Jump to content

Severine Survives July & Plans For A Somewhat Drastic Change


Severine

Recommended Posts

Great job so far! It sounds like you had a fun week as well as a productive one, so that's all good things, right?

 

I'm with @Dagger I'm terrified of not getting enough sleep, but I kind of wish I wasn't. I'm glad you had fun.

  • Like 1

“Do you know where the wicked go after death?"
"They go to hell," was my ready and orthodox answer.
"And what is hell? Can you tell me that?"
"A pit full of fire."
"And should you like to fall into that pit, and to be burning there for ever?"
"No, sir."
"What must you do to avoid it?"
I deliberated a moment: my answer, when it did come was objectionable: "I must keep in good health and not die.”
Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

Nerd Fitness Character - Bronte Battle Bog

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Jane Eyre Is My Patronus said:

I'm with @Dagger I'm terrified of not getting enough sleep, but I kind of wish I wasn't. I'm glad you had fun.

I hope the fear isn't too bad.

 

Personally I just love sleep, which is why I don't like giving it up. Plus I don't like how I am when I'm super tired (which is why I'm part-time cheating on my wake up goal). Doesn't mean I don't put off sleep at times if I'm having a good time.

  • Like 1

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment

The past few days were pretty terrible. I managed to bruise my right leg pretty bad at work, and then there was a bit of a crisis with a friend of mine that required a lot of time and emotional energy to work out and also really really hit my morale.

 

I still got my work done, but I haven't slept much and my food and exercise have been erratic. No disasters but I definitely don't feel like I'm at a strong point right now. Starting to really look forward to the season winding down because there is a long-ass list of stuff that would just be so much easier if I had more time.

  • Like 1

Fitbit  |  Current Challenge  |  Old Challenges:  1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5 ~ 6 ~ 7 ~ 8 ~ 9 ~ 10 ~ 11 ~ 12 ~ 13 ~ 14 ~ 15 ~ 16 ~ 17 ~ 18 ~ 19 ~ 20 ~ 21

Forum avatar is custom art by the talented Veronica Guzzardi
 
Link to comment

Boo. :( I hope you have time to recharge and lean on people. When does the season end? September? 

  • Like 1

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

That does not sound at all pleasant. Sending happy vibes. 

  • Like 1

Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.

                                                                                                                       -Miyamoto Musashi

Current Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83906-kvedulfs-second-challenge-first-steps-on-a-new-way/

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Severine said:

The past few days were pretty terrible. I managed to bruise my right leg pretty bad at work, and then there was a bit of a crisis with a friend of mine that required a lot of time and emotional energy to work out and also really really hit my morale.

 

I still got my work done, but I haven't slept much and my food and exercise have been erratic. No disasters but I definitely don't feel like I'm at a strong point right now. Starting to really look forward to the season winding down because there is a long-ass list of stuff that would just be so much easier if I had more time.

I'm sorry to hear this. Take care of yourself and your friend.

  • Like 2

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment

Thanks so much for the kind words, everyone! Things are a bit better. 

 

The drought continues to make work difficult - the Boston Globe did a story about it today, actually. But we've been more lucky than a lot of people because the Concord River hasn't completely dried up yet. So I am trying not to feel disproportionately downtrodden, haha.

 

My partner L is having surgery today, and obviously surgery is always a little unnerving, but we have high hopes that it'll go smoothly and the recovery will just be 2-3 weeks. I am taking the entire day off work (drought be damned) to be there at the hospital throughout the whole thing. It's a good reminder that when it really matters, I have my priorities straight and I'm always going to choose the people I love over less important day-to-day nonsense. Fits in nicely with the 'make time for people who matter' part of my challenge.

 

Speaking of my challenge, I'm overdue for an update. The short version is that I'm working too much (65+ hours this past week) and in striving for efficiency I have noticed that the more stressed out and overworked I get, the less efficient I am. Take note, bosses who might be tempted to overwork their staff! I'm mostly tracking my food (missed 2-3 days) and eating so-so. Not terrible, not well. Had some days where I was over maintenance calories but overall trend is still weight loss. I've kept up with climbing (and had some great climbs on Thursday) but so far am failing to keep up with my C25K ZombiesRun schedule. Again. Ugh. I might have to really focus on that without distractions to make it happen, I guess? And I haven't made any more progress toward applying to go back to school. Unless you count listening to a bunch of biology podcasts, which is interesting and a good refresher but not exactly concrete progress to anything. So overall I'm basically treading water but definitely not thriving. 

