Everanything: The Power of the Stars

[Merrin]

Hey, folks. I'm back after being absent from the last challenge. It's been a sad and painful time of the year for me. I just got through my first post-divorce wedding anniversary. This time six years ago, I was in Europe. This time, six years ago, I was only a bit skinnier than I am right now.

 

I'm proud that I lost the unhealthy weight I gained from living with Beast and Witch. I'm proud that I've unlearned so many of the bad food habits from those two years. I'm proud that my fancy dress shirts, which I bought for a promotion three years ago, fit again.

 

I'm amazed at the girl who lived through those circumstances. I'm amazed at the resilience I didn't know I possessed until I needed to put it into practice. I'm amazed at the life I've rebuilt for myself, and I want to continue improving.

 

This challenge, I've elected a set of tasks, rather than specific activities or goals, because I've learned over the year+ of challenges that I succeed best when I give myself options.

 

And because it's my first fandom, and I haven't done so yet, it's time for a Sailor Moon theme. Each Scout brings something important to the team, so that's where my tasks will originate.

 

Mercury: There's always something to be studied, and right now, that's language. Learning Spanish will cut down on a lot of frustration at my job. 10+ minutes a day.

 

Venus: As the most athletic of the Inner scouts, she prizes being active every day. Kickboxing, walkies, circus tricks will all count for this.

 

Moon: Usagi's favorite thing is spending time with Mamoru. Ifrit and I were enjoying a more regular date night. 1x a week.

 

Mars: A strength that comes from inner calm cannot be swayed. Daily meditation.

 

Jupiter: Mako-chan loves being in the kitchen. She shows her love for others by feeding them often. Cooking 1+ meal every day.

 

Saturn: Her poor health means she spends a lot of time alone; my mental health requires alone time as well. Self-care day 1x a week.

 

Uranus: Haruka loves racing motorcycles; I named my Vespa after her. I need to go riding more often than just to and from work. Out 3x a week.

 

Neptune: While my violin was not named after her, I do miss playing. It's been a long time since I've had a space where I could do so. Practice 3x a week.

 

Pluto: A lover of fashion and sewing, a woman after my own heart! Cosplay work, 3x week.

 

If I feel like there are other areas to improve, I'll branch out the challenge to the Starlights.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Welcome back, I'll be following along again.

[Merrin]

Sunday: Multiple stair flights for Venus. Cooked pasta and chicken for Jupiter. 

 

Monday: Errands around town for Uranus. Minor cosplay prep work done for Pluto. Several language mini lessons for Mercury.

[Polgara19]

Sailor Moon!  Possibly my first fandom too (either that or Lois and Clark, I don't remember!)

 

[NeverThatBored]

Hi Ever! Following again. 

[maegs]

I like your set up! Following  

[Merrin]

Fri: Venus, Moon, Pluto. Sat: Venus, Moon. Sun: Venus, Moon, Mars, Saturn.

[Merrin]

Tue: Venus, Jupiter.

Wed: Mercury, Venus, Mars, Pluto.

Thurs: Venus, Saturn.

[Merrin]

Today: Venus, upwards of half an hour gardening. Mars, five minutes of meditating outside (which was a mistake because the bugs ruined my groove). Pluto, maybe an hour's worth of fabric work, and some research.

 

I've learned this past week that I am apparently terrified to pick up my violin, for fear of what I've forgotten. I make excuses because Ifrit is asleep or I feel too distracted to try. I'm going to get in just a little bit of work tomorrow after dinner. I'm saving up my twenty seconds of courage.

 

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You are not picking up the violin to see what you've forgotten. You're picking it up to see what you still remember.

 

[Merrin]

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You are not picking up the violin to see what you've forgotten. You're picking it up to see what you still remember.

 

 

Thank you, Tank. Truly. You always say just the right thing. I can't wait to meet you at camp.

[Merrin]

Saturday: Jupiter, cooked pb eggs for lunch. Neptune: practiced for almost half an hour, just doing scales. I remember what the right cords sound and feel like. I remember body posture for my shoulder and bowing arm. I've lost the necessary callouses on my fingers. I've lost wrist strength somewhat, and my bowing wrist hurts like hell today. I remember how the thrum of each note feels, and how to quick transition so the strings don't bounce, although my fingers aren't quite fast enough yet. Pluto: several hours research for an upcoming project.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Good for you for seeing what you remember on the violin. The things you need to relearn will come to you faster than they did the first time as well.

[Merrin]

Sunday. Saturn, watched Grumps and colored.

 

Monday. Venus: +1 hour of yard work. Moon: lunch out with Ifrit. Pluto: research work.

 

Tuesday. Jupiter: cooked dinner for myself and Ifrit. Pluto: paper patterning done at work.

[Merrin]

Thursday. Venus, house decon work. Moon, arcade and movie rental. Jupiter, breakfast. Uranus, errand. Pluto, fabric work.

Friday. Mars, outside meditation. Jupiter, dinner and food prep for weekend. Pluto: fabric work.

[Merrin]

Today also begins my 2-Week Break Free Challenge. (Doc!.) I realize that I've grown really tech-obsessed over the last couple of months. I partially blame my new job, wherein I have no bosses so I can totally play on my phone or watch YouTube as much as I want. As I've recently experimented with, though, I can also cross-stitch or paper pattern for upwards of six hours. That time is productive. That time feels good. I get to say, "Hey, I made more art today!" It's been helping me hit my Pluto goal way more than I thought possible. So, I've also got my lack of self control to blame. Why aren't you reading, Ever? Do you know how many books you have unread at home? WHY?!

