Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

Phone call with bank recruiter lady got moved up to 12:30 tomorrow from 1pm. I'm guessing that means she has something else to do at 1, so this call will be less than half an hour. I have no idea if it's supposed to be a phone screen or an actual interview kind of thing and thus no idea how/what to prepare. No idea what to say to "why do you want this job/to work here?" I literally do not give a shit about commercial real estate? I have specific examples from my prior banking job about how I can learn quickly and adapt and whatnot (because that place was a dumpster fire, although I'll leave that part out) so I'm not worried about explaining that I can do the job, really, but that's all I have going for me. Name a challenge from past experience that you overcame and how? Nothing I can actually talk about without explaining the dumpster fire part, because I was either cleaning up messes that never should have fallen to me, or I wasn't actually allowed to resolve anything because my manager took over everything (and usually didn't resolve things either, because he'd rather ignore ongoing problems until someone else asked about them instead of being the one to say "oops we have an issue but we're fixing it now"). Where do I want to be in 5 years? idfk.

 

I've got the job posting open now + a dozen tabs about phone interview questions and I'll be taking notes so I'm prepared for tomorrow. But if anyone has magic answers, let me know.

 

In other news, I listened to one Christmas song once on YouTube, and now it's recommending everything Christmas and I'm going to light things on fire.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

7 minutes ago, fleaball said:

No idea what to say to "why do you want this job/to work here?"

After taking time off from work to help my family through [the death of my mother/a tragic situation/a difficult time] it's time to re-enter the workplace. With my banking experience this would be a great position for me to restart my career.

8 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Name a challenge from past experience that you overcame and how? Nothing I can actually talk about without explaining the dumpster fire part, because I was either cleaning up messes that never should have fallen to me, or I wasn't actually allowed to resolve anything because my manager took over everything (and usually didn't resolve things either, because he'd rather ignore ongoing problems until someone else asked about them instead of being the one to say "oops we have an issue but we're fixing it now").

Make it about something you had to learn to do when you were studying abroad. That's a great way to drop that you have international experience.

9 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Where do I want to be in 5 years?

A step or two above [position Flea is interviewing for].

[Severine]

Tank has good ideas and you should do what he says.

Envoyé de mon Pixel 2 en utilisant Tapatalk

[fleaball]

15 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

After taking time off from work to help my family through [the death of my mother/a tragic situation/a difficult time] it's time to re-enter the workplace. With my banking experience this would be a great position for me to restart my career.

Ooooh, you're good. 

 

16 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Make it about something you had to learn to do when you were studying abroad. That's a great way to drop that you have international experience.

Yessss. This is a perfect example of me being too literal and/or getting stuck in a box - I always think that since I'm interviewing for a job they'll want a job-related answer. 

 

16 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

A step or two above [position Flea is interviewing for].

Lying is bad, Tank. =P I mean, I know this is the right answer so thanks. I'll practice saying it until I can do so believeably lol.

 

7 minutes ago, Severine said:

Tank has good ideas and you should do what he says.

Envoyé de mon Pixel 2 en utilisant Tapatalk
 

Done. Also considering the following: 

 

Q: Why should we hire you?
A: Because people on the internet love me and want you to.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Good interview questions deserve honesty Some interview questions are stupid, so I think lying is slightly less bad if it's in response to a stupid interview question.

 

Did you work at x place for y period of time? Good question, lying bad.

Do you have the following skills? Good question, lying bad.

Do you think you can learn the skills we need you to learn? Good question, lying bad.

How well do you work in a group? Good question lying bad.

Tell us about a difficulty you overcame. Really good question, it shows them how you problem solve, lying bad.

 

Why are you excited about working here? Moderate question, tell them what they want to hear.

What is your greatest weakness? Moderate to dumb question, tell them about something you are working on that isn't so bad.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Dumb question, they want to see if you're gonna stick around or quit before they recoup the cost of training you. Tell them what they want to hear.

 

Are you planning to have children? Illegal question, it's none of their damn business. They're trying to discriminate based on gender. If they think you want to start a family they don't want to have to deal with maternity leave.

