DarK_RaideR's BattlE_LoG

[DarK_RaideR]

Sagat is the Muay Thai king and master because he knows knee strikes drive forward, not upward. Adon puts flash over substance.

 

Another Muay Thai training in the books and boy was it exhausting. Might have been the first time I didn't even get close to throwing up, but it was the first time I thought we were almost done and checking the clock, we'd barely wrapped up the first of two hours. The sheer volume of kicks, without much emphasis on speed or power (relative, Thai always calls for power) was scary and that's before the knee strikes even began. I did pretty good for myself, if I may say so, but probably need to improve my holding of the pads: I probably took all of my friend's kicks the wrong way and my forearm bones hurt even in places they aren't bruised. I'd put one of the final moments in as a highlight though, which also inspired the gif above: as one of the final drills, one man would hold out his arm at eye height and the other had to continuously do reps of hitting that palm with a knee strike, landing at a switched stance. That means you start with your left leg forward, explode upwards to hit the target with your right knee, land with the right leg forward and repeat with the opposite limbs. Pretty challenging, impressive and I was quite excited to discover I pack both the explosiveness and stamina to pull it of, those box jumps have built up a solid foundation for such tricks.

 

Been doing ok with food, floating between 81 and slightly over 82kg. Won't say I've plateaued because it's not like I'm actually trying to starve myself into weight loss, but I'm glad the daily fluctuations are smaller and smaller. Housework, BuJo and mental training are also on point. Tonight is D&d night and the weekend looks good.

 

@Sylvaa @RES I get your point, though I'm not trying to distance myself from the babies to prevent emotional attachment (and thus pain later). It's not about a defense mechanism, it's about my own overall emotional "void". Like going to therapy and someone brings in a therapy dog but you still don't feel a thing. Like your brain tells you this should be cute and cuddly, but you don't feel any of that and the realization only makes it worse.

[Xena]

On 10/18/2018 at 3:04 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

I've opened up a bit to the SRLF about my depressive detachment and I said that even the two black kittens we rescued don't quite stir something in me. I love them, I care for them, but it's not like I go into ULTRA KAWAIIII MODE! and change the pitch of my voice upon seeing them. Which in turn makes me feel even sadder, because I realize how "off" I am that even baby kittens don't quite move me like they should. Her comment was more of an ironic jab towards me when tensions were high.

 

Now I understand. That was a really unkind thing for her to have said.

It sounds like talking with a therapist (as you've mentioned) would be a good idea. In addition to the depression, you are feeling strain from a lot of sides. It would be good to get some support and some help sorting through it.

[DarK_RaideR]

A little something for the weekend

 

[DarK_RaideR]

Looks like there are worse knee strikers than Adon even

 

So the end of the week was odd, challenge-wise at least. Had that D&d night on Friday, now with one player less but a lot more stable schedule. I've also had the time to prepare a little more and was a bit more enthusiastic about the game (though I'm no Matt Mercer yet) so it came along better than last time. Didn't make the best of food choices to be honest and I might have ended up eating more than I actually needed or felt like, but I digress.

 

Saturday we did a lot of housekeeping and cleaning, got groceries and went to see the baby kittens, who are just starting to see. This means they don't cry when one of them is picked up, because they can see it's nearby, as opposed to the past when they got anxious and meowed due to losing their sibling's smell. It also means they get to dash across the room and pounce on each other, wrestling for hours #raisethemright

 

Sunday was movie day: SRLF and her friends are huge fans of cinema and one of them who owns a home cinema system (also has directed a short length film) does these "movie marathons" on most Sundays, meaning he'll just chill, watch a few with a common theme and open up the house to friends. Last week he did "Cinema as art" showing "The Passion of Joan of Arc" from 1928, Tarkovsky's "Mirror" from 1975 and the one we got to see, Terrence Malik's "Tree of Life" (plot twist, I didn't really like it) so this week his theme was grindhouse/exploitatioin/B-movies for good measure. We opened up with a young Peter Fonda in "Race with the Devil", then watched a true trash gem in "Alucarda" and attempted shock-n-gore "Nekromantik" that we gave up on in favor of the original 70s "Gone in 60 seconds", a vanity project with a lot of unnecessary imagery like police radio operators and people taken out of crashed cars during a half hour car chase scene. My guess is political correctness is to blame, as in "let's be responsible and show the fallout of this car chase so kids that watch this movie don't think it's cool and try to imitate it". SRLF had made a load of mac and cheese for the crew, the lowest she'd go in cooking "junk food" for the occasion and though it came out more like a carbonara, I at a lot of it plus takeout.

