Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Bookish Badger]

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

And, technically, most people who develop blood clots don't even die. 

 

I can tell you from experience, it's a royal pain in the ass (leg) but it really isn't a big deal. It's an experience I'm not eager to repeat but on the scale of things that can seriously fuck you up, it's pretty low.

[Sylvaa]

18 minutes ago, Severine said:

I'm kind of jealous that you're all doing the Spartan. Ugh, no, definitely full-on jealous. I would love to join for the next one! You're going to crush it, being crushing is sensibly defined as anything that encompasses showing up, having fun with your friends, pushing your limits (safely) and just generally living life and inhabiting your body in an unapologetic and joy-seeking way.

 

 

Fenway Sprint. Just saying. 

 

13 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

 

I can tell you from experience, it's a royal pain in the ass (leg) but it really isn't a big deal. It's an experience I'm not eager to repeat but on the scale of things that can seriously fuck you up, it's pretty low.

 

I'm torn between feeling really bad that you had it happen (because it does indeed suck) and laughing a little bit about the personal experience of "scale of things that can seriously fuck you up". 

[Bookish Badger]

Worse than a paper cut, not as bad as cancer. 

[fleaball]

4 hours ago, zenLara said:

That's my favourite cat gif. I love the serene indifference of the other cat.

Right?! It just gives zero fucks about the foolishness going on. 

 

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

All the faith!

 

Honestly, once we get there, you will see that the normal heats are very low key. You will see people of all different shapes and sizes and that it's not like the Elite / Competitive heats. I know that doesn't really help with the anxiety now, but once we get going, you will see the chances of dying are super low.  And just think, this is just your baseline - you can always get better (and you won't get worse!). 

 

Re: Blood Clots. They really aren't all that common and there are normally additional risk factors (like, blood clots happen when people have other risk factors involved). Honestly, I probably have a greater chance of developing one, due to the amount of time I am on airplanes and I am not even on BC. And, technically, most people who develop blood clots don't even die. 

I keep telling myself that. I know once it happens it won't be as bad as I think. It's a combination of an unknown/new situation and also disappointment because when I signed up in January I was like "I have so much time! I'll be so prepared and I'll crush it!" and ofc between legit injuries and just being lazy I am nowhere near where I wanted to be so that means everything is going to suck, naturally. I will survive and you are totally allowed to hit me if I start whining too much.

 

Yeah I'm pretty over it now. Doctor guy wasn't concerned, I don't have any risk factors other than being fat and lazy, blah blah. My brain just isn't happy unless it's got something to worry about. Brand new medication is a pretty easy target for things to worry about.

 

12 minutes ago, Severine said:

I finally caught up with your thread!!! So much has happened I don't even know where to start. But you're exceedingly awesome and it felt really good to sit down and catch up with your life. You've had a lot of crap thrown your way but you've been handling it really well. And with good gifs. And congrats about the internship! It'll be a busy semester, but hopefully busy in that good "I feel like I'm living my life fully" kind of way. And nice job on econ! I'd be annoyed about missing the cutoff too (academic keeners unite) but an A- still starts with an A.

 

Add me to the list of people who took the pill for years (about 8) with no noticeable negative effects. I switched to a non-hormonal (copper) IUD years ago, and while I like it better, the pill was totally fine. And my doctors never worried about blood clots or any other health impacts - I agree with Sylvaa that it's mostly an issue when you have a convergence of a bunch of different conditions. And FWIW my partner L, who has PCOS, was put on the pill to help with a uterine disorder, and the doctors never even mentioned it as an elevated risk factor for anything.

 

Everyone already said all the sensible things about the medication, including you. Listen to the logical parts of your brain and take them if you need them, and then evaluate as you go. I've known many, many people who've used medication as part of a strategy to control either anxiety or depression. Most of them were reluctant at first, too. That's so common because we're all hypocrites at heart and want to hold ourselves to weird restrictions we'd never ever enforce on anyone else. It's important to have a good doctor who's willing to have conversations about dosage and impact and all that, and like any other drug you want to put thought into how and when you take it, but don't let the stigma close out a valuable tool in managing your symptoms. 

