Dagger's Progress as a Nomad

[Dagger]

Elements, Day 1, Week 1

 

I don't know what I'll mention everything about Elements here, especially since I'll be hanging out in the accountability buddies thread about Elements (my post about day 1), but I want to store my stats and observations for the BAP (basic assessment positions) here, so I can later go and compare when I finish. I goes I should have done video or something, but ah well...

 

Some notes: For time I basically did it until form started breaking down slash it started feeling hard. I'm still figuring out the difference between my muscles saying it is hard and quitting before failure. Considering I only recently started to get comfortable with discomfort while exercising, I know that is something I still need to work on. (When I say discomfort I mean like being okay with muscles burning from the movement, being okay with my breathe coming fast, being okay with feeling not comfortable. I'm not talking about pain here.)

 

Bear

Time: 1:15

I can get my shoulders and back pretty close to straight. With no photos and no good look in a mirror, I can't say more than that.

My legs are very much bent and my heels are far from the ground. This is where I can do the most improvement I think.

When moving it felt kinda strange, but not that hard. Like I wasn't bothered having my head lower than my hips and the actual weight bearing went surprisingly well. I did not expect it to feel quite so easy and I could probably have gone on for quite a while, I wish I had more space to walk along, although I suppose I do have more than I used.

 

Monkey

Time: 1:30

Noticing I could go much deeper into a squat controlled was a happy thing earlier in the practice. I did notice with the monkey that I don't have much balance down in that pose. Any kind of movement down in the squat felt awkward and I felt like my body was mostly in the way when I tried to put hands and arms in the right positions. Putting any weight on my arms felt very hard, partly on the wrists, but mostly just straight arm strength. Nothing felt very smooth. The jumping was alright, but once again not much strength in arms and not much balance when getting back fully into the squat. Could possibly have done more but it felt uncomfortable and awkward so I stopped.

 

Frogger

Time: 1:28

This one was hard to figure out. Partly because of the kinda BAP video. It showed the frogger by going from floating tabletop to squat via a jump, but then never showed how to go from squat to next jump. So I did floating table top jump to squat, knees back onto ground and into tabletop and then jump to squat. I think I did maybe three jumps or so, felt so awkward and could probably have done more.

[Dagger]

2017-09-04

• Overall: Writing, 0/18
• Body: Movement, 1/20 — Elements
• Body: Fasting, 0/3
• Mind: Transcribing, 1/15
• Mind: Japanese, 0/18
• Spirit: NY 2.0/self care, 1/21
• Spirit: Exploration, 0/6 (planned for first week: hanging out with parents and ???)

Good day, even great. I hit all my first priorities except the overall one. Elements took me probably an hour and a half or there about and I had a slow morning. I transcribed notes from 3,5 days (this was in person workshop notes). I did a short five minute meditation. I have also planned more or less the rest of my week for self care. Oh, and finished planing with A our dinner next week. Now I just need to get a pair of shoes that doesn't scream sportwear, but I'm probably sending for a pair of ballet flats from Amazon uk tomorrow. So I also got a to do done. Nice bonus.

 

So, I'm happy about today.

[Dagger]

PS. I forgot about another couple of to dos I did.

 

First I had do add a couple I had forgotten. Basically travel stuff for US next year. I sent an email yesterday asking for tips on places I can rent in Oregon when I'm there for ca three months. Already gotten a couple of nibbles.

 

I also asked on facebook for Roam London about borrowing shoes and someone had a pair in my size that I can borrow  So I might not get something from Amazon, or I still might because I need a pair of ballet flats/similar, but now I don't need them so fast. I want to get barefoot/minimal flats if possible (haha, me and my minimal shoes). I didn't add this as a to-do but it happened too. Plus I did some quick Amazon research last night about ballet flats.

 

But the second to do I did that is an actual to do was that I booked one of my musical shows for the next day (aka today since I'm writing this Tuesday morning). I wanted to see if I could get my work done before an evening show, and should therefore aim to only go to those. Of course, Matilda was an evening show but I didn't do much at the time, I think.

[Dagger]

2017-09-05

• Overall: Writing, 0/18
• Body: Movement, 2/20 — Walking
• Body: Fasting, 0/3
• Mind: Transcribing, 2/15
• Mind: Japanese, 0/18
• Spirit: NY 2.0/self care, 2/21 — ish
• Spirit: Exploration, 0/6 (planned for first week: hanging out with parents and ???)

