Good Morning Rebels! Will you join me in my quest for health and adventure?

[ladydiamonddust]

Hi all

My name is Fran; my superhero alter ego is Lady Diamond Dust. I’ve never spoken with any of you before (even though I’ve technically been a NF Academy member since November of last year)—so I am a little bit terrified. More than anything, I wanted to finally write my thoughts down and ask for your help.    

 

Let me start by telling you where I am right now: On the outside, my life looks pretty good. I am 26 years old, married to the love of my life and we are a little less than three months away from our one year anniversary. We are both college students, living in our cozy one-bedroom apartment in a small Midwestern town; we aren’t wealthy—truly, we could easily be considered “poor”—but we try to be responsible with our finances and overall, we are really happy. I work for a reputable college in a city not far from where we live—I am essentially a desk-jockey, assisting students navigate college life. It sounds somewhat idyllic, right? Please know that I’m only trying to paint a picture, not brag or boast.    

 

On the inside, however, I feel like my life is out of control. I’ve struggled with depression since I was 11 and even though I’ve been able to manage it relatively well over the years, the last 6 months have been the most difficult of my life. I feel like I am forever walking through molasses, I am moving so slowly; I simply feel old. My joints are popping and cracking in scary-sounding ways and every day, if I’m not having general stomach pain, I’m having hypoglycemia induced migraines. Every single day, when my husband asks how I feel, more often than not, I say that I am tired—that is the answer we have both come to expect. I feel like the life I am living has had all the vibrancy, color, and excitement leeched out.

 

With my mental health becoming a large concern of ours lately, we’ve been trying to discover the cause(s). I’ve been afraid to say it up until now, but I am 97.36% sure that, in large part, it has to do with my physical state. Growing up, I was always small—petite and thin. I ate nearly anything I wanted (the metabolism of youth was on my side!) and I stayed relatively active (as much as an asthmatic nerdy bookworm would be). But, as so often happens, as an adult my metabolism changed and I started getting jobs that would constantly require me to sit at a desk. Adult metabolism + sitting at desks all the time + 0% change in my habits = No Bueno! I am now 170 lbs. (whereas only 3 ½ years ago, I was hovering around 115-120 lbs.) I’ve been buying more and more clothes, always a size up, and despite all of this buying, my closet always seems to be shrinking; in reality, I’m growing steadily larger so my clothing choices are becoming more limited. My shirts are stretching and something I’ve discovered is that my pant zippers are constantly falling open (I didn’t even know weight gain would do that?!) As embarrassing a confession as this is, it’s all really just a longwinded explanation when all I’m trying to say is:      It’s time for a real change.

 

In the past, there have been half-hearted attempts at becoming healthier. But I would always stop after a few days because I was so overwhelmed by the many things I needed to do to get healthy–eat healthy food, manage portion control, drink more water, exercise multiple times a week, generally be more active, get more sleep—the list goes on. After quitting I’d always feel guilty but I’d try to make myself feel better by reminding myself that I don’t smoke, rarely drink soda or alcohol, and don’t eat sweets or junk food (as if that was all it took to be truly healthy!). It has taken time to become aware of my habits but I’ve finally figured out two major Matrix mind blocks that have been tripping me up:    

1.    I suffer from the classic problem of the uber-perfectionist—I want to be perfect at something before moving on to the next step. When I joined NF back in November, after reading all the articles about the importance of a healthy diet, I became convinced that I had to have the “perfect” healthy food habits set up before I could move on to fitness. Only now have I come to the realization that will NEVER happen! I have finally accepted that the only way to stop the vicious cycle of guilt I’ve been experiencing is to take imperfect, constant baby-steps and not allow myself to get hung up on any one habit—I’ve decided to adopt the phrase “Imperfect Action” as my mantra.

2.    In the most “successful” half-hearted attempt to date: About 9 months before my wedding, I decided that I would finally take charge of my health! I decided to do that by joining Nerd Fitness Academy; I was excited and gung-ho, ready to start… until I read that the most successful members engaged in the online community, through the message boards and Facebook. When I read that, I thought, “I can do this all by myself! I don’t need accountability from anyone, especially people I don’t know.” To no one’s surprise I’m sure, about a week later after buying academy membership, I gave up. My wedding has come and gone with no positive progress. Before you digitally throw rotten fruit at me, I’ve learned my lesson—I really DO need support and accountability partners to keep me on track; I want to be part of a community that values health, improvement, and adventure!