 

I'm kind of jealous that you're all doing the Spartan. Ugh, no, definitely full-on jealous. I would love to join for the next one! You're going to crush it, being crushing is sensibly defined as anything that encompasses showing up, having fun with your friends, pushing your limits in a safe way and just generally living life and inhabiting your body in an unapologetic and joy-seeking way.

 

Oh, and I started watching Orange Is The New Black last night with my friend (because at this point over a dozen people have told me they think I'd love it, including someone just last week) and they were right and I do. Even though Piper is annoying as hell. I know you watch(ed) it, and in fact I am 99% sure you're one of the people who told me I should. So huzzah, now I'm one of the cool kids and we should non-spoilery talk about it sometime.

Thank you for all the advice and kind things! Re anxiety medication, I don't think it's stigma that was holding me back. Just the fun hypocritical "I should totally be able to handle this on my own." I'm going to give it a bit to see if the pill has any effect but if I start freaking out during the semester I'll be hauling ass to a psychiatrist for damn sure.

 

I'm not sure I would have recommended OITNB because Piper pisses me off to no end lol. But I will totally talk about it with you! 

 

32 minutes ago, Severine said:

just generally living life and inhabiting your body in an unapologetic and joy-seeking way.

Quoting this separately because wow, I really like the sound of this. <3

 

6 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

I can tell you from experience, it's a royal pain in the ass (leg) but it really isn't a big deal. It's an experience I'm not eager to repeat but on the scale of things that can seriously fuck you up, it's pretty low.

Noted! I will take your word for it and not attempt to test this.

 

4 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Fenway Sprint. Just saying. 

Pending results of next weekend, I am toying with doing this. My biggest hangup is travel time (also money but that's a given). @Severine you should totally do it. 

[Severine]

Yes!!! Do the Fenway Sprint with me! You and @Sylvaa and anyone and everyone else on here. I'm serious, if anyone can manage to get here.

 

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Re anxiety medication, I don't think it's stigma that was holding me back. Just the fun hypocritical "I should totally be able to handle this on my own."

 

I'm going to push back a little, and I hope it's okay - I think the idea that so many of us have that people should be able to handle such things on their own is a manifestation of mental health stigma, or perhaps a root idea from which the stigma springs. Which I think is part of why we all recognize that our personal attitudes to meds don't make sense! I know what you're saying, obviously--consciously, you're okay with all of this and not hung up on bullshit mainstream ideas of mental health, and that's fantastic. But I do think there might be internalized cultural attitudes that underlie your desire to go it alone. Even people who literally spend their lives treating mental illness and working for greater public education on the topic still battle with the shitty cultural legacy of internalized judgement. Like, would you feel the same way if it were medication for a liver deficiency or thyroid problem? Probably not. And I think it's important to acknowledge that those ideas are hiding out in the dusty corners of our brain, because that makes it easier to fight them.

 

Anyway your plan completely makes sense (for one thing, if you start taking both and things improve, you won't know which one is helping) and I 100% support whatever you do obviously. I just want you to realize, really deep down to the shifty parts of the brain hiding where logic can't find them, that's it's okay to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, and all your online nerd friends will be here with judgement-free cat gifs and saccharine levels of heartfelt support.

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Severine said:

Yes!!! Do the Fenway Sprint with me! You and @Sylvaa and anyone and everyone else on here. I'm serious, if anyone can manage to get here.

 

 

I'm going to push back a little, and I hope it's okay - I think the idea that so many of us have that people should be able to handle such things on their own is a manifestation of mental health stigma, or perhaps a root idea from which the stigma springs. Which I think is part of why we all recognize that our personal attitudes to meds don't make sense! I know what you're saying, obviously--consciously, you're okay with all of this and not hung up on bullshit mainstream ideas of mental health, and that's fantastic. But I do think there might be internalized cultural attitudes that underlie your desire to go it alone. Even people who literally spend their lives treating mental illness and working for greater public education on the topic still battle with the shitty cultural legacy of internalized judgement. Like, would you feel the same way if it were medication for a liver deficiency or thyroid problem? Probably not. And I think it's important to acknowledge that those ideas are hiding out in the dusty corners of our brain, because that makes it easier to fight them.

 

Anyway your plan completely makes sense (for one thing, if you start taking both and things improve, you won't know which one is helping) and I 100% support whatever you do obviously. I just want you to realize, really deep down to the shifty parts of the brain hiding where logic can't find them, that's it's okay to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself, and all your online nerd friends will be here with judgement-free cat gifs and saccharine levels of heartfelt support.