 Not sure how to quantify today.

 

I don't think I made it clear, but for my peace of mind, transcribing is actually at the top top top of the list of priorities. This is because I want to get rid of those notebooks. I'm trying to reduce the amount of luggage I have.

 

I switched to my writer space on my computer, read about half a sentence and noped out. I think I need to remember why I was excited about this story. Because I am, deep down, but I didn't have the time or mind space to find it today.

 

Instead I took care of some to dos. I paid for the workshops next spring. I have now several leads for a place to rent when I stay in Lincoln City for three months so that is awesome. I know so many great people.

 

On 1/1/2017 at 2:31 PM, Dagger said:

7 8/12 new-to-me movies or performances of some kind (gymnastics, music concerts, circus, ice skating, dance, play, etc.)

 

I went to a show today: the Lion King. It was a very interesting experience. Like the production is excellent. I love how they to all the animals and the dancers were great and so well trained. What they could do with their bodies... wow.

 

But at the same time, I'm still thinking about the meaning of life, what dying means and a lot of questions in that direction and I felt like I've found piece by piece some answers. I promise to get back to @Plazmotic's question here so you guys can see my current thinking. I'm not really sharing what is going on in my mind currently with anybody. It is something of a mess.

 

You guys ever had a moment where you knew you'd be different? A single point in time where you knew that everything you've thought before was past and you could never go back? Watching those youtube videos educating me about the universe and space, everything to do with astronomy. It did that to me.

 

And then I see Lion King and: It is the circle of liiiiiife.

 

Stars are born, stars fuse elements heavy enough to build life, they gets thrown into a solar system that is forming and eventually becomes a part of a planet called Earth. On that planet life starts to be born and eventually humans come. Eventually there will be no more humans on Earth, whether that is because we kill ourselves, kill the planet or the sun grows to envelop us. And slowly the whole universe will die and everything will be dust, actually less than dust, but anyway.

 

Now feels like a good time to suddenly have faith in something big, preferably something that gives a meaning to life, death, and everything else.

 

If any of you guys have ever thought deeply about this. If you are thinking about similar questions, I'd love to talk. And I mean talk. These things are hard to put into text, with added intonation, facial expression, etc. I feel like I can communicate my thoughts more. PM if you're interested, just know it can get heavy and I can almost guarantee I'll cry. You've been warned.

[Plazmotic]

13 hours ago, Dagger said:

You guys ever had a moment where you knew you'd be different? A single point in time where you knew that everything you've thought before was past and you could never go back?

The only situation I can remember where I changed in a moment was when I was talking to a friend and trying to convince her I wasn't a feminist. I said something silly like "I'm not feminist, I just want social and economic equality between the sexes." and she was like "uhhhh that's basically the definition of feminism." And then my brain exploded because she was right.

 

I also remember maybe 3 years ago I was driving to work and just pondering during the commute, and it suddenly struck me that one day my consciousness will cease to exist. Knowing death is inevitable is one thing (I've known that for some time), but grasping at the sense that brain will stop operating at some point was really... saddening for me. I like existence.

[Dagger]

3 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

I also remember maybe 3 years ago I was driving to work and just pondering during the commute, and it suddenly struck me that one day my consciousness will cease to exist. Knowing death is inevitable is one thing (I've known that for some time), but grasping at the sense that brain will stop operating at some point was really... saddening for me. I like existence.

This sounds very much what I'm struggling with. How did you move on from that? Or reconcile or whatever word is the right one?

[Dagger]

3 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

The only situation I can remember where I changed in a moment was when I was talking to a friend and trying to convince her I wasn't a feminist. I said something silly like "I'm not feminist, I just want social and economic equality between the sexes." and she was like "uhhhh that's basically the definition of feminism." And then my brain exploded because she was right.

I still sometimes have trouble calling myself a feminist because beside for that very broad definition people differ too much in what it means, like the details of it and how to make it happen as such.

[Plazmotic]

1 hour ago, Dagger said:

This sounds very much what I'm struggling with. How did you move on from that? Or reconcile or whatever word is the right one?

