Battle Kitten: Ascension

[fleaball]

2 minutes ago, Owlet said:

BTW, totally didn't mean to be dismissive of legitimate worries, just seemed like supernatural seemed like a good option.

Oh no, totally didn't take you as being dismissive. I was half talking to you, half to myself, I think. Like I was thinking of just dropping the subject since I was in a much better mood but then I realized that no, maybe I should poke at it a little. 

[fleaball]

Long post didn’t make it up last night bc I got tired. Maybe tonight. Currently on my way to see a sports medicine person to determine why I keep waking up with my knee locked in a bent position and can’t straighten it. Why am I falling apart? D: Also asked PT guy about c25k and he doesn’t see a reason not to do it so depending on what this guy says I may have to go buy running shoes soon.  

 

On 11/16/2017 at 7:59 AM, Sylvaa said:

 

Because this is exactly the kind of thing that Sylvaa enjoys! Also, because there is definitely a joke in here about you getting more action from you cat than I have since.... well, we don't need to go there!  

Getting stabbed is so not one of my kinks though. Fucker uses his claws. I’ll send him to you if you want.

[fleaball]

Raaaaaage. They decided I need X-rays before I see the guy. I can see him wandering around waiting and my appointment time was 15 minutes ago. But I’ve been waiting half an hour to get the X-rays done. And there’s a bitchy entitled old lady sitting across from me and I want her to go away. 

 

eta: nope, dude I thought was my dr was actually the assistant guy who goes over vitals. And was super gay. He was funny and made this stupid wait much better. 

[fleaball]

Good news: nothing terribly wrong with me. 

 

Bad news: my body is a fucking mess. Knee pain that I’ve been having recently + issues I’ve had intermittently for years are because I have a shallow femoral notch (I think that’s what he called it) so when my kneecap moves it rubs against the head of my femur? On both legs. I have a new PT referral to strengthen my quads and VMO, which apparently runs along the inside of the knee but idk what it stands for. I’ll google it later. 

 

So I’m glad it’s not something I’ve been actively fucking up on my own, but ugh really? Another thing that’s more or less out of my control? My mother was so fucking pleased with herself because she smoked through both pregnancies and “you both came out fine.” You wanna fucking bet?

 

eta: dude said elliptical and exercise bike will be my friend. Swimming is the best thing. Frowned on running, as well as squats and lunges, but said I can do them if I want. Running “doesn’t really do anything for you” (?!) and the exercises will hurt, but I won’t damage anything if I do any of it. Time to drive more so I can buy shoes. 

[fleaball]

Motherfucking raaaaaaaage I hate my stupid health insurance. Called last week to update my income, the girl says I need to call the people I called yesterday because things will change at the end of the month. Okay cool. Call the enrollment folks yesterday, they say that according to their system I'm covered on my current plan til the end of the year, but to call the actual insurance people to confirm. Call the insurance people, the girl there also says I'm covered til the end of the year. 

 

Get a letter in the mail today, dated last week, saying that as of October 29 I'm no longer eligible for benefits. And since then I've had a gynecologist appointment (plus two tests), one with my PCP, the GI guy, two PT appointments, and the appointment today plus a number of x-rays. And now I have to wait until Monday to call and argue. But if I can't get them to cover this shit I am royally fucked. I have no idea what xrays cost but the rest could turn out to be $1k+. I might be able to do some complicated backtracking and say that between last week (felt crappy most of the week so only went out enough to cover the cost of the car, plus wound up with some extra) and this week (returned the car & couldn't get a new one yet) I made basically $150 which technically makes me eligible for the current plan where I pay nothing, since they go by your last two paychecks. They also typically backdate your eligibility by 10 days, which would cover most of the recent appointments. 

