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Look out, dragon on the move! Challenge 2


tienlong

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I just bought a jumprope.  OMG, I haven't jumped rope since maybe 5th grade, maybe 4th.  Not since I still sang out rhyming songs as I jumped, at least.  I figure that I have to wait for the dogs to do their business at 5:15am every morning anyway, I might as well warm up some at the same time.  It's stacking a little more movement on top of other movement.  At Level One, every bit helps.

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Why did I think that was a great idea?  Who did I think I am, Rocky Balboa? Why can't life be a training montage, where I only have to jump rope for a couple seconds at a time, I do it with perfect form, and at the end of Eye Of The Tiger, I'm thin and cut and ready to take on the defending champion?  FML :(  *groans and goes to roll out the yoga mat*

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15 minutes ago, tienlong said:

Why did I think that was a great idea?  Who did I think I am, Rocky Balboa? Why can't life be a training montage, where I only have to jump rope for a couple seconds at a time, I do it with perfect form, and at the end of Eye Of The Tiger, I'm thin and cut and ready to take on the defending champion?  FML :(  *groans and goes to roll out the yoga mat*

 

I just spit my coffee out laughing!

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MY 500 YEAR DIARY  HIKING THE ALLEGHENY NATIONAL FOREST QUEST: 8 TRAILS DOWN, 57 TO GO 

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OK, woohoo! I finished a little bit early this morning.

 

So, yeah,  obviously no longer have a child's talent at jump rope.  This doesn't surprise me.  I don't often say I can't, but here it comes, I can't do a cartwheel, a handstand, or a penny drop anymore, either.  I could try, but I'm pretty sure it would end in tears and emergency rooms.  I'm also pretty sure that I'm grateful that I did this at a time in the morning when no one else in the neighborhood was awake.  I'm not going to say it was a fail, because a fail would have been not doing it at all.  It was really embarrassing, though.  Made even more so by the fact that neither of my dogs thought doing their business was more important than watching me with doggy grins and wagging tails. 

The major problem was that the rope wouldn't go under my feet.  Since I checked, and the rope should have been long enough, I can only suppose my feet weren't coming as high off the ground as they should have.  So I tried to sustain the jumping and bringing my feet up higher.  OMG! the burn! it hurts! agony! mommy! *gasp*  So it came to a moment when, honestly, I'd had more than enough of that and I still had yoga to do, anyway.  So, that was my morning's experience with the jump rope.

 

On the other hand, yoga seemed a bit easier this morning.   But then, everything today is going to seem easier than how I started it.

 

Wake up, everyone, it's a beautiful morning, and whew, I need a shower.

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1 hour ago, tienlong said:

OK, woohoo! I finished a little bit early this morning.

 

So, yeah,  obviously no longer have a child's talent at jump rope.  This doesn't surprise me.  I don't often say I can't, but here it comes, I can't do a cartwheel, a handstand, or a penny drop anymore, either.  I could try, but I'm pretty sure it would end in tears and emergency rooms.  I'm also pretty sure that I'm grateful that I did this at a time in the morning when no one else in the neighborhood was awake.  I'm not going to say it was a fail, because a fail would have been not doing it at all.  It was really embarrassing, though.  Made even more so by the fact that neither of my dogs thought doing their business was more important than watching me with doggy grins and wagging tails. 

The major problem was that the rope wouldn't go under my feet.  Since I checked, and the rope should have been long enough, I can only suppose my feet weren't coming as high off the ground as they should have.  So I tried to sustain the jumping and bringing my feet up higher.  OMG! the burn! it hurts! agony! mommy! *gasp*  So it came to a moment when, honestly, I'd had more than enough of that and I still had yoga to do, anyway.  So, that was my morning's experience with the jump rope.

 

On the other hand, yoga seemed a bit easier this morning.   But then, everything today is going to seem easier than how I started it.

 

Wake up, everyone, it's a beautiful morning, and whew, I need a shower.


Thank you for introducing me to the penny drop! That looks terrifying! Maybe I'll try to learn that one someday when I get a bar of an appropriate height, some of those gymnastics mats, and a neural implant that makes me no longer feel fear.

Or at least the first two, anyway. 

