Battle Kitten: Ascension

[Briniel]

Gah, forum trolls deleted my subscription to your thread again. Sorry!! And there have been so many feels going on! I'm extremly proud of you for sharing all this, even if it made you uncomfortable later... I was very touched by reading it and I'm glad you had such amazing people in your life.

Have fun at training and take the measurements after And you can be glad it's not monday yet or I wouldn't have posted

[fleaball]

Ha. I usually do the measurements before eating and such. I'll attempt them tomorrow. Maybe. Or wait til next Sunday. 

 

I got here stupid early and there's no one here. Wait, false. A dude just walked in. This is awkward. I did not have time for coffee (cardinal sin) and I am not conscious enough for small talk. Also it smells in here. That should have been expected. 

[Briniel]

Oh, that makes sense. So you'll do them tomorrow. Monday is my weighing day, and I was going to take measurements and pictures, too (since it's my one year mark). So I'll do mine and you'll do yours. No excuses

[NeverThatBored]

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

I got here stupid early and there's no one here. Wait, false. A dude just walked in. This is awkward. I did not have time for coffee (cardinal sin) and I am not conscious enough for small talk. Also it smells in here. That should have been expected. 

 

Just think of the kittens!

[fleaball]

Uggggh my roommate came home much earlier than expected. So sad. I was considering working out today but if she sticks around I'll probably skip it because I'm self-conscious. (Two of the 4 arm exercises I do on the stairs.) I was also gonna clean before she came home but that's out too. And I cannot get the smell of like, wet dog/general animal smell out of my nose. 

 

I don't know if I'm gonna stick with the volunteering thing. If I understood it right, no matter what you volunteer for you're also supposed to do laundry and stuff, and while I totally get that that shit needs to be done I'm also... not good with animal poop and vomit and whatever so if those things are stained I will not be able to handle it. Plus all the dogs barking and whining and begging for attention made me feel terrible. The lady giving us the tour was going on about how it's so great to help out there and sometimes you might be the only one playing with an animal that day and giving them love and whatnot so I feel guilty about not wanting to do it but uggggggh. I think the volunteer coordinator is supposed to reach out and discuss with us what we want to do? (I was under the impression that's what today was for but apparently today was literally "here's our facility, tada!") I guess I could always go for one day. They do have a room called "kitty city" where a bunch of sociable cats hang out. I should have stayed and played with them but I'm so dead that I just wanted to come home.

 

I'll do the self-love challenges later. One of them is "write a note to your past self" and yeah, scary. Because I have to think about it, because I'm going to share it here and that's a vulnerable thing, and just because ugh in general. 

[NeverThatBored]

You could do the two exercises that don't require stairs! 

[Severine]

In no particular order...

 

Your post about your grandparents almost made me cry. I love having those kinds of connections, and to me it feels extra lucky with family because you didn't choose them, so it's great when it just happens. I don't have a great relationship with some members of my family, but I too have some very special grandparents (my mum's mum, and her second husband who's my grandfather because they've been married since I was born and I don't care about blood relations) and they were the one stable and reliable source of love and acceptance and wisdom and humour throughout my childhood and teenage years. I'm glad you got to have those people in your life even if the pain of losing them is hard.

 

About the friend stuff: your logical brain is right and the other people who've said stuff here about it are right too. Which you know, obviously, and I know that just repeating it doesn't change the underlying feelings/issues. But it's good that you know it logically at least. And I've found time and again that reaching out to people and making it clear that you're interested in knowing them and spending time with them results in good friendships and relationships often enough to be worth it. I have several people in my life with whom I'm incredibly close that have told me they never would have been able to take the emotional risks to arrive at our current level of closeness if I were not an effusive communication fiend who made my strong interest very clear. Obviously sometimes people aren't interested, too, but I consider that knowledge a very good thing, because I never want to be in a relationship of any kind where I'm not 100% wanted and so I value knowing where I stand.

 

On 6/10/2016 at 10:08 PM, fleaball said:

Fml. Monday? Let's say Monday. I'm starting c25k with @Severine anyway. And if that doesn't tag her right I blame my phone. 

It didn't tag me but I ended up back here eventually   I'm going to start C25K either Monday or Tuesday depending on how late I work Monday. Withholding forum posts sounds mildly evil, but I'm on board if it'll help you. Just make the rules clear! 