 

This is not what I need right now. I already have a dentist appointment tomorrow that I'm paying out of pocket for and it's too late to cancel. It's early in the morning so I was about to get ready for bed, then I decided to open the mystery envelope my father handed me (because of course they don't put identifying information on the envelope, probably to protect your privacy) and now I'm anxious as fuck and also pissed off, and there's nothing I can do about it until Monday. At which point I will likely spend forever waiting on hold and wind up bouncing between reps forever. Arrrgh. 

 

What I don't understand is that I filled a prescription for an inhaler two days ago and didn't pay anything for it (it's $250 without insurance) and my doctor submitted a new prescription yesterday for my antacid that needed prior authorization and no one argued. I don't get how my benefits have supposedly ended but they're still paying for my stuff? Either way I need to get this sorted out soon because I need to refill my birth control next month and no way in hell am I letting them play games with that one.

 

Also NF ate the post I started last night. One of the things I talked about was that I was going to see about getting in with a therapist at my doctor's office. That's going to have to wait now until I get all this shit sorted. As is the PT for my knees that the guy recommended today. And the colonoscopy. I can't schedule anything or go to anything until this gets sorted. 

 

I realize everything seems terrible now in the moment and it's probably not quite as drastic as it feels, but I am so mad. And so frustrated. It feels like every time I take a step forward and try to get a handle on something/make progress in my life, I wind up taking 17 steps back. 

 

(Side note, my father is still refusing to give us the life insurance money. The other night I told him he needed to do something with it because checks expire, and he says he needs to find time to go to the credit union. Which is where "his" money goes, as opposed to the bank that has a branch across the street and where the joint checking account with my mother is. So it's all the more frustrating now knowing that there is money that I was told repeatedly was mine and would solve the problems I'm having right now, but because both of my parents are selfish assholes I have to deal with being broke and struggling through this shit instead. Was I counting on that money in the first place? No. But I also wasn't planning on moving home and spending two and a half months cleaning up literal and figurative messes for other adults while burning through my savings and not being able to find a job, so having it essentially dangled in front of me and then torn away just makes it worse.)

[fleaball]

My alarm is going off in 6 hours and I’m still awake. And mad. I’m definitely crossing my fingers that the dentist looks at my mouth and decides I’m nowhere near ready for an implant because that’s totally not a thing I can afford right now. Yay. 

 

eta: aaaaaaand now having a breakdown. Fucking awesome. 

[fleaball]

Welp. Quasi-good news. Consult today cost $127 for like ten minutes, but the CT I need to check things out to determine whether they can do it is only $150 and I can put it off up to two years, theoretically. So even though insurance doesn’t typically cover it I have time to find a job. And this office actually does no-interest payment plans rather than pushing those sketch-ass medical credit cards with ridiculous interest rates. Now I’m on my way home to drink my latte that I’m pretty sure they made wrong and then spend the day crying about how exhausted I am working on applying to some of the jobs I’ve bookmarked. Bleh. 

[Emma]

Damn, girl. This is hard stuff. You should be angry. I don't know what to say except channel it. How about something creative? Get that stupid insurance straightened out in writing and keep on going after jobs.  I don't know what your job experience is but my thinking is to apply for anything you are even remotely qualified for and let them decide. I know it doesn't pay much, but you do have some experience now in home health care. There are live in jobs and part time jobs that pay a free room for light housework and visiting jobs to make sure grandma is taking her meds. And so on. Starbucks, in California anyway, provides health insurance at 20 hours a week. You are in a bad place right now, don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Just keep on keeping on.

hugs

[fleaball]

56 minutes ago, Emma said:

Damn, girl. This is hard stuff. You should be angry. I don't know what to say except channel it. How about something creative? Get that stupid insurance straightened out in writing and keep on going after jobs.  I don't know what your job experience is but my thinking is to apply for anything you are even remotely qualified for and let them decide. I know it doesn't pay much, but you do have some experience now in home health care. There are live in jobs and part time jobs that pay a free room for light housework and visiting jobs to make sure grandma is taking her meds. And so on. Starbucks, in California anyway, provides health insurance at 20 hours a week. You are in a bad place right now, don't believe anyone who tells you otherwise. Just keep on keeping on.

hugs

I'm not very good at or really interested in anything creative. Wasn't a thing that was really nurtured when I was growing up. So finding a creative hobby is on the to do list, but not for now. I'm going to try to channel the anger into regular old productivity - my room needs cleaning, I still have a bunch of family junk to sort through, job applications need writing, etc. 