I still haven’t. The realization will come back to me every now and then. Not just an intellectual acknowledgement of my future brain death, it’s a fully emotional reaction to the idea that essentially one day I will fall asleep and never wake up, I will cease to do this thinking thing I love so much.

 

I haven’t come to terms with it yet. My husband is not the person to discuss these kind of thoughts with. Haven't tried talking to my siblings or friends about it yet.

[Dagger]

2 minutes ago, Plazmotic said:

I still haven’t. The realization will come back to me every now and then. Not just an intellectual acknowledgement of my future brain death, it’s a fully emotional reaction to the idea that essentially one day I will fall asleep and never wake up, I will cease to do this thinking thing I love so much.

 

I haven’t come to terms with it yet. My husband is not the person to discuss these kind of thoughts with. Haven't tried talking to my siblings or friends about it yet.

Not an unexpected answer, although I had hopes.

 

This realization is just such a bugger. I want to ask it: What am I supposed to do with you? You make everything seem worthless, and I'm not depressed. What can I do to make you go away?

[Plazmotic]

3 minutes ago, Dagger said:

This realization is just such a bugger. I want to ask it: What am I supposed to do with you? You make everything seem worthless, and I'm not depressed. What can I do to make you go away?

I don’t think making it go away is the answer. It’s knowledge that can’t be undone.

 

When I did come to my realization that the end of consciousness is inevitable, my first reaction was “ohhhhhh NOW I get why religion is a force to be reckoned with.” My sadness and fear are predicated on the idea that once you die, that’s it, it’s over. But I’m not a religious person. Past the age of ten I couldn’t believe in a hereafter anymore.

 

My personal take on it, thus far, is that if nothing matters… everything matters. If nothing is of consequence because it will all end eventually, then what’s happening at this very moment is the most important thing of all. Okay, sure, nothing matters! Everything leads to the same inevitable future! So all things being equal means that all things are BIG DEALS FOREVER.

 

I'm getting philosophical now but who's to say me sitting on the couch watching cat videos isn't important? It makes me happy! My happiness makes others happy! More happiness makes the world a better place! Then at least for the brief moment we existed, humans were happy. And while I'm not religious, I'm not an atheist either. (I’d call myself a pandeist.) Maybe the universe itself, with its beginning and end, are watching us this whole time.

 

It doesn't make me mourn the inevitable any less, but I suppose thinking this way allows me to redirect some of the sadness towards a more optimistic, long-term point of view.

[Dagger]

53 minutes ago, Plazmotic said:

My personal take on it, thus far, is that if nothing matters… everything matters. If nothing is of consequence because it will all end eventually, then what’s happening at this very moment is the most important thing of all. Okay, sure, nothing matters! Everything leads to the same inevitable future! So all things being equal means that all things are BIG DEALS FOREVER.

I came to this realization yesterday while walking to the tube after the Lion King. If nothing matters, it also means that everything matters. If nothing has meaning, it means that everything has meaning.

 

54 minutes ago, Plazmotic said:

It doesn't make me mourn the inevitable any less, but I suppose thinking this way allows me to redirect some of the sadness towards a more optimistic, long-term point of view.

I'm trying to find that place, and I am finding puzzles pieces for it.

 

55 minutes ago, Plazmotic said:

When I did come to my realization that the end of consciousness is inevitable, my first reaction was “ohhhhhh NOW I get why religion is a force to be reckoned with.” My sadness and fear are predicated on the idea that once you die, that’s it, it’s over. But I’m not a religious person. Past the age of ten I couldn’t believe in a hereafter anymore.

Yes to all this. I was like "now having faith would be a great idea", but it doesn't mean I suddenly believe. I'll look more into the one you mentioned too.

 

It feels so very strange because only like three weeks ago I felt energized to dig more into what I've felt comfy with since May and before than I wasn't comfy with it at all. I've started leaning on the elements (earth, fire, air, water), talking with my higher self and the universe and suddenly all that feels so unbelievable, except I never really started to believe in it as much as saying: you know what this helps so who cares if there is a power out there or not. And now it tastes like ashes.

 

Although I did enjoy the moon light yesterday, it wasn't quite full moon (it is today) but it looked like it. Maybe I should really have seen that total eclipse...

