Philociraptor Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Anybody on here been through them? I'm curious as to what exactly goes down in them, as the girlfriend (haven't asked yet) wants a Catholic wedding. My parents say that they nearly broke up during them, though they never told me what caused it. So yeah, what am I looking at here? Quote Link to comment
aj_rock Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Not catholic, but I hear that this is a pretty accurate depiction of what goes on during those classes....*runs away* Quote Why must I put a name on the foods I choose to eat and how I choose to eat them? Rather than tell people that I eat according to someone else's arbitrary rules, I'd rather just tell them, I eat healthy. And no, my diet does not have a name.My daily battle log! Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Mine was a 1 day deal, about 8 hours. They had a few couples come in and talk about their experiences during marriage, problem solving skills, have group discussions, all that. It went pretty smooth.That was until the 70 year old preacher and his wife came in during the last 2 hours and talked about natural family planning, how sex is for having children, not to use any kind of protection, and that whole deal. Now that was awkward. Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
Maria Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 I have not been to any, but I know that the preparing-for-marriage-classes here usually is a couple talking about what they have found important in their relationship, all the things you might not have thought about and so on. If it is a longer course it can involve discussing with your partner all imaginable topics that might come up in a marriage, like "How do we want to handle finances?", "How many kids do we want, how are we going to raise them, what do we expect the other to do with the kids?" and "How do we solve conflicts, everyday or big issues?" I think it is a really good idea, but the outcome might differ from different classes/churches. Find out what other couples thought about it if you have the possibility to chose from several. Quote Current challenge | Fitocracy | UnTamedTresses Elf Ranger Level 10STR - 14.75 | DEX - 16.00 | STA - 26.75 | CON - 26.75 | WIS - 27.25 | CHA - 22.00 Link to comment
macnip78 Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Ours was about 5 different couple sharing stories of their marriages and some of their struggles. We were given a short essay question after each couple's presentation to answer and share with our future spouse. I can see where this part could bring up some sources of animosity/frustration.Really wasn't bad. My wife (fiancee at the time) and I were already very open with each other so there weren't a whole lot of surprises that came out of this. Quote For Collin....I will level up my life with the lessons you taught me My attempt at a blog: just54days.wordpress.com Battle Log: http://nerdfitness.com/community/showthread.php?5775-MacNip-s-Growing-Up-(Hopefully) Link to comment
JDCoyle Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Practicing Catholic here (I'll get it right eventually, just need to keep practicing! )My wife and I were married outside of the church initially, but then went through the marriage validation process, which is the same process as any marriage in the Catholic church. Your exact experience will be dependent on how your diocese has the process setup. The process SHOULD involve a series of meetings with a mentor couple. Typically an older couple who volunteers to be part of this process in your local parish. This is a good way to get to know more people in your parish as well! This portion is called the "Parish-Based Mentoring Process", and should take place once a week (or less) for a few months leading up to the wedding date. This process is meant to highlight the difficult areas of marriage, and the areas that are seldom considered by couples heading into the sacrament of marriage. A lot of people hate this part, but I feel it is a big eye opener for a lot of couples and it should make you stop and think about your life after the wedding and how you are going to handle differences and life in general. You will do are taking a survey (separately) on how you feel about key issues, the mentor couple then compares the two surveys and highlights differences and you talk those out together. Another exercise is sitting back to back, one of you will have a blank piece of paper and the other will have a piece of paper with a simple drawing on it. Using only verbal instructions, you need to help you partner draw the picture you are holding.I was really nervous about these Mentor Process meetings, I typically am anti-social at best, down right aggressive at my worst. So I really did not like the idea of sharing my relationship details with a couple I didn't know. I went back and forth on it, and my wife and I talked it out; we decided to go for it and I'm glad we did in the long run.The second thing you SHOULD have to do is a class on "God's Plan for a Joy-filled Marriage" or an "Engaged Encounter Weekend". We opted to do the one day class as opposed to the weekend retreat. The class was almost entirely on Natural Family Planning, and the Catholic Church's stance on sex and marriage. The saving grace of this day was the "teacher", a wonderful woman from Jamaica, she shared a lot of her life experience and thoughts and ideas. She made the day.It's worth it overall, if you are committed to a life long marriage and living a life in the church. I hope this book of a post helps!PS: Pet peeve of mine, I just have to let it out. Natural Family Planning and the Catholic church do not espouse to the ideal that sex is only for procreation.... Quote I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 PS: Pet peeve of mine, I just have to let it out. Natural Family Planning and the Catholic church do not espouse to the ideal that sex is only for procreation....You're right, I slipped since I wasn't focusing on that part. I know their stance is that if a child should result from it that is the plan and you should do nothing other than planning on when to have sex to avoid it. Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
JDCoyle Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 You're right, I slipped since I wasn't focusing on that part. I know their stance is that if a child should result from it that is the plan and you should do nothing other than planning on when to have sex to avoid it.Perfect - couldn't have said it better! Thanks... Quote I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Link to comment