 

Thanks for the suggestions. I have no interest in home health care stuff because it would be way too draining emotionally, and also medical stuff grosses me out. Starbucks does offer insurance no matter where you are, but I worked there for 6 months years ago and it was stressful as hell. The local stores are hiring but each of them seems to be a special kind of clusterfuck and honestly I have no patience for the entitled attitude a lot of the customers here have. (Possibly the most special of all was the old guy in a fancy suit who was hella condescending while being super vague. Turned out he thought the red birthmark above my eyebrow was an infected piercing and was saying it served me right, etc. Nearly spilled his drink all over the customer behind him in his hurry to get away when I corrected him.) 

 

I'm not trying to be that person who dismisses every suggestion offered, I swear. It's just that I can tell you based on prior experience that these particular suggestions would probably stress me out more than my current situation.

[fleaball]

lulz. I was wondering why my father went to work at 7am on a Saturday. Apparently the Nazis are back in town. I'm sure he'll be in a great mood when he gets home. (He probably agrees with them but that doesn't change the fact that he hates working the 'all hands on deck' events and hates being out in the cold. Then again he'll probably also be pissed about all the snowflakes etc that showed up to counter protest.)

 

Still looking for my adoption records...

 

eta: WHOOPS I wrote mother instead of father. Wow, brain. (@NeverThatBored is that why you're confused?)

[Emma]

No prob. I don't really know you well and I just threw a bunch of ideas out there, to see if anything clicked for you.

cleaning is good to do when you're angry.

There are many reasons why I'm an X-ray tech and not a nurse.  

[fleaball]

More bitching about my father because I can't vent this anywhere else.

 

Spoiler

 

While eating dinner (he ordered pizza and I'm not turning down free food) I find the $8 check from the life insurance company for like, overpaid premium or something like that. Do math, tell him it's void after 90 days, which is Monday. He says he'll take care of that and the other one Monday. I casually update him on the result of my dentist appointment today ($6k+ on this one tooth this year, plus whatever the implant costs), my screwed up insurance situation, and "you keep asking if I actually make money doing Lyft and why I do it if I don't like it-" both of which are true and he keeps asking "- and that's why. Because my private student loan doesn't care whether I have a job or not, and I keep having medical bills come in." Am I trying to guilt him into giving me the money? Possibly. Because he completely shuts down  if I try to bring up what Mom said was supposed to be done with her life insurance, or he'll just hijack the conversation and get all 'woe is me' about it. His response to all this?

 

"Well you know ordering food all the time adds up right?"

 

Sure, valid point. It's a thing I'm working on. Difficult to work on when he's leaving the kitchen completely trashed all the time so there's no where to prep or cook food, but I'm working on it. I'm also realizing there's some association I have between takeout/not-home-cooked food and better times with my mother, so that's a thing too.

 

"You literally went years without even knowing how much debt you had or how much money was in the bank. Do you really think you're in a place to be giving me financial advice right now?"

 

"Well I'm just saying, maybe you should stop ordering food."

 

Right. Great. That's super helpful, thanks. This also came after an earlier point in the conversation where he was talking about needing to go grocery shopping for himself and I was like "so FYI you're spending like $100 a week over 4 supermarkets" and he was dumbfounded. He tried to play it off as buying a lot of kitty litter and paper towels, etc., but not even when my mother was at her full strength were they doing $400+ per month on the three of them. So he's fucking something up somewhere and not even aware of it. He also bitches all the time about how he spends money on things (food, exercise equipment, other shit) and never uses them and just wastes all the money (broken dishwasher that's now past its return window, anyone?), etc. So congratulations, you can feel superior to me because I order food more often than you do. But I know literally everything about your money situation, mostly because you'd rather leave me in charge of it than take responsibility for it yourself, and you know jack shit about mine so maybe fuck off? The money I would save by not ordering food is not going to magically be enough to pay off my loans, pay rent, and/or buy a car. 

