Battle Kitten: Ascension

[WhiteGhost]

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

but idk where the former came from

I'm guessing that even though everything inside your head is like 

 

On the outside you are like 

 

Not because you are actually at peace, but be cause your brain is too busy dealing with imaginary problems that it doesn't have time to make you look antsy to the outside world

 

At least, that's how it works for me...

[fleaball]

That makes sense. I pretty much always feel like the first gif, but now that I think about it, that lady wasn't the first one to say something like that. It happened a couple of times when shit was imploding at school. 

 

On the other hand, there was also a group presentation last spring that went terribly and afterwards someone in the class told me I looked super pissed for almost the entire 15 minutes, so who knows.

[Severine]

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

My brain has usually already imagined every possible way something could go wrong, plus a few impossible ones for fun, so it's all good.

 

I am being 100% serious when I say this was a huge asset in writing contracts. My literal job was to think of everything that could possibly go wrong and make sure the contract addressed that contingency.

 

It was also an incredibly self-destructive mindset to spend my workday in, so no wonder I had so many stress/anxiety-related health problems while I worked there... 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I think part of why you maintain an exterior of calm is the way you grew up. You had to be the rational, mature one even at an early age, so you learned to stuff your emotions so well you can always project an aura of calm. While the suckitude of the fact you had to grow up that way is incontrovertible, the truth is you y tcan use that skill for the rest of your life. At some point you'll get some therapy that will help you calm the bats flying around in your brain. When you do you will still have the skills to stay calm in a crisis. You can heal from the crap your family put you through without losing any of the superpowers you have gained from dealign with their bullshit.

 

I hope that is an encouraging thought.

[fleaball]

I don’t wanna go driving. Don’t make me go. D:

 

driving is dumb and i have a tummyache and the fat cat is being particularly cuddly. 

 

On the other hand, my father came home early so maybe I should just bounce. 

[Severine]

If only you could take fat cat with you and have him sit reassuringly in your lap while driving. But I see that likely to work out very, very badly IRL.

[Owlet]

[Severine]

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Severine said:

If only you could take fat cat with you and have him sit reassuringly in your lap while driving. But I see that likely to work out very, very badly IRL.

The fat cat is not a lap cat. Well he would sit in my mother’s lap, but no one else’s. But he’s been scooting right up next to me on my bed lately, as opposed to hanging out on the other side of the bed. 

 

If it were legal and safe it would be awesome to have a kitty chilling on the dashboard though. *wistful sigh*

[fleaball]

Curse my bad planning. Tonight’s episode of Supernatural is a backdoor pilot for an all-female-led spinoff and I’m so stoked for it but I really need to keep driving for several more hours. D: I’ll watch it tomorrow but it basically means I have to avoid social media for the next like 18 hours. 

[fleaball]

Not quite an anxiety buster but I emailed the people who offered to be references for me before to make sure they’re still cool with it. So now I don’t have to deal with freaking out over it when someone actually asks and I have no idea who to use. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Not quite an anxiety buster but I emailed the people who offered to be references for me before to make sure they’re still cool with it. So now I don’t have to deal with freaking out over it when someone actually asks and I have no idea who to use. 

That's good forward planning. Well done.

[fleaball]

One of my references got back to me and she's still on board. Yay. It's slightly awkward because I had to email all 3 and be like "so yeah I'm still looking for jobs because my mother dying kinda screwed up my timeline" so now I've opened myself up to sympathies and condolences again. Womp. Awkward not because "rawr I hate my mother shut up" but just because I've always felt that it's kind of an empty phrase? like yes people feel bad that someone you know died and you have to deal with accompanying bullshit, but what the fuck else would you say in that situation anyway? So it seems silly. Even when I'm the one saying it. Also idk, I've never been terribly impacted by someone's death? When my first grandparent died I was crushed but it sort of goes from "okay they just died and it sucks" to "welp they're gone forever and there's nothing do be done about it" very quickly so it's not like this lingering thing. Some day when I have more time to kill I'll write something about me and dead people, because I've been thinking about it anyway. 

 

Today was a fucking rollercoaster. I hit my goal for # of rides and was home slightly earlier than I'd hoped, but they were all short, cheap rides so I need to hope that tomorrow I make a lot more per ride. My third ride was a group of 3 older Brazilian people who saw me coming and just tried to get in the car before I'd dropped off the guy before them (he was going down the block and I was supposed to circle back). A nearby cop had to tell them in Spanish that they had to wait. Then when I went to drop them off later, it was apparently the wrong place? The guy just kept talking to me in Portuguese and pointing and gave zero fucks that I had no clue what he was saying. I wound up showing him my phone with the address and the pin showing we were here and just saying "no, it's here." So that was fun. And on the other side of the spectrum, I had a decent conversation with a guy who was probably in his 50s and when he got out he was like "do you have a ten? I want to give you a tip but all I have is a 20." I carry zero cash and told him as much, so he was just like "ah, fuck it. here" and gave me $20. Part of me feels bad but whatever. His friend had called for the ride and we'd dropped him off elsewhere, otherwise I would have just told him to tip in the app. 