 

Re: your picture. I can see why you like it, also: you're right about your hair being really pretty long BUT you also have really great facial structure and I bet you'd look good with a short cut too if you wanted it. Also, It's hard for me to tell because I am writing this post on interstate 91 on the way back to Boston from Philly and there's some serious screen glare going on, but I *think* your hair is the same-ish shade of black that I recently dyed my hair (I'm naturally medium-dark brown). Have an impromptu car picture. Same colour?

 

13 hours ago, fleaball said:

Welp. This training is going to suck balls. My alarm is going off in 4 hours and I haven't been to sleep yet. There's a strong possibility I won't sleep at all. I'm physically exhausted but my brain won't shut down. On top of that, I'm still freaked out about the thing that was probably not a bed bug. Every phantom itch has me jumping, I've gotten up at least 3 times to go inspect myself in the mirror, and I've even lifted up my mattress to check it (no evidence).  I'm not even mad, just extremely annoyed. >>

Bed bugs sound incredibly terrible. I know a couple people who've had them and the process of getting rid of them sounds hellish. BUT it's pretty unlikely to have been in the watch, I think. And don't they mostly not crawl on people randomly during the day? My understanding was they mostly emerge in the dark. So it's probably not that. Likely an ant or whatever. Summer is full of bugs. 

 

Your sleep issues sound really frustrating. I sometimes get insomnia and my doctor recommended various things including sleep hygiene and cutting out caffeine. I managed to mostly do the latter (thanks to finding some reasonably decent non-caffeinated teas) and it really did help. I still suck at sleep hygiene mostly because there are so many more interesting things to do than sleep. What helps you shut your brain off? Find something really mentally taxing like the NYT Sunday crossword puzzle or translating obscure French poetry or just going over conjugations of literary tenses or something else dull until your brain collapses in surrender. 

 

I hope there were kittens at the training and they made up for the sleep deprivation with their fluffy kittenness.

 

Also, re: Pride. I was planning to go out dancing tonight (Boston's queer scene is mediocre compared to other cities where I've lived or visited but there are always some good times to be had on Pride weekend) but I feel sick about the shooting at that club in Florida. I can't decide if going out is disrespectful to the people who were shot, or if not going out would be somehow worse because it somehow capitulated to what happened...ugh. Why are people so terrible?   :/

 

[fleaball]

40 minutes ago, NeverThatBored said:

You could do the two exercises that don't require stairs! 

Get out of here with your logic. 

 

40 minutes ago, Severine said:

In no particular order...

 

Your post about your grandparents almost made me cry. I love having those kinds of connections, and to me it feels extra lucky with family because you didn't choose them, so it's great when it just happens. I don't have a great relationship with some members of my family, but I too have some very special grandparents (my mum's mum, and her second husband who's my grandfather because they've been married since I was born and I don't care about blood relations) and they were the one stable and reliable source of love and acceptance and wisdom and humour throughout my childhood and teenage years. I'm glad you got to have those people in your life even if the pain of losing them is hard.

 

About the friend stuff: your logical brain is right and the other people who've said stuff here about it are right too. Which you know, obviously, and I know that just repeating it doesn't change the underlying feelings/issues. But it's good that you know it logically at least. And I've found time and again that reaching out to people and making it clear that you're interested in knowing them and spending time with them results in good friendships and relationships often enough to be worth it. I have several people in my life with whom I'm incredibly close that have told me they never would have been able to take the emotional risks to arrive at our current level of closeness if I were not an effusive communication fiend who made my strong interest very clear. Obviously sometimes people aren't interested, too, but I consider that knowledge a very good thing, because I never want to be in a relationship of any kind where I'm not 100% wanted and so I value knowing where I stand.

 

It didn't tag me but I ended up back here eventually   I'm going to start C25K either Monday or Tuesday depending on how late I work Monday. Withholding forum posts sounds mildly evil, but I'm on board if it'll help you. Just make the rules clear! 

 

Re: your picture. I can see why you like it, also: you're right about your hair being really pretty long BUT you also have really great facial structure and I bet you'd look good with a short cut too if you wanted it. Also, It's hard for me to tell because I am writing this post on interstate 91 on the way back to Boston from Philly and there's some serious screen glare going on, but I *think* your hair is the same-ish shade of black that I recently dyed my hair (I'm naturally medium-dark brown). Have an impromptu car picture. Same colour?

