DarK_RaideR's BattlE_LoG

[Heidi]

35 minutes ago, Sylvaa said:

Totally speaks to me. #solidarity

#relatable

[Teros]

On 6/25/2019 at 5:14 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

therapy. I've been doing weekly sessions since January

Same for me.
 

On 6/25/2019 at 5:14 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

taught me to suppress and bury all my emotions and desires. Digging stuff up is a copious process, but one that yields fruit in the long run

It's taken me decades of trying to understand myself and I'm at a point where I feel like I've dealt with the majority of my demons.

 

 

On 6/25/2019 at 5:14 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Of course, that only means the dust settles so all the other issues can arise and be dealt with, which is where I'm kinda at right now. Mainly facing my (actual) self and some aspects of my relationship that were sidelined in order to deal with the major problem of defending it against my absolutely butthurt about it parents.

 

See, this is where I'm at since school ended.  I had to push everything on the backburner with where I was mentally/emotionally so I could plow through it.  Now that the dust has settled for me, I have this tidal wave of emotional stuff that sort of swept in and that's where the whole purging/cleaning project has helped me a lot.

 

On 6/25/2019 at 5:14 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Recognizing the issue, admitting it and saying it out loud, first steps towards solving it, right?

 

The past challenge was the same.  I've admitted that I neglected the two things that made me a better person: Being on NF and working on my physical health.  I didn't have the motivation or energy to do anything besides work my 2 jobs, internship, and school.  The things that created self-actualization and made me *feel* like Teros faded away because of years of constant stress, so I'm here in the same boat.  I'm admitting that I fucked up royally with my health and avoiding the one positive social environment I've ever had.  We'll do this together, man.

 

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

sometimes it brings a bit of peer pressure with it, trying to live up to that standard and be as awesome as people believe me to be and have all this progress to report

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

burying emotion and processing everything through logic is at work again

 

I'm an INTJ - it's an uphill battle.

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Not commanding or manipulative like my mother (so I guess no Oedipus complex there, lol) but enough to take the wheel and drive. That, in turn, pushes me to be better, more active and more focused, as opposed to past women who were so lax and unwilling they encouraged me to also take my foot off the gas. She expects more from me when it comes to being alert and taking initiative,

 

You found someone special.  That sort of internal drive is what I need.  I can handle my own shit jut fine, but someone also pushing themselves to be more that will, in turn, push me to be more is what creates the A+ Game.

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

The whole thing would last for days, even a week, before we'd actually talk about it.

 

My ex pretended like it didn't happen, meaning nothing was ever resolved.  It was an endless loop of bullshit.

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

*Yes, I admit I do have a "Wall of Motivation" like @Teros does, only mine's made of posts by people saying I inspired them to do something

Hey, it's hanging up in the gym room still and I looked at it the other day.  It's powerful stuff.

 

I brought it into my internship near the very end when my supervisor talked about a 'motivation board' or cutting out different magazines and words that are inspiring.  I talked to my classmate/buddy at the time, Nate, about it and I explained what it meant to me.  I ended up welling up with tears as I talked about people on that board and what it meant to me.  That was the final nail in the coffin for me that as soon as school ended, I HAD to get back here.

 

4 hours ago, aramis said:

And about Domestic Rangering - my favorite book about sex life ("Guide To Getting On It" by Paul Joannides) states doing house chores unasked is one of best forms of foreplay man can do. 

 

There are multiple 'languages of love' that can be expressed. One of them is 'acts of kindness' which I would consider chores to be.  There's also physical intimacy, words, gifts, etc.  If two people can speak the same 'language' then it works out pretty well, and knowing a partner's language can make a huge difference.

 

---

 

In the time that I've known you, I've felt like we sort of go back and forth with experiencing the same things, only at slightly different times.  Although school was hell to me and like I said, I ended up neglecting my true home on NF, I've always been glad that you've been around in my life and checking in on me.  Mentally with school, I wasn't in a position to check on others but now that I'm finally able to work on *me* with school out of the way, I feel a million times better.