 

If you’ve read this far, bless you! You’ve finally reached the point where I finally ask for your help. I had to build up the courage to come onto this message board today and share my embarrassments and failures with you. Here is my plea: NF community, I need you! I need you to be my support system; I need you to keep me accountable. Instead of beating myself up over past failures, I’ve finally decided to give myself some grace—my new goal is that throughout this lifelong journey, I just need to keep going, constantly adjusting and improving as I go; I just won’t stop. But I need some wingmen and wingwomen to help me along the way! Will you join me in my quest, Rebels?

[SpecialSundae]

Hey Fran,

 

Welcome to the Rebellion!

 

Three and a half years ago, I was where you are now. I was not long married and overweight, I wanted to change but I needed help to do it. I started lifting, I started following IIFYM and I joined NF and between those three things I went from overweight and sedentary to relatively lean and in the gym 10 hours a week (sounds like a lot, but I love being there!).

 

You can do it! Don't strive for perfection but do strive for continual progress.  What kind of fitness styles are you interested in? Don't be embarrassed about any of what you've said, we've all been in a similar position at some point!

 

Give me a shout if I can do anything to help,

 

Sundae

[Bookish Badger]

Welcome! And I second SpecialSundae, you don't need to be afraid of being vulnerable here. It might be the only place on the internet where people are still friendly and supportive instead of trollers.

 

I agree 100% that physical state affects the mental state. It makes perfect sense; how can we be vibrant healthy energetic animals when everything thing we do everyday dampens (dare I say "depresses") our health and energy? The good news is that little changes can make huge differences!

 

C'mon over to the Rebels and jump in to the current challenge with us - don't worry about joining mid-challenge, just pick a little goal to get your toes wet for the next couple of weeks - and I guarantee you'll be in good company!

[Bookish Badger]

Actually, you'll be in good company no matter what guild you choose

[Beerzerker]

Hi Fran,

I'm new to the community, but I can identify with a lot of what you're saying here. There are areas of life where I struggle with just keeping going.

 

With that being said, please give yourself the grace you would offer to others. You wouldn't expect anyone else to be perfectly regimented, always excited, never down, constantly ready to go exercise, jubilant about eating less, so why expect that of yourself?

 

There will be challenges, but I know you can overcome them. You've already overcome a huge one by sharing thoughts you worried would ostracize you. Nobody needs to get bullied for messing up, because then we'd all need to be bullied. Besides, fresh fruit tastes better than thrown fruit(there's fewer bruises and mushy spots).

 

Make a plan, stick to it as much as you can. When you mess up, move on from that point. 

 

Do hard stuff. Live better. 

[Happytin]

Welcome to the forums. We're glad to have you with us and hope that you'll find everything you need. There's people here who have been in your position, are in your position, are super heroes, are just starting out, and everything in between. We'll all be on your team to help you get everything you need, whether it's help with the right food, cooking, exercise, therapists, music, or it's just been a tough day.

 

Definitely don't feel embarrassed about your situation or any questions etc you have. If you do and you want someone friendly to chum you along rather than blurt it out to everyone initially then there's lots of lovely people on here. I'm very close to the beginning of my Nerdfitness journey, suffer from OCD, depression, and chronic migraines, and I have 100% managed to learn to handle that difficulty setting. So I'm right here if you want to talk about those things.

 

Good luck, we're cheering for you!

[Xantae]

Hi! Welcome to NF . I understand your struggles with depression to an extent, as I have bipolar disorder. (Contrary to popular belief, it's usually months of depression with maybe a few days to a week on the up side). During my depressions, I suffered from all of those symptoms you list. 

13 hours ago, ladydiamonddust said:

 

 I feel like I am forever walking through molasses, I am moving so slowly; I simply feel old. My joints are popping and cracking in scary-sounding ways and every day, if I’m not having general stomach pain, I’m having hypoglycemia induced migraines. Every single day, when my husband asks how I feel, more often than not, I say that I am tired—that is the answer we have both come to expect. I feel like the life I am living has had all the vibrancy, color, and excitement leeched out.

 

This sounds exactly like how I felt when depressed. So I'm curious, have you ever tried getting treatment for depression? Once I started taking Wellbutrin, I found that all those symptoms went away (for the most part, unfortunately there's no such thing as a happy pill). I find it a lot easier to care for myself now. 

 

Anyways, it's nice to "meet" you, and I hope you reach your goals and get healthier! I have faith in you, you seem to be on the right track.