Philociraptor Posted February 24, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Wow, thanks everybody. I may try and talk her into a small wedding initially (like, court house) that way we can save up money to have a real ceremony and all that a few years down the road. Does this sound like a terrible idea? I want to be able to move in together in the fall and so it may be a little late to start planning a big wedding with no savings for it. Quote Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 If you're doing the Catholic wedding, you wouldn't want a court house would you? My dad had a Catholic wedding in his back yard and a BBQ after. It was a surprise and no one knew what was happening, we thought it was just a summer BBQ that the priest was invited to. Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
ZenGwen Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Wow, thanks everybody. I may try and talk her into a small wedding initially (like, court house) that way we can save up money to have a real ceremony and all that a few years down the road. Does this sound like a terrible idea? I want to be able to move in together in the fall and so it may be a little late to start planning a big wedding with no savings for it.I think that sounds like an excellent plan. In fact, it's similar to what my boyfriend and I are planning to do when we get married (couple years down the line yet). But, I'm not a Catholic, just a Quaker. Quote Pain is the feeling of weakness leaving the body. Blog | Pinterest | Fitocracy Link to comment
JDCoyle Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Wow, thanks everybody. I may try and talk her into a small wedding initially (like, court house) that way we can save up money to have a real ceremony and all that a few years down the road. Does this sound like a terrible idea? I want to be able to move in together in the fall and so it may be a little late to start planning a big wedding with no savings for it.It's a good plan, whatever makes you guys happy! My wife and I did the opposite, we had the big wedding and then did our marriage validation and ceremony with only a few family and firends. Quote I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Link to comment
oystergirl Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 My husband, a Congregationalist and I a Roman Catholic (though now not so in love with the Church Doctrine, but my kids went to Parochial School and have been confirmed and we still go to Mass most Sundays with my mom)....we did the Pre-Cana weekend about 25 years ago so not sure if it has changed but we really enjoyed it. Most of what we did was journal specific questions and learn more about each other's internal values that are not always discussed in a normal relationship process. I still have the books we wrote in and have reread them at times. I loved my experience. Best of luck with whatever you decide and blessings on your marriage. Quote The real world is bizarre enough for me....Blue Oyster Cult! Oystergirl: Bad Assed Lightcaster (aka wizard!) STR: 2 | DEX: 3 | CON: 3 | STA: 2 | WIS: 4 | CHA: 5 Oystergirl's Bad Ass Lightcaster Wicked Rocking Adventure Challenge! Come visit my wicked rocking Nerd Fitness blog! Link to comment
macnip78 Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 I don't think there is anything wrong with that idea at all. Marriage is about the life long commitment you are about to make and the vows you are comitting to. Everything else is material. I think it's awesome that you want to be married before you move in together. And, properly saving for the wedding and not using credit is the Ramsey way, and I believe you are following that. Would you still do the classes now, or would you wait until your bigger ceremony?Also, you said that your family is expecting a big wedding, would you explain your plan to them up front? Quote For Collin....I will level up my life with the lessons you taught me My attempt at a blog: just54days.wordpress.com Battle Log: http://nerdfitness.com/community/showthread.php?5775-MacNip-s-Growing-Up-(Hopefully) Link to comment
Philociraptor Posted February 28, 2012 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 We might just skip the classes altogether, since the end result is the huge, expensive ceremony we're trying to avoid. And by the time we could afford a ceremony (5 years at the rate I can afford to save) we will have been together over 10 years, so the classes are kinda pointless at that point. I kind of have a date in mind (mid July this year) and the classes require nine months advanced notice (at least at my parents' church). I'd probably tell my parents up front, maybe send out some homemade wedding announcements telling the rest of my family. Quote Link to comment
macnip78 Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 We might just skip the classes altogether, since the end result is the huge, expensive ceremony we're trying to avoid. And by the time we could afford a ceremony (5 years at the rate I can afford to save) we will have been together over 10 years, so the classes are kinda pointless at that point. I kind of have a date in mind (mid July this year) and the classes require nine months advanced notice (at least at my parents' church). I'd probably tell my parents up front, maybe send out some homemade wedding announcements telling the rest of my family.Talking to your parent's first is a good idea, if anything for the respect it shows. As for the classes, no worries there. The classes are designed to make sure you ar ready to be married and explain the challenges you will face. You can accomplish the same task just finding some married couples to counsel with. Marriage is hard and challenging. Having a support network is key...much more important than the classes (at least in my opinion) Quote For Collin....I will level up my life with the lessons you taught me My attempt at a blog: just54days.wordpress.com Battle Log: http://nerdfitness.com/community/showthread.php?5775-MacNip-s-Growing-Up-(Hopefully) Link to comment
Blaizen Posted February 28, 2012 Report Share Posted February 28, 2012 Marriage is hard and challenging. Having a support network is key...much more important than the classes (at least in my opinion)This is very true!!Also, side note but why does the catholic church have it's priests run marriage class's when they have no personal experience to draw on??? Quote http://fightingcircumstance.wordpress.com/ Link to comment
MMyers Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 This is very true!!Also, side note but why does the catholic church have it's priests run marriage class's when they have no personal experience to draw on???They're trained to teach the Church's take on it. That's kind of like asking how a person is qualified to be a psychiatrist if they haven't had any mental health problems. They have the knowledge of what does and doesn't work from the people they teach and from the passing down of information.I'm sure there are mechanics who live in a city who bike to work. So, what gives them the right to work on automobiles? There are Police officers who have never committed any crimes, so how do they know how to fight it? You can give these examples all day.I've done work for Priests, they're just the same as you and I. The difference is that they chose a different path from what most people do. Besides, becoming ordained in the Church doesn't mean they lose all personality and feelings. Quote Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 This is very true!!Also, side note but why does the catholic church have it's priests run marriage class's when they have no personal experience to draw on???On top of what Army said, at my wife's church they typically don't have priests teach them, typically Pastors. Pastors can marry and usually are from the few I've met. Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
JDCoyle Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Also, side note but why does the catholic church have it's priests run marriage class's when they have no personal experience to draw on???Priests do not "teach" these "classes". This is a mentoring process with another married couple (who has been trained by the dioceses), not some sortnof class to pass or fail. Quote I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. Link to comment
Brina Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 I wish I'd had some sort of marriage counseling or mentoring. My husband and I were married by a judge (ballroom, with drinking before and after, if details matter), and I felt like we'd been dropped into some unknown land. Adjusting to married life has been HARD. There are problems that have come up that I never would have expected, and having someone mention them ahead of time would have been nice. Pre-Cana or not, take what you can from it, ignore the other crap if you feel like it's crap, and use it as a time to get to know your (soon to be) wife better. Quote Link to comment
Gainsdalf the Whey Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Priests do not "teach" these "classes". This is a mentoring process with another married couple (who has been trained by the dioceses), not some sortnof class to pass or fail.This differs form church to church. Mine was a had about a dozen other couples and it was more like a college lecturing session for a very large portI wish I'd had some sort of marriage counseling or mentoring. My husband and I were married by a judge (ballroom, with drinking before and after, if details matter), and I felt like we'd been dropped into some unknown land. Adjusting to married life has been HARD. There are problems that have come up that I never would have expected, and having someone mention them ahead of time would have been nice. Pre-Cana or not, take what you can from it, ignore the other crap if you feel like it's crap, and use it as a time to get to know your (soon to be) wife better.The Pre-Cana didn't help us too much. We had already considered all the issues they brought up. The biggest thing for us was living together before we got engaged. I insisted on it because I figured it would drastically change how our relationship worked, and it did. By the time we got engaged, we were already sharing finances and had already talked about if we wanted to have kids or not and how they'd be raised. After getting married, nothing really changed at all. Quote Massrandir, Barkûn, Swolórin, The Whey Pilgrim 500 / 330 / 625 Challenges: 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 31 32 34 35 36 39 41 42 45 46 47 48 49 Current Challenge "No citizen has a right to be an amateur in the matter of physical training. What a disgrace it is for a man to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable. " ~ Socrates "Friends don't let friends squat high." ~ Chad Wesley Smith "It's a dangerous business, Brodo, squatting to the floor. You step into the rack, and if you don't keep your form, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." ~ Gainsdalf Link to comment
Guest guest4729 Posted March 1, 2012 Report Share Posted March 1, 2012 Wow, thanks everybody. I may try and talk her into a small wedding initially (like, court house) that way we can save up money to have a real ceremony and all that a few years down the road. Does this sound like a terrible idea? I want to be able to move in together in the fall and so it may be a little late to start planning a big wedding with no savings for it.Since I'm no longer religious I would more or less like to comment on what you said above. Please be VERRRYYYY careful and considerate of what your girlfriend/fiance is thinking about. A lot of the girls I know have been thinking about/planning their weddings since they were kids. To some girls, suggesting a small and uneventful marriage in a court house might be a slap in the face, and I could see why. For some people, the actual ceremony and after party is something that they will remember FOREVER and they want it to be something memorable that they could share with family and children in the future. Now I'm not saying this is ALL women, but A LOT of them. Almost every single girl I've met has had that stuff on the brain since high school. And now that they have Pinterest...it's even worse. Heh.On another note, if you don't have the money for a nice wedding now, then it's time to possibly move in together (if that's religiously permissible for the two of you) and then get to know each other REALLY well for awhile. Learn how to manage your finances together. Learn how to save money together. Learn what it's like to be around each other all the time. I think that marriage should never be something that is rushed into. The time it takes you to save the money is the time you can have to truly get to know each other and learn how to solve important problems together. /2 cents Quote Link to comment
GreenEyesBright Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 The classes help a lot if done right. Next week my best friend is getting married in church but its just them, the Priest and two witnesses. They've been saving for their wedding in October all year and will have a real wedding where they renew their vows with 100 guests or so. Its a different way of doing things but they're both Catholics and since they're already living together, their Priest suggested this so they're no longer living in sin. Btw they met in true nerd fashion playing COD online together. (My favorite nerd love story!) Sent from my MB860 using Tapatalk Quote Wake Your Dreams... Link to comment
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