Okay, I'm here... Now what?

[Jane Eyre Is My Patronus]

Um... so... hi?

 

I'm new. Very new. Super new and equally as nervous.

 

I am also 5'5-ish, 230-ish pounds and couldn't run a mile if my life depended on it. This is bad. I currently own a failing business in a town where I have no friends. This is also bad.

 

I have goals. Good ones, with time limits and specificity and all those things good goals are supposed to have. (My fitness goals are: short term: Lose 23 lbs by my friends' wedding in August. Mid-term: do a pull up by... I'm actually not sure about this one. I have to figure out how much my backpack, i.e. my dumbbell substitute, weighs. Long term: Become Emily Kaldwin by 2018.) I have a battle plan, even though I am 800% certain at least one part of this battle plan is dumb. (I know ramen is not good for you, okay? But, guys, I gotta eat it.)

 

What I don't have... well, I don't have a lot of things... but what I don't have that I'd really like is accountability. I mean, I say I have to lose 23 lbs before my friends get married, but they're my friends. They won't care how much I weigh or how bad I look in my bridesmaids dress. This goal was one I created for myself, and, honestly, they don't even know about it. My family has bigger things to worry about than my fitness journey. Don't get me wrong, they'll celebrate my victories, but they won't care if I skip a workout or eat a sugar cookie. And I don't know anyone in this town period, let alone anyone who will push me.

 

I don't finish things very well. I'm terrible at it. I have an innumerable number of knitting and crochet projects abandoned, I've started writing thousands of stories and finished exactly three, I've started trying to learn French, Italian, Spanish, German, Russian, Mandarin, Japanese, and the violin. I am proficient in none of these things. And I'm not including all the times I've stared a diet and exercise program not to finish.

 

So... what is the best way to use this website and these forums in such a way as to make me more accountable for my actions?

 

 

[Astrid]

I'm new around here too! For using the site and forums, I'm sure other people who have been around a lot longer will have some great ideas, but I'll say that I splurged and paid for the $99 course and so far I really enjoy it. I am a teacher so I do love all things that seem even remotely like school or have homework. It might be something to look at!  You can start a daily log and challenge thread for yourself, too. Even if nobody reads it, it's out there on the web and someone might be reading it and shaking their head at you!

 

I can definitely feel the not having support thing. I just moved to a very rural area last August and I have, like, three friends in the entire state. Even my family and friends back home don't really "get" it. I have a hard time because I really don't know anybody who will kick my butt or point out that I didn't do what I said I was going to do. And I NEVER finish anything I tell myself I'm going to do, either. Maybe we can be acountabilibuddies? 

[Pavowski]

Best advice is to not try to do too much at once. People new to the game often feel like they have to do ALL the things -- lose weight! get stronger! eat better! suck less! -- and they try to do everything at once. Which is a sure road to burnout and failure: we can only handle so much change at a time. And it looks like you're inclined that way.

 

I'd say, pick the thing you want most out of your fitness, and worry about that first. Want to lose weight? You have to clean up the diet first. Want to get stronger? Better start doing some strength workouts. Want to take up running? Well, the only way to start is to pick a day (today is a good day) and make yourself do it. Allow yourself to work on improving ONE aspect of your fitness. Anybody can make ONE change, but it takes a superhuman to make FIVE changes at a time. Pick the one thing. Work on it for a month. Two months. Three. Work on it until doing the work is as natural as breathing, as natural as walking out to check the mailbox every day. Until it's something you JUST DO. Then you can add in the next piece.

 

Anybody will tell you that the starting is the hardest part: just getting to the gym, just stepping out the door to run, etc. This is true in the moment, but the real hardest part is sticking to your changes. If you hate your diet, you will never stick to it. If you hate running, eventually you will give it up. If you hate lifting weights, you will inevitably abandon that gym membership. At some point -- and I would argue that point needs to be sooner rather than later! -- you have to find something that not only makes you a better person (stronger/slimmer/faster/whatever), but that you love to do, that you want to do week in and week out.

 

Best way to use this board? Join a challenge. Follow some people on their journey and share your journey in turn. Lift people up so they will turn around and lift you up. Have fun.

 

[Severine]

I've not been around here for long (just finished my first challenge) but I did at one point lose a lot of weight and drastically increase my fitness, and the thing that helped me was having (a) a sensibly designed, realistic plan and (b) a community of people to help me feel supported and encouraged and obligated to keep working on it even on the days when my own motivation was lacking.

 

Get to know some people on here enough that you actually care about them and they care about you. Make the kinds of connections that lead to people wondering, "Hey, where's Jane Eyre?" when you haven't posted for a couple days and sending you an email or PM to check in. Get involved enough in people's lives and stories that you have a reason to come here besides just that you think you ought to.

 

Join a challenge for sure, but also check in on other people's challenges. Don't try to befriend every random person because you'll get overwhelmed trying to keep up with 35 threads you don't truly care about. Browse around, find people who really interest you or with whom you have things in common, and try to reach out and make some friends. I think it's even more important if you don't have a local support network/friend group.

 

Good luck! I'll come find your challenge thread

[Jane Eyre Is My Patronus]

Thank you very much!

 

I can't really afford it right now, but I'd love to join the Academy at some point. (Yes, I know the price is going up, but I cannot right now.) Acountabilibuddies is a fun word (am I spelling it right?) but I'm not sure what that means? But yes, I would probably be up for it.

 

DO ALL THE THINGS! I love Hyperbole and a Half. Anyway, yes, I do have a tendency to do everything for a while and then go *bleh* and do nothing for a while. Or perhaps it's the other way around? Do nothing for a while, feel awful, do EVERYTHING for a while to make up for it? It's like interval training! With life! Turns out it's not a good idea. I'll try to keep that in mind, and I've signed up for the next 4 week challenge!

[Severine]

19 minutes ago, Jane Eyre Is My Patronus said:

Do nothing for a while, feel awful, do EVERYTHING for a while to make up for it? It's like interval training! With life! Turns out it's not a good idea.

 

Okay that legitimately made me laugh out loud. I bet you'll find a lot of people who can relate to that, myself included. Turns out that starting things is a hell of a lot more fun and exciting than continuing to do them after the shine has worn off and the rookie skillup boost has been replaced by the plod of slow hard-earned progress, right?? But it's not a completely negative quality, either. It's good to have passion for new things, to have the adventurousness to be willing to jump right into something even when it's not practical or sustainable. I think the key is finding ways to harness the good parts (enthusiasm, creativity, openness to new things) while creating a sort of structure/scaffold to limit the negative. So maybe make a deal with yourself that you can quit anything you want without feeling guilty because it's good to try out new stuff, but you have to do it for at least 3 months first. And maybe a rule that you won't try to jump into more than one new thing at a time, or something. Whatever works for you.

 

But you know what? For me, the best plans are plans designed with an honest assessment of my flaws and quirks. If a core element of your plan is "suddenly become a much more disciplined and motivated person" then your plan sucks and you are going to fail. Your plan has to be designed for the real you. For example, I'm a procrastinator and I am good at rationalizing all sorts of idiocy when I want something, so my plan includes specific elements to combat those problems and also some areas of leeway/forgiveness so I can be me, and occasionally fuck up, and still feel like I'm making progress in the right direction so I don't just give up.

 

Anyway this is long and rambly, but one final thought: I'm assuming from your username that you like to write or at least read - one of my suggestions is that you start a journal or log or whatever you want to call it where you write about your thoughts and feelings about body image and weight loss and such. A lot of what the Academy offers is basically a scaffolding for decision making, motivation, and developing self-knowledge, but there's no reason you can't get that stuff on your own if you're introspective and willing to ask yourself some hard questions. Try to strip away the judgement and just try to really understand yourself, like a character in a book. Why do you make the mistakes you make? What motivates you? What do you dream of? How do your mind and emotions shape your actions day to day, and are you happy with those patterns? etc.

[Jane Eyre Is My Patronus]

Oh, I hadn't thought of it being like the negative side of a coin that also has positive sides. That's a wonderful way to think of it, actually. Thank you.

 

Journaling is a fantastic idea. I actually started a journal a few months back, but I don't write in it every day. I can make that me-time more of a priority. With gel pens for fun, since it's going to be kind of maudlin in other ways for a while.

[Astrid]

Acountabilibuddies are basically people you talk to and share how your day went, etc... You keep each other accountable! 

 

I totally always struggle to keep things going after I start... How often do we all say we're going to do something, get a week into it, and then totally forget? What a drag! I'm a student at heart so I love having a "teacher" tell me what to do and when. Even if I have to do it myself, it really helps to have someone else give me the framework. Anything where I'm responsible to plan for myself, I almost always totally bomb. 

 

 

[Jane Eyre Is My Patronus]

I know! One of the hardest parts is just remembering to do the things you promised yourself you'd do. If they're not in your routine, they're easy to forget.

 

You wanna be my accountabilibuddy? I would not be adverse to that!

[Astrid]

Right? If I remember, I can usually drag my butt out of bed to do it. Acountabilibuddies, yay!!

[GrandpaHemlock]

I'm new here too!  Hi!  

[Ivana Sedai]

Helloooooo, also new here

 

I will surely watch your progress! Wish you luck with your goals!

[Altamarie]

Hello

As you know i am also new here.I also have a million things i have started and not finished, but we are all here to work together to help each other finish now!