 

What is the color of success? Stupid question, lie till your pants are on fire.

[fleaball]

11 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Good interview questions deserve honesty Some interview questions are stupid, so I think lying is slightly less bad if it's in response to a stupid interview question.

 

Did you work at x place for y period of time? Good question, lying bad.

Do you have the following skills? Good question, lying bad.

Do you think you can learn the skills we need you to learn? Good question, lying bad.

How well do you work in a group? Good question lying bad.

Tell us about a difficulty you overcame. Really good question, it shows them how you problem solve, lying bad.

 

Why are you excited about working here? Moderate question, tell them what they want to hear.

What is your greatest weakness? Moderate to dumb question, tell them about something you are working on that isn't so bad.

Where do you see yourself in five years? Dumb question, they want to see if you're gonna stick around or quit before they recoup the cost of training you. Tell them what they want to hear.

 

Are you planning to have children? Illegal question, it's none of their damn business. They're trying to discriminate based on gender. If they think you want to start a family they don't want to have to deal with maternity leave.

Can you just be the person who interviews me for every job in the future? I feel like I've gotten more stupid questions in the past than not. Like with the "where do you see yourself" question - I get that they don't want people who will bail after 6 months or a year or whatever, and that's valid. But it's also stupid at this point in time because a) working for the same company your entire career is no longer a thing and everyone knows it, and b.) everyone knows that you're supposed to lie and say you want to work there for a long time anyway. So it's basically just testing how well you lie, which is dumb.

 

11 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

What is the color of success? Stupid question, lie till your pants are on fire.

 

FTFY (ignore thumbnail)

[fleaball]

I'm 98% sure my brother just threw up in the kitchen sink? 

 

Cross your appendages I get offered this job as soon as I answer the phone tomorrow.

[Severine]

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm 98% sure my brother just threw up in the kitchen sink? 

 

WTF     Too bad you can't give that as an answer when she asks why you want the job.

 

11 hours ago, fleaball said:

Cross your appendages I get offered this job as soon as I answer the phone tomorrow.

 

So very crossed. 

[fleaball]

I’m dying. Phone call is in about half an hour and I only just now dragged myself out of bed. Couldn’t sleep, of course. Not because I was anxious about this or anything, but just because my body hates me. The fun part is that when I’m super tired I get super nauseous and it seems like I have a cold? So I’m about to drink a gallon of coffee and take an allergy pill to see if that helps, and then see if I can manage to sound human during this call. Ugh. 

[Sylvaa]

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

Like with the "where do you see yourself" question - I get that they don't want people who will bail after 6 months or a year or whatever, and that's valid. But it's also stupid at this point in time because a) working for the same company your entire career is no longer a thing and everyone knows it, and b.) everyone knows that you're supposed to lie and say you want to work there for a long time anyway. So it's basically just testing how well you lie, which is dumb.

 

a. They want to know if their career trajectory fits into where you want to be. Most interviewers absolutely recognize what you are saying. Saying that you want to be in a higher role is a great tactic because it shows you have initiative and want to better yourself (also that you did research to see what a promotion would be). 

[NeverThatBored]

Good luck with the interview!!

[fleaball]

WELP. Barring an absolute fuck up in the next few days, it looks like I'm getting this job. We talked for about 10 minutes, wherein she told me the overview of the position/department and said "tell me about yourself" so I just rolled into "hey I started at the shitshow bank as a temporary employee and was a supervisor 9 months later." She thinks my international experience is super duper impressive, asked why I didn't stay in DC/if I want to go back ("well I'm open to working anywhere tbh. I came back because my mother was dying but also everyone goes to DC for international things but anyway I'm more focused on people than politics and your bank is super focused on diversity and inclusion stuff so it makes sense."), and said I'm clearly very intelligent and great at communication and she can see me doing super well at this job. To the point that the position above the one she contacted me for just opened up and she thinks I'll probably wind up in that one instead. Bonus points: she said she'd email me the link to the benefits website and I said I'd already checked it out since it was in her email signature and she was surprised because literally no one ever looks at it until she sends it in an email by itself. 

 

So, y'know, fuck. Now I need to get my hair done and go shopping for an interview outfit. There's a 30-minute phone call with someone who I think she said is the assistant to the EVP for this department across the entire bank? And then a 2-hour in-person interview with the team I'd be working with, and she's trying to schedule that as early as Friday. So of fucking course my father has a colonoscopy Monday and I can't be available for an interview then because I have to drive him home. Argh. But anyway. This process is moving fucking fast. I might have a job by the end of the year? 

[fleaball]

Also I'm so fucking tired. Help me.

[NeverThatBored]

Yay!!! You're awesome! I'm glad to hear it went so well! 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Well done on the phone interview. I especially liked the part where you worked in your international experience.

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

So of fucking course my father has a colonoscopy Monday and I can't be available for an interview then because I have to drive him home.

Maybe while they are rooting around in there they can find his head and pull it out for him.

[fleaball]

6 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

Yay!!! You're awesome! I'm glad to hear it went so well! 

 

Just now, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Well done on the phone interview. I especially liked the part where you worked in your international experience.

Apparently my bullshit skills aren't limited to paper writing.

 

Just now, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Maybe while they are rooting around in there they can find his head and pull it out for him.

I just choked on my coffee. Holy shit I love you.

[Owlet]

Fuck yeah! I'll keep everything crossed for you  

[fleaball]

Woot. Next phone call Thursday morning and then the in-person on Tuesday afternoon. At least now I have time to get my hair done and go shopping without being stressed. 

 

Someone remind me to tell my father nothing because I’ve already disappointed myself yet again. 

[fleaball]

Aaaaand they just moved the phone call to 9:15am tomorrow. Which was not a time I'd said I was available but I agreed before I realized that. Good thing I like coffee.

[Severine]

Good luck tomorrow! In a way this might be a blessing...less time for you to worry about the call, just get it done. Good luck!

[fleaball]

Okay, people who adult better than me: the email with the interview times for Tuesday says “please come dressed in professional attire.” Does professional mean a proper suit (jacket and pants bought as a unit) or just a blazer and nice pants? Or is there even a difference beyond the set obviously being the same color vs bought separately they’re mix and match? I’m pretty sure I have pants that fit but I the jacket I have definitely does not, so I’m trying to figure out what exactly I need to buy. Google isn’t helping to solve this mystery right now and I’m not sure if it’s because there’s no actual distinction or if I’m just too goddamn tired to comprehend things. 

 

obvious assumptions: the reminder could have just meant “don’t show up in yoga pants,” nice shirt goes under jacket. Also I don’t even know if “jacket” and “blazer” are interchangeable or if they’re two different pieces of clothing altogether. 

 

I swear I’m going to bed but I had to get this out of my brain first. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I can answer some of those questions. The easiest one first. For men's clothes, a jacket refers to the coat part of a suit, made from the same material as the pants. A blazer is traditionally Navy Blue with brass buttons, and is worn with nice pants that don't have to be exactly the same as the blazer. It has come to mean something cut like a suit jacket but that isn't the same materiel as the pants. I don't know if the same naming convention applies to women's professional clothing.

 

Nice pants, shoes that match a good shirt and a jacket that goes with it are professional. You could get away with nice shirt nice pants, but if they're considering you for a higher position you might want to get a jacket.

[NeverThatBored]

I'd say jacket and blazer can be used interchangeably here, though I'm not known for my fashion know-how. 

 

But what Tank said is definitely right - any nice pants/shirt combined with some kind of jacket/blazer should be fine. Nobody will care if it's a matching suit set. A lot of people don't even bother with the jacket, but it's much better to be safe than sorry and just wear one if you can. 

[Jean]

What they said. Also, if it helps, you can google the bank and watch what their staff is wearing on their photos, this is usually a good clue of the higher end of their dress code (people may dress more casually the rest of the time).

 

Also, good luck and fingers crossed.

[Bean Sidhe]

Yay flea. Good luck in the interview today. Fingers crossed.

I am 0 help on the fashion thing. I swear, when I get to that point, I am going to have to take someone to take me shopping since I generally suck at trying to look nice.

You got this. And hopefully this leads to freedom.