Ohhh I see what you're saying. I hadn't quite thought about it like that but it totally makes sense, and I agree with you now that I've finished my coffee lol. 

 

As far as I know there are a shit ton of nerds in the Boston area and a bunch of people who do Fenway every year. It might have to be a fairly last-minute decision on my part depending on workload/flight times/etc. 

[Dagger]

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

events like that make me anxious in general with the get there early/lines at registration/lines elsewhere/omg omg so many things to remember

This is me every time I travel with what feels like tight connections. Especially if I have to get through immigration... or worse immigration and security (which I think is like every time but anyway). Two hours can go by so freaking fast if you're unlucky. (Two hours are usually the shortest connection time I will agree to, unless I know I won't need to go through security nor immigration nor pick up my bag.)

 

So totally feel you on this. Whenever I can I try to mitigate it by being fucking early. As in sitting bored at the airport for two hours early at times (how could I know I'd get through security in less than 10 minutes?) Of course, now that I have to take 3 hour train rides to get to the airport I'm sure I'll have even more fun if it is even a minute late (if I know about it early on the trip).

 

So yeah, feel you. Don't know the cure except dealing with as many things as you can before hand. But you have the clothes and the shoes thing. So... hug? *hugs*

 

2 hours ago, Severine said:

That's so common because we're all hypocrites at heart and want to hold ourselves to weird restrictions we'd never ever enforce on anyone else.

So true.

[fleaball]

I'm doing a core workout in YAYOG for the first time and it's just "you have 3 minutes to do 12 reps of each exercise and then rest for the remainder of the time" and I'm finishing everything before the first minute is up. I feel like this is wrong. :/ Especially because I'm pretty sure I have zero core strength to start with, so it should not be this easy. 

 

Also all of my joints sound like Rice Krispies. 

[fleaball]

I take it back. Slightly. I'm not sore all over like I expected to be after that core workout, but there are definitely some muscles making themselves known if I move certain ways. I'll take what I can get.

[Owlet]

Just now, fleaball said:

I take it back. Slightly. I'm not sore all over like I expected to be after that core workout, but there are definitely some muscles making themselves known if I move certain ways. I'll take what I can get.

If it makes you feel better I am sore just from weeding my garden on the weekend. It's a tiny garden too.

[Bookish Badger]

53 minutes ago, Owlet said:

If it makes you feel better I am sore just from weeding my garden on the weekend. It's a tiny garden too.

Yes!! Why is it that like 5 minutes of something real is harder than an hour in the gym??

[fleaball]

43 minutes ago, Bookish Badger said:

Yes!! Why is it that like 5 minutes of something real is harder than an hour in the gym??

The crazy positions and movements real activities require maybe? Exercises only usually take you through one or two planes, vs gardening is a lot more?

[fleaball]

My mother called to ask if I'd noticed any positive side effects of the pill yet. And by positive side effects what she was really asking was "has my anxiety magically disappeared in the 3 days since I've started taking this medication that isn't even for anxiety, but my therapist mentioned there's a chance it might help." Last week I made the mistake of mentioning both that and the fact that I was planning on seeing a psychiatrist but putting it on hold. When I mentioned anxiety medication she just went "oh..." in a very disappointed way. Jesus, if I were still on the fence or feeling good about the decision that would have been a super supportive thing to say. Thanks.

[Owlet]

1 minute ago, fleaball said:

My mother called to ask if I'd noticed any positive side effects of the pill yet. And by positive side effects what she was really asking was "has my anxiety magically disappeared in the 3 days since I've started taking this medication that isn't even for anxiety, but my therapist mentioned there's a chance it might help." Last week I made the mistake of mentioning both that and the fact that I was planning on seeing a psychiatrist but putting it on hold. When I mentioned anxiety medication she just went "oh..." in a very disappointed way. Jesus, if I were still on the fence or feeling good about the decision that would have been a super supportive thing to say. Thanks.

oh ffs. Not helping Mrs flea. Not helping at all. Grrrrr. I've been on the pill for god knows how long and I'm still not sure how it really affects me lol. Although maybe that's because I have a terrible memory. Arrghhh. I know you won't listen to her, but please, DON"T LISTEN TO HER. 