 

Bed bugs sound incredibly terrible. I know a couple people who've had them and the process of getting rid of them sounds hellish. BUT it's pretty unlikely to have been in the watch, I think. And don't they mostly not crawl on people randomly during the day? My understanding was they mostly emerge in the dark. So it's probably not that. Likely an ant or whatever. Summer is full of bugs. 

 

Your sleep issues sound really frustrating. I sometimes get insomnia and my doctor recommended various things including sleep hygiene and cutting out caffeine. I managed to mostly do the latter (thanks to finding some reasonably decent non-caffeinated teas) and it really did help. I still suck at sleep hygiene mostly because there are so many more interesting things to do than sleep. What helps you shut your brain off? Find something really mentally taxing like the NYT Sunday crossword puzzle or translating obscure French poetry or just going over conjugations of literary tenses or something else dull until your brain collapses in surrender. 

 

I hope there were kittens at the training and they made up for the sleep deprivation with their fluffy kittenness.

 

Also, re: Pride. I was planning to go out dancing tonight (Boston's queer scene is mediocre compared to other cities where I've lived or visited but there are always some good times to be had on Pride weekend) but I feel sick about the shooting at that club in Florida. I can't decide if going out is disrespectful to the people who were shot, or if not going out would be somehow worse because it somehow capitulated to what happened...ugh. Why are people so terrible?   :/

 

Sorry for almost making you cry!

 

I definitely need to work on the friend stuff going forward. I'll keep all that in mind. 

 

I haven't figured out the rules of the game yet, lol, but I want to work out in the mornings anyway so hopefully I'll make the whole thing irrelevant. Whenever you start is cool. 

 

Haha my hair is naturally some kind of brown, but lately it's more white/gray and the brown is ashy. I've been dyeing it an auburny colors with violet tones in it but not really consistently. I'd have to stay on top of it if I chopped it off, but it's nice to hear again that it'll work out.

 

The problem is that I had bed bugs last year. And we lucked out and it was a pretty small infestation/easily dealt with, but they were in my room and I'm still paranoid about them being in my stuff. They prefer wood/paper/cardboard to plastic/metal, but in really bad infestations they'll go whereever. So yeah odds are they're not in my shit. BUT last year when we were between our second and third treatments I did find one crawling on me. Like I had been packing/rearranging stuff in my room and then later I was on the couch and it was just chilling on my shirt. They normally don't come out until nighttime yeah, because they're attracted to heat and carbon dioxide but not so much movement, ergo when you're sleeping you're the best target. So if it hadn't been for that one random event I probably wouldn't be as freaked out, but yeah. Bed bugs + pre-existing anxiety issues = fail. That watch had been in a sealed plastic bag for a while and it's probably coincidence but oh well. 

 

I think it's a combination of the heat being obnoxious and just my brain being fucked. Like it started two weeks ago when I was up all night because of my car issues. And then it's been a cycle of stay up late, sleep too late, stay up late again. I'm sure being worried about having to get up so early for the thing today didn't help last night either. But to your point I actually haven't had coffee since Wednesday and only two green teas in that time as well. Yeah sleep hygiene is a thing I need to work on. Sticking to a bedtime and a routine would help if I ever got there. I need to figure out what will shut down my brain. Oddly enough it was after I'd finally resigned myself to being up all night that I managed to fall asleep. more than likely I'll be going to bed early tonight so hopefully I can start reversing the damage.

 

ugh dude idk. I'm so tired of hearing about it because it's just so miserable. (Anti-queer bullshit AND Islamophobic bullshit in one go! Whee!) I think if you really want to go out you should go ahead and go out. I don't think it would be disrespectful. But if you don't feel safe or don't feel like it's the right thing to do, that's okay too. Don't want to let dude's ideological bullshit win, but it's also not worth compromising yourself for it either.

[Lara]

12 hours ago, fleaball said:

I don't know if I'm gonna stick with the volunteering thing. If I understood it right, no matter what you volunteer for you're also supposed to do laundry and stuff, and while I totally get that that shit needs to be done I'm also... not good with animal poop and vomit and whatever so if those things are stained I will not be able to handle it. Plus all the dogs barking and whining and begging for attention made me feel terrible. The lady giving us the tour was going on about how it's so great to help out there and sometimes you might be the only one playing with an animal that day and giving them love and whatnot so I feel guilty about not wanting to do it but uggggggh.