 

When I get a real job I'll probably buy a real car and keep doing Lyft just so I have an excuse never to be home when he is.

 

 

Also some sketch-ass company pulled my mother's credit earlier. According to the internet they pull credit reports and resell them to mortgage lenders? But it hasn't shown up on my father's reports so who even knows what's happening. I've asked him repeatedly to report her death to the credit bureaus but nope.

[NeverThatBored]

7 hours ago, fleaball said:

eta: WHOOPS I wrote mother instead of father. Wow, brain. (@NeverThatBored is that why you're confused?)

 

Yes! And also, nazis. 

[fleaball]

44 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Yes! And also, nazis. 

Technically it was a “rally to protect free speech” or something stupid. They were here a couple months ago or something and had an embarrassingly low turnout. Decided they were coming back, were denied a permit this time, showed up anyway, and I’m pretty sure there were more cops this time than last time? 

 

But nazis. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

also my father was not pleased when I asked “how was the nazi rally?” Womp. 

[Sylvaa]

So we have a Care Credit (one of those medical credit cards) and actually really like it. Minimum balance is like $25 a month and we get 6 months no interest if we spend like $150 or something. In general though, if you talk to offices, they will work with you to keep you out of collections. It actually works in their benefit to not send you there. 

 

Also, my brother should be moving out in a few months. We were planning on turning our front room into a second tv area, but it's already set up for someone to move in. We've got pets and children, so I'm not promising you it will be any better than where you are now, but you can get out of at least half the craziness (okay, you would exchange mess for people). But you are always welcome to come crash with us for a bit. We've also got a lot of warehouse jobs hiring, so you could at least have something (although, they might be just as hard on your body as Lyft). 

[fleaball]

4 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

So we have a Care Credit (one of those medical credit cards) and actually really like it. Minimum balance is like $25 a month and we get 6 months no interest if we spend like $150 or something. In general though, if you talk to offices, they will work with you to keep you out of collections. It actually works in their benefit to not send you there. 

Huh. That’s one of the ones the DC dentist was pushing. Maybe I just found it sketchy because of how much they were pushing it. Meh. Good to know for the future, although I hope I never have enough expenses to need it. 

 

Quote

Also, my brother should be moving out in a few months. We were planning on turning our front room into a second tv area, but it's already set up for someone to move in. We've got pets and children, so I'm not promising you it will be any better than where you are now, but you can get out of at least half the craziness (okay, you would exchange mess for people). But you are always welcome to come crash with us for a bit. We've also got a lot of warehouse jobs hiring, so you could at least have something (although, they might be just as hard on your body as Lyft). 

Super duper appreciate this. Really. <3 Hopefully by then I’ll at least have a job of some kind here and will be able to justify doing things outside the house just to not be here. I think you’re right about the warehouse jobs. Amazon is constantly hiring here and I’ve thought about that and the seasonal jobs for both UPS and FedEx but I’m not sure I could handle any of that right now. :/

[fleaball]

Today is crap. Ugh. My sleep schedule is totally out of whack, to the point where I can't fall asleep before 4am no matter how tired I am. This is fun. 

 

Also fun: emailed the lady who does my taxes to ask what I should be tracking for deductions with Lyft, explained that I'm looking for a job now that the clusterfuck with my mother has mostly settled, and while she gave me a lot of good information and was supportive also said "I'm sure you know this but a lot of places won't be hiring until the new year for budget reasons." ARGH. One of my big anxiety things is always "if I do this thing now, what if that prevents me from doing another thing in the future?" Not quite FOMO so much as fear of making the wrong decision? Even though it probably sounds like FOMO. Either way, this is how I always fuck things up because I will wait and wait and wait and let other things pass me by just in case something else materializes? I'm aware of it now, obviously, so that helps, but the issue is that now I feel like I should wait and not apply for jobs now in case something perfect shows up on January 2nd. Which is ridiculous for so many reasons that I'm not even going to bother writing out. 

