Is it a respawn if you never honestly tried to do it right initially?

[MegaCarp]

Here's the quick backstory, because you guys are the real workers here. You're trying to get things right, you're trying to apply yourselves, and you're actually seeking results instead of waiting for them to fall into your lap. I've been on NF for years, and it's on me why it's not working. I ,honestly, have struggled in maintaining my progress instead of continuing on it. I remember getting into talks with Steve telling him that I didn't feel NF really helped me, and he simply asked me, 'What have I been doing to help me reach my goals?' I can't say much. I struggle with portion control, my self-esteem, staying on task, and most of all...asking for help. 

 

I'm a 36-year-old guy, father to a great infant boy, devoted husband, and I also have upper link difference. I do Crossfit, I enjoy the camaraderie and I have gained strength, skill, and ability. I'm sorry for the defensive tone, but I feel its mocked ad-nauseum. I have really nice powerlifting numbers 185/385/485 (Strict Press/Back Squat/Deadlift), but I've done better in all 3 lifts in the past. I'm a miniature wargamer and I enjoy board games.  Where I've failed in the past is not taking charge of my diet, and finding bad ways (generally food or alcohol) in ways to reward myself. Right now, my stats are 5'9/236 and I'd ideally like to work my way to 200. 

 

I work out 3-4 times a week (I'm a dad and husband, there's more to life than the gym), and I've been eating 2050 calories (I track on mfp, sanuriel is the SN) and I try to cap my p/c/f to 180/130/90. I struggle here on three fronts, first, my 'weekly cheats' that go over the top, my rewards don't help my calories, and I'm horrible about portion control. So my hope is to create my team that I can to about things I'm struggling with, run ideas by, and you know even just have some people to feel close to and even try to help out as well. I'm not good at the interactive nerd thing, I don't do forum threads well, and I'm not so hot even in chat, but I'm committing myself to being better at communicating, reaching my goals, feeling better about myself, and stop asking the questions of why I hurt so dang much and why I can't get down in weight. Thanks guys for being awesome. 

[Sulinar]

OK, I'll bite. But I'm not sure I have answers, being as I'm wandering around the respawn thread thinking "How am I actually going to overcome the fact that I know what I need to do but can't seem to make myself do it?" And I completely understand about the rewarding yourself with food. So maybe we can try to work out wtf is going wrong together?

 

I have to say, though, your post doesn't sound like someone who's failing. You sound like you're doing some of the right stuff, with some success. If you're doing Crossfit - which I'm jealous of, it looks 1) great and 2) terrifying* - and also lifting good numbers then you must not be entirely without muscles. You're even tracking your calories.

 

So what exactly is wrong? Maybe if you try to lay out exactly what the problem is that will help you work out what you're doing "wrong"?

 

 

 

 

*People who mock Crossfit because it's not [fill in the blank activity] are not worthy of your energy.

[Sulinar]

Also, just to confirm that I do indeed know what you're on about, I've been an NF member since... well, pretty well since it started, actually. I've been an Academy member since day 1. I've got (and actually use!) NF Yoga. But I'm still the 15-20 kg overweight I was when I started. Admittedly I've got a lot more muscle than then, and I can very nearly do a push up (being a woman who's never had any upper body strength, this is a big deal). But burning off that body fat? Nah.

[MegaCarp]

26 minutes ago, RandMart said:

 

Could you explain, please? never heard of that before

Actually mean, Upper Limb Difference, its the PC way of saying I have one less hand. I just prefer saying I'm shorthanded, but people get pissy

[SpecialSundae]

You're not the only Nerd successful on some fronts and struggling on others and that's probably a massive understatement.

 

I'm still on MFP if you ever want someone to nag you. Are you going to join in on challenges?

[Sulinar]

8 minutes ago, MegaCarp said:

Actually mean, Upper Limb Difference, its the PC way of saying I have one less hand. I just prefer saying I'm shorthanded, but people get pissy

 

"Shorthanded" is funny, if you're saying it, surely?

 

Anyway, what are you struggling with?

[MegaCarp]

Sulinar - Sorry I didn't get back to this sooner, the last few days have been a tad tough. 

 

So to answer your questions:

 

1.) Despite mapping out my calories and such, I tend to never get my portions down (if it tastes good, I want more of it...stupidly more). For me, its not really lack of knowledge or information that gets me, its the reminding me of what I'm trying to do. I'm also re-evaluating my intake, and wonder if I'm bringing in too much of any one macro or eating too few or too many calories. I also do not vary between normal and gym days on my calorie count. I know this seems like fine tuning, but when I go off the rails...I go off damn hard.