 

I'm also overdue for visiting everyone's threads and seeing how much better everyone is managing to keep their shit together than I am ;)  If I have time to kill while the surgery is happening, maybe I'll do it then. If I'm not too nervous.

 

  • Like 7

Fitbit  |  Current Challenge  |  Old Challenges:  1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5 ~ 6 ~ 7 ~ 8 ~ 9 ~ 10 ~ 11 ~ 12 ~ 13 ~ 14 ~ 15 ~ 16 ~ 17 ~ 18 ~ 19 ~ 20 ~ 21

Forum avatar is custom art by the talented Veronica Guzzardi
 
Link to comment
1 hour ago, Severine said:

My partner L is having surgery today, and obviously surgery is always a little unnerving, but we have high hopes that it'll go smoothly and the recovery will just be 2-3 weeks. I am taking the entire day off work (drought be damned) to be there at the hospital throughout the whole thing. It's a good reminder that when it really matters, I have my priorities straight and I'm always going to choose the people I love over less important day-to-day nonsense. Fits in nicely with the 'make time for people who matter' part of my challenge.

*crosses fingers for everything going well*

 

1 hour ago, Severine said:

Speaking of my challenge, I'm overdue for an update. The short version is that I'm working too much (65+ hours this past week) and in striving for efficiency I have noticed that the more stressed out and overworked I get, the less efficient I am. Take note, bosses who might be tempted to overwork their staff! I'm mostly tracking my food (missed 2-3 days) and eating so-so. Not terrible, not well. Had some days where I was over maintenance calories but overall trend is still weight loss. I've kept up with climbing (and had some great climbs on Thursday) but so far am failing to keep up with my C25K ZombiesRun schedule. Again. Ugh. I might have to really focus on that without distractions to make it happen, I guess? And I haven't made any more progress toward applying to go back to school. Unless you count listening to a bunch of biology podcasts, which is interesting and a good refresher but not exactly concrete progress to anything. So overall I'm basically treading water but definitely not thriving. 

Sounds like you are doing the best you can, all things considered. It is harder to establish new habits when you are worked to death. I guess that is the time that most slip too, but I imagine it is easier to hold on once you've started. Basically, don't be too hard on yourself.

  • Like 1

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment

Sending good vibes and glitter in your direction! 

 

FWIW, I think you're doing a kickass job just staying alive and relatively sane while working 65+ hours a week on a farm. It's hard enough to do that with an office job but when it's a good chunk of manual labor? You're secretly an alien. Or superhero. Or both, since that happens.

  • Like 3

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Severine said:

seeing how much better everyone is managing to keep their shit together than I am

If this is your hope in looking at other people's threads, please avoid mine... 

 

To me it sounds like you're doing a great job! You've sure had some hurdles the past couple of weeks, some good, some hard. I think the point of these challenges isn't necessarily to always get 100%, but to help illuminate areas that actually need attention and are harder as well as to illuminate what challenges you're good at. Hoping the surgery went well and that you're holding up well. :) lots of love to you! 

  • Like 2

Do the best you can until you know better. When you know better, do better. (Maya Angelou)

Current Challenge

Previous I

Link to comment
2 hours ago, fleaball said:

You're secretly an alien. Or superhero. Or both, since that happens.

I think this too.

  • Like 1

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment
58 minutes ago, Severine said:

Surgery went well!

Yay!

 

58 minutes ago, Severine said:

Sleep now.

Yay!

  • Like 1

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment

Good to hear surgery went well.

 

*joins in dancing to the Dropkick Murphys' but secretly wishes it was Flogging Molly instead*

  • Like 2

Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.

                                                                                                                       -Miyamoto Musashi

Current Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83906-kvedulfs-second-challenge-first-steps-on-a-new-way/

Link to comment
On August 2, 2016 at 9:53 PM, Severine said:

More words later! Sleep now.

 

It's been eight days! WAKE UP!

 

(Not really, I imagine you're even busier than ever what with work being crazy and helping a convalescent recover from surgery. But you are missed and we hope you're still ok.)

  • Like 6

"'It's time for a few small repairs,' she said." - Shawn Colvin

 

 

Link to comment

Ahhhhhhhhhh I'm a bad bad person who stopped updating my challenge because everything was crazy and going poorly and I felt like I didn't have time or have anything good to report. And then every time I thought about updating I was attacked by guilt about how overdue my updates were, which made updating scarier, which meant I avoided it, which meant it created ever-increasing amounts of obligation-induced anxiety, which made it scarier still.