 

Taking care of abandoned animals is tough. You'd be brave to do that.

 

Yay for that run!

[Owlet]

Oh god bed bugs sound horrible, no wonder you're paranoid! Did you get the place fumigated or something? Insects are so sneeeaky. 

 

I feel your pain on sleep gah. Like the guy in the pharmacy said to me, 'you just need to learn to switch your brain off' ughhhhhh I know, shut up. I've been thinking I might just have to bite the bullet and start forcing myself to get up early in the hope that I'll be tired enough to sleep at night. Brains are so good at thinking and worrying though, even when you're dog tired. I like @Severine's advice to read something boring/taxing before bed ha, that actually sounds like it could work. 

 

Good work on going to the volunteer thing! Even though it didn't sound like it was quite what you expected at least you went (and after minimal sleep too, bravo) and I love that it was your way of tricking yourself into making friends haha. It's a good ploy actually, it's so much easier to make friends when you're forced to hang out with people. Are there any other places like that you could try? Maybe more cat-based? Or heck, just start a cat cafe. The Battle Kitten Cafe.

[Briniel]

4 hours ago, Owlet said:

The Battle Kitten Cafe.

That sounds like an excellent plan!

 

There are a lot of things about sleep hygiene out there. If I remember correctly, the most important one was to get in and out of bed on time. Doesn't matter if you're actually sleeping, or just lying around worrying, but get to bed, even if you're not tired, screens off. And no checking the time to see "omg I only have 4 hours left and I'm not asleep yet". No screens, and if you have an alarm clock or something, place it face down.

 

I thought about your therapist's suggestion some more and I'm not sure I like it anymore... what if you're having a bad day and then feel worse because you feel like you can't post here because you didn't do stuff yet and then we can't help cheer you up? That sounds bad. Kinda like punishment by withdrawal of social support. I mean, if you posted here and said you were feeling down and needed some kitten gifs, we would of course oblige, rules schmules, but... I don't know. We'd definitely need some clearer rules on how this is supposed to work, if you're still down for it.

[PollyannaAgain]

20 hours ago, fleaball said:

I don't know if I'm gonna stick with the volunteering thing. If I understood it right, no matter what you volunteer for you're also supposed to do laundry and stuff, and while I totally get that that shit needs to be done I'm also... not good with animal poop and vomit and whatever so if those things are stained I will not be able to handle it. Plus all the dogs barking and whining and begging for attention made me feel terrible. The lady giving us the tour was going on about how it's so great to help out there and sometimes you might be the only one playing with an animal that day and giving them love and whatnot so I feel guilty about not wanting to do it but uggggggh. I think the volunteer coordinator is supposed to reach out and discuss with us what we want to do? (I was under the impression that's what today was for but apparently today was literally "here's our facility, tada!") I guess I could always go for one day. They do have a room called "kitty city" where a bunch of sociable cats hang out. I should have stayed and played with them but I'm so dead that I just wanted to come home.

Maybe write down the questions you have and go back and talk to the volunteer coordinator. I'm sure they'll be happy to clarify things for you. Not every volunteer is going to be able to handle everything, so I bet they'll be willing to work with you on the laundry thing.

 

Lots of people wear ear plugs in the dog kennels. It can help you feel less frazzled and focus better. If dogs aren't your thing, or they still overwhelm you with the earplugs, definitely head for the kitties. There are lots of things you can do for them too. Senior cats often get overlooked for the younger adults and kittens, so if you can spend time with them, you'll be doing them a world of good, especially if you run into someone looking to adopt and can market the kitties by their personalities...almost like matchmaking!

 

I found this article helpful when I started volunteering: http://www.petful.com/animal-welfare/volunteering-at-an-animal-shelter/. If you have questions or need to talk about something from a volunteer's perspective, just let me know!  

[fleaball]

10 hours ago, zenLara said:

Taking care of abandoned animals is tough. You'd be brave to do that.

 

Yay for that run!

