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Valkyrja goes with the flow


valkyrja

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Alright, round 2. I sorta messed up my last challenge by distancing myself from everything and avoiding dealing with stuff.. 

 

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That's probably going to happen again, I mean statistically speaking I have a history of flaking out. But this time I'm just gonna try and still update and stay on track. Regardless of whether I'm actually going to the gym or writing or trying new stuff, I don't want to quit. So that's goal no.1. Complete the challenge regardless of how I do. I just wanna cross that finish line, even if I'm limping. 

 

The goals are pretty much all up in the air. Maybe I should be doing some writing, haven't written anything in weeks. I'm thinking the book that I'm working on is kinda boring so I think I need to start that over- after all, all writing is rewriting. But then I'm thinking I should start a blog? I'm definitely more excited about that, easier to handle, more chunk-size projects. I just don't want to continue doing nothing but I don't want to get overwhelmed either. 

 

I am insanely busy at the moment- work, work, work.. My social life has been pretty hectic as well (which is mostly a good thing) but I'd like to be able to say that I can't hang out late because I've got gym tomorrow. It's all about priorities. I want to be the kind of person who works out regularly and with consistency so I gotta make that happen. 

 

Other stuff I'd like to happen is just general feeling good about myself; dressing up, wearing high heels, getting laid, going out and DOING things, not being afraid to speak my own damn mind (this is in reference to me sharing an article on facebook about feminism and my uncle being a complete nincompoop about it. It's ok that Ghostbusters has women in it, it's actually a really good thing, please remove your hyperventilating head out of your asshole). 

 

So, goal stuff thingies: 

  1. Complete the challenge
  2. Continue with my workout program
  3. Train for the half marathon
  4. Write something at some point or another 
  5. Be happy


Maybe it's stupid to go at this with such a vague plan. Maybe I'll get nothing done because nothing on my list is concrete enough or focused enough or whatever. We'll see. I'm just gonna play it by ear. 

 

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Simplicity is certainly king over in the warriors this month! Rock it girl. Rock it in a moderately comfortable fashion ;) 

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And the pandas rejoiced!

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Summers are tough.  The weather is nice, and everyone wants to do things.  Working out in January-March (northern hemisphere) is a lot easier when no one wants to leave the house.  The calendar clears up nicely.  That is, unless you like to work out outside.  This running thing, I've heard of it.

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Intro

Challenges: #1#2#3#4, #5

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6 hours ago, green eggs said:

I have a writing goal too, aiming for two hours a week. How's that goal of yours coming on?

 

Meh, not really writing that much but I don't really care either. Just busy working and working out, that's enough of goals for now. Thinking about blogging again though, or maybe sending in some articles to other blogs and get published there. Whatever, trying not to care or worry too much. 

 

Good luck on your writing! 

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On 7/22/2016 at 2:32 PM, Grymm said:

And the pandas rejoiced!

z40kUTW.jpg

Summers are tough.  The weather is nice, and everyone wants to do things.  Working out in January-March (northern hemisphere) is a lot easier when no one wants to leave the house.  The calendar clears up nicely.  That is, unless you like to work out outside.  This running thing, I've heard of it.

 

yay for the pandas! 

 

What is with you and this hate of running, running's so much fun! - even though once I finish that half marathon I am never running past 10 k again.. so yea maybe. Conflicting emotions. 

 

Regardless of time of year I am gonna be at that gym. Ég skal, ég get, ég vil! (I shall, I can, I will). 

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Update: 

 

Ran 12 km in 70 minutes yesterday- who's awesomest? Uh, that would be me. Went to the gym today right after work- second time I do that, who am I becoming? A person who keeps to her program no matter what, that's who! 

 

Then came home and just about masturbated my soul out of my body. Life is perfect right now; cats are cute, pleasure is beautiful and everything bad is being dealt with by experts. 

 

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19 hours ago, valkyrja said:

 

yay for the pandas! 

 

What is with you and this hate of running, running's so much fun! - even though once I finish that half marathon I am never running past 10 k again.. so yea maybe. Conflicting emotions. 

 

Regardless of time of year I am gonna be at that gym. Ég skal, ég get, ég vil! (I shall, I can, I will). 

I don’t so much hate running as I hate the idea of me running.  I’m not going to advocate that someone else not run.  People sing karaoke, eat brussel sprouts, and tear off bananas from the bunch at the super market.  These are all things I don’t do.

 

To expand upon my aversion to running, it is a stratified loathing. 