 

I get that itch to put something on FB or FL...just to wait for the 'likes' to trickle in. I want outside validation. I want to be assured that people read and care about my stories. Heck, the 'likes' on here also feel really nice, but I'm slowly, slooooowwwly learning a difference. FB stuff is vain, shallow, silly. "I saw an apocalyptic rainbow today." People are going to respond, maybe, with 'Cool' 'Neat' 'Pics or it didn't happen', and again, it feels shallow. I know it's cool. I couldn't take a pic because I was scootering. However, if I write, "Hey I practiced violin today and it kinda sucked but I did it' and I get a like, it feels great. It feels like real recognition, not just parroting responses.

 

Ifrit has made me realize we're both way too sucked in to YouTube right now. Almost every night, he complains how much he hates the ads. Finally, I snapped about it. "We pay for Netflix. Let's just turn YouTube off."

 

Starting tonight, we will. We've got series on Netflix that we haven't finished, plenty of stuff on DVD, and work to do around the house that's gone neglected for too long. I listed re-runs on my challenge because if I do want something to watch, I weirdly think "Oh I'll just turn on Friends for the 11th time." Why? It just becomes junk background noise. I might as well turn on music or a podcast.

 

Feel free to check in on the doc, I will give myself point attributes each day, and possibly list why I did A Bad Thing. (I checked two social media things today to add events into my personal calendar, and to tell people to text me.)

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

That's a great post. I disagree that Tank should be all the way down in 4th place, but other than that everything's fine . Good luck.

[Merrin]

Saturday. Mercury, Spanish practice. Moon, fire work.

[Merrin]

Well, the fire work was great for my hips and back, but lying awkwardly on my face has made my jaw ache something terrible. Jupiter isn't happening unless I get ingredients at the store to make smoothies. Eating solid food really, really hurts.

 

Today. Mercury, 4x levels / 20 minutes. Venus, 3x7 stair flights. Saturn, Lost Girl and Paige.

[Merrin]

Also, a fun question for next month's challenge. Do I:

 

A. Invest in a fencing club membership for three months of unlimited classes. (It has set times for adult classes which do work with my schedule, I did foil in college and enjoyed it, I am not great at forcing myself to go spend time with people, I will need to invest in full equipment at the end of the three months.)

 

or

 

B. Invest in an aerial silks set and work on my skills at home so I can join a Basic Silks course in the fall. ( I can do this at my own pace, I have many pro riggers to help me set up at home, I will likely injure myself frequently, I will be limited by space.)

 

Obviously, based on merits/demerits, I seem to be leaning towards silks, but I was figuring I'd toss this out for input or questions or concerns I have overlooked.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Fencing, go hang out with people now. You can still join the basic skills course for aerial in the fall if you want, it's a basic skills course, they won't be expecting you to already know what to do when you show up.

[Merrin]

21 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Fencing, go hang out with people now. You can still join the basic skills course for aerial in the fall if you want, it's a basic skills course, they won't be expecting you to already know what to do when you show up.

 

There's actually one minor technicality, it's not basic skills (which covers loop, web, trapeze, and silks), it's basic silks, so they will expect me to know some standard climbs, wraps, etc. Not that I'm arguing against your vote, just saying.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

38 minutes ago, everanything said:

 

There's actually one minor technicality, it's not basic skills (which covers loop, web, trapeze, and silks), it's basic silks, so they will expect me to know some standard climbs, wraps, etc. Not that I'm arguing against your vote, just saying.

I read that wrong, that does make a difference.

[Merrin]

Welp. All the recent anxiety and sleeplessness finally came to some sort of a head last night. I dreamt that Beast had stalked me all the way to Camp. 

 

I hate how it feels like he's 'won' all of the friends. He hasn't, because we never had many mutual friends, but he has been a dominating presence in our social circles, always.

 

I'd like to go to the club by myself this week, but I'm afraid he'll be there. I don't want to pay to get in and feel like I have to leave an hour later, or make myself hide in the smoking room. It's so crappy. I want to go and hang out and meet people. I have no idea if Beast will be weird at me, or tell rude stories around me (he has already done this on social media since the divorce, so this is a legitimate fear) or somehow goad others into being rude to me. I don't know.

 

It's like he's invaded all my former safe spaces. I am thankful he hasn't come to any arcade nights. But the fact that I dreamt about him being there to bother me at camp?

 

Camp means SO MUCH to me this year. SO. MUCH. It's the longest I'll be on a trip on my own in a decade. For someone with social anxiety, that's a major commitment. But? But! I am SO EXCITED to meet everyone, and climb the rope course, and go blobbing, and go to classes, and learn and play and LEVEL UP.

 

I WANT to be there with all of my Rebels, my Nerds, my Rangers, the people I haven't met yet who make me feel like I can climb mountains, so long as I keep putting my feet forward. 

 

I don't know how to alleviate this fear, or at least stop it from spreading to every corner of my life. I'd like to think I'll find 20 seconds of courage, and go on Thursday, and stand strong and fearless and true to myself, and be there because I want to be.

 

And because no power in the 'verse can stop me.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Have you thought about moving to a new town? Not sure it's possible with the little ones, but it would get you away from the beast.