[Dagger]

2017-09-06

• Overall: Writing, 0/18
• Body: Movement, 3/20 — Walking to and from a restaurant, but at least it is around 15 minutes away by foot
• Body: Fasting, 0/3
• Mind: Transcribing, 3/15
• Mind: Japanese, 0/18
• Spirit: NY 2.0/self care, 3/21 — F*ck you letters
• Spirit: Exploration, 0/6 (planned for first week: hanging out with parents and ???)

 Today I realized I'd put the wrong deadline on one of my to dos so I had to tackle that. It meant I didn't get much transcription done, but eh...

 

The biggest drag and light during my day was writing more f*ck you letters like I did in Costa Rica. Basically it is putting to words stuff that really bothered me as a teenager. Things I won't or can't necessarily talk to the actual people about, like it wouldn't solve or change anything if I did. So I knew when I choose to do them today that I'd probably not due much the rest of the day.

 

Roam had its community dinner at a restaurant, the food was really good but I spent too much money for one meal, haha. London restaurants are not cheap.

 

Also called my parents quickly about them bringing something to me and it seems I might be meeting up with them on Friday instead of Saturday (it was totally tentative to put it Saturday, but still switches around my weekend). Oh, that means I need to do a couple of things tomorrow. Hmm...

 

Also thanks, @Plazmotic, for talking to me about stuff I'm sure both of us would rather not think about.

[Vibrantella]

17 hours ago, Plazmotic said:

My personal take on it, thus far, is that if nothing matters… everything matters

I'm also seeing it like that. 

 

Also, I remember reading about the anthropic principle, based on physics and philosophy, which claims that the purpose of the universe is to be known, and we are the ones doing it.  So we, the intelligent life that sprung up on a speck of dust in the vastness of empty space, are the ultimate goal of all existence.  Modest, eh?  Still, the theory was interesting at the time.

[Dagger]

10 minutes ago, Vibrantella said:

Also, I remember reading about the anthropic principle, based on physics and philosophy, which claims that the purpose of the universe is to be known, and we are the ones doing it.  So we, the intelligent life that sprung up on a speck of dust in the vastness of empty space, are the ultimate goal of all existence.  Modest, eh?  Still, the theory was interesting at the time.

Technically as valid as a lot of theories and it does make me smile and laugh, so that makes it even better in my eyes.  Who needs modesty, eh?

[Dagger]

On @J3NN's challenge, I recently posted a lot of questions for figuring out what to do with life. Some I'd heard before, some I made up on the spot, and then I posted some principles I live by. Or lived by. Everything feels so strange here. So I'm going to quote myself below (and clear out anything specific to J3NN) and then answer the dang questions and look at my principals because dang it I'm not completely different, except I am.

 

On 8/23/2017 at 11:36 AM, Dagger said:

1) What is the feeling you want from life in general? Joy? Happiness? Contentment? Excitement? Nourishment? Fulfillment? Ease? Or a million other emotions/feelings?

 

2) What would you regret doing or not doing the most?

 

3) If you had six months to live, what would you do?

 

4) If you had only five more years to live, what would you do? Would you grow a side business, reduce your hours at work and/or quit, and move somewhere else? Would you lean into your hobbies, learn violin or write the blog or try fiction writing or try many new things? You'd still definitely need an income to live, but how could you earn that? How would you want to earn that if you tried to change it?

 

The principles I try to follow goes something like this:

• Live today like tomorrow will never happen.
• If I only had six months to live, what would I most love to do?
• If I only had five years left to live, how can I change my life so I spend as much time as possible doing what I love? I would want to waste as little time as possible on things I dislike or hate or that angers me or makes me depressed, etc.
• What do I actually want to be great at (1-5ish things)? Or do I want to be "just" good in many things (5-15ish things)? Is there one thing/skill in the world that means more to me than all the others?
• Let go of what society thinks. Let go of what my family thinks. Let go of what anyone/anything have ever told me and dig deep inside myself and answer what I think, what I want, what is right to me, where are my boundaries, where is my joy?

1) Joy is definitely the word for me when it comes to my life as a whole. Joy comes from so many things: being fulfilled, nourishing myself, spending time with people I love, going through my day with ease and more.