2.) This goes with one, just poor food choices, generally from lack of planning. of course the simple answer is to 'plan waay better'. Unfortunately, I've really been striking out here as I have a new son (hes about 4 months). Its not been easy as my wife doesn't have healthy eating habits. I've been kinda battling upstream as when I go shopping she asks me to get her stuff (pretzels, fake sausage, etc) and then I get my usual meat, veggies, and hummus (Its the only way I tend to eat non-greens). I don't mind when she enjoys these things, but it does 'shorten' my supply. I guess I just need ideas for better strategy here. 

3.) Working out has been tough as I'm battling injuries in my knees, my left ankle, and my right shoulder (this is an injury I can't recover from as my AC tendon is gone). Recently a trainer I work with has been watching my olympic lifting and determined that I might need to take time off from bar work and go to a KB to work on getting my lower body involved. Something I've never really done in about 5 years of working out. Problem here is, I'm extremely (read stupidly) competitive and its a pride thing..okay not pride...its ego..just wanting to know I'm good enough. 

 

My biggest thing is developing that 'Jedi Council'. I've 'tried' to do it all by myself, keeping accomplishments and failures to myself and you know, it feels real empty. From that standpoint, I guess I'm seeking the synergy of people understanding what I'm trying to accomplish and won't tell me to 'take it easy' or 'you don't need to do that much'. I guess I'm saying I want people to push and challenge me, to call me out when I'm being dumb on food or wimping out on a workout. I know I probably need to set up a new daily log to give an update. I was never good at keeping up on these in the past (just hated trudging through forums and after awhile it felt like I was just talking to myself which its easier to talk yourself out of doing something based on that than it is to keep going). Anyway, feel free to ask anything. And again, thanks!

[Evicious]

Using food and/or alcohol as a reward for one's effort is common. The trick to doing so without negating all the hard work you've done to earn your reward is differentiating between two mindsets:

• This is the ONLY time I get to eat/drink this.
• This is a treat because I usually don't eat/drink this.

Spoiler

 

The first indicates you view your food choices as "good" or "bad", which means your relationship to food is more centered on your emotional attachment to it. The second indicates you view your food choices on a sliding scale of valued commodity; that is, you see food as a means to an end and its value is determined by the effect it has on your overall goals.

 

In my own experience, I know that if I allow my feelings about food to dictate when I eat what, I overeat like a bear preparing for hibernation. Basic human nature dictates that we put greater value on items of rarity: when we split food into categories of "have any time you want" and "only have every once in a while", we are inclined to utilize every opportunity we get to take as much of the "can't have" items as possible. To clarify, everyone knows you can have as much salad as your stomach can handle with little impact on your required daily calories - but almost no one overeats on salad.

 

I have found the greatest success with the diet part of my health when I stopped telling myself that I "couldn't" eat this or drink that. Instead, I started asking myself, "Why should I eat/drink this?" If the answer is something like, "Because if I don't have some now, then my husband will eat it all and I won't get any," or "Because I deserve it after the workout I just did," then I have the opportunity to trim that emotional connection with some common sense shears. For example, my husband loves mini pizza rolls and will devour as many of them as he makes; I like pizza rolls, but I almost immediately experience bloating and malaise when I eat them. It isn't my enjoyment of mini pizza rolls that drives my desire to eat them - I'm about 50/50 on whether the taste is worth the after effects - it's the idea that I will somehow be "missing out" if he eats them all. Similarly, I do not "deserve" a particular food item in exchange for exercising: food is a necessity of life, not a luxury awarded based on effort. I can certainly enjoy my food, but if that is my priority then I ought to be able to fully enjoy it; that means feeling satisfied after consumption - not guilty (due to type or quantity).

 

Identifying my true motivation for wanting to eat or drink something usually reveals the truth of the situation: my decision is being influenced by emotion, not hunger or even a genuine appreciation for the item (were that the case, I would savor the meal - not stuff my face).


Regarding your desire for a Jedi Council, I'm curious to know if you've ever participated in one of the NF Challenges. I've found them to be an excellent means of accountability and encouragement, and even in the week between events, people are usually still active on the forum threads (0 Week is a popular time to bounce ideas for the next challenge's goals off other NF members.) As I understand it, the DBL is meant to be your personal journal; hence, it is generally less interactive, unless you have found people with similar goals who want mutual accountability. If you would like a wider audience, the Challenges may give greater reward for your effort.