarification, and needling in stupid petty ways.

 

I'm just fucking sick of it.

 

In the case of the first, I have made a decision to remove myself from interacting with the offending parties unless and until I am forced to do so and this person does not have the intestinal fortitude to do so as well. The second I am done with being characterized at semi-random--with the occasional bout of projection, I suspect--and being put in a place of having to Explain myself. It's a constant low grade of stress. The needling is just juvenile on his part and my personality takes jokes...badly. Externally results may vary, but internally it's...low grade stress to sort out how to react to shit. I am done. Done. I did not sign up for this and it took this week for the feeling to build up to this point. It happened very abruptly, or at least it seems that way. 

 

So I just haven't been saying much for the past two days and this morning I got a message that was classic. Drawing conclusions based on a stereotypical reason why a woman would stop talking to a man (that he's creepy--every now and again some things could qualify as awkwardly attempting to make gestures of friendship that are unnecessary and so easy to screw up that 10 seconds of thought would veto the attempt, but creep isn't my personal encapsulation of the problem). A million years of bowing a scraping. Massive disclaimer that he doesn't expect any response from me (reverse psychology 101 much?) Sigh. I am not sure whether I shouldn't care what he thinks and just let it lie or set the record straight one last time if/when I can figure out way to do it without making my head want to explode. 

 

Of course my regular routine requires a well-oiled machine to run, much like the autobahn demands a very, very well-maintained surface, so a small pebble in the wrong place is gonna cause disaster. It's not like anything else is going on in my family or anything, either--no cat fighting, just bad things happening that have no reason to be as hard as they are. I did go to Aikido and we played with swords again. I have committed formally to March 17th as a test date and need to devote a little time to making this a not-embarrassing experience crawling over the last obstacle to the advanced class. 

 

Once I got home, we had another positive experience getting ready for bed and the next day. I woke up at 3AM with the triple threat of crippling gas (probably ate a bit too much too close to lights-out?) and both knees randomly aching really, really badly. Nighttime Tylenol and Tiger Balm later, I quickly fell back asleep, but this incident probably has set me up for a subpar Thursday. And that's where we come back to extraneous stressors like stupid interpersonal BS. No more BS. I can't take it.

 

And now you know why I leave my calories open-ended.

[Urgan]

[ixaera]

11 hours ago, Urgan said:

So this other guy is unrelated to my embed department but we talk. It's not all bad, but he's my last tie to the QA department drama, a constant source of drawing wild conclusions about me based on limited intel that demand clarification, and needling in stupid petty ways.

 

I'm just fucking sick of it.

 

In the case of the first, I have made a decision to remove myself from interacting with the offending parties unless and until I am forced to do so and this person does not have the intestinal fortitude to do so as well. The second I am done with being characterized at semi-random--with the occasional bout of projection, I suspect--and being put in a place of having to Explain myself. It's a constant low grade of stress. The needling is just juvenile on his part and my personality takes jokes...badly. Externally results may vary, but internally it's...low grade stress to sort out how to react to shit. I am done. Done. I did not sign up for this and it took this week for the feeling to build up to this point. It happened very abruptly, or at least it seems that way. 

 

So I just haven't been saying much for the past two days and this morning I got a message that was classic. Drawing conclusions based on a stereotypical reason why a woman would stop talking to a man (that he's creepy--every now and again some things could qualify as awkwardly attempting to make gestures of friendship that are unnecessary and so easy to screw up that 10 seconds of thought would veto the attempt, but creep isn't my personal encapsulation of the problem). A million years of bowing a scraping. Massive disclaimer that he doesn't expect any response from me (reverse psychology 101 much?) Sigh. I am not sure whether I shouldn't care what he thinks and just let it lie or set the record straight one last time if/when I can figure out way to do it without making my head want to explode.

 

Jesus Hornblower Christ

Fuck that guy

also that other guy

D:

[Urgan]

6 minutes ago, ixaera said:

 

Jesus Hornblower Christ

Fuck that guy

also that other guy

D:

 

So it's not just me, then.

 

Worrywart Responsibility Sponge just has the misfortune of being an introvert in an extrovert's role, as he's client-facing. Who thought that up? His only crime is threatening to leave the company every hour as a coping mechanism. If he leaves, there will be no joy left as he freely states his mind and as an ex-Marine it is HILARIOUS and...colorful. Also if anybody else leaves the department (typed "derpartment"......yup) may be dissolved, so......yeah. Not cool if I am not the one leaving.