 

Firstly, it’s a mundane activity.  The execution of a run is to maintain doing exactly the same thing for a prolonged periord of time.  Running as part of a sport is not nearly as tedious as there is some immediate goal that requires locomotion to accomplish.  Running as the sport over an appreciable distance (like a marathon), seems to me to be quite boring.  I also do not enjoy NASCAR racing for this reason.   

 

Secondly, while it has many health benefits, the incidence of injury due to running is fairly high.  This is likely due in large part to its repetitive nature and joint loading.  Similar cardio activities like walking, swimming, or cycling lessen the impact loading and have lower incident injury rates.  While it’s not paramount in my opinion of running, it does come into play when selecting activities.  I may be inclined to undertake an activity I do not enjoy to reap the positive benefits.  However, if one method carries a higher injury risk than an equivalent method, it’s difficult to argue for the former vs the latter.

 

Lastly, many people are inspired to undertake rigorous training programs and activities in an effort to attain results personified by its chief practicitioners.  At the extreme, runners are slight and slim, engineered for maximal energy efficiency.  This is a body type I would actively avoid.  At a less extreme on the running scale, but still extreme on the results, take a professional athlete like Reynaldo.  I’m sure that guy does a ton of running.  At somewhere around 183cm and 83kg, that kind of build isn’t going to happen for me.  He’s at what?  8-10%BF?  Awesome for that guy.  At that BF%, I’m already at maybe ~98kg and moving up.  I’ve got to play with my strengths here.  I’m taller but I’m probably just a heavier build.  So even in fantastic shape, I’d be pretty large for an avid runner.  That’s not going to jive well with my second point above.

 

In conjunction with this last point, it’s currently my goal to get stronger.  Over time, this will likely require me to in fact get larger, maybe not overall, but at least in lean mass.  This is in direct conflict with the results I would work toward with running.  This is not to rule out running at some point as part of a cut with the goal of simply having done it.  This would be a moderate personal challenge and not some long term plan to run.  As a regular activity, I just don’t see myself ever enjoying or adopting it.

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Intro

Challenges: #1#2#3#4, #5

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On 7/26/2016 at 0:28 AM, valkyrja said:

Update: 

 

Ran 12 km in 70 minutes yesterday- who's awesomest? Uh, that would be me. Went to the gym today right after work- second time I do that, who am I becoming? A person who keeps to her program no matter what, that's who! 

 

Then came home and just about masturbated my soul out of my body. Life is perfect right now; cats are cute, pleasure is beautiful and everything bad is being dealt with by experts. 

 

tumblr_n2198xX7lW1r3z3gbo1_500.gif

Glad to hear your training (and seemingly everything else) is going well! Feel like I haven't been on here in a while. The best run I've managed so far is 18km in 1hr 51m and I've been doing the weekly 5k park run race to work on my speed which I've now got down to 27m. I'm in Berlin this weekend so I've decided I'm going to get a train to Potsdam and do a long run around there. Only a few weeks until my half marathon now but I'm already looking at signing up to a full marathon O.o

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1 hour ago, Zappa said:

Glad to hear your training (and seemingly everything else) is going well! Feel like I haven't been on here in a while. The best run I've managed so far is 18km in 1hr 51m and I've been doing the weekly 5k park run race to work on my speed which I've now got down to 27m. I'm in Berlin this weekend so I've decided I'm going to get a train to Potsdam and do a long run around there. Only a few weeks until my half marathon now but I'm already looking at signing up to a full marathon O.o

 

Hey, @Zappa! Long time no see, which is probably both of our faults. 18 km under 2 hours is awesome! Well done you :D. Don't know what 27m speed is but way to go, keep it up! 

 

I think you're out of your mind doing the full marathon but if you firmly believe you CAN do it and that you WILL do it, I believe in you. Maybe you should do like a trial run, 30 or 35 K and see how that sits with you, how your joints react and how you recover. 

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6 minutes ago, valkyrja said:

 

Hey, @Zappa! Long time no see, which is probably both of our faults. 18 km under 2 hours is awesome! Well done you :D. Don't know what 27m speed is but way to go, keep it up! 

 

I think you're out of your mind doing the full marathon but if you firmly believe you CAN do it and that you WILL do it, I believe in you. Maybe you should do like a trial run, 30 or 35 K and see how that sits with you, how your joints react and how you recover. 

5km in 27 minutes is what I meant. 

 

The marathon isn't until April next year, and when I sign up I can also do a bundle which includes two half marathons, one in October and I think another in February which would help with my marathon training and are nicely spread out. 