For anyone else who wants to feel humiliated by a six year old today: 
 

 

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Surviving the zombie apocalypse, one day at a time.

Current challenge: Ranger Five Leaves Abel!
Previous challenges: Ranger Five Ch 1, Ch 2

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5k: 25:01

 

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Heh, yeah, that's a penny drop.  That used to be the most fun, quickest way of dismounting that I could possibly use.  Then puberty.

 

 

I have discovered that it is best to jump rope without shoes and with a bra.  The bra is non-negotiable.  Once I kicked off the shoes, though, I lost a bit of height and was able to feel where the ground was with my toes.  That led to better form in jumping.  I still couldn't manage it for a long amount of time, but better than before.

 

Part of my challenge for this month was to find more ways to block my access to unhealthy food.  Somehow, while trying to figure out how to solve that puzzle, I entirely forgot that I spend 9 hours a day five days a week, in a cubicle!  My entire overhead cupboard is devoted to ways to making me more comfortable, in fact, from a blanket to a lint roller and disinfectant wipes, and FOOD!  I had a lot of unhealthy food up there, things I didn't need if I packed a good lunch but made me feel confident in my laziness to often  not bother to pack a lunch. 

 

So I cleaned out my food cubby.  I rearranged everything to give me less access, and even set out some stuff on the giveaway table.  Most of a box of buttered microwave popcorn, oatmeal, butterscotch candies.  I kept the peanuts and some breakfast bars, though.  Getting up at 5am and starting work at 8am?  If I wait until ten to snack, I'll be "snacking" on everything in sight, and there's my calories for the day.  I only have room for hunger pangs or guilt, I can't have both.  One of them is inevitable if I wait until 12 to eat.

 

Another obstacle.  There is a Dollar General within one minute's walk of my office.  I can be there, buy a basket of unhealthy snacks, and be back in my cubicle before my boss even knows I'm gone.  Worse?  I have a piggy bank in my cubby that's meant for the office charity games but has enough dollar bills for an unhealthy snack if I don't want to whip out a card.  No more!  That's for charity!  I don't need the double-dose of guilt of taking food out of other people's mouths!

 

Obstacle three:  If I go on a walk at breaktimes without fail, I not only get my walk in, I don't have time to browse at Dollar General to slip in some bad snacks.

 

Ka-POWWW!!!!  Quest "Clean Out Your Batcave" is a success!

 

I'll be MIA for the weekend, I'm going to my niece's home city for Pride!  Yay!

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I think I blew my diet over the weekend.  I'm not sure.  I had a lot of high calorie food, but only in one large meal a day.  Aloo gobi at this fantastic little hole-in-the-wall, a veggie quesadilla in the far reaches of a dying little mall, an omelet, and OMG, wait, a handful of Doritos and bean dip on the drive home because I hadn't eaten anything since the omelet.  Probably wasn't as bad as I fear, but how would I know, I didn't log it.  I can't say I'm feeling particularly bad about it, though, because the food was incredible and was part of the overall good experiences. 

 

However, I know I did good on snacking.  I noshed on fresh cauliflower, drank a lot of water, and absolutely avoided the food trucks at the block party. 

 

I didn't do morning yoga at all over the weekend, because I didn't take my laptop or my mat and I can't log in on my little phone.  However, yesterday I walked three miles in the pouring rain with a bundle of multi-colored balloons strapped to my back (loving every second of it!), and the day before that, there was also a lot of walking, at least 6000 steps.

 

Some of the pics from yesterday?  OMG, there's some motivation to get right back on the diet and exercise program.  Yikes.

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Whoops.  Been a couple of weeks, which, considering these challenges are only a month, means I forgot to come back and update for half the challenge. 

 

To tally the results of this challenge, though:

 

Food

Good:  I'm actually eating better.  I figured out how to replace bad snacks with better snacks, and I'm making myself put food on a dish instead of grazing in front of the open fridge.

Bad:  I totally failed to make any weekly meal plans.  I gave minimal effort at even trying.  Basically, I pulled out a couple of cookbooks and flipped through the pages before my attention began to wander and I ignored the books in favor of AO3 and Facebook.  I can't just eat nothing but salad every day, though, because that gets old real fast. 