I'm pretty sure you didn't mean it this way, but I'm totally taking that as a challenge. I'm going to try it once or twice and see what happens. I will admit, when the orientation lady was giving us our t-shirts they only had smalls and mediums, and one XXL. She gave me the latter (after we'd been digging for a large to no avail) and told me just to wash it in really hot water for a while because they shrink. >> But I totally was thinking that this was a sign I wouldn't fit in or something.

 

6 hours ago, Owlet said:

Oh god bed bugs sound horrible, no wonder you're paranoid! Did you get the place fumigated or something? Insects are so sneeeaky. 

 

I feel your pain on sleep gah. Like the guy in the pharmacy said to me, 'you just need to learn to switch your brain off' ughhhhhh I know, shut up. I've been thinking I might just have to bite the bullet and start forcing myself to get up early in the hope that I'll be tired enough to sleep at night. Brains are so good at thinking and worrying though, even when you're dog tired. I like @Severine's advice to read something boring/taxing before bed ha, that actually sounds like it could work. 

 

Good work on going to the volunteer thing! Even though it didn't sound like it was quite what you expected at least you went (and after minimal sleep too, bravo) and I love that it was your way of tricking yourself into making friends haha. It's a good ploy actually, it's so much easier to make friends when you're forced to hang out with people. Are there any other places like that you could try? Maybe more cat-based? Or heck, just start a cat cafe. The Battle Kitten Cafe.

Yeah an exterminator came in 3 weekends in a row to spray all the rooms. It sucked balls, because you still have to wait 8 weeks to make sure they're actually gone (in case there were eggs that hadn't hatched or something). Even my roommate, who does not have anxiety issues, is mildly paranoid. She texted me last week like "I just passed a mattress on the sidewalk and now I need a shower." 

 

I've been thinking about doing that. Last year I tried staying up all night to see if it would reset me. I went for a run at like 5:30am, took a shower, and then fell asleep. >> I'll dig out some boring books and see what happens. 

 

I'm gonna force myself to go once or twice once I hear from the volunteer coordinator lady about it. Maybe the lack of sleep made everything more negative than it would normally seem. There's a cat cafe here but you have to pay $10 just to get in for a certain amount of time, food and such is extra, and I think you're not allowed to pick them up or something? My friend and I have joked about opening our own cat cafe (also a cathouse, which was hilarious because she's not a native English speaker and didn't know what that means and totally meant just a house full of cats). If only these things didn't require money to start. I would totally open the Battle Kitten Cafe and you would be the art director. 

 

2 hours ago, Briniel said:

That sounds like an excellent plan!

 

There are a lot of things about sleep hygiene out there. If I remember correctly, the most important one was to get in and out of bed on time. Doesn't matter if you're actually sleeping, or just lying around worrying, but get to bed, even if you're not tired, screens off. And no checking the time to see "omg I only have 4 hours left and I'm not asleep yet". No screens, and if you have an alarm clock or something, place it face down.

 

I thought about your therapist's suggestion some more and I'm not sure I like it anymore... what if you're having a bad day and then feel worse because you feel like you can't post here because you didn't do stuff yet and then we can't help cheer you up? That sounds bad. Kinda like punishment by withdrawal of social support. I mean, if you posted here and said you were feeling down and needed some kitten gifs, we would of course oblige, rules schmules, but... I don't know. We'd definitely need some clearer rules on how this is supposed to work, if you're still down for it.

Yeah. That's the biggest one I have an issue with because I'm always like "NO! Must. Sleep." And you've seen how my challenge-related sleep goals always fail. I'll get the hang of this thing eventually lol. 

 

That occured to me last night. And I clearly jumped on here this morning without working out. (I told myself it was to see if anyone had posted any taunts or anything =P) Because I would absolutely wind up isolating myself in that situation. I'll think about it and see if I can come up with something feasible. 

 

1 hour ago, PollyannaAgain said:

Maybe write down the questions you have and go back and talk to the volunteer coordinator. I'm sure they'll be happy to clarify things for you. Not every volunteer is going to be able to handle everything, so I bet they'll be willing to work with you on the laundry thing.

 

Lots of people wear ear plugs in the dog kennels. It can help you feel less frazzled and focus better. If dogs aren't your thing, or they still overwhelm you with the earplugs, definitely head for the kitties. There are lots of things you can do for them too. Senior cats often get overlooked for the younger adults and kittens, so if you can spend time with them, you'll be doing them a world of good, especially if you run into someone looking to adopt and can market the kitties by their personalities...almost like matchmaking!