 

I think it's far enough away that I can properly train for it and keeps me focused on my running through winter. 

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12 minutes ago, Zappa said:

5km in 27 minutes is what I meant. 

Ah! Gotcha, that's awesome man! I'm at 5km in 30 min so we're pretty close! 

 

12 minutes ago, Zappa said:

 

The marathon isn't until April next year, and when I sign up I can also do a bundle which includes two half marathons, one in October and I think another in February which would help with my marathon training and are nicely spread out. 

 

I think it's far enough away that I can properly train for it and keeps me focused on my running through winter. 

That sounds perfect! Go for it :D Plenty of time to train, just don't injure yourself- do lots of stretching :) 

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Just now, valkyrja said:

Ah! Gotcha, that's awesome man! I'm at 5km in 30 min so we're pretty close! 

 

That sounds perfect! Go for it :D Plenty of time to train, just don't injure yourself- do lots of stretching :) 

 

Thanks! Doing the timed 5km park runs really helps me cut my 5km time. Really pushes me to finish strongly and running in a big group makes you go faster. 

 

I seem to have been really with injuries with running *TOUCH WOOD*, I've rolled a couple of ankles but they've both been fine the next day. I do need to stretch more, and warm down better especially though.

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Update time! *Emotional wreck edition. 

 

I am so sick and tired of getting crushes on guys who don't give a flying fuck about me. Guys that do nothing to carry on the conversation, never initiate contact, only reply when I ask them a question and don't even throw in a "what about you?". 

 

When I finally give up and stop sending them messages then they talk to me, just to keep me holding on for a little while longer. So every few weeks, just when I'm beginning to heal, I'm sucked back into this sick game and get so wrecked I can't sleep. "What if this time it's actually going to work out?"

 

I have never had a relationship where I have my needs met. Love and affection is something that I need to fight for or earn. So I am extra careful not to do anything that might offend them. I don't disagree, I don't say anything possibly conflicting, I don't call them too much because I know they need space and I forgive every transgression and every bailed date... Basically, my personality evaporates. This wonderful, amazing, strong, brave and funny girl disappears and is replaced by this codependent, submissive coward. 

 

I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to have feelings for people who treat me like this. Fuck my stupid fucking feelings. 

 

BTW the solution to this problem is not dating nice guys instead of bad guys. Keep the bad guys coming all night long, baby! I just want to be strong enough and prepared enough that when I see those little tell-tale signs of narcissism and apathy I'll be able to give them the finger and walk away- preferably while wearing high heels, hair blowing in the wind and with a power song of my choosing playing in the background. 

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23 hours ago, valkyrja said:

BTW the solution to this problem is not dating nice guys instead of bad guys. Keep the bad guys coming all night long, baby! I just want to be strong enough and prepared enough that when I see those little tell-tale signs of narcissism and apathy I'll be able to give them the finger and walk away- preferably while wearing high heels, hair blowing in the wind and with a power song of my choosing playing in the background. 

I really like that visual. Which is a great start.

 

In some ways, you actually have to be yourself to have a true chance at a relationship. So you'd actually be better off not catering to them. Yes, I know that is easier said than done. But at least it is good to know that actually being yourself should make it more possible to have relationships? At least that can give you a boost, ya?

 

I hope! <3

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Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

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On 7/30/2016 at 10:15 PM, valkyrja said:

Update time! *Emotional wreck edition. 

 

I am so sick and tired of getting crushes on guys who don't give a flying fuck about me. Guys that do nothing to carry on the conversation, never initiate contact, only reply when I ask them a question and don't even throw in a "what about you?". 

 

When I finally give up and stop sending them messages then they talk to me, just to keep me holding on for a little while longer. So every few weeks, just when I'm beginning to heal, I'm sucked back into this sick game and get so wrecked I can't sleep. "What if this time it's actually going to work out?"

 

I have never had a relationship where I have my needs met. Love and affection is something that I need to fight for or earn. So I am extra careful not to do anything that might offend them. I don't disagree, I don't say anything possibly conflicting, I don't call them too much because I know they need space and I forgive every transgression and every bailed date... Basically, my personality evaporates. This wonderful, amazing, strong, brave and funny girl disappears and is replaced by this codependent, submissive coward. 

 

I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to have feelings for people who treat me like this. Fuck my stupid fucking feelings. 

 

BTW the solution to this problem is not dating nice guys instead of bad guys. Keep the bad guys coming all night long, baby! I just want to be strong enough and prepared enough that when I see those little tell-tale signs of narcissism and apathy I'll be able to give them the finger and walk away- preferably while wearing high heels, hair blowing in the wind and with a power song of my choosing playing in the background. 