 

To sum up, eating has been anything but on point, with me being ravenous throughout all three days. It's not that I ate mindlessly, I just made choices that look poor on paper but felt right at the time and for some weird reason, I weighed in lighter than last time this morning. It's gonna take a while till I got my eating quantities/pacing right with Muay Thai, but I'll get there. Speaking of that, I'm looking at two more training sessions this week (Tuesday&Thursday) and I've been doing well on all other goals too. 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

5 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

My guess is political correctness is to blame, as in "let's be responsible and show the fallout of this car chase so kids that watch this movie don't think it's cool and try to imitate it".

That wasn't really a thing in the 70's in the US. It was probably more, let's show just how real these stakes are by showing people get hurt.

[Sloth the Enduring]

In the 70’s and early 80’s they made a lot of movies that were simply gratuitous mayhem and violence. No attempt at a life lesson, just pure voyeurism. This is one of those. They wenr away with the independent theaters and drive ins.

At that time they also made gruesome Drivers Ed films. I think we saw one a week when I took it in high school.

This isn’t the worse I saw, but this is one:

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[WhiteGhost]

8 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

At that time they also made gruesome Drivers Ed films. I think we saw one a week when I took it in high school.

Blood on the Highway was required viewing before you could pass drivers ed for us

[DarK_RaideR]

17 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

In the 70’s and early 80’s they made a lot of movies that were simply gratuitous mayhem and violence. No attempt at a life lesson, just pure voyeurism. This is one of those. They wenr away with the independent theaters and drive ins.

Exactly. This was the theme of the night, with "Gone in 60 seconds" filed under "Carsploitation" (or Car/Crash porn).

 

8 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Blood on the Highway was required viewing before you could pass drivers ed for us

We had mandatory screenings of road safety PSAs in the Army, because of course they don't want (compensating) people injured or killed while in service. The best part though was an ultra cheesy "anti drugs" full length movie we had to go through, everything about it was so overblown and unrealistic it made for a great comedy.

 

Tiger MMA Knee!

 

Monday was a bit of a trainwreck, emotionally and practically. Been struggling with a stuffy nose this morning, hope I'm not getting a cold and that it won't keep me from training.

[RES]

18 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Blood on the Highway was required viewing before you could pass drivers ed for us

Yep, us too

[deftona]

10 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

hope I'm not getting a cold and that it won't keep me from training.

 

Did it?

[DarK_RaideR]

13 hours ago, deftona said:

Did it?

I didn't train, but not because of the cold. Which isn't actually a cold. Gonna make up for it today and -since Friday is D&d night- tomorrow.  Yup, back to back.

 

[DarK_RaideR]

Well, didn't do that workout on Wednesday. Had to work late and with all the emotional pressure lately, I felt like I was about to break down in tears.

 

Sagat is not pleased with my lack of progress

 

BUT I made up for it by training on Thursday evening. I say "made up for it" because Thursdays are explicitly the toughest days, probably because the coach wants us to burn some more calories for the coming weekend. The entire class was devoted to conditioning and even the half hour guided Thai massage we got at the end hurt like hell. Since D&d was cancelled for Friday night, I took a few hours off work this morning for a second training session, less than 24 hours after the previous. Still alive, but expecting the DOMS to come down hard this weekend.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

You may just need to let yourself have a good ugly cry. I've been there.

[shaar]

There needs to be like a 'hug' emoji or something.

 

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You may just need to let yourself have a good ugly cry. I've been there.

 

 

Can confirm, howling into a towel for [insert any amount of time here] is quite cathartic and good for the troubled (and overwhelmed) soul.

[deftona]

You may just need to let yourself have a good ugly cry. I've been there.

As someone who unintentionally ugly cried in front of a room of unsympathetic medical professionals yesterday I can confirm it is remarkably therapeutic.