 

I found this article helpful when I started volunteering: http://www.petful.com/animal-welfare/volunteering-at-an-animal-shelter/. If you have questions or need to talk about something from a volunteer's perspective, just let me know!  

Yeah I definitely signed up just for cats, but yesterday was general shelter orientation (which I didn't realize). Thanks for the article! I knew it would be hard when I signed up but I didn't expect it to be as hard as it was. I want to keep going because I am seriously pet-deprived, but ugh. We'll see. I'll hit you up if I think of anything.

 

---

 

Hokay. I slept about ten hours last night and woke up feeling so much better but still slightly dead. Made coffee because I actually have shit to do today; nearly poured said coffee on my breakfast plate instead of into the mug I put out for it. So it's that kind of day. 

 

Apparently there was black mold growing in our bathtub! Whee! We had one of those rubber mats with suction cups on the bottom that keep you from slipping and dying, but when roommate was cleaning the bathroom yesterday she discovered it and just threw the thing out. She said it didn't seem like enough to cause health problems and I haven't really had any symptoms of it (she's been having chronic sinus issues and her doctor thinks it might be environmental so she asked me about it a week ago), but since I'm home all the time I wonder if it could have been just enough to fuck with me? We'll find out. 

 

Haven't worked out yet. Woke up starving so figured YAYOG would be a bad idea at that point. Completely intend to do it, but I've been trying to get other time-sensitive things done instead. (Missed the boat on that one because I was trying to get a job app done before the business day ended and I didn't, but whatever.) Will definitely get responses to yesterday and today's challenge things posted; I wrote yesterday's in my journal and never copied it to the interwebs, and I'm also putting off today's til this app gets done. 

 

What's killing me is that I feel like all I've done all day is eat but I'm still starving. It's not thirst because I'm about to finish my 4th 750mL bottle of water. Fuck it, I'm gonna go make a smoothie with my gross protein powder and hope that helps.

[Sylvaa]

59 minutes ago, fleaball said:

Apparently there was black mold growing in our bathtub! Whee! We had one of those rubber mats with suction cups on the bottom that keep you from slipping and dying, but when roommate was cleaning the bathroom yesterday she discovered it and just threw the thing out. She said it didn't seem like enough to cause health problems and I haven't really had any symptoms of it (she's been having chronic sinus issues and her doctor thinks it might be environmental so she asked me about it a week ago), but since I'm home all the time I wonder if it could have been just enough to fuck with me? We'll find out. 

 

Just commenting on this - not all mold is created equal. And not all molds that are black are black mold. If you get what I'm saying. People respond differently to the spores, so it doesn't mean that it wasn't what was contributing to your roommate being sick, but it's probably not as bad as it might seem at the first anxiety ridden outset (if you are not freaked out, then I apologize for assuming and will take appropriate punishment ). Plus, isn't your roommate not home that much? I would think that it would probably be something at her boyfriend's before something at your house. 

 

If you've finished your application, I'm working out before I check any more threads - I'm interested in seeing what I come back to!

[Owlet]

53 minutes ago, fleaball said:

I'm gonna force myself to go once or twice once I hear from the volunteer coordinator lady about it. Maybe the lack of sleep made everything more negative than it would normally seem. There's a cat cafe here but you have to pay $10 just to get in for a certain amount of time, food and such is extra, and I think you're not allowed to pick them up or something? My friend and I have joked about opening our own cat cafe (also a cathouse, which was hilarious because she's not a native English speaker and didn't know what that means and totally meant just a house full of cats). If only these things didn't require money to start. I would totally open the Battle Kitten Cafe and you would be the art director. 

Inspirational art for the kitties  

[fleaball]

2 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Just commenting on this - not all mold is created equal. And not all molds that are black are black mold. If you get what I'm saying. People respond differently to the spores, so it doesn't mean that it wasn't what was contributing to your roommate being sick, but it's probably not as bad as it might seem at the first anxiety ridden outset (if you are not freaked out, then I apologize for assuming and will take appropriate punishment ). Plus, isn't your roommate not home that much? I would think that it would probably be something at her boyfriend's before something at your house. 

 

If you've finished your application, I'm working out before I check any more threads - I'm interested in seeing what I come back to!

lmao I am actually not concerned about it at all. I just know actual black mold can contribute to sleep issues and the timing is coincidental. But you're right, it could have been anything. There's black shit coming out of our shower every so often (probably a hose attached to the water heater breaking down, and she's been on the landlord to fix it) so it could have just stained it. Oh well. 

 

Application is mostly done but not submitted as of right now. I won't be working out tonight because for 4 hours that smoothie has had me feeling nauseous and gross. :\ I don't know if it's a bad batch of protein powder or if the humidity has fucked with it or what but I've used it 3 times now and felt like shit each time. It's gross and clumpy and I'm gonna go buy a different brand in a few minutes. But here:

 

Self-love challenges! (Totally going to keep calling them that and I'm so mad I wasn't the first person to realize the implications of it.)

 

Day 5: 6.12

Spoiler

• Identify a feasible workout routine. Commit.
  • c25k + YAYOG. Barring any ankle issues, running doesn't normally bother me physically. So it should be totally doable 3 times a week. YAYOG starts out 4 times a week and moves to 5 after a few; I don't know if I can go all 4 in a week right now, but I'll do the most I can. 
• A note to your past you
  • I'm proud of you. Things definitely won't go according to plan all the time, or even most of the time, but you can make it work. Listen to the people who are cheering you on and don't be afraid to lean on them when you need help. And don't be afraid to cut out the toxic people in your life. You deserve better than that. It's okay to grow out of relationships and you don't owe anyone anything just because you used to be close. You're eventually going to end up in a pretty good place. The path there isn't the straightest, but hey, neither are you. (And it's okay to say that too. But the jokes are really annoying and you should stop that.) (JK never stop.)

 

Day 6: 6.13

Spoiler

• Make a list of 10 things you're grateful for and display it where you will see it often. 
  • In no particular order:
    1. Everyone here. You all are fucking awesome and hilarious and supportive and push me to do shit I wouldn't do otherwise. And it's incredible.
    2. Cats. In general.
    3. Serious-ing for a minute, but I'm grateful that I live where I do. We obviously have a shit ton of work to do, but I'm extremely lucky to be in a place and time where I can live in a decent house with my friend, have a car, be working on a graduate degree, and not fear retaliation or negative consequences.
    4. People who leave a positive impact on the world: artists, activists, and everyday people who inspire others and stand against the bullshit.
    5. The fact that I'm in good enough health that I can even consider doing these workouts and obstacle courses and things that other people can't do.
    6. (And now back to your regularly scheduled Flea: ) well-made coffee.
    7. Music, especially with lyrics that mean something.
    8. Pens that come in different colors.
    9. The fact that I'm good at languages because it makes life so much more interesting.
    10. This menace to society:

• A note to your future you.
  • I don't know where you are or what you're doing, but I'm proud of you, too. I'm guessing you're probably in a different place than I would imagine you to be at this point, because that's how things have been going, but that's okay. I'm happy for you. I've learned a lot in the last few years and I hope you've continued to do that exponentially and capitalized on all the opportunities that have come your way. Keep at it. 
  • Ps, I can has lottery numbers?

[fleaball]

So didn't do a full workout because I didn't want to push it, but while waiting for my food to reheat I did like 25 pushups against the counter (it is really hard to keep my elbows tucked in ugh), held a (pretty shaky) plank for 45 seconds, and did some ankle exercises. I can't even manage 5 seconds standing on my right foot. In contrast, I just went a minute and 10 seconds on my left and could have gone longer but there's no point. So much work to be done. 

 

Current plan: c25k TRSa, YAYOG TWFSa this week. Starting week 1 over for both since it's been 2 weeks since I've done the latter anyway.

[fleaball]

How not to solve your sleep issues: stay up til 2:30 watching the Tonys after realizing the whole thing is on the CBS website. (I almost wrote "watching Hamilton" but it's basically the same thing right?) Don't worry, my alarm is still set for a reasonable time to get up and work out. 

[Lara]

9 hours ago, fleaball said:

Apparently there was black mold growing in our bathtub! Whee! We had one of those rubber mats with suction cups on the bottom that keep you from slipping and dying, but when roommate was cleaning the bathroom yesterday she discovered it and just threw the thing out.

 

Ugh. Why don't you try anti-slip stickers instead?

 

Glad to see you had a good night sleep.