[petefeet]

5 minutes ago, fleaball said:

My mother called to ask if I'd noticed any positive side effects of the pill yet. And by positive side effects what she was really asking was "has my anxiety magically disappeared in the 3 days since I've started taking this medication that isn't even for anxiety, but my therapist mentioned there's a chance it might help." Last week I made the mistake of mentioning both that and the fact that I was planning on seeing a psychiatrist but putting it on hold. When I mentioned anxiety medication she just went "oh..." in a very disappointed way. Jesus, if I were still on the fence or feeling good about the decision that would have been a super supportive thing to say. Thanks.

 

It's been my experience that Mom's suck at knowing what to say. I should my Mom a pic of the engagement ring I put a down payment on for Red Knight/Cardinal, and all I got was "Oh". fml.

[fleaball]

16 minutes ago, Owlet said:

oh ffs. Not helping Mrs flea. Not helping at all. Grrrrr. I've been on the pill for god knows how long and I'm still not sure how it really affects me lol. Although maybe that's because I have a terrible memory. Arrghhh. I know you won't listen to her, but please, DON"T LISTEN TO HER. 

Yeahhh. I think I've probably said this here before but my therapist thinks it could help just by leveling out hormones. But it's certainly not a given and I'm not expecting it, with the exception that this particular brand is also used to treat PMDD so maybe I won't be a complete disaster in the week or so leading up to my period. When it comes to mental health I've completely written off anything my mother says because she doesn't understand and she also doesn't try to understand. Which is especially frustrating because I've tried to explain it a billion times and also I try to be understanding about her fibromyalgia and the limitations that come with it but there's clearly no reciprocation. Ugh. 

 

12 minutes ago, petefeet said:

It's been my experience that Mom's suck at knowing what to say. I should my Mom a pic of the engagement ring I put a down payment on for Red Knight/Cardinal, and all I got was "Oh". fml.

First: ahhhhhh go Pete! Second: yeah, that true. My mother is not the best at communicating. But she also has a long history of generally being shitty about mental health issues both in general and when it comes to my brother and me. So meh. 

[Owlet]

Not relevant, and certainly doesn't make up for non-supportive mum, but here you go:

 

[Bookish Badger]

15 hours ago, petefeet said:

It's been my experience that Mom's suck at knowing what to say.

Yeah, I've noticed that too. I think we have unrealistic expectations from decades of The Brady Bunch and Family Ties, where the moms have a team of scriptwriters putting just the right words in their mouths at the right time. In reality, it's nearly impossible to be objective about someone you care about so much and so what comes out on the spur of the moment is either not helpful or a strained silence as they try desperately to NOT say the unhelpful thing.

 

There may be also a generational issue involved; I've noticed that my own parents who are the kindest, most caring people you could hope to meet are utterly clueless when it comes to any sort of mental issue. My mom has even said as much, with the same kind of baffled tone that I would use to say that I don't understand quantum mechanics. So, FWIW, just know that she loves you even though coping with mental things just isn't in her skill set.

[Severine]

Dagger's right, and I try to be understanding of those mothers without a writing team...but still, Mother of Flea, COME ON.

 

 

Your mum could be friends with my mum. I could maintain a very active tumblr of facepalm-worthy comments made by my mother. Even when she's trying to be supportive (which, to be fair, is much of the time) it often comes with a side of criticism or clueless assumptions. Helpful comments like, "You look nice! That outfit is really slimming!" or "It's great that you don't feel the need to wear makeup. It must be so nice not to care about your looks." 

[fleaball]

10 hours ago, Owlet said:

Not relevant, and certainly doesn't make up for non-supportive mum, but here you go:

 

Excuse you, cats are always relevant. <3

 

2 hours ago, Bookish Badger said:

Yeah, I've noticed that too. I think we have unrealistic expectations from decades of The Brady Bunch and Family Ties, where the moms have a team of scriptwriters putting just the right words in their mouths at the right time. In reality, it's nearly impossible to be objective about someone you care about so much and so what comes out on the spur of the moment is either not helpful or a strained silence as they try desperately to NOT say the unhelpful thing.