Ha, have I been there! I've been in similar relationships, where people blow hot and cold and just as your about to say 'fuck it', they re-appear. They're apologetic about it, and because I'm spineless (although I'd tell myself I was just being 'empathetic') I'd just say 'No, it's fine! Honestly!'. It doesn't matter how much somebody has pissed me off, as soon as somebody apologises to me it's just an automatic response. I have no idea why. 

 

The problem is when you get into a relationship like that you can forget what a 'normal' or healthy relationship is *supposed* to be like. You start to think that these shitty relationships are just the way things are, and it's either be in a shitty relationship or don't be in one at all. It almost feels like manipulation on an almost subconscious level.

 

You're right on the last point, there's nothing worse than self-proclaimed 'nice guys'. 'Nice' is how you describe someone who has no discernible personality traits. If you're ever describing yourself as a 'nice guy' then you really need to aim higher. 'Nice' is essentially the minimum requirement for a functioning human being, nobody owes you shit for nice. 

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6 minutes ago, Zappa said:

Ha, have I been there! I've been in similar relationships, where people blow hot and cold and just as your about to say 'fuck it', they re-appear. They're apologetic about it, and because I'm spineless (although I'd tell myself I was just being 'empathetic') I'd just say 'No, it's fine! Honestly!'. It doesn't matter how much somebody has pissed me off, as soon as somebody apologises to me it's just an automatic response. I have no idea why. 

 

R-E-L-A-T-E 

 

6 minutes ago, Zappa said:

The problem is when you get into a relationship like that you can forget what a 'normal' or healthy relationship is *supposed* to be like. You start to think that these shitty relationships are just the way things are, and it's either be in a shitty relationship or don't be in one at all. It almost feels like manipulation on an almost subconscious level.

 

Absolutely, it's definitely manipulation. It's this weird fear of being alone so you settle for whatever you've got because you don't think highly enough of yourself to think you deserve more. For me it's also an issue of greed and want. I don't feel like I am allowed to want more than what I am given, like I can't just go up to a guy I'm dating and be all: Yo, I need more emotional attention from you. -Because if I do, then I become the "bitch", the "attention whore", the "crazy girlfriend". Which is stupid because I am just asking to have some very basic, human needs met. 

 

6 minutes ago, Zappa said:

You're right on the last point, there's nothing worse than self-proclaimed 'nice guys'. 'Nice' is how you describe someone who has no discernible personality traits. If you're ever describing yourself as a 'nice guy' then you really need to aim higher. 'Nice' is essentially the minimum requirement for a functioning human being, nobody owes you shit for nice. 

 

AAAAhahahahahahahah!!! "Nice is how you describe someone who has no discernible personality traits"!! Someone should get that tattooed on their forehead. Beautiful- and SPOT ON. And for that last part, you are completely correct. Nobody owes you shit for doing the bare minimum of shit you are supposed to do!  BUT I DO! I am always so proud of guys who do crazy basic low level stuff for me: "awww, he remembered my birthday!", "oh wow, he texted me once in the past 3 days", "d'aaaww he offered to get me off even though he's tired from just orgasming and wants to go to sleep". 

 

In conclusion, to quote my wonderfully wise mother: Betra er autt rúm en illa skipað = Better is an empty bed than a badly organized one. 

 

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That's a pretty spot on analysis. You start of with pretty low ideas of self worth, you get treated like shit which plays on that and simultaneously exacerbates it. Your expectations get lowered, basic acts of common decency begin to look more and more like the most noble of chivalrous act. Repeat the cycle ad infinitum.

 

In conclusion, to quote my less wonderfully wise mother 'Try not to be a dickhead all your life'. 

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58 minutes ago, valkyrja said:

In conclusion, to quote my wonderfully wise mother: Betra er autt rúm en illa skipað = Better is an empty bed than a badly organized one. 

This made me think of a Swedish idiom: Som man bäddar får man ligga. = The way you make your bed is the way you get to sleep/lie down.

 

Basically how you set up your life is the life you get to live. More or less the same thing your mother said but from a different perspective.

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Introduction (where I started, May 2016) ~*~ NF Character (dormant)

 

 Progress as a Nomad: Battle log where I do my own challenges

Useful posts on my battle log: Useful Links and Travel Schedule, Future Challenge IdeasGoals for 2017 as a whole, Assorted Goals (not on rotation), Elements W1D1, Last Quarter Goals

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