 

 

[DarK_RaideR]

21 hours ago, aramis said:

You are on a good path, and you WILL get better.

Dziękuję

 

18 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That is some dang good self-work. Keep it up.

I do what I can. Tuesday's session was making up for the one I missed while out of town for the local elections, today's the regular one so two in one week, go me!

 

17 hours ago, Sylvaa said:

Totally speaks to me. #solidarity

Aye, that's one side of the coin. The other is getting praised for sub-par performance, which tends to breed complacency and selling one's self short. Life, why's it got to be so hard like that, amirite?

 

16 hours ago, Teros said:

Same for me.

Soon as I read this I was like

 

 

Because indeed, like we've noticed several times and you brought up again:

16 hours ago, Teros said:

In the time that I've known you, I've felt like we sort of go back and forth with experiencing the same things, only at slightly different times.

 

 

 

16 hours ago, Teros said:

I'm an INTJ - it's an uphill battle.

If I remember correctly, I'm INTP so we're pretty close, even though you seem to pay a lot more attention to that whole personality types thing (which is such an INTJ thing to do, I guess?)

 

16 hours ago, Teros said:

You found someone special.  That sort of internal drive is what I need.  I can handle my own shit jut fine, but someone also pushing themselves to be more that will, in turn, push me to be more is what creates the A+ Game.

I am well aware of that, hence me suggesting we live together at my place after something like 3 months together, hence the thoughts of marriage, kids and a life together coming up in my mind and not freaking me out. Funny enough, last night she asked me if I intend to get back into Muay Thai on July

 

16 hours ago, Teros said:

My ex pretended like it didn't happen, meaning nothing was ever resolved.  It was an endless loop of bullshit.

Both my parents are 100% like that. Even when called out on it, their usual motto is something along the lines of "let bygones be bygones, focus on loving each other and let's move on" which is essentially just sweeping the issue under the rug. Growing up in such an environment messed up my concepts of arguing and handling off-track emotions, which is something I'm only starting to realize through therapy.

 

16 hours ago, Teros said:

We'll do this together, man.

 

Seriously tho, we need to join forces and bring back some RP motivation. It just hasn't been the same since the RPG Fanatics ended and challenges no longer involve raising imaginary attributes.

 

[RES]

9 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Seriously tho, we need to join forces and bring back some RP motivation. It just hasn't been the same since the RPG Fanatics ended and challenges no longer involve raising imaginary attributes.

 

[WhiteGhost]

On 6/27/2019 at 3:36 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

It just hasn't been the same since the RPG Fanatics ended and challenges no longer involve raising imaginary attributes.

After reading about it here and on Teros' challenges, I am really disappointed that RPGF was gone by the time I got here

[DarK_RaideR]

5 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

After reading about it here and on Teros' challenges, I am really disappointed that RPGF was gone by the time I got here

But

 

and hear me out on this one

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What if we brought it back?

 

 

 

[DarK_RaideR]

Haven't updated this in over a week, but I'm still alive and still around. Food is the same old story, plus I recently had a pair of trousers that used to be super comfy suddenly feel too tight around my waist, which should be a wake-up call but I'm not losing my marbles over it just yet. Workout-wise, I almost made it to training on Monday but once again decided against it. Just didn't have the will to push through it and once again stayed home to do some domestic rangering because living in a constant state of "this place is a perpetual mess and we'll get swallowed up by dirt and laundry" is starting to get on my nerves. I know a big part of this has to do with the gf being in a terrible mental and emotional state due to her work environment, but frankly there's not much more I can do besides be suppportive and hope for the best as she searches for another job to jump ship to. At least I've cut down my smoking to like, one (or none) cigarette per day.

 

It's national election weekend coming up and yet again I was chosen to do the thing, this time in my hometown instead of a nearby village. Which means I'm taking the ferry there on Thursday afternoon and returning on Tuesday morning. It also means I'll have a harder time, as this time I got 500+ people on my voters' list, as opposed to the 300+ of last time, plus it's less likely for assistants to show up in urban areas. At least I'm getting paid for my troubles and this time I have some prior experience with the whole procedure. Can't say I'm all too thrilled with the possible outcomes of the election though, but that's another story.