 

I know she was just trying to be helpful and most people would not react like this, but argh. 

[NeverThatBored]

15 minutes ago, fleaball said:

so fun: emailed the lady who does my taxes to ask what I should be tracking for deductions with Lyft, explained that I'm looking for a job now that the clusterfuck with my mother has mostly settled, and while she gave me a lot of good information and was supportive also said "I'm sure you know this but a lot of places won't be hiring until the new year for budget reasons." ARGH. One of my big anxiety things is always "if I do this thing now, what if that prevents me from doing another thing in the future?" Not quite FOMO so much as fear of making the wrong decision? Even though it probably sounds like FOMO. Either way, this is how I always fuck things up because I will wait and wait and wait and let other things pass me by just in case something else materializes? I'm aware of it now, obviously, so that helps, but the issue is that now I feel like I should wait and not apply for jobs now in case something perfect shows up on January 2nd. Which is ridiculous for so many reasons that I'm not even going to bother writing out. 

 

Meeeeeee too. I have no suggestions, but #solidarity. I'm always postponing decisions because I'm like "but what if something changes and I realize that there's a better choice?" It's not great.

[fleaball]

17 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

 

Meeeeeee too. I have no suggestions, but #solidarity. I'm always postponing decisions because I'm like "but what if something changes and I realize that there's a better choice?" It's not great.

This is a much better way of phrasing it! But yeahhhh. Boooo what a shitty club. Can we disband it and start a cooler one?

[NeverThatBored]

23 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Can we disband it and start a cooler one?

 

But how would we ever decide what the new one should be???

[WhiteGhost]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Today is crap. Ugh. My sleep schedule is totally out of whack, to the point where I can't fall asleep before 4am no matter how tired I am. This is fun. 

 

Also fun: emailed the lady who does my taxes to ask what I should be tracking for deductions with Lyft, explained that I'm looking for a job now that the clusterfuck with my mother has mostly settled, and while she gave me a lot of good information and was supportive also said "I'm sure you know this but a lot of places won't be hiring until the new year for budget reasons." ARGH. One of my big anxiety things is always "if I do this thing now, what if that prevents me from doing another thing in the future?" Not quite FOMO so much as fear of making the wrong decision? Even though it probably sounds like FOMO. Either way, this is how I always fuck things up because I will wait and wait and wait and let other things pass me by just in case something else materializes? I'm aware of it now, obviously, so that helps, but the issue is that now I feel like I should wait and not apply for jobs now in case something perfect shows up on January 2nd. Which is ridiculous for so many reasons that I'm not even going to bother writing out. 

 

I know she was just trying to be helpful and most people would not react like this, but argh. 

 

Just throwing in my 2 cents here, but in my experience most places that hire based on budgets (i.e. places that actually have a hiring plan in place) don't usually wait to start the recruiting until the new budget starts.  Usually they will want the people to be on board soon after the new budget cycle starts, but the recruiting and interviewing process usually takes 1-2 months.  As such, now would probably be the ideal time to start throwing out resumes and looking for opportunities.

[fleaball]

41 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

 

Just throwing in my 2 cents here, but in my experience most places that hire based on budgets (i.e. places that actually have a hiring plan in place) don't usually wait to start the recruiting until the new budget starts.  Usually they will want the people to be on board soon after the new budget cycle starts, but the recruiting and interviewing process usually takes 1-2 months.  As such, now would probably be the ideal time to start throwing out resumes and looking for opportunities.

This makes sense. Doesn’t change that I’m finding nothing right now, but helps me worry a little less. 

[Sylvaa]

8 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Can we disband it and start a cooler one?