 

And it built up until it became a downward spiral of avoidant and rationalizing procrastination and then POOF I disappear from the world of productive worthwhile people who fulfill their obligations and moved instead to a subterranean troll kingdom where ne'er-do-wells like myself skulk in the darkness eating bugs and muttering about how they'll do things later.

 

Okay.  *deep breath*

 

This is a thing I do. I am a perfectionist, and sometimes when things start going pear-shaped, I panic and flee. Because there's a part of my brain that thinks that if I can't do something perfectly, I've failed completely and it's best to hide the evidence. That part is very stupid, and I am trying to fight it. Obviously, failure is part of how we learn, and it's better to meet a goal 80% or even 30% and learn and improve next time than it is to try for 100%, panic when you drop to 98%, and then run away and never finish at all. So I'm trying to get better. But I find it hard to report failure, and even harder to report that I failed to show up to report my failure like a grownup, because I feel very foolish, and like I am letting people down. So it took a lot of willpower or whatever you want to call it for me to make myself shuffle back in here and admit that I am, in fact, acting like a moron. But you can only start from where you are, so I am gritting my teeth and starting in Morontown and vowing to learn something from this.

 

As for my actual update:

  • My partner L is recovering well from surgery. The recovery has been slower than anticipated, and painful, and has imposed a lot of logistical restrictions on our life, but is proceeding in the right direction and there have been no complications.
  • There was a disaster at one of the farms I manage (the specialty garden for the fancy restaurant): the well dried up, and now there's no irrigation there whatsoever. This is a result of the ongoing drought in Massachusetts, which is the worst we've had in decades. This is very bad as it means I am going to lose a lot of crops. Probably 50% or more of what's currently in the ground. Screw you, nature. Oh, for added fun, I got the news about the well drying up on my birthday.
  • I have given up on doing the Zombies C25K training for this challenge. I'm too exhausted and it's just one more thing I don't have capacity for at the moment. I am shelving it for a future challenge. I am sad about this.
  • I haven't tracked my food in almost two weeks and I have been eating atrociously. Skipping meals, drinking waaaaaaay too much caffeine, takeout, too much sugar, etc. It's so stupid. It makes me feel worse, physically, and also dampens my spirits because I perceive it as ongoing failure to meet my goals and take good care of myself, but I also feel like it takes more energy to fix than I currently have. Which of course makes me feel worse.
  • I'm having trouble sleeping, in large part due to the caffeine I am stupidly consuming. I feel dumb about this and it's obviously making everything else worse because then I'm tired.
  • I have obviously failed at my goal of checking in regularly at the forums. Ugh.
  • I'm failing at keeping my work hours under 60/week. And due to exhaustion and stress I am definitely getting less work done despite spending more time there. Frustrating.
  • Oh yeah and we're currently having pretty major construction work done at our house (due to a partial retaining wall collapse, we've been forced to get the wall rebuilt) and that's just another layer of suck icing on the sucky, sucky cake.
  • One thing I have been doing better at is making time for friends and family. A lot of this is by necessity (due to surgery) but I have been making a concerted effort over and above that. This is part of what is getting me through this crappy month, I think. I have amazing people.
  • I emailed the local university I'm interested in going to and have details about how to set up an appointment with the transfer credit office. So hey, at least that's something.

I want to fast forward to autumn, plz.

 

I'm sorry for being a wastrel and disappearing on all of you amazing folks. I hope your challenges are going better than mine. I'm also sorry for being really whiny in this post.

 

I do have some plans on how to fix all of this, so that's something, I guess. And at the very least I am proud of myself for having the courage (eventually) to slink back here and tell everyone how things definitely did not go according to plan.

 

  • Like 5

Fitbit  |  Current Challenge  |  Old Challenges:  1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5 ~ 6 ~ 7 ~ 8 ~ 9 ~ 10 ~ 11 ~ 12 ~ 13 ~ 14 ~ 15 ~ 16 ~ 17 ~ 18 ~ 19 ~ 20 ~ 21

Forum avatar is custom art by the talented Veronica Guzzardi
 
Link to comment

No need to apologise at all. I would quote the parts of your post that resonate with me but then I'd have to quote the whole post. But as a sometimes bug eating resident of Trolltown I know exactly what it feels like. All I can say is all those bad things you think of yourself as are not true. And I know this is really difficult to do, but don't stop posting here. We're here for the long haul, through thick and thin, and to support each other through the successes and failures.

 

It looks like a lot of the problems you've had are things that were out of control, or resulted out of things out of your control.

 

On the plus side, glad to hear the surgery went well and that you're seriously looking at going back to study.