 

With a bit of cash pouring in, we finally sat down with the gf and hammered out the last details of our summer holidays for the final week of August. Initial plans were for something local, but everything's so overpriced we ended up booking an international trip to Sofia, Bulgaria for half the money. It's not even a compromise, there'll be less stress over finances, I've had my share of sunshine and beaches all my life, plus I won't have to be around hysterical Greeks and their families going amok. On top of that, Ive been to Sofia back in 2011 and there's not a lot of sights to keep us on our feet all day, so it should be a quiet holiday with a lot of rest, just what we need right now. Gf's sister is due to visit in the first week of September (she lives in the UK) and her bf owns a house in southern Peloponese, to which we're invited so that's another week of holidays and a hearty dose of sun&beaches, which is great. Plus, we still have to pass her the two black kitties we rescued a while back and (surprise!) UK legislation is being uncooperative like most things UK lately, so we've arranged to meet in Brussels in November; we're flying in with the Antetonkoum-bros (yup, that's how I've named those two black brother cats) and they're driving all the way from the UK to get them. Neither me nor the gf have ever been in Belgium before (looking at you @Mr_Willes) so we added a couple of days on top of that for a quick get-away. So while I'm not looking at any long spectacular holiday, the actual aggregate isn't bad. Add my two election trips, the Pentecost long weekend and the upcoming motorcycle ride weekend late July on top of that, it's actually pretty ok.

 

Work has been ok, finances have been somewhat boosted and therapy is still going on.

 

Sing it, Cube...

 

 

[aramis]

52 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I've cut down my smoking to like, one (or none) cigarette per day

That's an accomplishment on it's own, congrats!

 

54 minutes ago, DarK_RaideR said:

So while I'm not looking at any long spectacular holiday, the actual aggregate isn't bad [...] it's actually pretty ok

Isn't bad? Pretty OK? For me it looks fantastic! Some Sofia, some Peloponese, then Belgium, and motorcycles... All I get is two weeks at Baltic (read: cold as fuck) seaside and get back to work. And yes, I am jealous. But in a positive way, so have fun on your vacations   

 

Keep it up, you are going great!

[deftona]

Yay for holiday plans!!!

[EricMN]

7 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I've cut down my smoking to like, one (or none) cigarette per day.

Win. 

7 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

Sing it, Cube...

Definitely a Good Day^TM.

[Teros]

On 6/27/2019 at 3:36 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

(which is such an INTJ thing to do, I guess?)

  It's the namesake.  Always attention.

 

On 6/27/2019 at 3:36 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Growing up in such an environment messed up my concepts of arguing and handling off-track emotions, which is something I'm only starting to realize through therapy.

 

I was sort of shut-down when trying to have a conversation.  "Talks" involving my mom were basically her talking AT me, instead of WITH me.  I didn't want to repeat that mistake with my ex, but fat lot of good that did lol.

 

On 6/28/2019 at 9:46 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

What if we brought it back?

+

On 6/27/2019 at 3:36 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Seriously tho, we need to join forces and bring back some RP motivation. It just hasn't been the same since the RPG Fanatics ended and challenges no longer involve raising imaginary attributes.

Quoted from my own thread the other day:

On 6/25/2019 at 5:47 PM, Teros said:

Artwork - With the deck now being converted into an art room, it's time to start getting some serious self-care going.  I have about 10 projects that have been started but not finished so my plan is to try and finish two projects, as well as start some writing for Bellmyst.

 

 

 

On 6/27/2019 at 1:30 PM, RES said:

 

 

 

Oh Elias.

 

On 6/28/2019 at 4:06 AM, WhiteGhost said:

After reading about it here and on Teros' challenges, I am really disappointed that RPGF was gone by the time I got here

 

Yeah, 4 years of school basically ate my soul but with that gone, it's time to get back into it.  I already have a ton of concepts.