Conclusion:   I'm going to have to admit I need the help and just pay for a meal plan from Happy Herbivore.  It's a vegan, 1200-calorie-per-day meal plan, and if there's something on the plan I don't think I'd like (like steamed carrots on a bun), there's a huge stock of recipes available to use as a substitute. 

 

Exercise

Good:  I've decided on yoga, walking, and some cardio as my exercise plan.  At least for awhile.  I feel heavy and uncoordinated right now, and doing things above my level just makes me feel like a hippo and is rather demoralizing.

Bad:  While doing yard work, I managed to hurt the muscles in my right arm and shoulder.  This has made exercising a problem, as I don't think my right arm will support my weight, and I'd very, very much like to avoid a major injury.   Also, walking during my work breaks is becoming unrewarding, for two reasons: first, because ambling along the shortest walking route isn't very challenging, and second, some of the new people have formed a walking group that leaves at the same time and uses the same route as mine.  This group includes a new guy that I strongly dislike and I already have to put up with his stupid ass during work, I don't need it during my breaks, as well.

Conclusion:  I can't quit moving just because my arm hurts. What I can do is avoid the kind of movements that put my weight on my shoulders and forearms - no pushups, no planks, no downward dog, etc.  And I can walk on my own and at my own pace during my work breaks.  Several of my coworkers already do the same thing.

 

Environment:

Success!  No good vs. bad here, I am successful!  My home and my office are now accidental-snack-free!  I've identified several healthy snacks that I prefer, and any bad snacking now requires a conscious decision and actual effort to achieve, giving me more time to decide to NOT backslide.  I've learned that sit-down things (like watching a movie or working in my cubicle) does not require munching.  I used to overeat sometimes just because I liked the taste of what I was eating, or because there was so much variety, but I've learned how to stop eating before I end up suffering for it.  Example: we went to my favorite buffet place again the other night, and instead of the eat-and-repeat thing that people usually do at a buffet, I decided to modify my food-on-a-dish tactic.  I put all the food I was going to eat on the table all at once.  There would be no returning for second helpings after I sat down and began to eat, so I had to be more careful with my food selection from the start.  It was kind of like a food pre-log.    At the end of the meal, I didn't feel like a snake that had swallowed a hamster.

 

 

Attitude

Ugh.  I haven't been able to compassion and kindness my way out of disliking the new guy.  He has this habit of testing me, and I can recognize when someone is trying to figuratively mount me like a dog humping a stranger's leg.  What I don't know is what maggot entered his brain to make him think that I'm either oblivious or a people-pleaser.  You'd think by now that I've corrected his behavior often enough to make him understand that I don't find him intimidating.  My best guess is that his tactics must work with his family and girlfriend, and he isn't smart enough to recognize when it's not working with a woman who isn't scared of men and doesn't feel obligated to care about his feelings. 

 

Other than that, I'm continuing to use meditation and breathing and laughter to keep myself calm and mindful.  I haven't been too irritable in crowds, and I've been less reactive to stressors.

  

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and any change for the better is a win.  With that in mind, I'm going to call this month's challenge a success.

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5 hours ago, tienlong said:

Whoops.  Been a couple of weeks, which, considering these challenges are only a month, means I forgot to come back and update for half the challenge. 

 

To tally the results of this challenge, though:

 

Food

Good:  I'm actually eating better.  I figured out how to replace bad snacks with better snacks, and I'm making myself put food on a dish instead of grazing in front of the open fridge.

Bad:  I totally failed to make any weekly meal plans.  I gave minimal effort at even trying.  Basically, I pulled out a couple of cookbooks and flipped through the pages before my attention began to wander and I ignored the books in favor of AO3 and Facebook.  I can't just eat nothing but salad every day, though, because that gets old real fast. 

Conclusion:   I'm going to have to admit I need the help and just pay for a meal plan from Happy Herbivore.  It's a vegan, 1200-calorie-per-day meal plan, and if there's something on the plan I don't think I'd like (like steamed carrots on a bun), there's a huge stock of recipes available to use as a substitute. 

 

Exercise

Good:  I've decided on yoga, walking, and some cardio as my exercise plan.  At least for awhile.  I feel heavy and uncoordinated right now, and doing things above my level just makes me feel like a hippo and is rather demoralizing.