 

But how would we ever decide what the new one should be???

 

First of all, I know both of you are part of much cooler clubs than this one.

 

18 hours ago, fleaball said:

Huh. That’s one of the ones the DC dentist was pushing. Maybe I just found it sketchy because of how much they were pushing it. Meh. Good to know for the future, although I hope I never have enough expenses to need it. 

 

Totally understood! But yeah, it's not that bad.  

 

17 hours ago, fleaball said:

Also fun: emailed the lady who does my taxes to ask what I should be tracking for deductions with Lyft, explained that I'm looking for a job now that the clusterfuck with my mother has mostly settled, and while she gave me a lot of good information and was supportive also said "I'm sure you know this but a lot of places won't be hiring until the new year for budget reasons."

 

This makes ZERO sense to me. I mean, I could maybe see if she said because of trying to train through the holidays, but even that is less of a concern with "real jobs" where they only have a day or two off around the holidays. 

 

But budgets don't automatically go January to December. So you might be at the end of a quarter, but, depending on factors such as whether the company is public or private, for- or not-for profit, etc... budgeting quarters may not even mean that much. So keep doing your thing. 

[fleaball]

Hokay. SO. According to the rep I just spoke to, I am indeed not eligible for the insurance I currently have, BUT I still have it til the end of the year? So the appointments I've had in the interim should be covered. It sounds like mixed messages for real but given that my prescription benefits don't seem to have changed I'm guessing they're not lying to me. So now I have to decide in the next two days (because the payment would be due on Wednesday) whether I want to start on the $234/month plan next week just for peace of mind and then start shelling out for copays and such, which means my ass is stuck doing Lyft for the foreseeable future until something else comes through. Don't wannaaaaaaa.

 

Also, #fleaproblems: the recording for the health insurance line starts off in Spanish: "Si es miembre de MassHealth, o para aplicar por la covertura de MassHealth, oprima 3." I may have messed that up, actually. But I understand every word when it plays so basically every other time I call I have to stop myself from hitting 3 because yes, I am a member of MassHealth so fo course I'm going to hit the button. Whoops. The English recording comes in immediately after and tells you to hit 1, which is what I need because there's no way I can actually have this conversation in Spanish. 

 

Tangentially related: While you're on hold it has a number of pre-recorded messages that play on a loop. It's a dude who sounds like he's too far away from the microphone and kinda sounds like you're listening from underwater. And he speaks really quickly and doesn't enunciate. And one of the messages is "If English isn't your first language, ask your representative for someone who speaks your language." And it just bugs the hell out of me because if people don't speak fluently how the hell are they even supposed to understand that message? 

 

Aaaand I've been on hold now for half an hour because despite my doctor's office calling them last week and then calling me to confirm that the insurance folks said they could refill my prescription, CVS is still being blocked from doing it. And of course with this phone number you wind up getting transferred to 37 departments before you find the person you need. And they close in 52 minutes. It's gonna be a long night.

 

15 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

But how would we ever decide what the new one should be???

We'll just change it daily to cover our bases.

 

7 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

First of all, I know both of you are part of much cooler clubs than this one.

 

Shhh.

 

7 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

This makes ZERO sense to me. I mean, I could maybe see if she said because of trying to train through the holidays, but even that is less of a concern with "real jobs" where they only have a day or two off around the holidays. 

 

But budgets don't automatically go January to December. So you might be at the end of a quarter, but, depending on factors such as whether the company is public or private, for- or not-for profit, etc... budgeting quarters may not even mean that much. So keep doing your thing. 

Yeah idk. i've had other people tell me this is a slow time of year for hiring as well though. I just want a paycheck, man. D:

[fleaball]

And after 45 minutes on hold, it just hung up on me. That's cute.

 

eta: called back, got a different rep who sent me to a different department. Talk to this department, which sounds like the correct department, she says the only department that can fix the issue is the one that just hung up on me, and they close in 13 minutes. I fucking hate these people.