 

There may be also a generational issue involved; I've noticed that my own parents who are the kindest, most caring people you could hope to meet are utterly clueless when it comes to any sort of mental issue. My mom has even said as much, with the same kind of baffled tone that I would use to say that I don't understand quantum mechanics. So, FWIW, just know that she loves you even though coping with mental things just isn't in her skill set.

Oh trust me, I'm well beyond expecting her to say the right thing anymore. I'm not sure why I'm surprised anymore, really. I suppose there's a difference between knowing she won't say the best possible thing and "holy shit, you think that is an appropriate answer?!"

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

Dagger's right, and I try to be understanding of those mothers without a writing team...but still, Mother of Flea, COME ON.

 

 

Your mum could be friends with my mum. I could maintain a very active tumblr of facepalm-worthy comments made by my mother. Even when she's trying to be supportive (which, to be fair, is much of the time) it often comes with a side of criticism or clueless assumptions. Helpful comments like, "You look nice! That outfit is really slimming!" or "It's great that you don't feel the need to wear makeup. It must be so nice not to care about your looks." 

A+ gif usage. Oh man, backhanded compliments are the worst. :\ And it seems to be a special skills mothers are endowed with. 

[fleaball]

So! Got my shipment from Target. Someone's going to hate me because out of the 9 things I bought, I'm returning 7. Oops. I'm not going to win any awards for being best dressed, but I'll be covered in mud the whole time so whatever. In a surprising twist, the clothes I'm keeping are only 1X's when according to Target's size guide I should have been in 2X for everything. I mostly bought the 1X stuff for vanity purposes. They might be slightly too tight, but the 2X tops were too big in wonky places so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  There's also going to be epic uniboob because I'm not dealing with the epic clusterfuck that is buying a sports bra for massive boobs. I think I'm just nervously rambling right now. But hooray, one less thing to worry about! And my credit card is going to be much happier once I return this shit.

 

Unrelated: Roommate and I might be staying in this house til next summer. Landlord got extended in Slovenia til July and asked if we're interested in staying. We don't have to make a decision yet but given we're paying super cheap rent and really the only major issue with the house is the asshat who lives downstairs, there's really no reason to move. 

[Sylvaa]

First of all, I want to join the "my mom sucks at knowing what to say" club!

 

Examples:

"Next time you come visit, you won't see your cat, because we put her to sleep"

"Your grandpa died" - via text

"Did I mention your brother's car got rear ended and totaled?" 

 

Second of all, the shirt I am wearing for the Spartan is also pretty tight, so we can match (or not - depending on color - cause mine is primarily neon orange). And I think Epic Uniboob should be a band name.

[NeverThatBored]

12 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Second of all, the shirt I am wearing for the Spartan is also pretty tight, so we can match (or not - depending on color - cause mine is primarily neon orange).

 

Me tooooooo. Except mine is blue. 

[petefeet]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

We don't have to make a decision yet but given we're paying super cheap rent and really the only major issue with the house is the asshat who lives downstairs, there's really no reason to move. 

 

And the boiler right? or has that been fixed? Just concerned since "Winter is Coming" 

[fleaball]

1 hour ago, Sylvaa said:

First of all, I want to join the "my mom sucks at knowing what to say" club!

 

Examples:

"Next time you come visit, you won't see your cat, because we put her to sleep"

"Your grandpa died" - via text

"Did I mention your brother's car got rear ended and totaled?" 

 

Second of all, the shirt I am wearing for the Spartan is also pretty tight, so we can match (or not - depending on color - cause mine is primarily neon orange). And I think Epic Uniboob should be a band name.

Oh man. That's rough. Welcome to the club? I guess? I feel like we should be offering condolences to everyone who joins. 

 

Yes. Copyright that name. Or trademark it. Or something.

 

58 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

Me tooooooo. Except mine is blue. 

 

I have this shirt, gray and black shorts, and blue knee socks. It's gonna be great. (This is not me, I just stole the pic from Target.) If we do this again I swear I will be a small enough size that I can buy obnoxious-colored things.

 

 

42 minutes ago, petefeet said:

And the boiler right? or has that been fixed? Just concerned since "Winter is Coming" 

You mean the pilot light on the water heater that likes to go out from time to time? Landlord is aware of it. Even warned us of it when we moved in. Is it something we need to be concerned about?