 

Now I just have to make sure I go out early enough the next 3 days to get as many rides as I did today and hopefully make more money. There was basically no traffic during rush hour today, which probably had something to do with it. But all the universities should be back to school now so that will help.

 

3 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That's good forward planning. Well done.

*grabby hands* KITTEEEEEEEEHH. I guess the planning is good too. At the very least, it's one more thing I can stop writing on my to do list every single day.

[Mahalak]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Some day when I have more time to kill I'll write something about me and dead people, because I've been thinking about it anyway. 

so far it sounds like we are in similar places. When my father died I was 17 and it was unexpected, and I was crushed even though we had no relationship to speak of. But between experiencing more people dying personally, and then becoming a pastor and being with all kinds of dying, dead, and grieving people, there can be a deep sadness, but yes, life goes on and this is an end, not the end. I'm thinking about it a lot though, as a good friend - and my daughter's best friend's father -  just died, and the grieving daughter wants to talk with my wife and me about how we handled the grief of losing a parent/father. Which means I've spent a lot of time today thinking about the occasions of both parents' deaths.

 

As far as your job and reference requests go: at least you hit your numbers, and awkward exchange or not, at least you got the reference. Eyes on the prize, high five, and all that.

[fleaball]

Nights when I know for sure I’m not driving the next day: go to bed earlyish, wake up naturally around 11.

 

Nights when I know I want to get up and drive: can’t fall asleep til 4, wake up a lot, keep resetting alarm and wind up being super behind schedule. 

 

Fml. 

 

Also behind schedule because my brother asked me to go drop off and wait for his prescription and gave me $20 to do it so I wasn’t saying no. Now I’m stressed out of course. But the dumb thing is I’m later than I wanted to be, but I rarely actually start driving before now anyway? So it’s not like this is ruining my day. I just want to go hit my quota and come home though. :/

 

also, yesterday:

dad: I’m going to drop off donations across the street, do you have anything to go?

flea: sure. *hands over box that was taped shut for convenience more than anything*

dad: what’s in here?

flea: old crap that I found while cleaning that I no longer want but someone else might?

dad: *gets offended and stalks off with the box, probably opens it in the car to make sure I’m not giving away the wrong things*

[fleaball]

I did 3 rides and it’s so slow I don’t want to go back out and do another 18 D: Someone get me a real job. 

[Severine]

38 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I did 3 rides and it’s so slow I don’t want to go back out and do another 18 D: Someone get me a real job. 

 

I wish I were a billionaire investor and I could come up with some crazy idea for a new business and hire a whole bunch of NF rebels. I am confident that hiring you all without even checking resumes or whatever would yield a better mix of talent, competence, and pleasantness to work with than any place I've worked at in the past where hiring was done on more typical methods. And whatever nonsense business we were engaged in (gif consulting? language cat café?) I am confident we would be awesome at.

[fleaball]

I’m at McDonald’s eating my frustration. I’m frustrated at the slow night and also at myself for not going out earlier in the week. Even though I was watching the app and earlier in the week it was just as slow. It’s just so annoying doing this. I have no idea how or why people choose to do this as their only job. :/

 

2 hours ago, Severine said:

 

I wish I were a billionaire investor and I could come up with some crazy idea for a new business and hire a whole bunch of NF rebels. I am confident that hiring you all without even checking resumes or whatever would yield a better mix of talent, competence, and pleasantness to work with than any place I've worked at in the past where hiring was done on more typical methods. And whatever nonsense business we were engaged in (gif consulting? language cat café?) I am confident we would be awesome at.

Yessss I’m pretty sure we’d be able to take over the world very quickly. 

[Severine]

One of D's high school friends drives for both Lyft and Uber and makes a lot of money but he drives like 12 hours a day six days a week and at least a few hours on the seventh day. And like, if he's out doing something social and he gets one of those price surge alerts, he leaves to go drive. Every time D talks to him, he goes on about how awesome it is and how he's making so much money. And like...okay, cool, but...all you do is drive and sleep, dude. And it's not like it's a push to pay off debt or save money for something, he doesn't have a family to support, etc. This is just how he rolls. I guess it's admirable in a way, to be so dedicated? But I would die sitting in a car that much.