Bad:  While doing yard work, I managed to hurt the muscles in my right arm and shoulder.  This has made exercising a problem, as I don't think my right arm will support my weight, and I'd very, very much like to avoid a major injury.   Also, walking during my work breaks is becoming unrewarding, for two reasons: first, because ambling along the shortest walking route isn't very challenging, and second, some of the new people have formed a walking group that leaves at the same time and uses the same route as mine.  This group includes a new guy that I strongly dislike and I already have to put up with his stupid ass during work, I don't need it during my breaks, as well.

Conclusion:  I can't quit moving just because my arm hurts. What I can do is avoid the kind of movements that put my weight on my shoulders and forearms - no pushups, no planks, no downward dog, etc.  And I can walk on my own and at my own pace during my work breaks.  Several of my coworkers already do the same thing.

 

Environment:

Success!  No good vs. bad here, I am successful!  My home and my office are now accidental-snack-free!  I've identified several healthy snacks that I prefer, and any bad snacking now requires a conscious decision and actual effort to achieve, giving me more time to decide to NOT backslide.  I've learned that sit-down things (like watching a movie or working in my cubicle) does not require munching.  I used to overeat sometimes just because I liked the taste of what I was eating, or because there was so much variety, but I've learned how to stop eating before I end up suffering for it.  Example: we went to my favorite buffet place again the other night, and instead of the eat-and-repeat thing that people usually do at a buffet, I decided to modify my food-on-a-dish tactic.  I put all the food I was going to eat on the table all at once.  There would be no returning for second helpings after I sat down and began to eat, so I had to be more careful with my food selection from the start.  It was kind of like a food pre-log.    At the end of the meal, I didn't feel like a snake that had swallowed a hamster.

 

 

Attitude

Ugh.  I haven't been able to compassion and kindness my way out of disliking the new guy.  He has this habit of testing me, and I can recognize when someone is trying to figuratively mount me like a dog humping a stranger's leg.  What I don't know is what maggot entered his brain to make him think that I'm either oblivious or a people-pleaser.  You'd think by now that I've corrected his behavior often enough to make him understand that I don't find him intimidating.  My best guess is that his tactics must work with his family and girlfriend, and he isn't smart enough to recognize when it's not working with a woman who isn't scared of men and doesn't feel obligated to care about his feelings. 

 

Other than that, I'm continuing to use meditation and breathing and laughter to keep myself calm and mindful.  I haven't been too irritable in crowds, and I've been less reactive to stressors.

  

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a marathon, not a sprint, and any change for the better is a win.  With that in mind, I'm going to call this month's challenge a success.


That's definitely a success! Let's tally it up:

- You're eating better.
- You've identified a weakness in meal planning, but you have a definite plan to fix it.
- You've decided on an exercise program.
- You've completely changed your environment.

The worst thing that happened was that you got injured, which obviously wasn't your fault. You've ended the month in a far better position than you started at. A lot more than "any change", imo. You're too hard on yourself; you're even beating yourself up about not liking someone who sounds completely unlikable! You've made at minimum some progress in every area of your challenge. 

One last thing for motivation: Imagine how amazingly you'll be doing in a year, if you do 11 more challenges with as much success as this one!

Surviving the zombie apocalypse, one day at a time.

Current challenge: Ranger Five Leaves Abel!
Previous challenges: Ranger Five Ch 1, Ch 2

.

5k: 25:01

 

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Thank you for the encouragement and kindness, Rebel Five.  Believe me, it's appreciated.

 

You're going to notice, if you keep reading my posts, that I never take anyone's advice to stop being hard on myself.  That's because what looks like self-flagellation to other people is, in my mind, self-awareness.  I don't have to be sorry about not liking the asshole I work with, but I do have to recognize that it's an emotional drain and a potential hole in my armor for a well-aimed spear or an arrow.  I mean, how dumb would I be to ignorantly go on my way disliking this guy, never questioning why I dislike him and never attempting to control my own emotions, and accidentally give him an opening to have me disciplined for, I dunno, creating a hostile work environment for him?  Even idiots sometimes get lucky with their aim. 