[DarK_RaideR]

Plot twist, the DOMS did indeed come and they never left me for the entire weekend. Been doing ok as far as nutrition goes, though admittedly I'm no longer logging food on the app, just my weight  in the mornings, which is solid at 82kg, give or take less than 1kg. Bullet Journalling hasn't been going any better, though I'm still getting stuff done. Housekeeping is getting done as well, though the "quid pro quo" element is mostly gone. Instead, I just do stuff and argue with the SRLF so there's neither time nor mood for fun activities afterwards. Or even in the meantime, as apparently I get criticized for watching stuff on Netflix or YouTube while ironing as it "slows me down" and makes my ironing "sloppy".

 

Mandatory Sagat gif per update, check

[deftona]

42 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I get criticized for watching stuff on Netflix or YouTube while ironing as it "slows me down" and makes my ironing "sloppy".

 

*insert a million "raised eyebrow" gifs*

 

I hope things get better soon, D_R. 

[Heidi]

49 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

there's neither time nor mood for fun activities afterwards. Or even in the meantime, as apparently I get criticized for watching stuff on Netflix or YouTube while ironing as it "slows me down" and makes my ironing "sloppy".

Again with the raised eyebrows.

 

Add some blinking for good measure.

 

Many hugs

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

4 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Plot twist, the DOMS did indeed come and they never left me for the entire weekend. Been doing ok as far as nutrition goes, though admittedly I'm no longer logging food on the app, just my weight  in the mornings, which is solid at 82kg, give or take less than 1kg. Bullet Journalling hasn't been going any better, though I'm still getting stuff done. Housekeeping is getting done as well, though the "quid pro quo" element is mostly gone. Instead, I just do stuff and argue with the SRLF so there's neither time nor mood for fun activities afterwards. Or even in the meantime, as apparently I get criticized for watching stuff on Netflix or YouTube while ironing as it "slows me down" and makes my ironing "sloppy".

 

 

Mandatory Sagat gif per update, check

I'm getting flashbacks to me and my ex wife.

 

While I agree in sentiment with raised eyebrows, I choose to look over the top of my glasses.

[shaar]

4 hours ago, deftona said:

 

*insert a million "raised eyebrow" gifs*

 

I hope things get better soon, D_R. 

 

4 hours ago, Heidi said:

Again with the raised eyebrows.

 

Add some blinking for good measure.

 

Many hugs

 

21 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm getting flashbacks to me and my ex wife.

 

While I agree in sentiment with raised eyebrows, I choose to look over the top of my glasses.

 

I'll add in some squinty-eyed concentrated thinking here....

 

 

One day at a time.  You got this. <3

[Xena]

* presses lips together and shakes head slowly *

 

Sorry DR. I wish home were a relaxing and supportive place for you right now. Hope you can either dial down the tension and catch a break or find a way to work through the underlying problems.

[WhiteGhost]

Sorry to hear things are so tough right now.  I hope things ease up for you soon.

[Jarric]

Hope you and SRLF can work through this dude. You know where I am if you want to talk.

[RES]

On 10/29/2018 at 10:13 AM, deftona said:

 

*insert a million "raised eyebrow" gifs*

 

 

On 10/29/2018 at 10:21 AM, Heidi said:

Again with the raised eyebrows.

 

Add some blinking for good measure.

 

Many hugs

 

On 10/29/2018 at 2:14 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm getting flashbacks to me and my ex wife.

 

While I agree in sentiment with raised eyebrows, I choose to look over the top of my glasses.

 

On 10/29/2018 at 2:37 PM, shaar said:

 

 

 

I'll add in some squinty-eyed concentrated thinking here....

 

 

One day at a time.  You got this. <3

 

On 10/29/2018 at 10:21 PM, Xena said:

* presses lips together and shakes head slowly *

 

 

 

 

For good measure

On 10/29/2018 at 2:14 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm getting flashbacks to me and my ex wife.

 

 

I have a bad habit of picking people who are not exactly supportive or even in my best interests, couple of them I even married. I have plenty of advice if you would like to hear it...if not, just know I'm thinking of you and hope everything turns out for the best.

 

[Heidi]

4 minutes ago, RES said:

I have a bad habit of picking people who are not exactly supportive or even in my best interests, couple of them I even married

This.

At this point, I'm done choosing.

The only sane approach for me is to let my friends find someone who has:

Great compassion and patience

Super-honor code

Playfulness

Tenderness

Passion (and eyes, you know the kind . . . .)

Creativity

Independence

Physical strength ( able to swoop up 140 pounds easily)

Spirituality and clean living a plus.

 

O who am I kidding?

I'll just take my nun vows now.