 

2) I'll admit right here that that foreboding sense that have been with me for the last two weeks or so have finally started to life. I'm not alright with eventually my consciousness dying and disappearing, but then evolution kinds of depends on a will to live, sooo... But I no longer feel that oppressive feeling of meaninglessness/worthlessness. But while I was feeling it, I wasn't contemplating suicide seriously, don't get me wrong. But not existing anymore didn't seem like such a bad thing either if that makes sense. If there was no point to existing, then why continue existing?

 

I would have regretted following through on that though. Although, I suppose I wouldn't be anymore, so I couldn't regret, but you get what I mean. I might day tomorrow, and I will live like that. But I might also die in 80 years (unlikely considering I'm already 28 years old, don't destroy my dreams ) and I need to live like that too. I would regret not seeking long term dreams/goals, of course, my philosophy of knowing I might die at any time hasn't stopped me from long term goals, so don't think it suddenly has.

 

Did I say I feel so much more positive today? I think it has a lot to do with knowing I am not alone in my wanderings even if I wouldn't wish anyone to have discovered this part of the path. I also have some questions and stuff to explore from Kate due to the weekly oracle card reading she does. I'll do that in the next few days. So many self care options I want to do right now! (Btw, answering these questions is counting for today.)

 

So what would I regret doing? I don't know, I think this question more applies to making specific decisions. Although currently on my mind I'm still trying to decide if I want to commit to a year in Japan or not. I'd love to live somewhere else for a long time to see it through all its seasons and such...

 

3) Oh my, six months, eh? I'd spend a lot of time in nature. I'd spend a lot of time with the people I love. I would write letters to everyone I know and call them all if I could. With six months I might write fiction, but I don't think so. I'd want to be moving in nature, perhaps even still doing some Elements or workouts or yoga because I love how it makes me feel.

 

But yeah, I'd focus on giving people something of me to remember by (letters), I'd spend time with them but not just sitting around instead doing something maybe even traveling, lastly I'd want to spend time in nature being around trees and streams and lakes.

 

So outside of earning a living, I want people and nature. Those are the two most important things to me. And moving, which I found interesting (climbing trees, scrambling, SUPing etc.)

 

4) Write, move, move through nature, be with people, Japanese, visit Japan for a longer time, write more, publish more, teach someone in my family how to take over my books after I die so people can keep reading them, I'd go into non-fiction working on at least one project I already know I want to do, I'd finish the stories I already have some people loving so they might read them, I would seek spirituality through Shinto Buddhism the elements and more. These are the things I'd focus on. If I achieved Japanese to a fluency level where I didn't have to spend so much time on it each day, I'd move on to learning piano.

 

These are the things I care about and the way I want to earn my living (writing).

 

So be with people, moving, and nature and obviously something I want to make sure I get most every day because those are the things I would do if I had little time left.

Then comes writing, Japanese—>piano/singing, spirituality, publishing. As more "to dos" I need to go visit Japan again for a longer time. Oh, I'd think Ireland would be on that list too actually. Another to do would be securing information on how to run my publishing business with minimal fuss either by a family member or finding a charity what would do it depending.

 

These are basically the things I do, although right now I'm not doing Japanese because I need brain power for doing the transcribing (so boring! but necessarily and informative!)

 

I'm also not getting enough nature right now, and I'm starting to feel it. Not sure how to remedy that since I have city living planned until the end of October (London, Paris, Barcelona).

 

Moving on to my principals there is only one where I feel like I need to add anything.

 

What do I want to be great at 1-5 things? Writing, moving, Japanese (+ traditional culture/history), piano, and self care/nourishment/spirituality. With the first three being most important to me.

 

That kinda answers a lot of questions, doesn't it? I'll go to Japan for a year, that means applying for a student visa which I'll do by going to Japanese language school although I'll try and learn more before I go so I can start having conversations with Japanese people quickly (spending time with people!). So perhaps I should aim that for next year, October. The sooner the better but that is the earliest I can do it with their school year. I don't need to apply until latest March next year, so I have time.

[J3NN]

3 hours ago, Dagger said:

I'm also not getting enough nature right now, and I'm starting to feel it. Not sure how to remedy that since I have city living planned until the end of October (London, Paris, Barcelona).