Loving your self-love challenge

[Countess D'If]

I've also been watching the Tonys on the intarwebs. Damn you, intarwebs!!!

[Briniel]

intarwebs are the worst... but congrats for getting a workout in, even if it wasn't the full routine you had planned. And yay for different-colored pens

[fleaball]

Doing this before I read Sylvaa's, even though I'm pretty sure we're not going to wind up with similar answers today. 

 

Self-love day 7! Whee! (Including gigantic picture.)

Spoiler

• Identify one relationship that is toxic or robbing too much of your time. Scale back your attachment without guilt.
  • I honestly can't think of one for this. Probably because I have so few active relationships right now. I have been trying to scale back how often I call my mother and I'm working on not feeling guilty about it. I usually call when something's wrong (slash to update her on things, like the car accident), and a few times I've called when I was bored, but it always turns into hour-long conversations where I wind up feeling irritated at best. I do try to check in once a week though. Usually when I'm doing something else so I'm not focusing on the obnoxious things she's saying. >>
• One thing that's just for you.
  • I struggled with this one because what the fuck does it mean? So here, have an awkwardly huge photo I yoinked from Facebook. It's almost 3 years old and taken the day I got the tattoo done; the lines aren't as thin anymore and I'm wondering if maybe my skin doesn't like tattoos very much because the one on my ankle is slightly wonky too. Regardless, this is the Arabic word for success. People don't really get it, and I have zero fucks to give them. It's in another language because of course it is, this is me we're talking about. And when I was in Jordan, this became almost like our class' catchphrase. Get a question right? Say it. Pronounce a stupidly hard word? Say it. Do something completely unrelated? Say it anyway. So it's a happy memory as well. And then more literally, it's both a reminder of the past and what I'm capable of (not least because I only learned Arabic by getting two really competitive scholarships to go abroad) and a kind of encouragement/promise for the future? Idk. It's hard to put into words because it's more based on feelings/memories for me. And no one really gets that. Instead I get "but do you know what it actually means?" and "So you're never getting on a plane again, huh?"

 

I'm going to be skipping one tomorrow, because it's "go through your closet and donate things if you haven't worn them in a year." Between moving to DC, having to wash and sort all my shit because bed bugs, and moving again in December, I did a lot of closet-cleaning. If I still have it it's because I will lose weight and wear the thing. 

[fleaball]

Bleh. Went and voted (yay!), then attempted c25k. Stuck my "I voted sticker" on my shoe and lost it in about 0.2 seconds. Ankle was mad at me during the first running interval, then during the second it tweaked and I nope'd the fuck out. It wasn't lasting pain and might have just been the way I was landing on my foot (maybe the brace was too tight and restricting too much?) but I wasn't going to risk fucking it up again. Walked for the rest of the half hour instead since I was already outside. YAYOG (arm day) still to come once I have a snack.  @Severine I'm postponing c25k at least another week so I can work on strengthening my ankle. Sorry. 

 

Also fuck, I got it backwards. Tomorrow is not clean-out-your-closet day. It's don't eat sugar all day. I'm going to cheat and swap those two, but for a mostly-legit reason. I'm leaving stupid early for my dentist appointment tomorrow because the metro can't be trusted, and it's awkwardly timed around my therapy appointment, so I'll definitely be grabbing food at some point and the options aren't the best. Although as it is I don't eat a lot of sugar unless there's junk food in the house, which there currently isn't. 

[athousandwords]

Oh hey - you have a battle log now!  Subbed!

 

Love the idea of your self-love challenges. I've been coming around to that lately myself, mostly through journalling.  And YES! to watching the Tony's! Though we don't have TV so I just watched all the clips yesterday... so awesome to watch so much Hamilton (and James Cordon was a delight as always).

[fleaball]

4 minutes ago, athousandwords said:

Oh hey - you have a battle log now!  Subbed!

 

Love the idea of your self-love challenges. I've been coming around to that lately myself, mostly through journalling.  And YES! to watching the Tony's! Though we don't have TV so I just watched all the clips yesterday... so awesome to watch so much Hamilton (and James Cordon was a delight as always).

Totally @Sylvaa's fault idea, so I can't take credit.  The whole show is on CBS.com! That's where I watched it. There's like, an extra 30 seconds of carpool karaoke. It was great.