Dreamspin Finds Strength in Vulnerability

[Dreamspin]

As I sit at the bus stop, with the growing heat of the morning sun on my shoulder and a welcome breeze lifting my hair and swirling around my feet, a familiar melancholy accompanies my experiences, beautiful and haunting. Dreaded because it comes and goes as it wills, unbidden, it is yet a misunderstood visitor, mysterious and multifaceted. Closer even than breath, it permeates my being, inviting me to feel, deeply and poignantly. Dare I listen to its call, let my armor fall away, and stand; open, feeling, and vulnerable? 

[Ensi]

Following along to see, where you're going!  I hope you're having a lovely day!

[Dreamspin]

Last challenge, I drifted from the progress I had made in my first challenge and dove into the deep, murky waters of emotion.

 

Stepping out of the pool, still dripping, I surveyed the landscape around me. It was familiar, but different somehow, as though everything was imbued with hidden meaning and nothing was what it seemed.

 

"Remember," I whispered to myself. 

"Here even the quietest thought can take shape, and the smallest action can change the course of many lives."

 

I was in the realm of dreams. 

[Eirlys]

I like your little tales there Dreamspin!  I sense you are a very creative person  

What are you thinking of in the realm of dreams?

[Dreamspin]

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotion. It's as though a stopper has been pulled and my choice has been either to fight to continue to contain it or to open myself further and let it go. I have chosen the latter. 

 

During this time, I've relaxed all expectations of maintaining a particular exercise routine or diet; I continue to walk every day and eat healthy for the most part, but not Paleo. I know I can get back into a routine once my mind-body is ready for it. 

 

I am listening to the rules of the dream world as best I can:

- nothing is just as it seems; everything is interconnected 

- the internal shapes perception of the external

- everyone I interact with is me on some level 

 

I have been reading the book "When the Body Says No: the Hidden Cost of Stress"  by Gabor Maté. I recommend it to anyone with chronic illness or stress in their lives. This book has been illuminating childhood relationship patterns that have determined my subconscious beliefs, emotional repression, and coping mechanisms.

 

Realizing how I've been repressing my anger and how I didn't learn how to form boundaries or a distinct sense of self has helped me explore those areas and hasten the healing process.

 

Already I have seen changes. Yesterday  I talked with my team lead and expressed my anger with the state the project was left in by the previous team in another office before it was handed over to us. He shares the same sentiment, and it boosted his resolve to bring this up with upper management in hopes that past mistakes won't be repeated. I've noticed since then that I've stopped churning on it. 

 

Yesterday I also spoke with my mother about something I had been meaning to for a while, establishing some boundaries, and stepping away from co-dependence. I realized through that exchange that I don't trust her judgement in making decisions, and at some point in my life, we had reversed roles, where I was regularly trying to bring things to her attention out of concern for her health and well-being. Because she doesn't know how to set boundaries either, she was letting this happen, and it turned into a weird reverse co-dependence.

 

This week I have also been exploring a bunch of repressed anger towards my mother, and it feels like it has paid off. This morning I feel less weight on my shoulders, more relaxed, and less background stress. 

 

At this moment, I am sitting on a street bench with the morning sun warming my face, and life is good. 

[Owlet]

Fantastic! That is so great you spoke to your team lead, sounds like a really positive outcome  I really like your rules of the dreamworld too. If I may, I would add that your environment reflects your inner state. One person can create a ripple effect around them and create great changes. I am excited to hear more of this transformation you are setting in motion.

 

That book sounds good, I will look it up. Glad to hear it's helping you realise, learn and heal  and yay for park benches and sun on faces! It's grey and cold here but that mental image is warming me (well, and the heater and the 2 jersies I'm wearing ) 

[Eirlys]

Hi Dreamspin

 

Am just reading the Amazon preview of the book you mentioned.  It's good that you are already putting boundaries in place and speaking up for yourself at work.  Some people never manage that in their lifetimes.  

 

I hope your mind-work continues to pay off

[Ferngirl]

Ooh, I like how you write your posts. 

Good luck with people stuff.  Heheh.  People can be hard to deal with sometimes, but it sounds like you're taking some steps forward!

[Dreamspin]

Lol, I was feeling poetic earlier in the month :-)

 

Thanks for the posts guys, I'll post again soon!