 

9 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

"this place is a perpetual mess and we'll get swallowed up by dirt and laundry" is starting to get on my nerves.

 

Almost 2 months of that for me finally got shit under control.  Laundry 2x week, dishes 2x week, and vacuum once a week and I'm solid.  Environment like that can condition a person into being miserable.  You are an extension of your environment.

 

9 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

At least I've cut down my smoking to like, one (or none) cigarette per day.

 

That's awesome man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[deftona]

56 minutes ago, Teros said:

 

[DarK_RaideR]

1 hour ago, Teros said:

 

 

[Kishi]

Hey man, just dropping by to let you know that this all sounds terribly complicated (as most self-discovery seems to be) but I'm here for you if you need to talk or something.

[Mr_Willes]

On 7/3/2019 at 10:37 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Neither me nor the gf have ever been in Belgium before (looking at you @Mr_Willes) so we added a couple of days on top of that for a quick get-away.

 

Keep me posted about this! That close to each other, a meetup has to take place to drink some fine Belgian Beer. I'm not that much of a Belgian-Cultural-Guide, but i can search for some specifics if you can give me some details. Also, maybe a small meetup can take place, i know a few UK-ers that are looking for a good opportunity to come over to this side of the pond, though they will probably want to do an OCR while they are here... (@jonfirestar, @Charlie_Quinn, @Jarric, @Rhovaniel)

 

I'm also, for the third year in a row, reaching out to you in the northern part of italy, as soon as next week  

 

Just let me know man, what works for you, this thing is way overdue!

[DarK_RaideR]

On 7/5/2019 at 11:49 PM, Kishi said:

Hey man, just dropping by to let you know that this all sounds terribly complicated (as most self-discovery seems to be) but I'm here for you if you need to talk or something.

Appreciate it, Kish. Glad to have you around.

 

On 7/8/2019 at 10:07 AM, Mr_Willes said:

Keep me posted about this! That close to each other, a meetup has to take place to drink some fine Belgian Beer. I'm not that much of a Belgian-Cultural-Guide, but i can search for some specifics if you can give me some details. Also, maybe a small meetup can take place, i know a few UK-ers that are looking for a good opportunity to come over to this side of the pond, though they will probably want to do an OCR while they are here... (@jonfirestar, @Charlie_Quinn, @Jarric, @Rhovaniel)

 

I'm also, for the third year in a row, reaching out to you in the northern part of italy, as soon as next week  

 

Just let me know man, what works for you, this thing is way overdue!

We'll be in Brussels from 16 to 18 of November. SRLF is the one doing the research on sights to see, I'm just tagging along and would love to hang out for a beer (or more). Not sure about the Italy part though, expenses are piling up and work is pretty hectic, but it's got to happen at some point!

 

As for OCRs, I just booked my ticket for Sparta on November 2nd, 10:45 on the Super (13+ km) wave, so ball's on your court @EricMN. Wish I could afford the full trifecta, but 240+ Euros is something I can't quite handle. Also, I really need to grab one of those "Piledrive a Fascist" shirts from Pro Wrestling Eve for the race because I'm sick and tired of the militaristic far-right "300" vibe that's becoming a staple of that race.

 

In other news, we had our National elections this Sunday and I was once again among those chosen to help with the administrative part of running the election. Actually, the compensation money for that task is how I was able to grab that Spartan ticket. Anyway, I took the ferry to my hometown and back, but not the car or motorcycle since this time it was a case of discounted, not free travel and I was stationed at a downtown school so if needed, I could grab a taxi or something. With a single poll, less parties and less candidates, it was an easier procedure than the local and european elections, though I still had some issues delivering the books and bag afterwards. The procedure itself ran smoothly, I was done by 23:00 and survived delivery afterwards. Family-wise I had no issues and even managed to sneak in a couple of swims in the sea, so all around a win. The only shady part was Friday night, when I went out with friends until past 4 a.m. I had plenty of beer and smoked way more than I usually do or should have, meaning my stomach was a mess on Saturday morning, as was my throat and sense of taste. The good part is I haven't smoked anything since and plant to keep it that way. Guess I needed the shock value treatment.