 

I hear that! I used to live in England. It was a LONG time ago and I was a kid, but I do remember that there are trees, and clear sky and moors and heaths. Maybe harder in London, but we lived in Bicester and they were accessible there, so it can't be too far away. And even in New York, the ultimate city, there is this little nature area called Central Park. I remember going to feed the birds in England (queue Mary Poppins) there has to a park or some nature thing where you are that can at least give you a little taste? If you set your mind to it with intent, it doesn't matter how small the nature, it makes me think of that commercial for the Toyota with the Daisy. IMO, Even a little bit helps when you love nature as much as you describe.

 

 

[Vibrantella]

6 hours ago, Dagger said:

But I might also die in 80 years (unlikely considering I'm already 28 years old, don't destroy my dreams )

Nothing wrong with this, I myself plan to live to 110 , healthy and happy!

 

Regarding nature, London is full of parks - even small ones are good for a green refresher, but for seeing deer I recommend Richmond or Bushey.

[SymphonicDan]

Barcelona is more "outdoors", so even in the middle of everything you won't feel as trapped in a city as you might in London. Plus there's lots of hiking into the hills that surround the city, which is easily accessible. Near Can Zam/Santa Coloma there is a hiking trail that goes to a really ancient settlement, and there is every sort of park just a metro ticket away. You should enjoy it there

 

Plus the beach....

[Severine]

I'm super grateful to you for writing up your experience with Elements because it helps me feel less nervous about starting and it also helps to have other perspectives to compare to. I find your descriptions of how the movements feel really easy to understand, especially compared to some of the stuff I've found online that is more technical and less about how the movement feels. So thanks!

 

Re: transcribing. I'm sure you've thought of this but I just wanted to ask anyway. When I digitize notebooks, I don't transcribe by writing them out - I use a camera/scanner to take a photo of each page which I store as a PDF. The program I use for this has OCR software built in, but the OCR doesn't actually work very well with my handwriting, so it's not text-searchable or anything but it's still a good way to get a large volume of stuff stored and archived safely in a very quick efficient way. Obviously totally worthless if you want searchable text.

 

As always, your plan looks detailed and really well thought out, as usual.

 

The topics you and @Plazmotic are discussing are things of great interest to me, and things I think about a lot. I'm not religious but I do enjoy thinking about the sorts of fundamental questions religion often deals with. 

 

As I think I mentioned before, I actually take a lot of comfort from the impermanence of life - both my own and the world and universe at large. There's an idea in Epicurean philosophy (Epicurean is often used in modern contexts to mean hedonistic but that's extremely misleading) that the absence of an afterlife is a freeing truth that releases people from the fear of death. This makes a lot of sense to me on the large and small scale. To me, it means that there is no external set of goals or directives placed on us: our purpose is to exist, and we are free to define what that means, each of us, and all together. Whatever meaning exists is that which we make for ourselves. I find this liberating and empowering. There is no assignment; life is a free-writing exercise.

 

And I feel I appreciate life and consciousness all the more precisely because it is limited, because it is fleeting. The frustration of restricted time, the constant awareness that we will never be able to do or see or know or think all the things we want to...in my mind it gives extra intensity, extra meaning, to everything we choose to do and see and be. The pressure, the deadline, the fragility of it all is part of what makes it sweet. Whatever we choose to do with our life is special because we are doing that instead of a trillion billion other possibilities. Some people become lifesaving surgeons, some people become alcoholics who drink themselves to death. One is definitely preferable to the other by a lot of practical measures but at the core it is all existence, all the same. So choose what seems beautiful to you, what makes you feel you have found meaning. But don't feel that moments of pain or boredom are necessarily less valuable or more wasteful than moments of joy or triumph because in some sense they are the same. It gives us ultimate freedom to set our own priorities, and to find beauty and meaning in every moment of experience no matter how painful. Even the ability to feel pain is a sort of marvel. 

 

What matters to me? (1) Thinking, knowledge, understanding (2) People, and knowing them, understanding their minds the way I try to understand mine, and bringing them happiness (3) the physical experience of the natural world. Almost everything I care about boils down to those three basic things. Once recently I was having a late night slightly tipsy philosophical conversation with a friend and I commented that at least half of what really matters to me in my experience of life happens only in my head. And to me that seemed like a really obvious thing, but he thought it was bizarre and I had to really work to explain it to him. To me it's self-evident: communication is a limited outlet. We'll never be able to write or say the vast majority of the things we think, the questions we wonder about, the dreams we concoct, the possibilities we imagine, the emotions we have. Even if some bizarre person wanted to do nothing with their life other than sit and listen to the stream of consciousness of your brain, still time makes it impossible: it can take ten minutes to explain a fleeting thought or idea. But those things, that stay locked inside us, those fibres of experience are the essence of living, of being. And I think that seeing them that way and valuing them for their own sake is, for me, part of feeling like I am living my life in a satisfying, fulfilling way. 

[Dagger]

6 hours ago, J3NN said:

I hear that! I used to live in England. It was a LONG time ago and I was a kid, but I do remember that there are trees, and clear sky and moors and heaths. Maybe harder in London, but we lived in Bicester and they were accessible there, so it can't be too far away. And even in New York, the ultimate city, there is this little nature area called Central Park. I remember going to feed the birds in England (queue Mary Poppins) there has to a park or some nature thing where you are that can at least give you a little taste? If you set your mind to it with intent, it doesn't matter how small the nature, it makes me think of that commercial for the Toyota with the Daisy. IMO, Even a little bit helps when you love nature as much as you describe.

2 hours ago, Vibrantella said:

Regarding nature, London is full of parks - even small ones are good for a green refresher, but for seeing deer I recommend Richmond or Bushey.

Oh, I do go to the parks close by, but they are a little too manicured if you get what I mean. I feel the need to be surrounded by trees or open landscape rather than just some trees and grass. It would also help if they were closer than 20 minutes walk. That means I use half the walk just to get there and back. And I know these are small things, but it means I visit less often and I don't quite get the full experience because they aren't as huge as Central park, haha.

 

I will however probably go out to Kew gardens this weekend, they aren't even that many tube stations from me and I don't have to switch line.

 

2 hours ago, Vibrantella said:

Nothing wrong with this, I myself plan to live to 110 , healthy and happy!

Haha, I first said 90 more years, but realized that 118 is a bit optimistic for having quality of life. Haha.

 

1 hour ago, SymphonicDan said:

Barcelona is more "outdoors", so even in the middle of everything you won't feel as trapped in a city as you might in London. Plus there's lots of hiking into the hills that surround the city, which is easily accessible. Near Can Zam/Santa Coloma there is a hiking trail that goes to a really ancient settlement, and there is every sort of park just a metro ticket away. You should enjoy it there

 

Plus the beach....

The beach! The sound of waves... I need either that or a real forest regularly. I need to add this to my life. *recurring life goals*

 

Also the hiking sounds good. Hiking... I haven't done that in a while. Any hiking for 2-3 hours (preferably a loop trail) not that far from London? Something I could do go to after lunch and come home for a late dinner?

[Dagger]

1 hour ago, Severine said:

I'm super grateful to you for writing up your experience with Elements because it helps me feel less nervous about starting and it also helps to have other perspectives to compare to. I find your descriptions of how the movements feel really easy to understand, especially compared to some of the stuff I've found online that is more technical and less about how the movement feels. So thanks!

Glad it was helpful, I'll make a similar report whenever I get around to day 2 and 3 and on... Three days after day one I still haven't done day two, oops!

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

Re: transcribing. I'm sure you've thought of this but I just wanted to ask anyway. When I digitize notebooks, I don't transcribe by writing them out - I use a camera/scanner to take a photo of each page which I store as a PDF. The program I use for this has OCR software built in, but the OCR doesn't actually work very well with my handwriting, so it's not text-searchable or anything but it's still a good way to get a large volume of stuff stored and archived safely in a very quick efficient way. Obviously totally worthless if you want searchable text.

I would do something like this if I'd ever use the material if I did that, but I wouldn't. Also there is an added bonus to transcribing it myself and it is that I go over the material again and I get reminded, which is a great benefit.

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

As always, your plan looks detailed and really well thought out, as usual.

Thanks! I wish I was just a smidgen better at following them, haha. Well, I am getting better so not complaining.

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

The topics you and @Plazmotic are discussing are things of great interest to me, and things I think about a lot. I'm not religious but I do enjoy thinking about the sorts of fundamental questions religion often deals with. 

Read everything after this, but too much to quote. I really appreciate you adding your thoughts. The anxiety comes back every time I read about it right now. I'm watching that reaction and going "wooooow, defusing the hardcore reaction I have to these topics would be useful". Hopefully the question Kate posed yesterday will help when I can dig into them.