  • Like 3

Today is victory over yourself of yesterday; tomorrow is your victory over lesser men.

                                                                                                                       -Miyamoto Musashi

Current Challenge: http://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/83906-kvedulfs-second-challenge-first-steps-on-a-new-way/

Link to comment

Oh yikes, what a clusterfuck. I'm sorry things have been so shitty! But I'm glad you came back. <3 We missed you. 

 

Not hitting your goals sucks, but you're seriously dealing with a lot of shit here. Honestly I think this is a situation that's going to be hard to win. You can't control your partner's recovery (glad to hear they're on the up btw, despite the slowness) or the weather and how it affects your plants. You can try to make plans for these things but really all you can do is react as things happen. And they're going to be unpredictable. 

 

Also, friendly advice from the girl who gets yelled at gently chastised by her therapist every week for the same thing: be mindful of how you're talking to/about yourself. Saying you're a moron and the way you're eating is dumb and stupid, etc., is not helping you. Is the way you're eating counterproductive? Sure, since you say it's making you physically feel like crap. Do you know better? Presumably, since you're aware that what you're eating is making you feel terrible. Is it stupid? Based on what I'm reading, no. It sounds more like survival. You're working insane hours, dealing with insane shit at both work and home, and you're taking what you can get. There are only so many hours in a day and taking care of ourselves is usually the first thing we drop. 

 

If you can steal a few minutes every day to meditate/reflect/whatever you want to call it and try to mentally regroup, do it. If you have a day coming up that's lighter somehow, try to sneak in a healthy meal or skip a caffeinated drink to give yourself a boost. Maybe knock out a few of the simpler things on your to-do list just so you can stop worrying about them. It fucking blows that this is happening and there are several more weeks of shit in your future. But there's also an end in sight. You can make it. There may be setbacks fitness- and food-wise, but you clearly have a system and you know what works for you. You'll get back into it and get where you want to be once the shitstorm settles. 

 

Please please keep coming back so we can give you digital hugs when you need them. Regardless of progress made. The internet is full of cat gifs we can post. <3

  • Like 6

Level 69 Battle Kitten

Battle Log | Current Challenge

MyFitnessPal | Fitbit | Duolingo

                                                                                                                                                                 Ici je vis la vie que j'ai choisie

Je suis partie pour reconstruire ma vie

C'est dit, c'est ainsi

Link to comment

You are not a moron, or stupid or a bug-eating troll (as funny as that image was, it just isn't accurate). You are a person who is having one of the worst summers I've ever heard of someone having and still be walking around. Please cut yourself some huge slack. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you dropped everything in your challenge except one thing, like food tracking or the procrastination list. It's ok to say "I thought I could do this but right now I really effing can't." No failure, no judgement, no obligation. 

 

I second Kvedulf - please don't stop posting altogether. Even if it's just "and here's curveball 843 that life just threw at me" or "I need cat videos, STAT!" This request is purely selfish; I miss your posts when you're away too long. 

 

Dammit, the badger rain dance didn't work. Stupid weather.

 

 

91sn32Q.jpg

  • Like 6

"'It's time for a few small repairs,' she said." - Shawn Colvin

 

 

Link to comment

Yup, agree with @fleaball and @Bookish Badger and @Kvedulf, please don't beat yourself up over this! And don't ever think that anyone here will judge you or think less of you for whatever reason. We are all only human too ;) And when you're struggling to meet goals, try to just concentrate on surviving and being kind to yourself. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters. Thinking of you!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
18 hours ago, Severine said:

And then every time I thought about updating I was attacked by guilt about how overdue my updates were, which made updating scarier, which meant I avoided it, which meant it created ever-increasing amounts of obligation-induced anxiety

I totally get why this happened to you, but remember we won't bite. Unless you like it. ;)

 

Of course, emotions aren't exactly easy to control.

 

Also, we want to know how you are whether you are doing well or not. And no one says you have to write long when it is going badly. As @Bookish Badger said, maybe just a line or two so we can commiserate or send you happy stuff to make you feel better.

 

We all fail. We all have trouble with one or many or all goals.

 

My writing teachers talk a lot about building good habits and such so you get writing done. But also about what they call "life rolls" which is when life smacks you in the face and reminds you that you can't control everything and sometimes you just have to roll with it. And sometimes during those times, especially if there is a lot of negativity, it can be better to pause because you don't want to have to struggle TOO much for something so you start thinking of it negatively.

 

So take a deep breath with me and we'll get through this. *deep breath*

 

Take care of yourself and your partner. <3

  • Like 2

Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines