Battle Kitten: Ascension

[NeverThatBored]

11 hours ago, Owlet said:

Unrelated to pretty much everything, but just gonna leave you this heart-warming gem from NZ:

 

https://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/101232244/thomas-the-blind-bisexual-goose-to-be-buried-next-to-partner-henry-the-swan

 

That article was an emotional rollercoaster.

[Severine]

14 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

That article was an emotional rollercoaster.

 

You're not kidding! Wow.

[Owlet]

We also had a gannet who fell in love with the concrete gannets they positioned to try and attract more gannets (to start a colony) Dear old Nigel. 

[Wobbegong]

I just barely missed it due to time zone issues but where I'm at I think it's still your birthday?! Happy birthday!!! <3 <3 

 

[Owlet]

Birthday?! Well then, a cat for you:

[Owlet]

Nerd Fitness isn't the same without Flea. Hope you're ok xx

[Sylvaa]

9 hours ago, Owlet said:

Nerd Fitness isn't the same without Flea. Hope you're ok xx

 

She is good! I've talked to her!

[Countess D'If]

I DEMAND AN UPDATE!

 

 

 

Please

[fleaball]

On 3/14/2018 at 10:51 PM, Owlet said:

Nerd Fitness isn't the same without Flea. Hope you're ok xx

 

On 5/2/2018 at 10:46 PM, Countess D'If said:

I DEMAND AN UPDATE!

 

 

 

Please

 

Still alive. Not much to update.

• I spent 7 years thinking that if I could just get over my anxiety, I'd be fine. That's a lie. The therapist I've been seeing for 3 months is still trying to determine whether I have depression, PTSD, or both, but is 100% sure the anxiety is the least of my problems. 
• Job hunt is going exactly nowhere and I'm not driving as much as I should be.
• Switched to a new PT for persistent knee bullshit that keeps me from driving for long periods of time. It's going okay except for the fact that my entire leg is so fucked up that he's uncovering a new problem every time I go.
• Still low-key hoping my house burns down (with or without people in it) (and that the cats would be smart enough to get out and just hang out across the street or something).

I'm stuck on a carousel of suck and I have no desire to be involved here right now. I'm not in a place where challenges would help and there's nothing worth tracking in this thread. I care about people here but have exactly zero spoons to spare for checking in on anyone and being active in any other threads. Tbh I've turned off notifications and only saw these responses because I was looking through the thread to double-check something for therapy purposes. 

 

So thanks for checking in. I'm gonna go back to hiding under blankets now.

[Sloth the Enduring]

I’m glad you’re still alive.

[Countess D'If]

I'm glad you're still alive, too. I'm sorry you're stuck in a carousel of suck. That's shitty and I hope you get off it, soon. We super miss you, but no pressure to hang out here if you don't want to. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Sounds like you have a good therapist.

[Owlet]

Flea! Thanks for the update  I don't know how you do it but somehow you always make me laugh even though you are saying the most depressing things and then I feel a little bit guilty but still amused... it's confusing. Anyway, thanks for dropping in and good on you for recognising nerd fitness isn't what you need right now. If you ever get the desire to launch a (dark) comedy podcast let me know and I'll tune in from the other side of The Void. 

[WhiteGhost]

Flea Sighting!

[Annabelle]

♥ Rooting for you darlin!

[Rookie]

Fleaaa <3 I logged in for the first time in forever and whose thread did I see? Yours! <3 We are cheering for you

[fleaball]

My hand slipped.

 

On 5/5/2018 at 1:23 AM, Sloth the Enduring said:

I’m glad you’re still alive.

 

On 5/5/2018 at 3:18 PM, Countess D'If said:

I'm glad you're still alive, too. I'm sorry you're stuck in a carousel of suck. That's shitty and I hope you get off it, soon. We super miss you, but no pressure to hang out here if you don't want to. 

 

On 5/11/2018 at 1:21 AM, WhiteGhost said:

Flea Sighting!

 

On 5/23/2018 at 12:18 PM, Annabelle said:

♥ Rooting for you darlin!

 

On 5/23/2018 at 1:25 PM, Rookie said:

Fleaaa <3 I logged in for the first time in forever and whose thread did I see? Yours! <3 We are cheering for you

 

Thanks y'all! <3

 

On 5/6/2018 at 5:29 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Sounds like you have a good therapist.

I do! She knows her shit and also won't let me get away with anything. Which is great but also frustrating as hell.

 

On 5/6/2018 at 5:58 PM, Owlet said:

Flea! Thanks for the update  I don't know how you do it but somehow you always make me laugh even though you are saying the most depressing things and then I feel a little bit guilty but still amused... it's confusing. Anyway, thanks for dropping in and good on you for recognising nerd fitness isn't what you need right now. If you ever get the desire to launch a (dark) comedy podcast let me know and I'll tune in from the other side of The Void. 

Don't feel guilty! Making people laugh makes me feel better. I should probably not be so flippant about things, but meh I have bigger issues to work on first. Feel free to laugh at everything! Or nothing. I won't tell you what to do. 

[fleaball]

Here's a fun fucking story. Remember last year when my brother went apeshit on me the night my mother died and I was surprised I didn't get punched in the face? Apparently my father was convinced he was going to kill me.

 

My brother and I were just talking about how my father rarely even addresses him. He'll ask me to text my brother and ask him to pick something up from the store, or "the next time you talk to him can you tell him x." They don't really see each other because of the way their work schedules are set up, but phones still exist. My father also won't ask my brother to empty the trash (the ONE chore he's ever had), he'll just let it pile up and get rancid and then complain that my brother hasn't done it. My brother was like "is he really that afraid of me that he won't talk to me?" I said "well, you did freak him out last year." And he's like "I know, there was sheer terror in his eyes. He thought I was going to kill you. He asked me a bunch of times and I had to convince him that I wasn't going to." 

 

This is my brother saying it, so of course I'm taking it with a pound of salt. But at the same time it just pisses me off so much more now that my father even asked that. Because when I was asking him if there was anything we needed to do and to make sure the guns were not within reach and all that, he just kept dismissing me. When I mentioned calling my brother's psychiatrist, because my brother had told me weeks before not to be surprised if he went bonkers when she died because adderall causes some kind of psychosis or whatever (??), he was like "noooo, I think you should maybe just avoid him for a while" and he was pissed when I did it anyway. The night of, he even told me there was nothing we could to until/unless my brother actually became violent. 

 

I fucking cannot believe it. Even though they can't stand each other, my brother is still the favorite child who gets away with everything and has zero responsibilities. I am second place to an ungrateful manchild who spends all his money on weed and video games.

[Bean Sidhe]

*hugs* I got no words, but *hugs*

[fleaball]

Not doing a challenge this round. I'm still in a weird headspace where I want the structure of the challenge but not the pressure of actually having to work toward the goals. Like, goals are good but I don't need my brain telling me "you missed a day and you're a horrible person and this one instance of not eating a vegetable negates everything you've ever accomplished in life!" So I've been telling myself for days that I'm just going to post in my battle log every few days so I'm not continuing to isolate myself from cool people... and I haven't been doing that, obviously. But I was just telling @Severine about said plan and decided that ugh, now's as good a time as any, right? 

 

So here I am. Gonna try to work on healthy habits behind the scenes but not declare any of them so I can't fail. Which is great, because it's Shark Week so I'm even more inclined to hide in bed and stuff my face with things that are terrible for me. Womp. (Fun fact: I knew it was coming today because pills, but despite that I still not only forgot it was coming today but also forgot it was a thing in general. Like actually panicked and thought "jesus christ is that BLOOD?! why is there blood?!" and then had to take a second and remind myself that this has been a thing for the past 18 years. ) 

 

That's all I got right now. Expect more random babbling in the future, I guess.

[Severine]

Yessss you posted! Win! I am pleased to have been involved in making good things happen. As I mentioned I'm thinking I should make a battle log for exactly the same reasons. I like people on here and I miss the interaction but ugh, the challenges have been rough going lately and some of the stuff I'm working on right now doesn't lend itself well to a pass/fail mentality. And right now I am at this cat's level of NO WILL NOT DO about constraints/requirements: 

 

 

Doubles as cat tax.

 

37 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I don't need my brain telling me "you missed a day and you're a horrible person and this one instance of not eating a vegetable negates everything you've ever accomplished in life!"

 

This made me laugh because yep, so much that. I've at least gotten to the point where, when my brain does that, my reaction at least half the time is to mentally roll my eyes and think about how obviously stupid and self-sabotaging that is. Like, "Uh huh, sure thing brain, nothing I have ever done matters because I'm eating fries. Good one, makes sense, I'm so convinced."

 

Next step: actually stopping it from happening. But hey, making progress.

 

37 minutes ago, fleaball said:

That's all I got right now. Expect more random babbling in the future, I guess.

 

It's not babbling, but I'm here for it anyway because I'm willing to settle for interesting and fun updates.

[Jarric]

Hey, glad to see you back battle logging! I look forward to plenty of random babbling  

[fleaball]

My brother literally stopped talking to me last night because I asked him if he was ever going to go to a doctor about the vomiting his guts out thing, which is getting exponentially worse. We'd been having a decent conversation and then he switched to one-word answers because how dare I show concern for him. (Also it's fucking gross to listen to and I'm going to go deaf from cranking up the volume on my headphones, but I didn't say any of that.) I'm so glad I live with mature, responsible adults. Just had a super fun conversation with my father about it - pretty sure my brother is losing hair now (evidenced by the fact that he is absolutely disgusting and there's always a ton of hair in the drain when he gets out of the shower), he's said he keeps poking holes in his belt because it's not tight enough, and the vomiting has progressed to a lot more grossness that I'm not going to talk about because thinking about it makes me want to puke. I do not do well with bodily fluids etc. But the super fun part is like, this is a 28-year-old person of sound mind who's perfectly capable of making his own decisions, so what can we do? We can't make appointments for him or force him to go to the doctor. We're both low-key worried when he gets up later than usual on a day off because neither of us wants to wade through his trash pit of a room to see if he's dead. It's especially ridiculous because my brother and I have had several conversations over the past year and a half about how my mother ostriched her way through cancer and never took care of herself and all that, and yet he doesn't see the irony. Or worse, he thinks he's somehow different/better because he's resigned himself to the fact that this will kill him while he does nothing about it, whereas my mother just assumed she'd live forever just because she wanted to. It's so fucking stupid. And I know if he does die in the near future, my father will become even more impossible to deal with because he'll start blaming himself and still blame my mother for shit and I will need to run away immediately. Although maybe then I could convince him to sell the fucking house and get a condo or something and never contact me again. >_>

 

Aaaaanyway. That's longer than I intended it to be. 

 

On 9/18/2018 at 9:54 PM, Severine said:

Yessss you posted! Win! I am pleased to have been involved in making good things happen. As I mentioned I'm thinking I should make a battle log for exactly the same reasons. I like people on here and I miss the interaction but ugh, the challenges have been rough going lately and some of the stuff I'm working on right now doesn't lend itself well to a pass/fail mentality. And right now I am at this cat's level of NO WILL NOT DO about constraints/requirements: 

 

 

Doubles as cat tax.

Caaaaaaat. I can see my fat cat making that face, but I'm not sure I'd be able to wrestle him into a harness in the first place.

 

I went looking earlier but you don't have a battle log yet. How dare. 

 

On 9/18/2018 at 9:54 PM, Severine said:

 

This made me laugh because yep, so much that. I've at least gotten to the point where, when my brain does that, my reaction at least half the time is to mentally roll my eyes and think about how obviously stupid and self-sabotaging that is. Like, "Uh huh, sure thing brain, nothing I have ever done matters because I'm eating fries. Good one, makes sense, I'm so convinced."

 

Next step: actually stopping it from happening. But hey, making progress.

Yeah I definitely realize it's bullshit when it's happening. Which is good, but doesn't necessarily make me feel better either. Womp.

 

On 9/18/2018 at 9:54 PM, Severine said:

It's not babbling, but I'm here for it anyway because I'm willing to settle for interesting and fun updates.

Challenge accepted.

 

10 hours ago, Jarric said:

Hey, glad to see you back battle logging! I look forward to plenty of random babbling  

woot woot

[fleaball]

Also, does anyone know where to get sterling silver earrings that aren't insanely expensive? I lost all my favorite earrings at the hospital when I had the plague and I'm super picky about earrings and have had a hard time finding others I liked. Got a set of silver studs from Kohl's last year that say they're for sensitive ears. Only got around to putting them in maybe 3 weeks ago - the silver has all flaked off and the metal is so cheap my ears turned green. :\ Took them all out last night and my ears still look kind of gross, boo. But it's impossible to find 7 earrings that coordinate. (4 holes in one ear, 3 + cartilage in the other, but I got a new one for the cartilage from the tattoo parlor down the street and I never change that out because I'm lazy.)

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, fleaball said:

this is a 28-year-old person of sound mind

That's debatable.

 

You can't care for him.