I am just as aware of my strengths as I am of my weaknesses.  I'm not interested in punishing myself, I'm only ever interested in knowing myself.  It's like playing a video game: if you don't remain aware of what you have in your armory, and your health level, you're going to end up dying in the game over and over and not even understand what you're doing wrong.  People who aren't self-aware, who don't acknowledge their own weakness, tend to fail a lot and never understand why.  People like that drive me nuts, they don't ever listen to anyone, they never learn.  I don't want to be like that.  I want to be the kind of person who is smart enough to spot mistakes in advance and, if she does fail, is wise enough to learn from the mistake.

Tell me one successful, respected, wise person who got where they are by being easy on themselves instead of pushing harder?

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2 minutes ago, tienlong said:

Thank you for the encouragement and kindness, Rebel Five.  Believe me, it's appreciated.

 

You're going to notice, if you keep reading my posts, that I never take anyone's advice to stop being hard on myself.  That's because what looks like self-flagellation to other people is, in my mind, self-awareness.  I don't have to be sorry about not liking the asshole I work with, but I do have to recognize that it's an emotional drain and a potential hole in my armor for a well-aimed spear or an arrow.  I mean, how dumb would I be to ignorantly go on my way disliking this guy, never questioning why I dislike him and never attempting to control my own emotions, and accidentally give him an opening to have me disciplined for, I dunno, creating a hostile work environment for him?  Even idiots sometimes get lucky with their aim. 

I am just as aware of my strengths as I am of my weaknesses.  I'm not interested in punishing myself, I'm only ever interested in knowing myself.  It's like playing a video game: if you don't remain aware of what you have in your armory, and your health level, you're going to end up dying in the game over and over and not even understand what you're doing wrong.  People who aren't self-aware, who don't acknowledge their own weakness, tend to fail a lot and never understand why.  People like that drive me nuts, they don't ever listen to anyone, they never learn.  I don't want to be like that.  I want to be the kind of person who is smart enough to spot mistakes in advance and, if she does fail, is wise enough to learn from the mistake.

Tell me one successful, respected, wise person who got where they are by being easy on themselves instead of pushing harder?


I wish I could be like you, I truly do. I've almost never seen that level of self-awareness and commitment to self-knowledge before, and it always impresses the hell out of me. It seems pretty clear that you've got a handle on things. I'm too hard on myself and I know this. I genuinely do beat myself up too much and downplay my own successes. You don't seem to have that problem, but because our behaviors seem similar on the surface, I assumed you did. As you said, it looks like self-flagellation to others, but it pretty clearly isn't. And given your level of self-awareness, I imagine you'd catch it if it ever did drift that way.

Surviving the zombie apocalypse, one day at a time.

Current challenge: Ranger Five Leaves Abel!
Previous challenges: Ranger Five Ch 1, Ch 2

.

5k: 25:01

 

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18 minutes ago, Rebel Five said:


I wish I could be like you, I truly do. I've almost never seen that level of self-awareness and commitment to self-knowledge before, and it always impresses the hell out of me. It seems pretty clear that you've got a handle on things. I'm too hard on myself and I know this. I genuinely do beat myself up too much and downplay my own successes. You don't seem to have that problem, but because our behaviors seem similar on the surface, I assumed you did. As you said, it looks like self-flagellation to others, but it pretty clearly isn't. And given your level of self-awareness, I imagine you'd catch it if it ever did drift that way.

 

You already have the self-awareness that you are too hard on yourself and you beat yourself up, so you've just pinpointed a part of you that you'd like to change.  Have you given your mental strength the same level of determination and commitment as your physical strength?  The mind has habits that are as bad as, if not worse than, the body's habits.  Why wouldn't you give your heart and mind the same level of attention as you give your abs and your biceps?  I started out in the forums trying to change my attitude instead of my diet and exercise habits.  You're allowed to do the same, if you want.

 


 

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2 hours ago, tienlong said:

 

You already have the self-awareness that you are too hard on yourself and you beat yourself up, so you've just pinpointed a part of you that you'd like to change.  Have you given your mental strength the same level of determination and commitment as your physical strength?  The mind has habits that are as bad as, if not worse than, the body's habits.  Why wouldn't you give your heart and mind the same level of attention as you give your abs and your biceps?  I started out in the forums trying to change my attitude instead of my diet and exercise habits.  You're allowed to do the same, if you want.