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

41 minutes ago, Severine said:

One of D's high school friends drives for both Lyft and Uber and makes a lot of money but he drives like 12 hours a day six days a week and at least a few hours on the seventh day. And like, if he's out doing something social and he gets one of those price surge alerts, he leaves to go drive. Every time D talks to him, he goes on about how awesome it is and how he's making so much money. And like...okay, cool, but...all you do is drive and sleep, dude. And it's not like it's a push to pay off debt or save money for something, he doesn't have a family to support, etc. This is how how he rolls. I guess it's admirable in a way, to be so dedicated? But I would die sitting in a car that much.

 

 

My question to those type of people is always, "What's the point of making all that money if you never have time to spend it?"

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Severine said:

One of D's high school friends drives for both Lyft and Uber and makes a lot of money but he drives like 12 hours a day six days a week and at least a few hours on the seventh day. And like, if he's out doing something social and he gets one of those price surge alerts, he leaves to go drive. Every time D talks to him, he goes on about how awesome it is and how he's making so much money. And like...okay, cool, but...all you do is drive and sleep, dude. And it's not like it's a push to pay off debt or save money for something, he doesn't have a family to support, etc. This is just how he rolls. I guess it's admirable in a way, to be so dedicated? But I would die sitting in a car that much.

 

 

Seriously! If I had my own car I would maybe consider doing it on the side when I get a real job. I just had a passenger ask me about driving bc she was thinking about doing it when she gets bored at home or something. But juggling both apps and spending all my free time on it? Fuck that. I mean I’ve already resigned myself to needing some kind of side gig when I get a job anyway to tackle the loans I’m paying nothing on, but nah. Couldn’t do it. 

 

Also driving in Boston is stressful af. 

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

My question to those type of people is always, "What's the point of making all that money if you never have time to spend it?"

This!

[WhiteGhost]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

My question to those type of people is always, "What's the point of making all that money if you never have time to spend it?"

Many years ago I used to work a job that paid VERY well, but I was working 120-130 hours per week. After a couple of years I decided it totally wasn't worth it and have never looked back

[fleaball]

Welp. By midnight I only had 15 rides and there were no busy areas whatsoever so I called it a night. My goal was 21. Now I have to do 24 each of the next two days. Which I’ve done on weekends past, but is going to be a bitch if this super slow trend holds. :/

 

1 hour ago, WhiteGhost said:

Many years ago I used to work a job that paid VERY well, but I was working 120-130 hours per week. After a couple of years I decided it totally wasn't worth it and have never looked back

Holy fuck that sounds completely miserable. 

[Echoceanic]

9 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

My question to those type of people is always, "What's the point of making all that money if you never have time to spend it?"

"You work to live man, you don't live to work." I don't know where that quote is from though. I remember a dude I used to know (who turned out to be a real jerk) once told me that he works so much so that he an be retired by the time he's 40. My response was 'so you're going to work till you get an ulcer?'.

I have a friend that works for Lyft and he keeps saying how great it is, which makes me suspicious. 

 

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

I mean I’ve already resigned myself to needing some kind of side gig when I get a job anyway to tackle the loans I’m paying nothing on, but nah. Couldn’t do it. 

I currently don't have a full time job. I have been looking since I was 18 and I'm 23 now. So till I find something, I am freelancing on fiverr, so I can save some money. Let me tell you I have no idea how people could do that full time. Especially if you take any gig, even the ones that are super fishy. And some people don't even read the description. 

[fleaball]

On 1/20/2018 at 7:13 AM, Echocheanic said:

"You work to live man, you don't live to work." I don't know where that quote is from though. I remember a dude I used to know (who turned out to be a real jerk) once told me that he works so much so that he an be retired by the time he's 40. My response was 'so you're going to work till you get an ulcer?'.

I have a friend that works for Lyft and he keeps saying how great it is, which makes me suspicious. 

My physical therapist was telling me that his dad, who's older and did sales all his life, recently started doing either Lyft or Uber and loves it. I guess if you're not depending on it for your main income and/or you have a certain personality, it could be great. If you enjoy driving and like talking to all kinds of people, sure. But Lyft has a ton of problems (their customer service for drivers sucks balls), and the income is super inconsistent, and if you really want to make a lot of money you have to hustle and be super disciplined about it. I'm glad it's an option for me right now while I'm looking for a real job, but as soon as I don't have to do it anymore, I'm jumping ship. Fuck this. 

 

On 1/20/2018 at 7:13 AM, Echocheanic said:

I currently don't have a full time job. I have been looking since I was 18 and I'm 23 now. So till I find something, I am freelancing on fiverr, so I can save some money. Let me tell you I have no idea how people could do that full time. Especially if you take any gig, even the ones that are super fishy. And some people don't even read the description.

oh man, something like that would drive me crazy. Good luck finding something!