 

And yes, most of my life is also spent completely inside my own head, so I hear you a lot on that. And yes to the needing much longer to describe something that only took a fleeting half second to think/feel. I guess maybe part of the reason I love writing is that I can take the worlds and stories in my head and share them with other people. <3

[Dagger]

Playing this song on repeat right now. Feels appropriate somehow.

 

 

[J3NN]

The beach! The sound of waves... I need either that or a real forest regularly. I need to add this to my life. *recurring life goals*
 
Also the hiking sounds good. Hiking... I haven't done that in a while. Any hiking for 2-3 hours (preferably a loop trail) not that far from London? Something I could do go to after lunch and come home for a late dinner?

Have you tried the AllTrails app? We've discovered some new favorites through it ..

Sent from my Pixel using Tapatalk

[Dagger]

2017-09-07

• Overall: Writing, 0/18
• Body: Movement, 4/20 — Walking to and from grocery store
• Body: Fasting, 0/3
• Mind: Transcribing, 4/15
• Mind: Japanese, 0/18
• Spirit: NY 2.0/self care, 4/21 — Answering life questions on here and drawing my first tarot card in more than a week
• Spirit: Exploration, 0/6 (planned for first week: hanging out with parents and Kew gardens?)

 Movement have taken a bit of a backseat this week except on Monday, but that is alright. I'm doing transcription every day which is good.

 

Today I mostly spent on various to dos which is why I'll quote my updated list below.

 

Tomorrow I'll go to Camden markets with my parents, my first exploration of the week. This means I don't need to transcribe (yay!). I'll get walking in. I don't yet know what self care I will choose, but I will choose one. Current self care list looks something like this: NY ritual, Kate oracle card/questions, NY intention setting, and NY nourishment definition. Pretty sure those are the top ones anyway.

 

So a quick list of everything I did on to do today, plus a couple of additional:

• Quick fixes to workshop assignment and sending in (got a reply and need another round tomorrow or so)
• Wash clothes
• Copy Japanese CD
• Put together stuff to send home with parents
• Send some photos to R
• Finalize some plans with parents
• Work on plans with J, I'll do a sleep over in/close to Oxford towards the end of my London stay
• Shopped more things from Amazon
• Made tentative plans with Vibrantella to meet again!
• Contacting one rental place in Oregon

On 9/2/2017 at 10:36 PM, Dagger said:

• Contact parents about meeting up in London (ask dad to take a thing with him to me), Sep 6
• Finish Cover workshop assignment, deadline Sep 6
• Copy Japanese textbook CD before parents come, deadline Sep 7
• Send Italy photos to R, Sep 7
• Put together the things I'm sending back to Sweden with my parents, Sep 7
• Choose Norway photos and upload to Dropbox, Sep 10, 0/1
• Finalize plans with A for dinner, Sep 10 or 11
• Submit story to WotF, Sep 29, 0/1
• Book 4 shows, 1/4
• Go to 4 shows, 1/4
• Book hotel for Paris
• Shop a couple of things on Amazon, 3/2-3
• Return Amazon things if they don't fit, 0/X (yes I'm putting this here already, just in case)
• Contact K about meeting up in Paris
• Contact F about meeting up?, 0/0-1
• Contact J about possibly doing a day trip to where she lives
• Contact Vibrantella about meeting again
• Finish 1-2 print books I travel with, 0/1-2
• Do f*ck you letters to two people I need to do it for, 2/2+1
• Send short story for copyediting
• Contact little brother just because
• Add other people's Norway pictures to my albums
• Go through Camp NF email about photos and download and everything else
• Fluent in 3 months, module 1-3, 0/3
• Send an email for tips of renting in Oregon next year
• Pay for workshops on the coast
• Contact one or more rental places in Oregon, 1/X

So much done already! So happy about that. Even if I haven't gotten any writing done. :3

[J3NN]

3 hours ago, Dagger said:

It would also help if they were closer than 20 minutes walk. That means I use half the walk just to get there and back

Also, maybe this is something to think about when considering your new living locations since you're moving around so often. Keep in mind how close they are to nature so that even if you can't fix it in London, you'll use it to have better opportunities in the future!