 

The answer to that one is quite simple; I don't know how to change it. Mentally I know what the problem is and that I should feel impressed at my own accomplishments (since if a friend told me they had gotten similar results, I'd tell them they were doing great, and mean it), but emotionally, I can't seem to convince myself. It's like when someone presents an argument to you, and it all looks correct, but it just feels off. So you end up saying "Yeah...I guess you're right..." and walking away unsure if your mind has been changed or not.

That's essentially how I feel when I accomplish something good. My mind says "You did great, you should be proud!" but emotionally, I don't feel that way at all. It feels as if the achievement is tainted somehow, like I didn't set the bar high enough. Honestly, I think my emotional "logic" is "You are not impressive. Therefore, by definition, you can't achieve impressive things. If you succeeded in something, that thing is not impressive. If you thought X was impressive when you set out to achieve it, I guess you were wrong."

Strangely, this is an isolated pattern. When it comes to things like the state of the world, I'm one of the most positive people I know. A lot of people think the world's going to hell in a handbasket, but I think things have never been better. As I mentioned earlier, in order to mentally determine if something is impressive, I ask if I'd be impressed if a friend accomplished it. Since my judgement is sound when it comes to that. Just not my own achievements.

So, if I can't reason myself out of a position like that, what do I do about it? Do you have any advice?

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Surviving the zombie apocalypse, one day at a time.

Current challenge: Ranger Five Leaves Abel!
Previous challenges: Ranger Five Ch 1, Ch 2

.

5k: 25:01

 

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I'm sorry it took so long to reply - I was thinking about this. 

 

I'm starting to see the similarities you saw between us.  I don't impress myself, either.  I don't have a problem with that like you do, though, because I'm not expecting to impress myself. 

 

To impress someone is to inspire in that person a sense of admiration and respect for you.  You know the biggest difference between feeling respect and being impressed?  A sense of surprise.  I respect myself, but I don't impress myself, because I lack that sense of surprise.  I know what I'm capable of, I know when I'm able to succeed and when I'm setting myself up for failure.  I very rarely surprise myself. 

 

I didn't surprise myself when I got rid of the ice cream and candy bars, but it impressed everyone else.  I'm not surprised by my ability to self-acknowledge, but it impressed you.  It surprised the hell out of me that I walked for miles in the rain through a crowd of screaming, waving, grinning strangers during the Pride parade.  No one has apparently noticed that I did that, even though I mentioned it above.  Maybe because, to other people, walking through Pride is no more difficult that walking through a mall at Christmas, except with happier people.  Maybe it wasn't surprising to anyone else, because no one else understands my fear of being the focus of a crowd's attention.  Maybe no one read that part.

 

I think that this is the real problem for you, that you think you should be able to impress yourself.  That's not really within the definition of "to impress."  You even said it, you can't tell if it's impressive unless it's something that someone else has done.  But how are you going to manage that sense of surprise without a major brain trauma that damages your ability to create memories?  How many times in your life do you think you will be able to really surprise yourself?  Because I've only managed it once in this last decade.     

 

You can't reason yourself out of a particular position when that position is based on a flawed assumption.  You've been tilting at a strawman that you can never beaten because it's not real.  You're waiting to throw a parade in your own honor and give yourself the key to the city.  But not for the right reasons.

 

So how about, instead of trying to impress yourself, you learn how to simply respect yourself?  Here's a challenge for you:  as part of your mindset challenge this month, describe things you've done that are good.  Not impressive, not difficult, it doesn't have to be extraordinary.  Just something that's good.  Embrace that thing you've done as being a good thing instead of an impressive thing.  Like, you saw a squirrel on the road today and you swerved to avoid it.  Or, you nearly said something mean to someone and you bit it back.  Just because these are things that anyone can do, doesn't lessen the fact that you did it, and that it was good.  Do this every day, or as often as you can.

 

Also, as a quick postscript:  don't let other people's standards affect your self-image.  People on this forum thought it was incredible that I gave away some ice cream when it really wasn't incredible at all, and yet no one noticed or understood that I conquered a fear to accomplish something bigger than me.  If I let other people's image or approval of me affect my image of myself, I'd have a really jacked up sense of self-worth, wouldn't I?

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