 

So yeah, between going cold turkey on smoking and signing up for the Spartan race, I think I'm doing pretty good for myself.

[Kishi]

5 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

As for OCRs, I just booked my ticket for Sparta on November 2nd, 10:45 on the Super (13+ km) wave, so ball's on your court @EricMN. Wish I could afford the full trifecta, but 240+ Euros is something I can't quite handle. Also, I really need to grab one of those "Piledrive a Fascist" shirts from Pro Wrestling Eve for the race because I'm sick and tired of the militaristic far-right "300" vibe that's becoming a staple of that race.

 

If they have a BJJ equivalent - ie "Tapout a Fascist" or something like that - I could be interested.

 

Glad to hear that the work went smooth!

[WhiteGhost]

2 hours ago, Kishi said:

 

If they have a BJJ equivalent - ie "Tapout a Fascist" or something like that - I could be interested.

 

Pretty sure the BJJ t-shirts say "Heel Lock a Whitebelt Fascist"  

[Kishi]

1 minute ago, WhiteGhost said:

Pretty sure the BJJ t-shirts say "Heel Lock a Whitebelt Fascist"  

 

Would also settle for "Give 'Em the Guillotine!"

[Endor]

On 7/3/2019 at 6:37 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

I've cut down my smoking to like, one (or none) cigarette per day

Well done mate, this is good. 

 

On 7/3/2019 at 6:37 PM, DarK_RaideR said:

upcoming motorcycle ride weekend late July

More details please! I'm about to book one in August so I'm interested.

[DarK_RaideR]

19 hours ago, Kishi said:

If they have a BJJ equivalent - ie "Tapout a Fascist" or something like that - I could be interested.

16 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

Pretty sure the BJJ t-shirts say "Heel Lock a Whitebelt Fascist"  

16 hours ago, Kishi said:

Would also settle for "Give 'Em the Guillotine!"

I follow @Machete on social media (and you should too). His BJJ meme game is strong, I'm sure he can help you

 

10 hours ago, Endor said:

Well done mate, this is good. 

I'm guessing you didn't read further down where I said I did better, right?

 

10 hours ago, Endor said:

More details please! I'm about to book one in August so I'm interested.

Nothing fancy, just a gathering in a village near where my father was born. We use that as an excuse to tour the surrounding countryside with him and a friend of mine.

[Endor]

1 hour ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I'm guessing you didn't read further down where I said I did better, right?

 

I did but it was too late I already posted  I'm happy for you that you're on the right track. 

 

1 hour ago, DarK_RaideR said:

We use that as an excuse to tour the surrounding countryside with him and a friend of mine.

Sounds like a great way to spend some time with your dad, I would like to have that. 

[Jarric]

On ‎7‎/‎8‎/‎2019 at 8:07 AM, Mr_Willes said:

 

Keep me posted about this! That close to each other, a meetup has to take place to drink some fine Belgian Beer. I'm not that much of a Belgian-Cultural-Guide, but i can search for some specifics if you can give me some details. Also, maybe a small meetup can take place, i know a few UK-ers that are looking for a good opportunity to come over to this side of the pond, though they will probably want to do an OCR while they are here... (@jonfirestar, @Charlie_Quinn, @Jarric, @Rhovaniel)

 

 

Sounds fun to me. May have to see what WW has booked off work as we were provisionally planning to head towards The Netherlands around then, and Belgium is on the way...

 

On ‎7‎/‎9‎/‎2019 at 10:05 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

So yeah, between going cold turkey on smoking and signing up for the Spartan race, I think I'm doing pretty good for myself.

 

Nice one dude, on both counts.

[WhiteGhost]

2 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

I follow @Machete on social media (and you should too). His BJJ meme game is strong, I'm sure he can help you

95% of what I know about BJJ is from his IG  

[Mr_Willes]

You OK? Heard you had quite a rough time up north!